Planet of the Dead REVISED
(I wrote this a few years ago and realized I hadn't posted it on Livejournal yet.)
Title: Planet of the Dead REVISED
Editor: betawho
Rating: PG
Characters: 10th Doctor, Lady Christina de Souza, UNIT
Summary: I thought Planet of the Dead was a great episode, but I was bothered a bit by the level of camp, plot holes, and Doctor Worship that pervaded the story. I decided to see if I could edit the story to tone down the camp, and give some better explanations for the plot holes, while still keeping it an engaging story...
Note:
This is just my version, written to my preferences. I like the fun, edge of your seat adventures. All copyrights belong to Russell T. Davies and the BBC. I simply did it as an editing exercise, for my own interest and edification, no infringement was intended. But I thought the other writer's here might be interested in seeing the results.
The story is written in transcript style. All the dialogue is there, but with minimal description. It assumes you've seen the episode and can envision this from those images. If you notice any dialogue missing, it's because it's been deliberately edited out.
Doctor Who
Planet of the Dead Revised
By Russell T. Davis (Revisions by betawho)
Opening scene - Establishing shots of the outside of the museum, with the bus turning the corner in the background.
Interior Museum - Four night guards arrive, talking casually, crisply dressed and professional, but relaxed and casually twirling their torches.
They approach a central display, an elaborate golden chalice on a marble plinth. It is surrounded by four electronic poles.
Guard Commander: "Positions boys."
The four guards unlimber their guns and take up positions at all four corners, instantly becoming professional. The Guard Commander throws a master switch and a laser fence of bright blue beams rises up between the four poles, surrounding the chalice. As the fence beams reach the top, lights at the top of the poles come on, and a grid of deadly laser beams seals the top of the cage.
Guard Commander: "Good night."
The camera pans upward, where a hatch in the domed ceiling opens, revealing a black garbed cat burglar. The female burglar dives slowly down on guy wires, soundless. She stops, just above the laser grid top of the cage, the guards all standing mere feet away, looking outward, unaware of her behind and above them.
She surveys the deadly cage, hanging upside down, and carefully pulls loose a pair of high tension threads from a spool on her belt. She carefully lowers the threads down through the central square formed by the crisscrossing laser beams. Gingerly, working upside down, she separates the strings, revealing the hooks on the ends. With practiced ease she slips the hooks, one each, into the loops of the chalice's handles. Silently, careful not to brush the strings against the edge of the laser beams, she picks up the slack and transfers both stings to one hand. With the other hand she loosens a pouch from her belt and, using another string, lowers it down level with the chalice. With a practiced flick, she picks up the chalice and drops the pouch at the same time, transferring the weight with no shift to set off the alarms.
Grinning in triumph she leaves that string connected to her belt and gathers up the other two strings, reeling the chalice up. As it reaches the grid, it becomes obvious that while the strings attached to the cup handles can fit through the square gap, the handles themselves are too wide. She stops for a moment, then gently rotates the cup 45 degrees and slips it up through the grid, the handles slipping through in the corners.
She hits the controls on her belt and ascends, jauntily releasing the thread to the pouch on the plinth below. The thread spirals silently down through the grid, down to the ground, allowing the pouch to fall open, leaving a gleaming ebony stone cat sitting, grinning, on the plinth. A black bead, sewn conspicuously into the top of the pouch, clinks as the pouch falls open and hits the glass top of the plinth. A guard turns to look.
The cat burglar emerges on the roof as alarms go off. She seals the hatch silently and reaches up to pull off her hood. She grins with exhilaration and runs across the rooftops, sliding down the fire escape ladder to land in the alley, she turns the corner and sees her partner at the getaway car, already being arrested. She ducks back.
Catburglar: "Sorry Lover."
She turns and runs down the alley in the opposite direction.
She emerges onto the street. Sirens blare and cop cars arrive from every direction. She merges with the crowd looking desperately for an escape. In the background the bus trundles by. The Detective arrives, and she spots the bus.
She jumps aboard.
Catburglar: "Hello. I'm so terribly sorry. That card paying device thing. That's a lobster card, am I right?"
Driver: "Oyster Card."
Catburglar: "Ah, that's the problem, you see. I only use my Oyster when there's an R in the month."
Driver: "It's April."
Catburglar: "Diamonds! Genuine." She puts them in his hand. "Drive."
Driver: "Works for me."
The woman runs to take a seat.
The camera pans past her.
She doesn't notice the man in the back of the bus. A tall, skinny man in a brown striped suit, his feet propped up on the seatback in front of him, munching on pieces of Easter candy as he watches the whirling device in his hand.
An ominous silence segues into -
Title Music.
Title Sequence.
Street scene, the police looking frantically for the criminal as the bus pulls out behind them.
Detective: "Right, close off the area. Get all these people cleared. She has got to be here somewhere." He looks up and sees the woman on the bus, looking right at him. "She's on the bus!" (excited) "It's definitely her. Get moving! Follow that bus!" They pile into the patrol cars and peel out after the bus, sirens blaring.
On the bus, the Catburglar looks worriedly behind her at the police cars. Then turns and stares balefully at the impudent feet propped on the seatback so close to her head. The man takes his feet down and sits up, leaning forward over the seatback and offering her his half-eaten Easter egg.
Doctor: "Hello. Happy Easter. Would you like some chocolate? I don't often do Easter. I can never find it. It's always at a different time. I even missed the first one. Though I keep trying." The device in his other hand suddenly starts bleeping. He jumps up and fumbles the device. He sits back down next to her. "Here, hold this." He shoves the gold wrapped candy at her and she automatically takes it. The device bleeps more urgently. He holds it up, studying it. "Oh, we've got excitation! I'm definitely picking up something very strange."
Catburglar: (gingerly holding the egg) "I know the feeling." She turns to study the cop cars behind them.
-----
Police chase
Detective: (into radio) "All units, in pursuit. Registration, Whiskey, 974, heading for the Gladwell Road Tunnel. Please stop all traffic. Seal off the north end."
________
Police dispatcher: "The bus has entered the south entrance of the tunnel. Officers in pursuit. Units now arriving at the north entrance."
Police cars, lights flashing, pull up at the north end of the tunnel, blocking it off. An officer gets out of his car, reporting over the radio.
Officer: "Tango 183 at the far end, sir. I sealed off the exit. There's no way out."
________
Detective: (in pursuit in the tunnel) "I'm right behind. We've got her."
________
On the bus.
Doctor: "Rhondium particles. That's what I'm looking for. This thing detects them."
Catburglar: "Right now a way out would come in pretty handy. Can you detect me one of those?"
The bus continues through the tunnel. Whispered voices sound.
Black Woman: "Lou, can you hear them?"
Lou: "Hear what, sweetheart?"
Black Woman: "The voices, so many voices, calling to us. Calling from so far."
The Doctor's detector starts a more excited bleeping, faster, and faster. He leans forward, waving the device around. The device reaches a crescendo.
Doctor: "Woah!"
It sparks, spraying sparks into the woman's hair in front of him.
Blond Woman: "Sorry! Do you mind?" She brushes at her hair.
Doctor: "Sorry, bit of an overload." The device starts bleeping louder, and louder.
Catburglar: "Can't you turn that thing off?"
Doctor: (worried) "What was your name?"
Catburglar: "Christina."
Doctor: "Christina. Hold on tight. Everyone hold ON!"
The bus lurches whipping everyone forward and throwing the Doctor to the floor.
Black Woman: "The voices! The voices! They're screaming!"
The bus shakes, passengers are tossed around, glass shatters.
White Boy: "What's going on?"
Blaring white light. A wild shift of focus. More glass shatters and everyone screams.
