Distance
Distance
~2,000 words, r-rated, angst, Harry/Draco, Harry/Ginny, infidelity, unhappy ending, epilogue compliant
Summary: Harry risks everything in an attempt to get Draco.
A/N: This fic is for alexis_sd. Happy early birthday! I hope you enjoy the fic! Note the italicized warnings above please!!!
Standing on Platform 9¾, Harry can sense Malfoy’s eyes on him. He has felt that gaze rake across his body many times before: with anger, sorrow, pain, fear. It always makes his stomach twist up in the same way though, and that’s how he knows it’s Malfoy watching him.
He waves goodbye to his sons with one hand and holds onto his daughter’s ponytail with the other. It’s easy to lose a kid in a crowd, and he doesn’t dare let go even when his arm starts to ache. Lily is glaring up at him, trying to convey with her eyes that she is a grownup and she doesn’t need to be held onto like a child.
Still, Harry holds on to her because he can. He has two more years before she joins her brothers on the train. He has two more years before he’s left all alone.
As he turns to leave with his wife and daughter, he catches Malfoy’s eye. He nods once more, just to be polite, and is floored when Malfoy smiles at him in return. He shakes his head to clear it, and Malfoy’s smile turns into a frown. Did Harry only imagine the smile? He shrugs and follows his family off the platform.
~*~
He arrives at Platform 9¾ early and alone. Lily’s at Ron and Hermione’s with Hugo, Ginny’s gallivanting around the world, and Harry’s been sent to pick up the boys and Rose.
He sits down on a bench to wait for the train to arrive. He wouldn’t admit it if you asked, but he’s incredibly excited that James and Al are coming home. Home seems empty without them screaming at each other. Lily is a good girl, and Harry loves her, but he doesn’t understand her. He’s never really understood girls.
That’s probably why he and Ginny have had so many problems. They got along well at first, but they started fighting a few months before James was born and never really stopped. They don’t argue in front of the kids, but there have been many terse words spoke between them in the privacy of their bedroom. Those words built up over time and created a rift between them.
Harry hates that there is a distance between them. Ginny doesn’t seem to even notice it. She’s happy to trot all over the world writing articles on Wizarding sports without Harry. Harry Floos her most nights at whatever hotel she’s staying at, and they talk then and during the rare times when she’s home, but if Harry forgets to Floo she doesn’t care. She never Floos him.
Harry watches the people go by, noticing how many of them won’t come near him. It’s the scar, and the story behind it, that keep them away. He knows this, but it doesn’t make it any less painful when he hears them whispering about him from a distance.
It surprises him when someone comes close. He doesn’t look at them, fearing they are simply an autograph hunter. Instead, they sit down on the bench next to him. Harry looks up then and finds himself staring at Draco Malfoy.
Malfoy nods, and Harry nods back. Then they both look away, staring down the tracks towards the slowly approaching train. Harry is hyper-aware of the man sitting next to him on the short bench, the small distance between them.
It takes the train a good twenty minutes to pull into the station and unload all of the students. Albus Severus rushes right over and hugs Harry. Harry hugs him back, and then reaches out to ruffle James’s hair. His eldest son is apparently too old for hugs. Harry can feel the distance between him and his children growing as they do, and he hates it. He knows he has to let them grow up though.
He’s still gathering up the boys’ things and looking for Rose when Malfoy and his son start to leave. He’s startled when Malfoy turns to him and smiles.
“Happy Holidays, Potter.”
Harry smiles back, an automatic reflex, but he has to force himself to say, “You too, Malfoy.”
As Malfoy turns to go, he notices how close he is. The distance between them has grown smaller. Harry isn’t sure why, but the thought makes him happy.
~*~
Over the next few months, Harry runs into Malfoy everywhere. In almost nineteen years, he never saw him once, and suddenly Harry can’t escape him.
