and wasn't it a long way down? [open-ish]

[goldn_boy]

WHO Jim Kirk (TOS) and OPEN-ish
WHAT Hunger week and magic windows are not mixy things
WHERE Around, mostly CGM
WHEN This week; days in comments
NOTES There are threads for specific days; feel free to tag wherever you think your character would be likely to or make a new one. Multiple threads welcome, etc. Sorry about the tl;dr! Contact me if you

Comments

Sunday

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto hadn't seen Jim for a while, and that was a bit unsettling. It wasn't that he wasn't around anymore--he was making it a point to be more available, after Jack and Jim had both spoken up about him working too much. But now it was that Jim...just didn't seem to be anywhere. He wasn't even coming down to the kitchen for meals, as far as Ianto could tell, and that worried him. So he did the only thing he could think of.

Taking a moment to figure out what he was going to say, should Jim answer the door, he knocked.

[goldn_boy]

No one needed him. He didn't need to be anywhere. Jim was not given to seclusion, nor moping, nor, as the phrase would have it, "letting himself go." But the man who opened the door just wide enough to peer out did not seem like Jim. Ianto would never have seen him unshaven before, with his hair uncombed, his clothes wrinkled. Jim kept himself ship-shape, and while he wasn't dirty (the showers distracted him, helped him keep a handle on things) he was clearly in disarray.

But even without that, there was a haunted look in his eyes that couldn't be hidden. He'd been fighting this so hard, and it had taken so much out of him, that the very struggle--the fact it was a struggle--was eating at him. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, and yet, at the same time, he couldn't turn ignore the chance that someone did need him

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto tried not to be visibly taken aback by the other man's appearance. And it wasn't too hard. He had a great poker face, when he needed to. He couldn't help looking a bit concerned for him, even then. "Oh... Jim," he said, frowning slightly as he stepped forward towards the other man, cautiously. "Are... Are you alright? What's wrong?" Any thoughts of a conversation that he might have otherwise had were taken away at just...how unlike himself Jim appeared in that moment.

It was almost terrifying, really, how much of a change could come over a man in such a short span of time. They'd been talking only a week or so ago, after all, with Jim his normal self at that moment and now... What could have possibly happened to spur him to deteriorate like this? Ianto had no idea what he was walking into, here, so he made a note to tread as carefully as possible.

"...do you mind if I come in?" he asked, gently, hoping that he wouldn't just be turned away right then and there.

[goldn_boy]

Jim hesitated. He didn't want company, didn't want prying eyes, didn't want anyone to see the screen and his shame--no, wait, they couldn't, that's right. It wasn't real. And surely Ianto didn't need him for anything, he was just being polite, because Ianto was always polite whether it was good for him or not. He didn't need someone like Jim in his life, messing with his head, throwing his weight around.

But Jim's despair wasn't the angry sort, and part of him was desperately seeking connection. Even if he felt he didn't deserve it.

He backed up from the door, running a hand through his hair to try to grant it some semblance of order. "Uh, okay," he said. With a concerned twitch of his lips, he noticed the disarray of the room and started picking up shirts and plates. Again, it wasn't a pigsty, it wasn't filth, but for Jim? He wasn't naturally orderly but it had been drummed into him.

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto looked around the room as he stepped inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. He watched as Jim started absently tidying up, taking in the state of the room. It didn't appear as though the other man had even been aware that he'd been letting things go until Ianto had dropped by. And that concerned him some more.

"...Jim," he said, after a moment of watching him pick things up and just look so...lost. "Jim. Sit down with me for a moment, yeah? Come here..." He moves a plate aside off of the cushion, to clear a spot for the pair of them before holding his hand out toward the other man, hoping he'll take him up on his offer.

[goldn_boy]

Jim turned to look at him, his arms full. Ianto had this expression on his face, concern or pity or... something Jim didn't want. Because he couldn't let anyone worry about him--it was his job to see to other people and even if the screen was full of lies the feeling that he hadn't mattered, that he'd actually failed at that endeavor over and over, was too strong to ignore. He had to come up with some reason for the state of things, some way to keep Ianto from worrying. From knowing Jim's weakness.

"I've been working a lot," he said, apropos of nothing. "Just, ah, been too busy to tidy up. Sorry about that." He dropped the things off, threw some rubbish in the wastebasket, and approached. But he didn't sit down, didn't take Ianto's hand. "I'm fine, really."

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto watched the other man moving about, and frowned slightly at what he had to say. Ianto was an expert liar, and he knew a lie when it was being presented to him. Especially since none of this was normal behavior. He knew Jim, he'd seen him at some of the busiest times ever, certainly more busy than now, and he hadn't been like this. No, something else was up. Something more was going on.