---------
At the police blockade.
Officer: (into radio) "Tango 183. Units in position, sir. Sorry to report, but no sign of the bus."
-----------
Inside the tunnel.
Detective: (out of his car, staring down an empty tunnel) "It's gone. Right in front of me. The bus is just... gone."
-------------
A long shot of the tunnel merges into the blurry image of brilliant white light coming in through shattered windows.
The scene pulls back and focuses. The passengers are tossed every which way, the bus is damaged.
The Doctor, fallen in the aisle, stands slowly up, looking out beyond the bus, at the bright light of what should have been night. Slowly he walks to the door and shoves it open. He steps out, onto sand.
Doctor: "End of the line." The others follow him slowly, shocked. "Call it a hunch. But I think we've gone a little further than Brixton."
(The camera pulls back to show the passengers, the bus, and an endless vista of alien desert.)
------------
Somewhere - a monitor is showing the survivors. An alien hand points at them and the alien chatters angrily.
-----------
Back on the bus.
Lou heads for the door.
Lou: "We've got to get out. Even if that is the Sahara, we can't stay aboard this thing."
Black Woman: "I'm not going out there. They're still calling. All around us. The voices are crying."
Lou: "What voices, sweetheart?"
Black Woman: "The dead. We're surrounded by the dead."
----------------
Outside, the Doctor examines the alien sand, letting it fall from his fingers.
The other passengers survey the scene.
Blond Woman: "It's impossible. There are three suns. Three of them."
Black Boy: "Like when all those planets were up in the sky."
White Boy: "But it was the Earth that moved back then, wasn't it?"
Black Boy: "Ah man, we're on another world."
Driver: (examining the bus) "It's still intact though. It's not as bad as it looks. The chassis is still holding together. My boss is gonna murder me."
Blond Woman: "Can you still drive it?"
Driver: "No. Nah. The wheels are stuck. Look at 'em. They're never gonna budge."
___________
Back on Earth, at the police tunnel blockade.
Detective: (talking to Officer) "Dennison, seal up the far end. Nothing is to come through."
Dennison: "I don't understand, sir. How can a bus just disappear?"
_________
Back in the desert.
Christina pulls a pair of sunglasses from her pack and slips them on.
Christina: "Ready for every emergency."
The Doctor pulls off his glasses and zaps them with the sonic screwdriver, they turn into sunglasses. He puts them back on.
Doctor: "Me too."
Christina: "So what's your name?"
Doctor: "I'm the Doctor."
Christina: "Name, not rank."
Doctor: "The Doctor."
Christina: "Surname?"
Doctor: "The Doctor."
Christina: "That's not a name, that's a psychological condition."
Doctor: "Funny sort of sand, this. There's a trace of something else." He touches a bit to his tongue and immediately wants to spit it out. "Yah, yah, yuck. Not good."
Christina: "Well it wouldn't be. It's sand."
Doctor: "No. It tastes like...." He gets up and walks away. "Never mind."
Christina: "What is it? What's wrong?"
Black Boy comes stalking up.
Black Boy: "Wait a minute. I saw you. You had that thing, that device. Did you cause this?"
Doctor: "What is it with humans, always blaming me? Look, look, if you must know. I was tracking a hole in the fabric of reality. Call it a hobby. But, it was a tiny little hole, no danger to anyone. Suddenly it gets big and we drive right through it."
Driver: "Then where is it? There's nothing, there's just sand."
Doctor: "All right." The Doctor stalks off toward the back of the bus, the others following. "You want proof. We drove through this." He scoops up a handful of sand and throws it. The air crackles and ripples, revealing a huge weak point in the fabric of space.
------------
Back on Earth, at the same time, the other side of the wormhole flexes and ripples, startling the policemen who are guarding the tunnel.
Detective: "What the hell was that?"
----------------
In the desert.
Christina: "And that's..?"
Doctor: "A door. A door in space."
Driver: "So, what you're saying is, on the other side of that is home. We can get to London through there?"
Doctor: "The bus came through, but we can't."
Driver: "Well then, what are we waiting for? He heads for the wormhole.
Doctor: "No, no, don't!"
Driver: "I'm going home, mate!"
Doctor: "Don't!"
The driver steps through the wormhole and screams as his body is reduced to a skeleton, it falls out the other side, terrifying the policemen left guarding the tunnel.
Black Boy: "He was a skeleton, man! He was bones! Just bones!
---------
On Earth.
Detective: (still unnerved as the body lies, smoking) "Dennison. I think we're out of our depth here. We need experts. (Into the radio) Get me UNIT. Emergency Code One."
-----------
In the desert.
Doctor: "The bus. Look at the damage. It was the bus protecting us. A great big box of metal."
Christina: "Rather like a Faraday Cage."
White Boy: "Like in a thunderstorm, yeah? The safest place is inside a car, because the metal conducts the lightning right through. We did it in school."
Christina: "But, if we can only travel back inside the bus... A Faraday Cage needs to be closed. That thing's been ripped wide open."
Doctor: "Slightly different dynamics with a wormhole, there's still enough metal to make it work, I think. I hope."
Christina: "Then we have to drive five tons of bus, which is currently buried in the sand, and we've got nothing but our bare hands. Correct?"
Doctor: "I'd say nine and a half tons, but the point still stands, yeah."
Christina: "Then we need to apply ourselves to the problem with discipline. Which starts with appointing a leader."
Doctor: "Yes, at last. Thank you. So,"
Christina: "Well, thank goodness you've got me. Everyone do exactly as I say. Inside the bus, immediately."
White Boy: "Is it safe in there?"
Christina: "I don't think anything's safe anymore. But, if it's a choice between baking in there, or roasting out here. I'd say baking is slower. Come on, all of you. Right now. And you, the Doctor."
Doctor: "Yes, ma'am."
________
Inside the bus.
Christina: "Point 5. The crucial thing is do not panic. Quite apart from anything else, the smell of sweat in this thing is approaching atrocious levels. We don't need to add any more. Point 6. Team identification. Names. I'm Christina. This man is apparently the Doctor."
Doctor: "Hello."
Christina: "And you?"
White Boy: "Nathan."
Black Boy: "I'm Barkley."
Blond Woman: "Angela. Angela Whitaker."
Black Man: "My name is Louie, everyone calls me Lou. And this is Carmen."
Christina: "Excellent. Memorize those names, there might be a test. Point 7. Assessment and application of knowledge. Over to you, the 'The Doctor'."
Doctor: "I thought you were in charge?"
Christina: "I am. And a good leader uses her strengths. You seem to be the brainbox. So, start boxing."
Doctor: "Right. So. The wormhole. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was just an accident."
Carmen: "No. It wasn’t. That thing, the doorway, somebody made it, for a reason."
Doctor: "How do you know?"
Lou: "She's got a gift, ever since she was a little girl, she can just tell things. We do the lottery twice a week."
Christina: "You don't look like millionaires."
Lou: "No. But we win 10 pounds, every week, twice a week, 10 pounds. Don't tell me that's not a gift."
Doctor: "Tell me, Carmen, how many fingers am I holding up?" (holding up three fingers behind his back.)
Carmen: "Three."
The Doctor holds up another finger.
Carmen: (unprompted) "Four."
Doctor: "Very good. Low level psychic ability exacerbated by proximity to a dimensional rift. What can you see, Carmen? Tell me what's out there."
Carmen: "Something, something is coming, riding on the wind."
Doctor: "What's coming?"
Carmen: "Death. Death is coming."
Shocked silence.
Barkley: "Ah, I knew it, man I said so!"
Angela: "We're gonna die!"
Everyone panicking and talking at once.
Nathan: "We can't die out here, no one's going to find us."