Malfoy transfers from the finance department in the Department of International Magical Cooperation to the finance department in the Department of Magical Law enforcement. He is then assigned to the Aurors, so Harry is forced to deal with him almost daily at work.
His son Albus has also made friends with Scorpius Malfoy, even though Albus is a Gryffindor and Scorpius a Slytherin, so he sees Malfoy in his own home when he comes over to drop Scorpius off and pick him up. Likewise, Harry sees him when he takes Albus to Malfoy Manor.
Even around Diagon Alley, Harry finds himself meeting Malfoy in stores and on the street. It seems like Malfoy is there every time Harry turns around.
It’s not just that he’s there though. It’s that he keeps smiling at Harry and talking to him politely. Malfoy listens to him rant at work and they discuss their children together. While they are talking, Malfoy is attentive in a way Ginny isn’t, and Harry finds himself moving closer and closer to the man.
That’s where the problem lies. Harry loves Ginny, even though they keep getting farther and farther apart. He doesn’t like the feelings Malfoy evokes in him when he touches Harry’s shoulder. He hates that the smell of Malfoy’s cologne makes him shiver and the sound of his voice makes him smile. It annoys him that his day doesn’t seem complete unless he’s seen Malfoy.
The distance between them continues to grow smaller. Malfoy begins to invade Harry’s personal space, touching his arm as they talk, shoving his shoulder lightly when Harry makes a corny joke, standing behind Harry and leaning over his shoulder as they go over finance reports together. Harry avoids his touch as first, but soon he begins to lean into it. Then he begins to return the touches, and that’s when he knows he’s doomed.
~*~
Draco, for he and Harry have grown close enough that they go by their first names now, pulls Harry into a cupboard at work one day. He looks at Harry, long and hard. Harry recognises he’s being given a chance to escape.
He doesn’t take it. Instead, he leans closer to Draco, presses his lips to Draco’s. He’s damned to the deepest hell, and he knows it. Ginny’s at home that day. He kissed her goodbye when he left that morning, laughing when Lily made a face at them over the breakfast table. There was still a distance between them, a chasm, deep and wide.
There’s no distance between him and Draco. Not when Harry can taste Draco’s tongue is in his mouth, smell the coffee he just drank, and hear Draco’s panting breaths. He can’t see Draco very well in the dark cupboard, but he can feel his hands reaching into Harry’s trousers, pants, and grasping him. Harry moans and presses his body closer to Draco’s until there is no space left between them.
~*~
That night, he and Ginny have sex. It’s soft and sweet and slow, but it’s not making love because it doesn’t feel like there’s any love left between them. Harry loves Ginny, and Ginny loves him, but their love doesn’t connect anymore.
When Draco pulls him back into the cupboard at work, they are both frantic to touch. Draco stretches him quickly, slams into him before he’s quite ready, and takes him hard and fast. Their kisses are more teeth than lips, and even though Harry is sore all over when they are done, he knows that they’ve made love. It was incredibly passionate love, but it was love.
It frightens Harry. Ginny leaves for another trip, and though Harry sees her off, he doesn’t Floo her. She doesn’t Floo him either, and Harry knows the gap between them has grown even larger.
He continues to grow closer to Draco. He brings Harry and Lily dinner on the nights he knows Harry is working late. He orders one of his house elves to clean their house daily, and even though Harry protests, he appreciates it. Slowly, but surely, he begins to build a place for himself in Harry’s life, and if he were to leave, there would be a gaping hole where he once belonged.
He doesn’t leave. Instead, he buys Harry the puppy Ginny never let him have, a tiny black thing that reminds Harry of Sirius. Harry cries over the gift, and Draco apologizes and tries to take it back, but Harry won’t let him. He takes Draco to bed, the bed he shares with Ginny, the bed that’s only two doors down from his daughter’s bedroom where she’s sleeping. The fact that one of them might come into the room at any moment turns Harry on. He takes Draco slowly, muffling Draco’s moans with his mouth instead of a spell.
