The Broken - Chapter Eight - The Secret
Chapter Eight - The Secret
The lucid moments were few and far between. Rede kept Severus in locked in the darkened room at all times, sending Percy with food and water twice a day. Severus had lost track of the days quickly, and now his life was just a never-ending cycle of sleeping and being in pain.
Mostly, he slept. It was easy to imagine things were different in his dreams. He dreamed of his mother, alive again. He imagined what his life would be like if he could have stayed with Remus. He wished, during his nightmares, that he had died.
The pain was excruciating. Rede continued to take him almost daily, as far as Severus could tell without being able to see the sun or a clock. The welts on his back healed slowly, and they opened up every time he moved. His hand ached endlessly, the bones healing badly. Severus didn’t imagine he’d ever be able to use it again.
The first two weeks were clear in Severus’s mind: pain, little food, endless night. Then infection settled into his wounds, and fever ravaged his body. Hallucinations overtook his mind. It seemed as though years passed while he lay there.
At one point, he thought he felt his mother wiping his brow with a cool cloth. At another, he was certain that the walls would close in on him, burying him alive. Through it all, he was voiceless. He had discovered that he could make a few noises, grunts and whistles mostly, without his vocal cords, but nothing close to words was possible.
The infection progressed, and his world narrowed. There were only a few moments a day when he knew what was going on around him. Usually, he was alone during those moments.
It surprised him when he surfaced from the depths of his illness one day and heard voices.
“That’s Mr. Snape?” The voice was unrecognizable, a figment of his imagination.
Percy answered the voice anyway. “It is. The fever started two months ago. We’ve tried to help him heal, but Rede won't let us send for the doctor. There’s only so much you can do with alcohol to dull the pain and clean the wounds.”
The voice sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Malfoy, please, tell Lord Shrieking,” Percy said.
Severus recognised those names. Draco Malfoy was a musician. Lord Shrieking was his master, was Remus. Severus wished Remus were there to save him, like a knight on a white steed. He could be the prince and battle Rede, the dragon guarding the keep.
The blackness began to encroach, and Severus smirked. He could be the sleeping princess.
Draco returned; how much later Severus couldn’t tell. This time he was awake when they entered his room. He couldn't move for the pain and illness, and he couldn't speak, so all he could do was listen to them discuss him.
“Did you tell?” Percy asked.
Draco's voice was terse. “I can’t. If Rede found out, he’d tell everyone what my father did. We’d lose our jobs. My mother is sickly. We can’t afford that.”
Percy slammed something against the wall, probably his hand. “Damn it! I can’t afford to tell either. Half of my family works for the bastard. What is he holding over your head that is keeping you from telling?”
“My father was his business partner, years ago,” said Draco. “During the East India revolt, my father passed on information to the Indian’s in return for money. He lost the money in some bad investments, and the information he sold cost people their lives. He'd end up in jail if people found out. Master Lupin would see to it-many of his family members and friends were hurt in the revolt.”
Severus didn't want to believe it, but he could. Lucius Malfoy had been a good servant to Remus, but Severus had not seen much of the man. He had seemed the type to do anything to achieve his ambitions. Severus wondered if Remus knew that such a man was living in his house.
Percy sighed. “I understand. I hate to see him like this. He’s a good man, if a grouchy one.”
Severus smirked, glad to know he had made that impression on people.
Malfoy said, “I’ve spoken with Master Lupin. He’s been drowning himself in alcohol, but I think I broke him out of his mood. I insinuated that Mr. Snape was probably still alive, and he's begun searching for him with private investigators.”
It was just as Severus had imagined last time. Remus would be his knight in shining armour. It wasn't the most fitting image for the man, and it was horribly sappy, but Severus was half-dead. He deserved the chance to be a bit romantic, he rather thought.
Thankfully, no one else would ever have to learn of his imaginings.
Percy approached the bed and knelt next to it. Severus could just see him from the corner of his eye, but Percy didn’t notice he was awake. Then Percy ducked his head lower, disappearing under the edge of the bed.
When he emerged, Severus's violin was in his hands. Severus was crushed to see how badly mangled it was. He had given it up for good before, but he hadn’t seen it. Only the neck of the violin was intact. The strings held part of the body to the neck, but the rest was in small pieces.
“I saved this,” said Percy. “I don’t know if it can be fixed.”