Christina: "This isn't exactly helping."
Barkley: "Shut up, you don't know what's going on."
Christina: "It's not doing any good."
Angela crying in the background.
Lou: "Be quiet!"
Everyone yelling at each other.
Doctor: "Stop it! Everyone STOP IT!"
Everyone quiets down, except Angela who is still crying hysterically.
Doctor: "Angela, look at me. Angela? Answer me one question, Angela." (She starts to calm down.) "That's it. Look at me, at me. There we go. Angela, just answer me one thing. When you got on this bus, where were you going?"
Angela: "Doesn't matter now, does it?"
Doctor: "Answer the question."
Angela: "Home, just home."
Doctor: "What's home?"
Angela: (crying again) "Me, and Mike, and Suzanne, our daughter."
Doctor: "Suzanne? Good." (He turns to the others.) "What about you?" (To Barkley)
Barkley: "Dunno. Going round Tina's."
Doctor: "Who's Tina?"
Barkley: "My girlfriend. Maybe." (grins shyly)
The Doctor grins back.
Doctor: "What about you, Nathan?"
Nathan: "Bit strapped for cash. I was just going to stay home, watch TV."
Doctor: (Turning to the married couple.) "And you two?"
Lou: "I was going to cook."
Doctor: "What's for tea?"
Lou: "Chops. Nice couple of chops and gravy. Nothing special."
Doctor: "It sounds good to me. Chops and gravy, mmm. What about you, Christina?"
Christina: "I was going, so far away."
Doctor: (Nodding to each of them in turn.) "Far away. Chops and gravy. Watching TV. Mike and Suzanne. And seeing Tina. Just think of that. Because this isn't the end of the world. This is just a pit stop. That planet out there, three suns, wormholes and alien sand. That's just a planet. Nothing to be scared of. Because we're going to get out of here."
Angela: "How?"
Doctor: "By working together. Come on."
----------
Back on Earth, UNIT arrives at the tunnel. UNIT vehicles and soldiers quickmarching and deploying.
Sergeant (voice over): "UNIT Squads, assume positions! Spread out! Deploy armament!"
A female officer gets out of the lead car and stalks toward the tunnel, giving orders as she goes, soldiers peel away from the group one by one to carry them out.
Female Officer: "Isolate the area. Establish an exclusion zone. Any media, move them back, any trouble, arrest them. I want the vehicles in a standard Procedure 5 layout. All outreach officers will report to me via Sergeant Calhoon, is that understood?"
Soldier: "Yes, ma'am."
Detective: "Captain, I'm Detective Inspector McMillan."
Captain: "Clear the area. Thank you."
Detective: "Yes. But I was here when the bus..."
Captain: "I studied your report, now clear the area. Pandofsky, get these men out of here."
Detective: (as he's being herded away) "Yes, but there's somebody on board that bus. She's mine!"
The Captain walks up behind a line of soldiers guarding the tunnel mouth.
Captain: "Perimeter guard stand ready. Any hostile activity. Shoot to kill."
-------------
Back in the desert.
Barkley and Nathan carry the panels of the seats out of the bus.
Barkley: "Here we go."
Doctor: "Brilliant! We'll lay a flat surface between the bus and the wormhole, like duckboards, and we'll reverse into it."
Christina: "Let some air out of the tires, just a little bit. It spreads the weight of the bus. Gives you more grip against the sand."
Doctor: "Oh, that's good."
Christina: "Holidays in the Kalahari."
Barkley: "Yeah, but those wheels go deep."
Christina: "Then start digging."
Barkley: "With what?"
Christina looks around. The ground is littered with debris from the damaged bus. She finds a metal panel three feet long and a foot wide. She picks it up, shakes off the sand, and stomps on one end, forming a dent down the length. She pulls a pair of pliers out of her backpack and uses them to roll the edges of the other end inward, forming a crude tubular handle and a scoop. She drops the pliers back in her backpack with a clink and hands the homemade shovel to the Doctor. He looks at it with admiration and passes it on to Barkley.
Doctor: "Got anything else in there?"
Christina: "As a matter of fact," she pulls out a hand ax and hands it to Nathan. "That might help Lou with the seats."
Nathan: "Thanks."
Angela: (from inside the bus) "I can't find the keys!"
Doctor: (rushing toward the door, where Angela is sitting in the driver's seat.) "Oh, no, no, no, busses don't have keys. There's a master switch, then it's one button for start, the other for stop."
Angela: (finding the buttons) "Right, hold on. Here we go, hold tight. Ding ding."
She pushes the button, the engine grinds horribly but doesn't start.
Doctor: "Ooh, that doesn't sound good."
The Doctor opens the engine compartment and examines the engine.
Doctor: "Never mind losing half the top deck, you know what's worse? Sand. Tiny little grains of sand. The engine's clogged up." The Doctor shoves his sleeves up and reaches in to start repairs. Christina has already run around the edge of the bus.
Christina: "Anyone know mechanics?"
Barkley: "Me. I took a two week course at the garage. Didn't finish it though."
The Doctor looks around the edge of the bus at this encouraging news, surreptitiously shoving his sleeves back down.
Doctor: "Good. Start by stripping the air filter, fast as you can. I'm going to take a look around." He strides off toward the highest sand dune. Christina follows him.
Christina: "Wait a minute. You're the man with all the answers. I'm not letting you out of my sight."
They trudge through the desert.
Doctor: "It'd be easier if you left that backpack behind."
Christina: "Where I go, it goes."
Doctor: "A backpack filled with tools. Christina who's going so far away, yet scared by the sound of sirens . Who are you?"
Christina: "You can talk. Let's just say, we're two equal mysteries."
They reach the top of a dune.
Christina: "Come on, tell me. If Carmen's right, that wormhole's not an accident. Then what is it? Has someone done this on purpose?"
Doctor: "I don't know. But every single instinct of mine is telling me to get off this planet, right now."
Christina: "Do you think we can?"
Doctor: "I live in hope."
Christina: "That must be nice."
The Doctor looks her over, doubtfully.
Christina: (holding out her hand to shake) "It's Christina de Souza. To be precise, it's Lady Christina de Souza."
Doctor: (shaking her hand) "That's handy, cause I'm a lord."
Christina: "Seriously? Lord of where?"
Doctor: "Everywhere."
Christina: "You see, that's just it. That device you were carrying. You knew about the wormhole. And you stride around this place, like you own it. Who are you?"
Doctor: "Not important. Come on. Allonz-y!"
Christina: "Oui!"
They crest the top of the next high dune and see a worrying sight.
Doctor: "I don't like the look of that."
Christina: "Storm clouds. Must be leagues away."
Doctor: "But getting closer."
Christina: "If that's a sand storm, we'll be ripped to shreds."
They look at each other, then run for the bus.
_________
Back on the bus.
Carmen: (in trance) "Closer, and closer, and closer..."
The Doctor bursts onto the bus.
Doctor: "Where is it?"
Barkley: "There, on the seat."
The Doctor snatches up a cell phone and starts to sonic it.
Christina: "You're hardly going to get a signal, we're on another planet."
Doctor: "Oh, just watch me." He finishes adapting the phone and starts dialing. "Right. Gotta remember the number, very important number."
The phone rings and connects.
Voice on Phone: "Hello, Pizza Geronimo's."
Doctor: (grimacing) "Then again. Seven six, not six seven."
The phone rings as everyone waits with baited breath.
UNIT Operator (on phone): This is the Unified Intelligence Task Force. Which department would you like."
Doctor: "Listen. This is the Doctor. It's me."
________________
Back on Earth, at the tunnel.
A soldier carries a cell phone to the Captain.
