The Balloon Man
So far, I've had a pretty prolific year in the writing department. Most of this can be attributed to my involvement with Midnight Cabaret, which I have written many scenes for. Despite my productivity, I've yet to post any of these scenes on my LiveJournal.
Today, that changes.
Here is a scene I wrote for this year's first Cabaret performance.
“The Balloon Man”
The BALLOON MAN enters. He is covered in balloons.
BALLOON MAN
Hi. You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I feel light as a feather. You know what I mean? You open your eyes and it’s like an invisible force, like little pockets of air under your skin are lifting you up. You know? That’s the feeling I woke up with today. But, uh, it didn’t last. You see, as the day went on I began to spring a few leaks.
KATE enters.
Hi Kate.
KATE
Wha - oh. Hi. Hey, uh, nuh, nay, nev -
BALLOON MAN
Nevan.
KATE
Nevan. Right. Hi.
BALLOON MAN
How are you?
KATE
Fine. Good. I uh -
BALLOON MAN
Did you enjoy the movie last night?
KATE
Uh, yeah? Yes! “Sharks on a Bus”.
BALLOON MAN
“Sharks on a Bus”.
KATE
Sharks.
BALLOON MAN
On a bus. Yeah. You left kind of early. You went to the bathroom and you didn’t come back -
KATE
Yeah I had thing -
BALLOON MAN
Oh!
KATE
A thing, yeah.
BALLOON MAN
Well listen if you want to grab some lunch sometime or something -
KATE
Yeah…
BALLOON MAN
Or maybe some dinner -
KATE
Yeah I don’t think so.
BALLOON MAN
No?
KATE
Yeah, it’s just -
BALLOON MAN
What, “It’s not you it’s me”?
KATE
No, no it’s you. You’re ugly.
KATE takes out a pin and pops one of the balloon man’s balloons. SHE exits.
BALLOON MAN
It was kind of all downhill from there. I checked my phone and there was a message from my RA.
A RESIDENT ADVISOR enters. He is talking into a cell phone.
RESIDENT ADVISOR
Beep. Hi Nevan it’s Eli. Fireman Bob just came through and he wanted me to tell you that your collection of tapestries and medieval candelabras is a “flagrant violation of policy”. He also found a bag of charcoal in your closet, so that’s weird. Anyway he said the fines will probably equal any amount of financial aid you may be receiving. Oh and uh, a lot of people in the hall are saying they think you might have a body odor problem, so you should probably take a shower. Beep.
The RESIDENT ADVISOR pops a balloon and exits.
BALLOON MAN
I was devastated. I rushed to my room to see if I could undo the damage but my roommates were waiting for me.
Two ROOMMATES enter, they are carrying large boxes.
FIRST ROOMMATE
Ooh, Nevan!
SECOND ROOMMATE
Ooh…
FIRST ROOMMATE
Ooh...
ROOMMATES
…awkward.
BALLOON MAN
What’s going on?
SECOND ROOMMATE
We decided you decided to move out.
BALLOON MAN
What? Why?
FIRST ROOMMATE
Fireman Bob told us you’re a fire hazard.
BALLOON MAN
What?
SECOND ROOMMATE
And your drapes clash with my life.
FIRST ROOMMATE
Bye!
SECOND ROOMMATE
Take a shower.
The ROOMMATES shove boxes into balloon man’s arms and each pop a balloon.
BALLOON MAN
So I was broke and homeless. My teacher conference didn’t help much, either. I’d spent hours on my conference work proposal, so I was kind of disappointed by his response.
A TEACHER enters with balloon man’s conference work proposal. He begins laughing hysterically as he reads its contents. The TEACHER exits without popping a balloon. After a moment, the TEACHER quickly opens the door…
TEACHER
I’m going on sabbatical and it’s because of you.
…and pops a balloon.
BALLOON MAN
The rest of the day was a blur. I spent hours wandering the campus, going from The Tea Haus to Bates, from Bates to Kimball Avenue -
A DRIVER and PASSENGER drive past HIM.