Severus knew it couldn’t be, and the musician in Draco seemed to agree.
“I think it is worthless at this point,” said Draco.
Percy held it out to Malfoy. “Take it to Lord Shrieking anyway. Please, tell him about Rede. I... I’m not at all courageous. I can’t risk losing everything. This, at least, will prove to him that you’ve found Snape.”
Draco moved closer, into Severus's field of vision, his hands held in the air. “I’ll take it, and save it for when Remus finds him. I can’t... I can’t tell though.”
Percy handed him the pieces. “You must. You’ll save his life if you do.”
Draco frowned down at the instrument. “I will try.”
“Thank you,” Percy breathed, and Severus wanted to echo him. “I’ll sneak you out now. You mustn’t return again. Rede will have your head if you do.”
Draco shrugged. “It doesn’t matter at this point. I’m damned no matter what I do.”
“Come on, Malfoy.”
They left and the room was dark and silent once more. Severus expected to lapse back into unconsciousness then, but he lay in the dark thinking for hours. If only Malfoy would tell. If only Remus would save him. If only he were safe.
If only...
~*~
Severus didn’t realise he was being rescued until after the fact. His hallucinations created an image of Remus in purple armour rescuing him from the depths of a cave. Later, he was told that Remus had come to remove him from the room, while police officers arrested Rede for a number of crimes that Remus's private investigators had uncovered. The purple armour had apparently been a purple jacket in real life.
He was taken to Shrieking Manor and Remus hired doctors to tend to his every need. They quickly cleaned his wounds and began treatments to draw the infections out. One doctor even dosed him up with enough laudanum to knock out a horse and broke all of his fingers again. They ached terribly when Severus awoke afterwards, but they had been properly set and his fingers would hopefully be straight and useable when they healed.
Rede’s inability to lie had finally brought him down. Twisting the truth could only hide so many things. He had been bribing Nott to do his bidding for years, since before Fred Weasley’s murder. Nott was thus indicted for accepting the bribes and committing heinous acts in the name of lies.
Rede’s involvement in the Indian revolt had become known as well. Lucius Malfoy had been passing on information, but he had not known it at the time. Rede had been the real traitor, passing information on the Riddle in the guise of letters from their father, the man who had abandoned Riddle. Severus wasn't sure which of the half-brothers had been blackmailing the other, but once the revolt ended, the two had ended their contact.
Thus, Draco and Lucius kept their jobs. Remus realised that Lucius had not done it on purpose and forgave him, something Severus admired him for greatly. The man truly believed that everyone deserved a second chance. He even offered Draco the opportunity to go to university in a year, which Draco gratefully accepted.
The Weasleys kept their jobs too. Mrs. Rede took over the estate in her husband’s stead, and Ginny reported that she treated the servants better than Rede ever had. She even helped Percy secure a well-paying job as an assistant to a member of the Parliament. He spent his days researching proper pot thicknesses and seemed happy to be doing so. Severus had always thought the boy a bit touched in the head; this simply proved it.
It was Ginny who took care of Severus during his illness, and thus it was from her that he learned all of these things. The girl delighted in gossiping, it seemed, even when her conversation partner was mute. She was a sweet girl though, and she cared for him well: administering his medicine at the times proscribed, feeding him before he regained the strength to feed himself, and keeping him and his bed clothing clean.
When Severus was almost well, most of his wounds fully closed and all of the infections cleared up, she began sitting him up in his bed and talking to him for hours at a time. With nothing else to do but stare at the wall, Severus found himself becoming interested in her monologues.
“And, oh my goodness, I have the most wonderful news! I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you. Harry asked me to marry him last night!” Ginny gushed one morning.
Severus quirked an eyebrow at her and pointed to her stomach. It was obviously round with child.
“Oh, no, it’s not because of the baby,” Ginny explained. “It’s in spite of the baby.”
He titled his head in confusion and she took it as a signal to continue.
“You remember when I was-” she faltered “-when I was raped, right?”
Severus nodded. The baby had come from that?
“Well, it was Sir Thomas Rede who did it. He wanted information about you and Master Lupin. He also wanted to know if Master Lupin would be leaving soon, I assume so that he could retrieve you without interference. I’m ashamed to say I told him everything. He threatened to fire my family if I told anyone, so I kept quiet until Draco came forward with the information about where you were.”