Soldier: "Captain. Urgent call, Ma'am, relayed direct from HQ."
Captain: "Who is it?"
Soldier: "It's him, ma'am. It's the Doctor."
Flabbergasted, she takes the phone.
Captain: "Doctor? This is Captain Erisa Magumbo." (Saluting.) "Might I say, sir, it's an honor."
Doctor: "Did you just salute?"
Captain: (embarrassed) "No."
Doctor: "Erisa, it's about the bus, HQ said you were at the tunnel. Yeah?"
Captain: "And where are you?"
Doctor: "I'm on the bus. But apart from that, not a clue. (looking out over the desert) Except it's very pretty. And pretty dangerous."
Captain. "A body came through here. Have you sustained any other fatalities?"
Doctor: "No, and we're not going to." He heads toward the front of the bus, settling himself in the privacy of the driver's alcove, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the passengers. "I'm stuck. I haven't got the Tardis and I need to analyze that wormhole."
Captain: "We have a scientific advisor on site. Dr. Malcolm Taylor. Just the man you need, he's a genius."
Captain Magumbo enters the science van, where Dr. Taylor is pouring over his readouts.
Captain: "It's the Doctor."
Dr. Malcolm Taylor: "Oh, I'm all right now, thanks, it's just a bit of a sore throat. I got to be honest, a cup of tea might be nice."
Captain: (handing him the phone) "No. It's The Doctor."
Malcolm: (awed) "You mean, the Doctor Doctor?"
Captain: "Yes."
Doctor: (over the phone) "I can hear everything you're saying.
Malcolm takes the phone.
Malcolm: "Hello Doctor. Oh my goodness!"
Doctor: "Hello Malcolm."
Malcolm: "The Doctor. Cor Blimey! I can't believe I'm actually speaking to you. I've read all the files. You're a legend you are!"
Doctor: "As long as I'm not a dead legend. I need some help sorting out this wormhole."
Malcolm: "Right." Malcolm, buckles down to business. Captain Magumbo presses a button to put the call on speaker phone.
Doctor: "Malcolm, something's not making sense here. I've got a storm and a wormhole and I can't help thinking there's a connection. I need a complete, full range analysis of that wormhole, the whole thing."
Malcolm: "Well, I've probably got the wrong idea, but I've wired up an integrator. I thought it could measure the energy signature."
Doctor: "No, no, no, no, that'll never work. Just listen ...."
Malcolm: "It's quite extraordinary though. I'm measuring an oscillation of fifteen Malcolms per second."
Doctor: "Fifteen what?"
Malcolm: "Fifteen Malcolms, it's my own little term. A wavelength parcel of ten kilohertz operating in four dimensions equals one Malcolm."
Doctor: "You named a unit of measurement after yourself?"
Malcolm: "Well it didn't do Mr. Watt any harm. Furthermore, 100 Malcolms equals a Bernhard."
Doctor: "Who's that? No, never mind. Listen, we need to find a way to...
Malcolm: "It's been a bugger to analyse. But I've set the scanner to register what it can't detect and inverted the image."
Doctor: "You've done what?"
Malcolm: "Is that wrong?"
Doctor: "No, Malcolm, that's brilliant! So you can actually measure the wormhole? You are a genius."
Malcolm: (Looking at Magumbo) "Told you."
She rolled her eyes.
Doctor: "Now, run a capacity scan. I need a full report. Call me back when you've done it."
Malcolm: "Right-O, Doctor."
The Doctor hangs up and dashes out of the bus, holding up the phone.
Doctor: "Barkley, I'm hanging onto this!"
Barkley: "You better bring it back!"
The Doctor and Christina trudge over the sand dunes, back to where they saw the storm. Unknown to them, the aliens are still monitoring them.
Doctor: "We'll send a picture back to Malcolm, see if he can analyze the storm."
He lines up a shot on Barkley's cell phone.
Christina: "There's something in those clouds. Something shining. Look."
The Doctor looks, something is glinting in the storm. Thousands of pinpricks of light.
Doctor: "Like metal."
Christina: "Why would there be metal in a storm?"
___________
Back on the bus.
Carmen: "So fast. And strong. They ride the storm. They are the storm."
Lou: "What are they?"
Carmen: "They devour."
___________
Back at the top of the dune. Christina hears a clicking sound.
Christina: "Did you hear something?"
Doctor: (fiddling with the cell phone) "Hold on, busy."
Christina: "There was a noise Like a sort of ..." she breaks off, seeing something, we hear more clickings, and a sort of guttural glocking. She sees an alien standing behind them in the dunes, pointing a gun at them. An alien with a fly's head, and a man's body. "Doctor."
The alien comes up to them clicking and glocking. The Doctor answers in its language, a harsh glock and click that stretches his throat.
Doctor: (to Christina) "That means 'Wait'."
Christina: "You speak the language?"
The alien clicks and glocks at them some more, waving the gun.
Christina: "That means move."
Doctor: "Oh, you're learning." They hold their hands up and move.
The fly alien herds them across the desert.
Christina: "These fly things, they must be responsible. They brought us here."
Doctor: "No, no, no, no." They arrive at the alien ship, a huge hulking mass in the desert, broken in half. "Look at the ship, it's a wreck. They crashed, just like us."
Inside the alien ship, cables dangle, panels hang loose and debris is everywhere. The fly herds the Doctor and Christina through the cluttered corridors.
Christina: "Ugh! This place is freezing!"
Doctor: "The hull's made of photofene steel. Turns cold when it's hot. Boiling desert outside, freezing ship inside."
They arrive in the control room.
Doctor: "Oh, this is beautiful! Intact it must have been magnificent. A real, proper deep spacer."
Christina: "I'll remember that as I'm slowly being tortured. At least I'm bleeding on the floor of a really well designed spaceship."
They meet another of the Fly crew. The fly who brought them picks up a device and attaches it to the front of his jumpsuit. He consults with his crewmate, clicking in his own language.
Doctor: (understanding them and replying in English) "Oh right, good, yes. Hello". (aside to Christina) "That's a translator. He can understand us."
The alien yells off a rift in it's own language.
Christina: "Still sounds like gibberish to me."
Doctor: "That's what I said, he can understand us. It doesn't work the other way around."
The aliens continue to speak to them, angrily. The Doctor translates for Christina.
Doctor: "You will suffer for your crimes. Etc. Uh, you have committed an act of violence against the Tritovore race. Tritovores. They're called Tritovores. You came here in the 200 to destroy us." (confused) "Sorry, what's the 200?"
Christina: "They mean the bus. Number 200."
Doctor: "Oh! No, no, I think you're making the same mistake Christina did. I'm the Doctor, by the way, and this is Christina. But we got pulled through that wormhole. The 200 doesn't look like that normally. It's broken, just the same as you."
The aliens discuss it among themselves, then lower their guns.
Christina: "What are they doing?"
Doctor: "They believe me."
Christina: "Just like that?"
Doctor: "I have a very honest face."
She gave him a doubtful look.
Doctor: "The translator analyzes brainwaves, it confirms I'm telling the truth." She just kept staring at him. "Plus the face!" he assured her. "Right!" he changed the subject. "First things first. There's a very strange storm heading our way. Can you send out a probe?" He looks around and finds the probe controls, he leaps over to them. The aliens clack at him.
Doctor: "Oh, they've lost power." He examines the controls, listening and checking instruments. "The crash knocked the mainline crystallography out of synch. Not a problem, happens in the Tardis all the time. All we have to do is jiggle it back." He grabs the console, braces himself, and gives it a well placed, hearty, kick. It hums back to life. Christina gives him a amazed look. "Molto bene. Now," he examines the controls. "Let's launch that probe." He hits the controls and a probe flies off toward the storm.