~*~
Harry’s lucky, and Ginny doesn’t find them together that night. His luck doesn’t last very long though.
Ginny walks in on them a little over a month later. Harry knew he was cutting it close, that she was due back soon, but he wanted Draco so badly that he had pushed him down on the couch for a blowjob anyway. When she catches Harry’s eyes, she doesn’t wait for him to remove his mouth from Draco and explain.
“I want a divorce.”
And that’s that. She takes most of their money, not that Harry needs it, and leaves him the house. Harry has main custody of the kids because of her job. Really, not much changes. The wizarding world has a fit over their divorce, but Ginny agrees to keep the specifics quiet, and no one finds out about Draco.
The distance between Harry and Draco... it should have grown smaller, but it doesn’t. Draco watches Harry’s wife leave him, sees his children cry in response to the news, and holds Harry when he cried too. But he slowly begins to move away from Harry.
It is then that Harry remembers Draco has a wife of his own. They are happy, he knows, if not close. Draco will not leave her, especially not with Scorpius still so young. Draco doesn’t want to be in Harry’s unhappy position.
~*~
Harry tries to hold on to Draco as his wife and children slip away from him. He asks Draco to spend the night the day the divorce is finalized. Draco just looks at him and shakes his head. He’s never spent the night before, so it’s normal that he refuses again. Still, Harry knows that he’s lost Draco. The gap between them has grown large again. At some point, it will widen to where it once was, when Harry and Draco hated each other.
Harry walks Draco to the door and whispers goodnight, and it sounds more like a goodbye to his mind. Then he walks to the living room and sits on the couch, staring deep into the fireplace, though no fire is lit. His daughter is visiting Ginny, and the boys are at school. His puppy, who’s half grown now, is asleep in the kitchen, oblivious to Harry’s pain.
What did he do wrong? What brought him to this moment? What was it about Harry that made others distance themselves from him?
He stares at the empty fireplace for hours, until he falls asleep. His dreams are wishes for the closeness he once felt and nightmares that he will be alone forever.
~2,000 words, r-rated, angst, Harry/Draco, Harry/Ginny, infidelity, unhappy ending, epilogue compliant
Summary: Harry risks everything in an attempt to get Draco.
A/N: This fic is for alexis_sd. Happy early birthday! I hope you enjoy the fic! Note the italicized warnings above please!!!
Standing on Platform 9¾, Harry can sense Malfoy’s eyes on him. He has felt that gaze rake across his body many times before: with anger, sorrow, pain, fear. It always makes his stomach twist up in the same way though, and that’s how he knows it’s Malfoy watching him.
He waves goodbye to his sons with one hand and holds onto his daughter’s ponytail with the other. It’s easy to lose a kid in a crowd, and he doesn’t dare let go even when his arm starts to ache. Lily is glaring up at him, trying to convey with her eyes that she is a grownup and she doesn’t need to be held onto like a child.
Still, Harry holds on to her because he can. He has two more years before she joins her brothers on the train. He has two more years before he’s left all alone.
As he turns to leave with his wife and daughter, he catches Malfoy’s eye. He nods once more, just to be polite, and is floored when Malfoy smiles at him in return. He shakes his head to clear it, and Malfoy’s smile turns into a frown. Did Harry only imagine the smile? He shrugs and follows his family off the platform.
~*~
He arrives at Platform 9¾ early and alone. Lily’s at Ron and Hermione’s with Hugo, Ginny’s gallivanting around the world, and Harry’s been sent to pick up the boys and Rose.
He sits down on a bench to wait for the train to arrive. He wouldn’t admit it if you asked, but he’s incredibly excited that James and Al are coming home. Home seems empty without them screaming at each other. Lily is a good girl, and Harry loves her, but he doesn’t understand her. He’s never really understood girls.
That’s probably why he and Ginny have had so many problems. They got along well at first, but they started fighting a few months before James was born and never really stopped. They don’t argue in front of the kids, but there have been many terse words spoke between them in the privacy of their bedroom. Those words built up over time and created a rift between them.