Severus wanted to growl, but the air emerged as an angry puff instead. He settled for frowning.
“Oh, don’t fret. Once the baby’s born, I’ll be able to prove it was him, and then he’ll be punished for that too.” Her eyes sparkled merrily. “I do hope the baby looks like him. I hear that a potential punishment for rape is castration.”
Severus snorted, one of the few sounds he could still make. It wasn’t a quite laugh, but he had never been much for laughing anyway.
“Anyway, Harry's stuck by my side this whole time. He’s been a true hero to me. Even though I've been sullied, he's willing to have me as his bride, and he doesn’t want me to abort the baby because of the risk to me.” Her smile was lovesick. “So, my mother has offered the raise the baby.” She looked down at her lap, half of which was hidden beneath her stomach. “I... I don't think I could ever truly love it for itself.”
She seemed to know her feelings well. Perhaps she was not the airheaded twit she seemed to be when she was gossiping or throwing herself at Harry.
“Mrs. Rede believes that her husband did it, and she’s willing to offer the baby financial support, though she won't acknowledge it as an heir. My mum will take good care of it too. She’s good at loving people no matter where they come from, and Harry and I will be better as an aunt and uncle than as parents.”
Molly Weasley would smother the child of an axe murderer with affection. Hell, if she was in a good enough mood, she’d probably set tea for the murderer too.
“Harry's been wonderful about this, and we’ve set the date for the wedding in May, so that I’ll have time to get over the birth and plan everything.” She squealed. “I can’t wait!”
Severus rolled his eyes. Learning about Rede’s further punishments was interesting. Listening to her gush over Harry wasn't. The boy was all right, Severus supposed, but he still hadn't forgiven him for the “greasy git” comment he made the first time they met.
Ginny began enumerating all of Harry's good points, but Severus ignored her. He laid his head on one of his hands, the motion he and Ginny had worked out would mean ‘sleep’ or ‘lay down’, and she pushed herself up out of her chair and scurried over to settle him into bed.
Severus nodded to thank her and then closed his eyes. She didn’t leave until he had evened out his breathing, and he knew she'd return in seconds if he rang the bell that was kept on his bedside table.
He really was tired. Spending more than three months in bed had weakened his muscles, and the fever had destroyed them even more. He could move his arms and legs now, after a month and a half at Remus’s manor, but it took a lot of energy, and he usually only moved for important reasons, like using the toilet or snuggling with Remus.
Severus closed his eyes and wished Remus was at his side then. It was almost the full moon though, and Remus had left yet again. Severus didn’t mind though. He knew Remus didn't want to go-the hour he had spent apologizing had made that clear. Remus had also promised to tell Severus the secret of his disappearances as soon as Severus was well. No one else in the manor had any idea why Remus left, and it touched Severus that Remus was willing to tell him.
He would trust Remus to return and keep his promise.
~*~
It was hard to force people to do things when they were stronger than you and you could not speak. Severus spent two months glaring at Remus, but he didn’t seem to get the message. Finally, Severus had sat down and written a long letter that included a fair number of curse words. The one good thing Rede had done for him was give him an education.
If he had not been able to write, Severus was afraid he would never have convinced Remus to tell his secret.
As it was, Remus still had yet to explain, and it was mid-February. He had agreed to take Severus with him on his monthly trip though.
They visited Dame McGonagall first, and Severus was quite amused by the lady. Her dry wit was vastly preferable to Bishop Albus Dumbledore’s bumbling ways, Severus soon discovered, though Remus seemed to adore them both equally.
It was the evening of the full moon when they arrived at Bishop Dumbledore’s church. They had already visited him at the parsonage, and he had plied them with tea and baked goods. Remus disembarked from the hired carriage slowly. Severus beat him to the ground, though his muscles were still weak and walking was a task.
Rolling his eyes, Severus pulled Remus towards the church by his coat sleeve, anxious to see what secrets could be held inside.
The church was full of pews and was very sparsely decorated. It looked like any other church Severus had visited. He frowned.
Remus sighed and trudged up the centre aisle. “The secret isn't in the church, Severus. It's in me.” He sat in the pew nearest the front and stared at the cross that hung near it.
Severus followed and took a seat next to him. Laying a hand on Remus’s thigh, he squeezed it to urge him on.