Part 2
Title: Planet of the Dead REVISED
Editor: betawho
Rating: PG
Characters: 10th Doctor, Lady Christina de Souza, UNIT
Summary: I thought Planet of the Dead was a great episode, but I was bothered a bit by the level of camp, plot holes, and Doctor Worship that pervaded the story. I decided to see if I could edit the story to tone down the camp, and give some better explanations for the plot holes, while still keeping it an engaging story...
Note:
This is just my version, written to my preferences. I like the fun, edge of your seat adventures. All copyrights belong to Russell T. Davies and the BBC. I simply did it as an editing exercise, for my own interest and edification, no infringement was intended. But I thought the other writer's here might be interested in seeing the results.
The story is written in transcript style. All the dialogue is there, but with minimal description. It assumes you've seen the episode and can envision this from those images. If you notice any dialogue missing, it's because it's been deliberately edited out.
Doctor Who
Planet of the Dead Revised
By Russell T. Davis (Revisions by betawho)
Opening scene - Establishing shots of the outside of the museum, with the bus turning the corner in the background.
Interior Museum - Four night guards arrive, talking casually, crisply dressed and professional, but relaxed and casually twirling their torches.
They approach a central display, an elaborate golden chalice on a marble plinth. It is surrounded by four electronic poles.
Guard Commander: "Positions boys."
The four guards unlimber their guns and take up positions at all four corners, instantly becoming professional. The Guard Commander throws a master switch and a laser fence of bright blue beams rises up between the four poles, surrounding the chalice. As the fence beams reach the top, lights at the top of the poles come on, and a grid of deadly laser beams seals the top of the cage.
Guard Commander: "Good night."
The camera pans upward, where a hatch in the domed ceiling opens, revealing a black garbed cat burglar. The female burglar dives slowly down on guy wires, soundless. She stops, just above the laser grid top of the cage, the guards all standing mere feet away, looking outward, unaware of her behind and above them.
She surveys the deadly cage, hanging upside down, and carefully pulls loose a pair of high tension threads from a spool on her belt. She carefully lowers the threads down through the central square formed by the crisscrossing laser beams. Gingerly, working upside down, she separates the strings, revealing the hooks on the ends. With practiced ease she slips the hooks, one each, into the loops of the chalice's handles. Silently, careful not to brush the strings against the edge of the laser beams, she picks up the slack and transfers both stings to one hand. With the other hand she loosens a pouch from her belt and, using another string, lowers it down level with the chalice. With a practiced flick, she picks up the chalice and drops the pouch at the same time, transferring the weight with no shift to set off the alarms.
Grinning in triumph she leaves that string connected to her belt and gathers up the other two strings, reeling the chalice up. As it reaches the grid, it becomes obvious that while the strings attached to the cup handles can fit through the square gap, the handles themselves are too wide. She stops for a moment, then gently rotates the cup 45 degrees and slips it up through the grid, the handles slipping through in the corners.
She hits the controls on her belt and ascends, jauntily releasing the thread to the pouch on the plinth below. The thread spirals silently down through the grid, down to the ground, allowing the pouch to fall open, leaving a gleaming ebony stone cat sitting, grinning, on the plinth. A black bead, sewn conspicuously into the top of the pouch, clinks as the pouch falls open and hits the glass top of the plinth. A guard turns to look.
The cat burglar emerges on the roof as alarms go off. She seals the hatch silently and reaches up to pull off her hood. She grins with exhilaration and runs across the rooftops, sliding down the fire escape ladder to land in the alley, she turns the corner and sees her partner at the getaway car, already being arrested. She ducks back.
Catburglar: "Sorry Lover."
She turns and runs down the alley in the opposite direction.
She emerges onto the street. Sirens blare and cop cars arrive from every direction. She merges with the crowd looking desperately for an escape. In the background the bus trundles by. The Detective arrives, and she spots the bus.
She jumps aboard.
Catburglar: "Hello. I'm so terribly sorry. That card paying device thing. That's a lobster card, am I right?"
Driver: "Oyster Card."
Catburglar: "Ah, that's the problem, you see. I only use my Oyster when there's an R in the month."
Driver: "It's April."
Catburglar: "Diamonds! Genuine." She puts them in his hand. "Drive."
Driver: "Works for me."
The woman runs to take a seat.
The camera pans past her.
She doesn't notice the man in the back of the bus. A tall, skinny man in a brown striped suit, his feet propped up on the seatback in front of him, munching on pieces of Easter candy as he watches the whirling device in his hand.
An ominous silence segues into -
Title Music.
Title Sequence.
Street scene, the police looking frantically for the criminal as the bus pulls out behind them.
Detective: "Right, close off the area. Get all these people cleared. She has got to be here somewhere." He looks up and sees the woman on the bus, looking right at him. "She's on the bus!" (excited) "It's definitely her. Get moving! Follow that bus!" They pile into the patrol cars and peel out after the bus, sirens blaring.
On the bus, the Catburglar looks worriedly behind her at the police cars. Then turns and stares balefully at the impudent feet propped on the seatback so close to her head. The man takes his feet down and sits up, leaning forward over the seatback and offering her his half-eaten Easter egg.
Doctor: "Hello. Happy Easter. Would you like some chocolate? I don't often do Easter. I can never find it. It's always at a different time. I even missed the first one. Though I keep trying." The device in his other hand suddenly starts bleeping. He jumps up and fumbles the device. He sits back down next to her. "Here, hold this." He shoves the gold wrapped candy at her and she automatically takes it. The device bleeps more urgently. He holds it up, studying it. "Oh, we've got excitation! I'm definitely picking up something very strange."
Catburglar: (gingerly holding the egg) "I know the feeling." She turns to study the cop cars behind them.
-----
Police chase
Detective: (into radio) "All units, in pursuit. Registration, Whiskey, 974, heading for the Gladwell Road Tunnel. Please stop all traffic. Seal off the north end."
________
Police dispatcher: "The bus has entered the south entrance of the tunnel. Officers in pursuit. Units now arriving at the north entrance."
Police cars, lights flashing, pull up at the north end of the tunnel, blocking it off. An officer gets out of his car, reporting over the radio.
Officer: "Tango 183 at the far end, sir. I sealed off the exit. There's no way out."
________
Detective: (in pursuit in the tunnel) "I'm right behind. We've got her."
________
On the bus.
Doctor: "Rhondium particles. That's what I'm looking for. This thing detects them."
Catburglar: "Right now a way out would come in pretty handy. Can you detect me one of those?"
The bus continues through the tunnel. Whispered voices sound.
Black Woman: "Lou, can you hear them?"
Lou: "Hear what, sweetheart?"
Black Woman: "The voices, so many voices, calling to us. Calling from so far."
The Doctor's detector starts a more excited bleeping, faster, and faster. He leans forward, waving the device around. The device reaches a crescendo.
Doctor: "Woah!"
It sparks, spraying sparks into the woman's hair in front of him.
Blond Woman: "Sorry! Do you mind?" She brushes at her hair.
Doctor: "Sorry, bit of an overload." The device starts bleeping louder, and louder.
Catburglar: "Can't you turn that thing off?"
Doctor: (worried) "What was your name?"
Catburglar: "Christina."
Doctor: "Christina. Hold on tight. Everyone hold ON!"
The bus lurches whipping everyone forward and throwing the Doctor to the floor.
Black Woman: "The voices! The voices! They're screaming!"
The bus shakes, passengers are tossed around, glass shatters.
White Boy: "What's going on?"
Blaring white light. A wild shift of focus. More glass shatters and everyone screams.
---------
At the police blockade.