Harry hates that there is a distance between them. Ginny doesn’t seem to even notice it. She’s happy to trot all over the world writing articles on Wizarding sports without Harry. Harry Floos her most nights at whatever hotel she’s staying at, and they talk then and during the rare times when she’s home, but if Harry forgets to Floo she doesn’t care. She never Floos him.
Harry watches the people go by, noticing how many of them won’t come near him. It’s the scar, and the story behind it, that keep them away. He knows this, but it doesn’t make it any less painful when he hears them whispering about him from a distance.
It surprises him when someone comes close. He doesn’t look at them, fearing they are simply an autograph hunter. Instead, they sit down on the bench next to him. Harry looks up then and finds himself staring at Draco Malfoy.
Malfoy nods, and Harry nods back. Then they both look away, staring down the tracks towards the slowly approaching train. Harry is hyper-aware of the man sitting next to him on the short bench, the small distance between them.
It takes the train a good twenty minutes to pull into the station and unload all of the students. Albus Severus rushes right over and hugs Harry. Harry hugs him back, and then reaches out to ruffle James’s hair. His eldest son is apparently too old for hugs. Harry can feel the distance between him and his children growing as they do, and he hates it. He knows he has to let them grow up though.
He’s still gathering up the boys’ things and looking for Rose when Malfoy and his son start to leave. He’s startled when Malfoy turns to him and smiles.
“Happy Holidays, Potter.”
Harry smiles back, an automatic reflex, but he has to force himself to say, “You too, Malfoy.”
As Malfoy turns to go, he notices how close he is. The distance between them has grown smaller. Harry isn’t sure why, but the thought makes him happy.
~*~
Over the next few months, Harry runs into Malfoy everywhere. In almost nineteen years, he never saw him once, and suddenly Harry can’t escape him.
Malfoy transfers from the finance department in the Department of International Magical Cooperation to the finance department in the Department of Magical Law enforcement. He is then assigned to the Aurors, so Harry is forced to deal with him almost daily at work.
His son Albus has also made friends with Scorpius Malfoy, even though Albus is a Gryffindor and Scorpius a Slytherin, so he sees Malfoy in his own home when he comes over to drop Scorpius off and pick him up. Likewise, Harry sees him when he takes Albus to Malfoy Manor.
Even around Diagon Alley, Harry finds himself meeting Malfoy in stores and on the street. It seems like Malfoy is there every time Harry turns around.
It’s not just that he’s there though. It’s that he keeps smiling at Harry and talking to him politely. Malfoy listens to him rant at work and they discuss their children together. While they are talking, Malfoy is attentive in a way Ginny isn’t, and Harry finds himself moving closer and closer to the man.
That’s where the problem lies. Harry loves Ginny, even though they keep getting farther and farther apart. He doesn’t like the feelings Malfoy evokes in him when he touches Harry’s shoulder. He hates that the smell of Malfoy’s cologne makes him shiver and the sound of his voice makes him smile. It annoys him that his day doesn’t seem complete unless he’s seen Malfoy.
The distance between them continues to grow smaller. Malfoy begins to invade Harry’s personal space, touching his arm as they talk, shoving his shoulder lightly when Harry makes a corny joke, standing behind Harry and leaning over his shoulder as they go over finance reports together. Harry avoids his touch as first, but soon he begins to lean into it. Then he begins to return the touches, and that’s when he knows he’s doomed.
~*~
Draco, for he and Harry have grown close enough that they go by their first names now, pulls Harry into a cupboard at work one day. He looks at Harry, long and hard. Harry recognises he’s being given a chance to escape.
He doesn’t take it. Instead, he leans closer to Draco, presses his lips to Draco’s. He’s damned to the deepest hell, and he knows it. Ginny’s at home that day. He kissed her goodbye when he left that morning, laughing when Lily made a face at them over the breakfast table. There was still a distance between them, a chasm, deep and wide.