PASSENGER
Lesbian!
The PASSENGER and DRIVER pop balloons as they whiz by.
BALLOON MAN
Even the squirrels sounded as if they were making cruel jokes behind my back.
TWO SQUIRRELS enter and chatter secretively. They point at BALLOON MAN and giggle, popping two of his balloons. Every balloon on his body has been popped.
BALLOON MAN
Finally I found myself where all lost souls come to drown their sorrows, The Pub. I ordered a chicken quesadilla and decided to eat it alone in the upstairs loft.
BALLOON MAN begins eating just as LAUREN enters.
LAUREN
Oh, are you studying up here?
BALLOON MAN
(mouth full) No.
LAUREN
I’m Lauren. (No response) I was just wondering because - hey, I know you. You wrote that show last year, “The Stupid Vegetable Play”.
BALLOON MAN
That was the title.
LAUREN
I liked it.
BALLOON MAN
You did?
LAUREN
Yeah I thought it was really funny.
The BALLOON LOVE FAIRY enters and begins pumping up a balloon between balloon man’s legs.
BALLOON MAN
Oh.
LAUREN
Are you working on anything new?
BALLOON MAN
Yeah, actually, if you’d like to read it sometime -
LAUREN
I would.
BALLOON MAN
All right, I’ll send it your way.
LAUREN
Great. Well, I’ll see you around.
BALLOON MAN
Yeah…
LAUREN turns to leave.
Oh, Lauren?
LAUREN turns back around to face HIM. BALLOON MAN takes the balloon from between his legs and holds it out to LAUREN.
Do you like balloons?
THE END
Cast of Characters:
BALLOON MAN…Nevan Scott
KATE…Chet Siegel
RESIDENT ADVISOR…Eli Taylor
FIRST ROOMMATE…Becklien James
SECOND ROOMMATE…Meaghan Cross
TEACHER…Omen Sade
DRIVER…Steve Sadin
PASSENGER…Nick Falgout
FIRST SQUIRREL…Moriah Mason
SECOND SQUIRREL…Ross Wade
LAUREN…Lauren Parrish
BALLOON LOVE FAIRY…Elaine Ruscetta
Today, that changes.
Here is a scene I wrote for this year's first Cabaret performance.
“The Balloon Man”
The BALLOON MAN enters. He is covered in balloons.
BALLOON MAN
Hi. You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I feel light as a feather. You know what I mean? You open your eyes and it’s like an invisible force, like little pockets of air under your skin are lifting you up. You know? That’s the feeling I woke up with today. But, uh, it didn’t last. You see, as the day went on I began to spring a few leaks.
KATE enters.
Hi Kate.
KATE
Wha - oh. Hi. Hey, uh, nuh, nay, nev -
BALLOON MAN
Nevan.
KATE
Nevan. Right. Hi.
BALLOON MAN
How are you?
KATE
Fine. Good. I uh -
BALLOON MAN
Did you enjoy the movie last night?
KATE
Uh, yeah? Yes! “Sharks on a Bus”.
BALLOON MAN
“Sharks on a Bus”.
KATE
Sharks.
BALLOON MAN
On a bus. Yeah. You left kind of early. You went to the bathroom and you didn’t come back -
KATE
Yeah I had thing -
BALLOON MAN
Oh!
KATE
A thing, yeah.
BALLOON MAN
Well listen if you want to grab some lunch sometime or something -
KATE
Yeah…
BALLOON MAN
Or maybe some dinner -
KATE
Yeah I don’t think so.
BALLOON MAN
No?
KATE
Yeah, it’s just -
BALLOON MAN
What, “It’s not you it’s me”?
KATE
No, no it’s you. You’re ugly.
KATE takes out a pin and pops one of the balloon man’s balloons. SHE exits.
BALLOON MAN
It was kind of all downhill from there. I checked my phone and there was a message from my RA.
A RESIDENT ADVISOR enters. He is talking into a cell phone.