Officer: (into radio) "Tango 183. Units in position, sir. Sorry to report, but no sign of the bus."
-----------
Inside the tunnel.
Detective: (out of his car, staring down an empty tunnel) "It's gone. Right in front of me. The bus is just... gone."
-------------
A long shot of the tunnel merges into the blurry image of brilliant white light coming in through shattered windows.
The scene pulls back and focuses. The passengers are tossed every which way, the bus is damaged.
The Doctor, fallen in the aisle, stands slowly up, looking out beyond the bus, at the bright light of what should have been night. Slowly he walks to the door and shoves it open. He steps out, onto sand.
Doctor: "End of the line." The others follow him slowly, shocked. "Call it a hunch. But I think we've gone a little further than Brixton."
(The camera pulls back to show the passengers, the bus, and an endless vista of alien desert.)
------------
Somewhere - a monitor is showing the survivors. An alien hand points at them and the alien chatters angrily.
-----------
Back on the bus.
Lou heads for the door.
Lou: "We've got to get out. Even if that is the Sahara, we can't stay aboard this thing."
Black Woman: "I'm not going out there. They're still calling. All around us. The voices are crying."
Lou: "What voices, sweetheart?"
Black Woman: "The dead. We're surrounded by the dead."
----------------
Outside, the Doctor examines the alien sand, letting it fall from his fingers.
The other passengers survey the scene.
Blond Woman: "It's impossible. There are three suns. Three of them."
Black Boy: "Like when all those planets were up in the sky."
White Boy: "But it was the Earth that moved back then, wasn't it?"
Black Boy: "Ah man, we're on another world."
Driver: (examining the bus) "It's still intact though. It's not as bad as it looks. The chassis is still holding together. My boss is gonna murder me."
Blond Woman: "Can you still drive it?"
Driver: "No. Nah. The wheels are stuck. Look at 'em. They're never gonna budge."
___________
Back on Earth, at the police tunnel blockade.
Detective: (talking to Officer) "Dennison, seal up the far end. Nothing is to come through."
Dennison: "I don't understand, sir. How can a bus just disappear?"
_________
Back in the desert.
Christina pulls a pair of sunglasses from her pack and slips them on.
Christina: "Ready for every emergency."
The Doctor pulls off his glasses and zaps them with the sonic screwdriver, they turn into sunglasses. He puts them back on.
Doctor: "Me too."
Christina: "So what's your name?"
Doctor: "I'm the Doctor."
Christina: "Name, not rank."
Doctor: "The Doctor."
Christina: "Surname?"
Doctor: "The Doctor."
Christina: "That's not a name, that's a psychological condition."
Doctor: "Funny sort of sand, this. There's a trace of something else." He touches a bit to his tongue and immediately wants to spit it out. "Yah, yah, yuck. Not good."
Christina: "Well it wouldn't be. It's sand."
Doctor: "No. It tastes like...." He gets up and walks away. "Never mind."
Christina: "What is it? What's wrong?"
Black Boy comes stalking up.
Black Boy: "Wait a minute. I saw you. You had that thing, that device. Did you cause this?"
Doctor: "What is it with humans, always blaming me? Look, look, if you must know. I was tracking a hole in the fabric of reality. Call it a hobby. But, it was a tiny little hole, no danger to anyone. Suddenly it gets big and we drive right through it."
Driver: "Then where is it? There's nothing, there's just sand."
Doctor: "All right." The Doctor stalks off toward the back of the bus, the others following. "You want proof. We drove through this." He scoops up a handful of sand and throws it. The air crackles and ripples, revealing a huge weak point in the fabric of space.
------------
Back on Earth, at the same time, the other side of the wormhole flexes and ripples, startling the policemen who are guarding the tunnel.
Detective: "What the hell was that?"
----------------
In the desert.
Christina: "And that's..?"
Doctor: "A door. A door in space."
Driver: "So, what you're saying is, on the other side of that is home. We can get to London through there?"
Doctor: "The bus came through, but we can't."
Driver: "Well then, what are we waiting for? He heads for the wormhole.
Doctor: "No, no, don't!"
Driver: "I'm going home, mate!"
Doctor: "Don't!"
The driver steps through the wormhole and screams as his body is reduced to a skeleton, it falls out the other side, terrifying the policemen left guarding the tunnel.
Black Boy: "He was a skeleton, man! He was bones! Just bones!
---------
On Earth.
Detective: (still unnerved as the body lies, smoking) "Dennison. I think we're out of our depth here. We need experts. (Into the radio) Get me UNIT. Emergency Code One."
-----------
In the desert.
Doctor: "The bus. Look at the damage. It was the bus protecting us. A great big box of metal."
Christina: "Rather like a Faraday Cage."
White Boy: "Like in a thunderstorm, yeah? The safest place is inside a car, because the metal conducts the lightning right through. We did it in school."
Christina: "But, if we can only travel back inside the bus... A Faraday Cage needs to be closed. That thing's been ripped wide open."
Doctor: "Slightly different dynamics with a wormhole, there's still enough metal to make it work, I think. I hope."
Christina: "Then we have to drive five tons of bus, which is currently buried in the sand, and we've got nothing but our bare hands. Correct?"
Doctor: "I'd say nine and a half tons, but the point still stands, yeah."
Christina: "Then we need to apply ourselves to the problem with discipline. Which starts with appointing a leader."
Doctor: "Yes, at last. Thank you. So,"
Christina: "Well, thank goodness you've got me. Everyone do exactly as I say. Inside the bus, immediately."
White Boy: "Is it safe in there?"
Christina: "I don't think anything's safe anymore. But, if it's a choice between baking in there, or roasting out here. I'd say baking is slower. Come on, all of you. Right now. And you, the Doctor."
Doctor: "Yes, ma'am."
________
Inside the bus.
Christina: "Point 5. The crucial thing is do not panic. Quite apart from anything else, the smell of sweat in this thing is approaching atrocious levels. We don't need to add any more. Point 6. Team identification. Names. I'm Christina. This man is apparently the Doctor."
Doctor: "Hello."
Christina: "And you?"
White Boy: "Nathan."
Black Boy: "I'm Barkley."
Blond Woman: "Angela. Angela Whitaker."
Black Man: "My name is Louie, everyone calls me Lou. And this is Carmen."
Christina: "Excellent. Memorize those names, there might be a test. Point 7. Assessment and application of knowledge. Over to you, the 'The Doctor'."
Doctor: "I thought you were in charge?"
Christina: "I am. And a good leader uses her strengths. You seem to be the brainbox. So, start boxing."
Doctor: "Right. So. The wormhole. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was just an accident."
Carmen: "No. It wasn’t. That thing, the doorway, somebody made it, for a reason."
Doctor: "How do you know?"
Lou: "She's got a gift, ever since she was a little girl, she can just tell things. We do the lottery twice a week."
Christina: "You don't look like millionaires."
Lou: "No. But we win 10 pounds, every week, twice a week, 10 pounds. Don't tell me that's not a gift."
Doctor: "Tell me, Carmen, how many fingers am I holding up?" (holding up three fingers behind his back.)
Carmen: "Three."
The Doctor holds up another finger.
Carmen: (unprompted) "Four."
Doctor: "Very good. Low level psychic ability exacerbated by proximity to a dimensional rift. What can you see, Carmen? Tell me what's out there."
Carmen: "Something, something is coming, riding on the wind."
Doctor: "What's coming?"
Carmen: "Death. Death is coming."
Shocked silence.
Barkley: "Ah, I knew it, man I said so!"
Angela: "We're gonna die!"
Everyone panicking and talking at once.
Nathan: "We can't die out here, no one's going to find us."
Christina: "This isn't exactly helping."