There’s no distance between him and Draco. Not when Harry can taste Draco’s tongue is in his mouth, smell the coffee he just drank, and hear Draco’s panting breaths. He can’t see Draco very well in the dark cupboard, but he can feel his hands reaching into Harry’s trousers, pants, and grasping him. Harry moans and presses his body closer to Draco’s until there is no space left between them.
~*~
That night, he and Ginny have sex. It’s soft and sweet and slow, but it’s not making love because it doesn’t feel like there’s any love left between them. Harry loves Ginny, and Ginny loves him, but their love doesn’t connect anymore.
When Draco pulls him back into the cupboard at work, they are both frantic to touch. Draco stretches him quickly, slams into him before he’s quite ready, and takes him hard and fast. Their kisses are more teeth than lips, and even though Harry is sore all over when they are done, he knows that they’ve made love. It was incredibly passionate love, but it was love.
It frightens Harry. Ginny leaves for another trip, and though Harry sees her off, he doesn’t Floo her. She doesn’t Floo him either, and Harry knows the gap between them has grown even larger.
He continues to grow closer to Draco. He brings Harry and Lily dinner on the nights he knows Harry is working late. He orders one of his house elves to clean their house daily, and even though Harry protests, he appreciates it. Slowly, but surely, he begins to build a place for himself in Harry’s life, and if he were to leave, there would be a gaping hole where he once belonged.
He doesn’t leave. Instead, he buys Harry the puppy Ginny never let him have, a tiny black thing that reminds Harry of Sirius. Harry cries over the gift, and Draco apologizes and tries to take it back, but Harry won’t let him. He takes Draco to bed, the bed he shares with Ginny, the bed that’s only two doors down from his daughter’s bedroom where she’s sleeping. The fact that one of them might come into the room at any moment turns Harry on. He takes Draco slowly, muffling Draco’s moans with his mouth instead of a spell.
~*~
Harry’s lucky, and Ginny doesn’t find them together that night. His luck doesn’t last very long though.
Ginny walks in on them a little over a month later. Harry knew he was cutting it close, that she was due back soon, but he wanted Draco so badly that he had pushed him down on the couch for a blowjob anyway. When she catches Harry’s eyes, she doesn’t wait for him to remove his mouth from Draco and explain.
“I want a divorce.”
And that’s that. She takes most of their money, not that Harry needs it, and leaves him the house. Harry has main custody of the kids because of her job. Really, not much changes. The wizarding world has a fit over their divorce, but Ginny agrees to keep the specifics quiet, and no one finds out about Draco.
The distance between Harry and Draco... it should have grown smaller, but it doesn’t. Draco watches Harry’s wife leave him, sees his children cry in response to the news, and holds Harry when he cried too. But he slowly begins to move away from Harry.
It is then that Harry remembers Draco has a wife of his own. They are happy, he knows, if not close. Draco will not leave her, especially not with Scorpius still so young. Draco doesn’t want to be in Harry’s unhappy position.
~*~
Harry tries to hold on to Draco as his wife and children slip away from him. He asks Draco to spend the night the day the divorce is finalized. Draco just looks at him and shakes his head. He’s never spent the night before, so it’s normal that he refuses again. Still, Harry knows that he’s lost Draco. The gap between them has grown large again. At some point, it will widen to where it once was, when Harry and Draco hated each other.
Harry walks Draco to the door and whispers goodnight, and it sounds more like a goodbye to his mind. Then he walks to the living room and sits on the couch, staring deep into the fireplace, though no fire is lit. His daughter is visiting Ginny, and the boys are at school. His puppy, who’s half grown now, is asleep in the kitchen, oblivious to Harry’s pain.
What did he do wrong? What brought him to this moment? What was it about Harry that made others distance themselves from him?
He stares at the empty fireplace for hours, until he falls asleep. His dreams are wishes for the closeness he once felt and nightmares that he will be alone forever.