RESIDENT ADVISOR
Beep. Hi Nevan it’s Eli. Fireman Bob just came through and he wanted me to tell you that your collection of tapestries and medieval candelabras is a “flagrant violation of policy”. He also found a bag of charcoal in your closet, so that’s weird. Anyway he said the fines will probably equal any amount of financial aid you may be receiving. Oh and uh, a lot of people in the hall are saying they think you might have a body odor problem, so you should probably take a shower. Beep.
The RESIDENT ADVISOR pops a balloon and exits.
BALLOON MAN
I was devastated. I rushed to my room to see if I could undo the damage but my roommates were waiting for me.
Two ROOMMATES enter, they are carrying large boxes.
FIRST ROOMMATE
Ooh, Nevan!
SECOND ROOMMATE
Ooh…
FIRST ROOMMATE
Ooh...
ROOMMATES
…awkward.
BALLOON MAN
What’s going on?
SECOND ROOMMATE
We decided you decided to move out.
BALLOON MAN
What? Why?
FIRST ROOMMATE
Fireman Bob told us you’re a fire hazard.
BALLOON MAN
What?
SECOND ROOMMATE
And your drapes clash with my life.
FIRST ROOMMATE
Bye!
SECOND ROOMMATE
Take a shower.
The ROOMMATES shove boxes into balloon man’s arms and each pop a balloon.
BALLOON MAN
So I was broke and homeless. My teacher conference didn’t help much, either. I’d spent hours on my conference work proposal, so I was kind of disappointed by his response.
A TEACHER enters with balloon man’s conference work proposal. He begins laughing hysterically as he reads its contents. The TEACHER exits without popping a balloon. After a moment, the TEACHER quickly opens the door…
TEACHER
I’m going on sabbatical and it’s because of you.
…and pops a balloon.
BALLOON MAN
The rest of the day was a blur. I spent hours wandering the campus, going from The Tea Haus to Bates, from Bates to Kimball Avenue -
A DRIVER and PASSENGER drive past HIM.
PASSENGER
Lesbian!
The PASSENGER and DRIVER pop balloons as they whiz by.
BALLOON MAN
Even the squirrels sounded as if they were making cruel jokes behind my back.
TWO SQUIRRELS enter and chatter secretively. They point at BALLOON MAN and giggle, popping two of his balloons. Every balloon on his body has been popped.
BALLOON MAN
Finally I found myself where all lost souls come to drown their sorrows, The Pub. I ordered a chicken quesadilla and decided to eat it alone in the upstairs loft.
BALLOON MAN begins eating just as LAUREN enters.
LAUREN
Oh, are you studying up here?
BALLOON MAN
(mouth full) No.
LAUREN
I’m Lauren. (No response) I was just wondering because - hey, I know you. You wrote that show last year, “The Stupid Vegetable Play”.
BALLOON MAN
That was the title.
LAUREN
I liked it.
BALLOON MAN
You did?
LAUREN
Yeah I thought it was really funny.
The BALLOON LOVE FAIRY enters and begins pumping up a balloon between balloon man’s legs.
BALLOON MAN
Oh.
LAUREN
Are you working on anything new?
BALLOON MAN
Yeah, actually, if you’d like to read it sometime -
LAUREN
I would.
BALLOON MAN
All right, I’ll send it your way.
LAUREN
Great. Well, I’ll see you around.
BALLOON MAN
Yeah…
LAUREN turns to leave.
Oh, Lauren?
LAUREN turns back around to face HIM. BALLOON MAN takes the balloon from between his legs and holds it out to LAUREN.
Do you like balloons?
THE END
Cast of Characters:
BALLOON MAN…Nevan Scott
KATE…Chet Siegel
RESIDENT ADVISOR…Eli Taylor
FIRST ROOMMATE…Becklien James
SECOND ROOMMATE…Meaghan Cross
TEACHER…Omen Sade
DRIVER…Steve Sadin
PASSENGER…Nick Falgout
FIRST SQUIRREL…Moriah Mason
SECOND SQUIRREL…Ross Wade
LAUREN…Lauren Parrish
BALLOON LOVE FAIRY…Elaine Ruscetta