“When the revolt took place, we were given a small amount of warning from an informant. We knew that James, my friend, and Lily, his wife, were to be targeted by Riddle himself. I tried to help protect them, but I was attacked and injured by one of Riddle's followers.” Remus took a shuddering breath. “It was the day of the full moon, and he bit me.”
Severus blinked. He bit Remus? Why would you bite someone?
“He was a werewolf.”
Well. That was a good reason, he supposed. It couldn’t be the real reason though. Werewolves were things of stories, scary creatures that parents made up to scare children into staying in bed.
“I became one too, as werewolf saliva is infective for twenty-four hours before and after the full moon.”
Severus didn’t know what Remus’s secret was, but it had to be something terrible if he was hiding it beneath such a stupid lie. He shook his head and frowned, trying to express his displeasure at being lied to.
Remus frowned back at him. “It’s the truth. I know it sounds insane, but it is. We didn’t know about it at the time. I spent my first full moon after the attack in India, and it took four men to lock me in my room after I transformed into a raging wolf. My mother, still in mourning for her husband, took it upon herself to try to cure me. She hunted down every shaman she could find, but none knew how to fix me. A few knew how to alleviate the symptoms though. They claimed that being in a holy place-” he gestured around the church “-would let me keep mind, though I would still transform.”
“My mother didn’t believe them, and she simply attempted to lock me in my room again during the full moon. Without anyone to attack, I began attacking myself, and when she came to see me the next morning, I was a man again, but I had ripped huge gashes in my body and bitten myself. She was frightened and forced me to spend the next full moon in a temple. It worked. I kept my human mind even though I grew a wolf's body.”
He stood and paced away from Severus. “That is why I come here every month. Bishop Dumbledore was a friend of my mother's and he agreed to keep my secret after we returned from India.” He stopped with his back to Severus. “It's crazy. You think I’m mad, I’m sure. I’d like you to stay with me tonight though. The moon should rise in half an hour. Stay, if you can handle it. Otherwise, Bishop Dumbledore said you could sleep in the parsonage.”
Severus wasn’t sure what to think. The whole idea of werewolves was incredible. India was still a wild country though. The undeveloped nations were said to still practice pagan magic. It could be possible, but it was entirely not probable.
He sat deliberating for a while, too long, in fact. Remus took his staying seated to mean he was staying and launched himself at Severus. “Thank God, thank God. I thought you'd leave. I thought you’d hate me. Oh, thank God.”
He twined his arms around Severus and kissed him deeply. Severus responded, thoughts of werewolves and India pushed from his mind by passion. Half an hour passed quickly, and both men were panting when Remus finally drew away.
“It’s almost time. If you want to leave, I understand.”
Severus shook his head. He wasn't sure quite was he was getting himself into, but he felt the need to be there for Remus.
Remus pressed on last kiss to his lips and stepped away. He laid down on an open area of the floor. Smiling depreciatively, he said, “It's easier if I transform like this.”
Severus nodded, and then the conversation ended. It seemed there was nothing to do but wait.
In a few minutes, Remus let out a muffled cry and doubled in on himself. Before Severus could stand and go to his side to see what was wrong, Remus’s clothing split, and he began to grow fur. The muscles rippled beneath his furred skin, and his whole body grew, then shrank, then grew. At last, he stretched out on the floor, entirely a wolf, and let out a howl.
Severus jammed his fist into his mouth, trying to muffle a cry that couldn’t even be heard. Remus was a werewolf, a monster! The wolf climbed up onto its feet and shook itself. It was huge. Severus pressed himself against the back of the pew and watched with wide eyes as it approached.
It’s teeth glittered in the moonlight, and Severus closed his eyes. He had faced death many times in his life. This felt like it might finally be the end.
Instead of huge jaws clamping down on his throat, a shaggy head was propped in his lap. He opened his eyes to find the wolf starring at him. It sat at Severus's feet, it’s tail wagging back and forth slowly.
Severus tentatively stretched out a hand and touched the head. The wolf pressed into his hand, and Severus took a deep breath. This was Remus.
Remus wasn't a monster. He was just in the body of one. He stayed there for a while, gently rubbing Remus's head. Remus reacted like a dog, begging for more petting.
Severus relaxed and his illness caught up with him. He began to yawn and laid down on the pew. Remus lay on the floor next to him, close enough that Severus could bury one hand in his fur. They both fell asleep like that and passed the evening in contentment.