Barkley: "Shut up, you don't know what's going on."
Christina: "It's not doing any good."
Angela crying in the background.
Lou: "Be quiet!"
Everyone yelling at each other.
Doctor: "Stop it! Everyone STOP IT!"
Everyone quiets down, except Angela who is still crying hysterically.
Doctor: "Angela, look at me. Angela? Answer me one question, Angela." (She starts to calm down.) "That's it. Look at me, at me. There we go. Angela, just answer me one thing. When you got on this bus, where were you going?"
Angela: "Doesn't matter now, does it?"
Doctor: "Answer the question."
Angela: "Home, just home."
Doctor: "What's home?"
Angela: (crying again) "Me, and Mike, and Suzanne, our daughter."
Doctor: "Suzanne? Good." (He turns to the others.) "What about you?" (To Barkley)
Barkley: "Dunno. Going round Tina's."
Doctor: "Who's Tina?"
Barkley: "My girlfriend. Maybe." (grins shyly)
The Doctor grins back.
Doctor: "What about you, Nathan?"
Nathan: "Bit strapped for cash. I was just going to stay home, watch TV."
Doctor: (Turning to the married couple.) "And you two?"
Lou: "I was going to cook."
Doctor: "What's for tea?"
Lou: "Chops. Nice couple of chops and gravy. Nothing special."
Doctor: "It sounds good to me. Chops and gravy, mmm. What about you, Christina?"
Christina: "I was going, so far away."
Doctor: (Nodding to each of them in turn.) "Far away. Chops and gravy. Watching TV. Mike and Suzanne. And seeing Tina. Just think of that. Because this isn't the end of the world. This is just a pit stop. That planet out there, three suns, wormholes and alien sand. That's just a planet. Nothing to be scared of. Because we're going to get out of here."
Angela: "How?"
Doctor: "By working together. Come on."
----------
Back on Earth, UNIT arrives at the tunnel. UNIT vehicles and soldiers quickmarching and deploying.
Sergeant (voice over): "UNIT Squads, assume positions! Spread out! Deploy armament!"
A female officer gets out of the lead car and stalks toward the tunnel, giving orders as she goes, soldiers peel away from the group one by one to carry them out.
Female Officer: "Isolate the area. Establish an exclusion zone. Any media, move them back, any trouble, arrest them. I want the vehicles in a standard Procedure 5 layout. All outreach officers will report to me via Sergeant Calhoon, is that understood?"
Soldier: "Yes, ma'am."
Detective: "Captain, I'm Detective Inspector McMillan."
Captain: "Clear the area. Thank you."
Detective: "Yes. But I was here when the bus..."
Captain: "I studied your report, now clear the area. Pandofsky, get these men out of here."
Detective: (as he's being herded away) "Yes, but there's somebody on board that bus. She's mine!"
The Captain walks up behind a line of soldiers guarding the tunnel mouth.
Captain: "Perimeter guard stand ready. Any hostile activity. Shoot to kill."
-------------
Back in the desert.
Barkley and Nathan carry the panels of the seats out of the bus.
Barkley: "Here we go."
Doctor: "Brilliant! We'll lay a flat surface between the bus and the wormhole, like duckboards, and we'll reverse into it."
Christina: "Let some air out of the tires, just a little bit. It spreads the weight of the bus. Gives you more grip against the sand."
Doctor: "Oh, that's good."
Christina: "Holidays in the Kalahari."
Barkley: "Yeah, but those wheels go deep."
Christina: "Then start digging."
Barkley: "With what?"
Christina looks around. The ground is littered with debris from the damaged bus. She finds a metal panel three feet long and a foot wide. She picks it up, shakes off the sand, and stomps on one end, forming a dent down the length. She pulls a pair of pliers out of her backpack and uses them to roll the edges of the other end inward, forming a crude tubular handle and a scoop. She drops the pliers back in her backpack with a clink and hands the homemade shovel to the Doctor. He looks at it with admiration and passes it on to Barkley.
Doctor: "Got anything else in there?"
Christina: "As a matter of fact," she pulls out a hand ax and hands it to Nathan. "That might help Lou with the seats."
Nathan: "Thanks."
Angela: (from inside the bus) "I can't find the keys!"
Doctor: (rushing toward the door, where Angela is sitting in the driver's seat.) "Oh, no, no, no, busses don't have keys. There's a master switch, then it's one button for start, the other for stop."
Angela: (finding the buttons) "Right, hold on. Here we go, hold tight. Ding ding."
She pushes the button, the engine grinds horribly but doesn't start.
Doctor: "Ooh, that doesn't sound good."
The Doctor opens the engine compartment and examines the engine.
Doctor: "Never mind losing half the top deck, you know what's worse? Sand. Tiny little grains of sand. The engine's clogged up." The Doctor shoves his sleeves up and reaches in to start repairs. Christina has already run around the edge of the bus.
Christina: "Anyone know mechanics?"
Barkley: "Me. I took a two week course at the garage. Didn't finish it though."
The Doctor looks around the edge of the bus at this encouraging news, surreptitiously shoving his sleeves back down.
Doctor: "Good. Start by stripping the air filter, fast as you can. I'm going to take a look around." He strides off toward the highest sand dune. Christina follows him.
Christina: "Wait a minute. You're the man with all the answers. I'm not letting you out of my sight."
They trudge through the desert.
Doctor: "It'd be easier if you left that backpack behind."
Christina: "Where I go, it goes."
Doctor: "A backpack filled with tools. Christina who's going so far away, yet scared by the sound of sirens . Who are you?"
Christina: "You can talk. Let's just say, we're two equal mysteries."
They reach the top of a dune.
Christina: "Come on, tell me. If Carmen's right, that wormhole's not an accident. Then what is it? Has someone done this on purpose?"
Doctor: "I don't know. But every single instinct of mine is telling me to get off this planet, right now."
Christina: "Do you think we can?"
Doctor: "I live in hope."
Christina: "That must be nice."
The Doctor looks her over, doubtfully.
Christina: (holding out her hand to shake) "It's Christina de Souza. To be precise, it's Lady Christina de Souza."
Doctor: (shaking her hand) "That's handy, cause I'm a lord."
Christina: "Seriously? Lord of where?"
Doctor: "Everywhere."
Christina: "You see, that's just it. That device you were carrying. You knew about the wormhole. And you stride around this place, like you own it. Who are you?"
Doctor: "Not important. Come on. Allonz-y!"
Christina: "Oui!"
They crest the top of the next high dune and see a worrying sight.
Doctor: "I don't like the look of that."
Christina: "Storm clouds. Must be leagues away."
Doctor: "But getting closer."
Christina: "If that's a sand storm, we'll be ripped to shreds."
They look at each other, then run for the bus.
_________
Back on the bus.
Carmen: (in trance) "Closer, and closer, and closer..."
The Doctor bursts onto the bus.
Doctor: "Where is it?"
Barkley: "There, on the seat."
The Doctor snatches up a cell phone and starts to sonic it.
Christina: "You're hardly going to get a signal, we're on another planet."
Doctor: "Oh, just watch me." He finishes adapting the phone and starts dialing. "Right. Gotta remember the number, very important number."
The phone rings and connects.
Voice on Phone: "Hello, Pizza Geronimo's."
Doctor: (grimacing) "Then again. Seven six, not six seven."
The phone rings as everyone waits with baited breath.
UNIT Operator (on phone): This is the Unified Intelligence Task Force. Which department would you like."
Doctor: "Listen. This is the Doctor. It's me."
________________
Back on Earth, at the tunnel.
A soldier carries a cell phone to the Captain.
Soldier: "Captain. Urgent call, Ma'am, relayed direct from HQ."