"Jim," Ianto said quietly. "I've seen you busy. This isn't busy. This..." He didn't want to barge into Jim's life and into his personal business, but. He couldn't just let things lie, not with the other man like this. "What's wrong?" he asked, gently. "Something happened. I can tell. Something more than what's been going on with everyone and food this week." He made no attempt to lower his hand just yet. He was stubborn too, and he wasn't going to back down that easily.

[goldn_boy]

Jim crossed his arms, Ianto's questions provoking a flicker of frustration, not entirely directed at him. "Nothing," he said, a little shortly. "Nothing happened." Wasn't that more or less the problem? He'd been here for... ten months now, and had done nothing, just as he'd been doing nothing at home.

Then something else Ianto had said caught at him, and he couldn't help but respond, couldn't hold back the note of anxiety in his voice. "What do you mean, everyone and food?"

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto's expression softened at the anxiety in Jim's voice. He wasn't sure what's going on, but it's obvious that the food has something to do with it. That that was something of what was going on there. He nodded. "I mean, everyone and food. There... Have you noticed how people seem to be effected by some sort of mass emotion in this city? How when the volcano showed up, it was hard not to be angry? Well. Something similar is happening this week. Only it's not our anger that it's effecting, but our hunger. Anyone who's susceptible to it has been forced to be hungry for the whole week."

Ianto was treading carefully there, because he had no idea what sorts of demons he might be digging up here. "Jim. ...have you been especially hungry this week, perchance?"

[goldn_boy]

Jim's eyes flickered to the side table, to the packages he still had stored there. "I..."

He was hungry now. And he hadn't thought to connect it to anything, because it slid so naturally into the place his mind went when he was stressed out, or when he needed comfort. That it had started before the window appeared hadn't occurred to him. Because he could overcome it all he wanted, but Tarsus had still happened.

He was letting it control him now. And he hated himself for that.

Jim sat heavily, his hands now on his knees, as if requiring something else to grab if he was going to keep from walking over there and ripping open a package of crackers.

"Yes."

[torchwoodteaboy]

"...Jim," he said, moving forward, stepping toward the other man to go and rest his hand on his shoulder. "...did something else happen? I know that this hunger thing is getting the best of a lot of people, but. I know you well enough to know that something is bothering you. What is it? What's wrong?"

[goldn_boy]

"Nothing," he said again, sharper. "I mean, nothing happened. I'm just... I've been... thinking. About a lot of things. It doesn't matter, Ianto. It's old stuff, stuff I need to just get over. Stop thinking about. It's not important."

It wouldn't let him do his job, if he let it mire him down. He couldn't let it matter.

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto shook his head. "Of course it's important," he said, gently but firmly at the same time. "Just because whatever it is might have happened a long time ago doesn't lessen it." Ianto tilted his head at Jim slightly.

"Please, Jim. Let me help you... What is it? What have you been thinking about from the past? Maybe talking about it will help?" Ianto had the distinct impression that he had had a very similar conversation with Scott earlier that week, but he let that thought slide for the moment.

[goldn_boy]

The window, the screen, was still going, still flickering onto things Jim didn't want to see because it was his perfect world, his Federation utopia, only better because he wasn't in the picture. He hadn't wanted to believe it. But it got to him--thinking about what he was doing back there, as a Rear Admiral, what he'd done here, what possible effect one man could have on the world. Had he really believed the galaxy revolved around him to that extent

[torchwoodteaboy]

Ianto listened to what Jim had to say, quietly walking over to sit down next to him, so that he could listen better. What Jim was telling him was horrible. The worst memories a person could have, to watch people die and live on beyond them. Survivor's guilt was horrible. Ianto knew that first hand. Different than the way that Jim did, but. He still understood very well.

"I'm sorry, Jim," he said, quietly. "I can't imagine what that must have been like. Were... Were you on your own, then? Or... Did you have family there with you? Anyone...?"

[goldn_boy]

"My aunt and uncle," he said. "But they died. Resisting the people who came to take what food they had. I avoided the army, Kodos' people, I hid, and then I found others. Other children I mean, younger ones. And I fed them as best I could. When I got back, it was... hard to break the habit. The conviction there wouldn't be enough. I couldn't stop eating and when I did, I took more."

The weakness was hard to admit, the trauma, the fact that he had been affected. Jim wasn't acutely concerned with his image but there was an aura he needed to present, and maintain. The thing that allowed him to take care of things. People.

"I can't stop thinking about it, and I don't know why. It's over. I'm done with that."