and wasn't it a long way down? [open-ish]

[goldn_boy]

WHO Jim Kirk (TOS) and OPEN-ish
WHAT Hunger week and magic windows are not mixy things
WHERE Around, mostly CGM
WHEN This week; days in comments
NOTES There are threads for specific days; feel free to tag wherever you think your character would be likely to or make a new one. Multiple threads welcome, etc. Sorry about the tl;dr! Contact me if you

Comments

Friday afternoon sometime

[chairismine]

[Jim's been out exploring the city in the morning and while he hasn't found anything yet to help put together some more advanced technology than he's seen around.

What he did find were a fantastic selection of bars, and Jim thinking of heading out tonight with some friends. Passing Jim's door the thought occurs that hey, drinking with himself would be the best. Probably.

Stopping, he knocks on the door, hoping he's not out at work.] Hey? You in? It's me.

[goldn_boy]

[Jim should be at work. But he's not--he's watching the window again, trying to pull his attention away and failing but for a few minutes at a time.

The knock startles him but he rouses himself, hearing a somewhat familiar voice outside. "It's me." It's me. Jim does laugh, a little.

When he opens the door--because he's still not willing to deny he's there--he probably looks quite different from the man he'd met the other night. The change is more subtle than it could be, except Jim Kirk is career Starfleet. And this disarray is clearly not due to sex or fighting.]

Oh. Jim. What's going on?

[chairismine]

[Keeping a straight face is hard, and Jim doesn't quite hide the look of shock as quickly as he'd like but wow.]

I'm- uh. I've been looking round the place and I figured the best way to really explore'd be to check out some of the better drinking spots around the city. With some friends along to make sure I don't get too out of my depth.

You wanna come? [He keeps his eyes on Jim's face, trying not to stare. If this was him- there'd definitely be something really wrong, but whether that holds for the two of them...]

[goldn_boy]

[He's not fast enough--Jim catches the shock, can see his state mirrored in the younger man's eyes, and for the first time feels weary and old. Wonders what he must look like to himself over ten years ago, a self who's beaten him to the Enterprise, to Spock, to destiny. Jim doesn't even believe in destiny but the suggestion is hard to dismiss. This man's barely begun and Jim has finished, and he doesn't feel any older than when he started but clearly how he feels hasn't been a factor. And he can't tell if, looking at Jim now, what he's feeling is despair that it all comes to this or envy that this man might have a different path.]

Maybe another time.

[He's trying to put some life in his tone, some cheerful acknowledgment of there being another time, it's just not a good one right now, you know how it is Jim when we work too hard and--

But it doesn't hold water, even in his head, because Jim Kirk under stress would go out and keep the kid out of trouble or at least get into it with him but he can't summon the enthusiasm.Maybe Bones

[chairismine]

Yeah, I was gonna ask him too. We'll have to wait to see which of us can out-drink the other, right? [The grin he'd forced fades a little and he rubs the back of his neck. He feels awkward about asking- what if this is to do with some future thing he's not supposed to know about?

But to hell with that, he decides after a moment.] Look- uh. Whatever's wrong, d'you want to talk about it?

[goldn_boy]

[Jim hesitates, wavering on the edge. In one sense, maybe he's the only one who will understand himself. But not this. He can't burden this man, just starting out, with the anxieties of someone suddenly expendable. With some assertion of his own inevitable decline.]

What did you think? When you first saw me. What did you see?

[chairismine]

[A little surprised by the question, Jim blinks and puts his hands on his hips to think. It's not a simple answer, because Jim still isn't sure what it means to him to have his future self here.] Surprise and all that aside, I guess I saw a challenge.

[God. It's hard to forget that moment when he realised the man standing opposite him in the corridor was himself. There are so many similarities, but they only make the differences clearer. At their last meeting he had a bearing of authority that Jim wants for himself, a confidence more ingrained than Jim's own.

And there's always the lingering memory of the way Spock Prime reacted to the him that would be.] You're the guy I can be, one day. And you're proof that it's possible too.

[goldn_boy]

[Something passes over Jim's face, some mix of gratitude and pain that's hard to qualify. It's almost too much, this man who could be him ten year ago having such faith in him.]

And that would be all right with you.

[chairismine]

There're worse options. [Jim grins wryly, because try as he might, he can't figure out what's bothering the other man.]

Four years ago, I was drooling on a bar floor in Iowa because I didn't think I could be anything. I know better now. And if I can [The smile strengthens] I'll make Admiral in under ten years.

[goldn_boy]

[Don't wish for that, Jim thinks. You'll get it. His voice is soft.]

Don't let them put you behind a desk, whatever you do.

[He instantly regrets it, but it's hard, seeing himself like this, full of hope and actually looking up to him and he's not sure why that's so surprising. Had he expected resentment? Some insurmountable age gap?]

[chairismine]

[A little confused, he's about to ask what he meant before it catches up to him.] Oh, right- Admirals don't get to go and out and explore, do they? [he almost can't believe it's taken this long to realise it]

That's not- that isn't what's wrong, is it?

[goldn_boy]

[The simplicity of it--"Admirals don't get to go out and explore"--stabs at him and suddenly it is what's wrong, or anyway it's the origin of wrong, a thing he never should have let happen. A thing he's beginning to suspect started him on the road here.]

Something like that. And no... not entirely. Not right now.

[This Jim is so fresh and new and untouched, despite everything--and maybe that's too simplistic a view but it's all Jim can see right now.]

It's good, you having your crew here. I mean, not good that they're here, of course. Just... having someone.