Captain: "Who is it?"
Soldier: "It's him, ma'am. It's the Doctor."
Flabbergasted, she takes the phone.
Captain: "Doctor? This is Captain Erisa Magumbo." (Saluting.) "Might I say, sir, it's an honor."
Doctor: "Did you just salute?"
Captain: (embarrassed) "No."
Doctor: "Erisa, it's about the bus, HQ said you were at the tunnel. Yeah?"
Captain: "And where are you?"
Doctor: "I'm on the bus. But apart from that, not a clue. (looking out over the desert) Except it's very pretty. And pretty dangerous."
Captain. "A body came through here. Have you sustained any other fatalities?"
Doctor: "No, and we're not going to." He heads toward the front of the bus, settling himself in the privacy of the driver's alcove, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the passengers. "I'm stuck. I haven't got the Tardis and I need to analyze that wormhole."
Captain: "We have a scientific advisor on site. Dr. Malcolm Taylor. Just the man you need, he's a genius."
Captain Magumbo enters the science van, where Dr. Taylor is pouring over his readouts.
Captain: "It's the Doctor."
Dr. Malcolm Taylor: "Oh, I'm all right now, thanks, it's just a bit of a sore throat. I got to be honest, a cup of tea might be nice."
Captain: (handing him the phone) "No. It's The Doctor."
Malcolm: (awed) "You mean, the Doctor Doctor?"
Captain: "Yes."
Doctor: (over the phone) "I can hear everything you're saying.
Malcolm takes the phone.
Malcolm: "Hello Doctor. Oh my goodness!"
Doctor: "Hello Malcolm."
Malcolm: "The Doctor. Cor Blimey! I can't believe I'm actually speaking to you. I've read all the files. You're a legend you are!"
Doctor: "As long as I'm not a dead legend. I need some help sorting out this wormhole."
Malcolm: "Right." Malcolm, buckles down to business. Captain Magumbo presses a button to put the call on speaker phone.
Doctor: "Malcolm, something's not making sense here. I've got a storm and a wormhole and I can't help thinking there's a connection. I need a complete, full range analysis of that wormhole, the whole thing."
Malcolm: "Well, I've probably got the wrong idea, but I've wired up an integrator. I thought it could measure the energy signature."
Doctor: "No, no, no, no, that'll never work. Just listen ...."
Malcolm: "It's quite extraordinary though. I'm measuring an oscillation of fifteen Malcolms per second."
Doctor: "Fifteen what?"
Malcolm: "Fifteen Malcolms, it's my own little term. A wavelength parcel of ten kilohertz operating in four dimensions equals one Malcolm."
Doctor: "You named a unit of measurement after yourself?"
Malcolm: "Well it didn't do Mr. Watt any harm. Furthermore, 100 Malcolms equals a Bernhard."
Doctor: "Who's that? No, never mind. Listen, we need to find a way to...
Malcolm: "It's been a bugger to analyse. But I've set the scanner to register what it can't detect and inverted the image."
Doctor: "You've done what?"
Malcolm: "Is that wrong?"
Doctor: "No, Malcolm, that's brilliant! So you can actually measure the wormhole? You are a genius."
Malcolm: (Looking at Magumbo) "Told you."
She rolled her eyes.
Doctor: "Now, run a capacity scan. I need a full report. Call me back when you've done it."
Malcolm: "Right-O, Doctor."
The Doctor hangs up and dashes out of the bus, holding up the phone.
Doctor: "Barkley, I'm hanging onto this!"
Barkley: "You better bring it back!"
The Doctor and Christina trudge over the sand dunes, back to where they saw the storm. Unknown to them, the aliens are still monitoring them.
Doctor: "We'll send a picture back to Malcolm, see if he can analyze the storm."
He lines up a shot on Barkley's cell phone.
Christina: "There's something in those clouds. Something shining. Look."
The Doctor looks, something is glinting in the storm. Thousands of pinpricks of light.
Doctor: "Like metal."
Christina: "Why would there be metal in a storm?"
___________
Back on the bus.
Carmen: "So fast. And strong. They ride the storm. They are the storm."
Lou: "What are they?"
Carmen: "They devour."
___________
Back at the top of the dune. Christina hears a clicking sound.
Christina: "Did you hear something?"
Doctor: (fiddling with the cell phone) "Hold on, busy."
Christina: "There was a noise Like a sort of ..." she breaks off, seeing something, we hear more clickings, and a sort of guttural glocking. She sees an alien standing behind them in the dunes, pointing a gun at them. An alien with a fly's head, and a man's body. "Doctor."
The alien comes up to them clicking and glocking. The Doctor answers in its language, a harsh glock and click that stretches his throat.
Doctor: (to Christina) "That means 'Wait'."
Christina: "You speak the language?"
The alien clicks and glocks at them some more, waving the gun.
Christina: "That means move."
Doctor: "Oh, you're learning." They hold their hands up and move.
The fly alien herds them across the desert.
Christina: "These fly things, they must be responsible. They brought us here."
Doctor: "No, no, no, no." They arrive at the alien ship, a huge hulking mass in the desert, broken in half. "Look at the ship, it's a wreck. They crashed, just like us."
Inside the alien ship, cables dangle, panels hang loose and debris is everywhere. The fly herds the Doctor and Christina through the cluttered corridors.
Christina: "Ugh! This place is freezing!"
Doctor: "The hull's made of photofene steel. Turns cold when it's hot. Boiling desert outside, freezing ship inside."
They arrive in the control room.
Doctor: "Oh, this is beautiful! Intact it must have been magnificent. A real, proper deep spacer."
Christina: "I'll remember that as I'm slowly being tortured. At least I'm bleeding on the floor of a really well designed spaceship."
They meet another of the Fly crew. The fly who brought them picks up a device and attaches it to the front of his jumpsuit. He consults with his crewmate, clicking in his own language.
Doctor: (understanding them and replying in English) "Oh right, good, yes. Hello". (aside to Christina) "That's a translator. He can understand us."
The alien yells off a rift in it's own language.
Christina: "Still sounds like gibberish to me."
Doctor: "That's what I said, he can understand us. It doesn't work the other way around."
The aliens continue to speak to them, angrily. The Doctor translates for Christina.
Doctor: "You will suffer for your crimes. Etc. Uh, you have committed an act of violence against the Tritovore race. Tritovores. They're called Tritovores. You came here in the 200 to destroy us." (confused) "Sorry, what's the 200?"
Christina: "They mean the bus. Number 200."
Doctor: "Oh! No, no, I think you're making the same mistake Christina did. I'm the Doctor, by the way, and this is Christina. But we got pulled through that wormhole. The 200 doesn't look like that normally. It's broken, just the same as you."
The aliens discuss it among themselves, then lower their guns.
Christina: "What are they doing?"
Doctor: "They believe me."
Christina: "Just like that?"
Doctor: "I have a very honest face."
She gave him a doubtful look.
Doctor: "The translator analyzes brainwaves, it confirms I'm telling the truth." She just kept staring at him. "Plus the face!" he assured her. "Right!" he changed the subject. "First things first. There's a very strange storm heading our way. Can you send out a probe?" He looks around and finds the probe controls, he leaps over to them. The aliens clack at him.
Doctor: "Oh, they've lost power." He examines the controls, listening and checking instruments. "The crash knocked the mainline crystallography out of synch. Not a problem, happens in the Tardis all the time. All we have to do is jiggle it back." He grabs the console, braces himself, and gives it a well placed, hearty, kick. It hums back to life. Christina gives him a amazed look. "Molto bene. Now," he examines the controls. "Let's launch that probe." He hits the controls and a probe flies off toward the storm.
Part 2