~*~
Severus woke the next morning to kisses from a human Remus, who had dressed himself in a new outfit since his old one had been destroyed. Severus’s back ached, and he promised himself that the next month he would bring at least a bedroll to sleep on.
They walked from the church to the parsonage and waited there for their carriage. After saying their goodbyes, they started for home. Severus assumed they were going straight there, and he was surprised when Remus instructed the driver to stop in front of a shop as they were going through a town.
“We're going in here,” Remus said. “We won't be long.”
“Yes, sir,” the driver replied.
Remus hopped out of the carriage and offered Severus a hand down. Severus waved it off, not wishing to look weak in public.
They entered the shop, which smelled of spiced rum and candied pineapples, of all things. The owner, a very large man, stood to greet them. The walls of the shop were covered in instruments, and Severus winced. Since his rescue, Severus had considered buying a new violin, but it just wouldn’t feel the same. It wouldn’t have belonged to his mother.
“Good day, Lord Shrieking! It’s so kind of you to visit! I’m sorry to say that you just missed meeting Miss. Skeeter. She's a lovely woman who’s trying to start up a newspaper for women. It’ll be nothing more than a gossip rag in the end, but I think she’ll make a killing off it!” The fat man laughed and Severus hid a sneer.
Remus let him finish laughing and then offered introductions. “Mr. Slughorn, this is my close friend Severus Snape, a talented violinist. Mr. Snape, this is Horace Slughorn, an expert instrument maker.”
Slughorn beamed. “Thank you for your kind words, my lord. It is nice to meet you, Mr. Snape.”
Severus nodded.
Slughorn frowned.
Remus rushed to fill the silence. “He’s lost his voice from an illness, I’m afraid. He’s mute.”
Slughorn nodded knowingly. “Of course, of course. However, you know, a musician is never silenced. We speak through our instruments.”
Severus thought about what he said. It was true. Severus had always used his music to release his emotions. He longed for a violin again, even a new one. His newly healed fingers itched to dance along the neck.
Remus nodded. “Very true. I’m afraid we are in a bit of a rush though. Is the violin ready?”
“It is!” Slughorn turned and waddled his way to the back of the store. “I’ll be just a minute.” He disappeared through a door.
Severus took the privacy of the moment to grab Remus's hand and squeeze it. It seemed as though Remus had bought him a violin. He wanted to sing or shout or kiss him. He settled for smiling.
Slughorn returned far too quickly and Severus had to drop Remus's hand. In his hand was a violin, almost perfectly identical to Severus's mother's. He moved to hand it to Remus and Remus shook his head. “It’s for him.”
Slughorn smiled. “A splendid gift.” Severus took it from him gingerly, running his fingers along the edge of the body and over the strings. It was already tuned and sounded beautiful.
“I’m afraid I wasn’t able to salvage much of the original though. The bow was a lost cause, as was the body. The neck was in good condition though, aside from a few scuffs, and the chin rest was fine, so I crafted a similar body to attach it to. It was extraordinarily difficult, but I think you’ll find that it’s almost identical to the broken one.”
Severus almost dropped the violin. Eyes wide, he stared at Remus.
“Yes, it’s made from your old one,” said Remus. “Draco brought it to me as proof that you were alive and I contracted Mr. Slughorn to repair it. I hope it is acceptable.”
Severus nodded vigorously. It was bloody perfect. He held it reverently for a moment and hefted it to his shoulder. The fit wasn't quite the same, but it was close.
Slughorn bustled to the back room and returned with a bow in hand. “Do play a song for us, Mr. Snape.”
Severus took the bow and ran it across the strings, getting used to the feel of the instrument. He knew exactly which song to play-Mozart's Violin Sonata No. 21, his mother’s lullaby.
The notes came slowly at first, his hands clumsy. By the end of the song though, he was playing as though he had never lost his violin. The song was sad, but Severus was happy.
He smiled at Remus, conscious of Slughorn, and wished he could tell Remus how much he appreciated him, loved him even. He launched into a song that Remus had complimented him on after a dinner, letting his love flow through his music.
Remus caught his eyes, and he knew that love was returned. Severus fell into the music, letting himself drift away from the real world. Rede had taken away his words, but Remus had given him a new language.
~THE END~
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