[ voice ; open, then locks ]

[spinofthewheel]

Ah ... it seems there's a great deal that requires my attention.

[ Locked to Dominic ] How's the mansion?

[ Locked to Topher ] Welcome to the city. I assume you've moved in.

[ Locked to Faith ] Could we speak?

[ Locked to Bennett ] What happened to Tony?

[ Locked to Ba'al ] Gibson updated you, I assume.

[ Locked to Mellie ] Welcome to

Comments

[locked forever]

[goldn_boy]

Benjamin! [The relief in his voice is nearly tangible.] God, it's good to hear from you. Are you all right?

[goldn_boy]

[Jim puts his hand over Benjamin's, needing the touch and not ashamed to admit it.]

And yet, something's changed. [He swallows.] There's something else. Something I... I need to tell you, though I'm not sure if I should. I know who did it. Who took me months ago, strapped me down--

[His eyes meet Benjamin's, knowing he'll know. The man who led him to seek Ben's touch in a particular way, despite his own shame.]

[spinofthewheel]

[ He stays calm, rock-steady, not judging in the least.

He presses, slightly: ]

Tell me.

[goldn_boy]

[He isn't likely to feel judged--it was Ba'al who did it, and his experience with Benjamin has been nothing but enlightening. But he's determinedly firm as he speaks, as if having to screw himself up to do it.]

It was Ba'al, Benjamin.

[He's not searching Benjamin's face for a sign he didn't know about this. The possibility hasn't crossed his mind.]

[spinofthewheel]

[What does cross Benjamin's mind is sharp disappointment. Not surprise, but disappointment indeed. He knows Ba'al is capable of this, but he doesn't like it.]

I'm sorry, Jim.

[goldn_boy]

[He shakes his head.]

I know you didn't know. I'm only telling you because I thought you should.

[spinofthewheel]

I'm not surprised. He has a set of scruples oblique to our own, a combination of human and non-human. He is unique. And sometimes, devastating.

Are you all right?

[goldn_boy]

[Jim pauses for a moment, weighing that. Or more accurately, weighing what Benjamin can hear. But he deserves the truth, if nothing else. Even if Jim doesn't wish to burden him. He scrapes a hand over his face.]

Honestly? No. But I will be. I just want... You know what you can do for me? The most important thing? Let me be there when you need. Or want. I just... I need to know you, or Nolan, will ask.

[He needs to be needed. He needs to know he's unique. Not singular in anyone's life, just... that someone will notice when he's gone.]

[spinofthewheel]

I know that feeling, Jim. I know what it is to have to be needed. Yes?

Nolan would always ask. Or, at least, he'd broadcast his distress loud enough for you to respond. It's difficult for me.

[goldn_boy]

I know. I don't want it to be, Benjamin. I know what that is--always being the one taking care of everyone else. Even I knew--eventually--I couldn't do it alone. No matter how much I wanted to believe I could.

Who looks after you?

[spinofthewheel]

I'm ... Jim, I'm not sure I was made to need anyone else. [ And what a startling, vulnerable thing to admit. By saying that, it's like he's saying that he can't overcome his programming. That he, the most active, the most assertive of the imprints, doesn't know where the soul ends and the mind begins. ]

[goldn_boy]

[Jim is quiet for a moment, not judging, just patient. Thoughtful.]

Ben... I know you are what you were programmed to be. But you're real, too. You're here, and you're not being controlled now. All of us were programmed at one time or another, if not so dramatically.

[He looks up, smiling softly.]

I don't need you to need me. I need you to be able to come to me when, and if, you do. And to allow for the possibility that you are in control. What you need, what you don't--that's you.

[spinofthewheel]

[ And that summons a smile. And an ease, in Benjamin, that there wasn't before. ]

Thank you, Jim.

[ The thank you, there, means absolutely everything. That was absolutely and exactly what he needed to hear, even if he didn't know it. ]

[goldn_boy]

[Jim smiles, more open and warm now. And reaches out to squeeze Benjamin's arm, then trace the side of his face.]

Any time. You're one of the most complete people I know. And one I trust. And I'm not some naive kid who hasn't been around. I told you, once, that you had me. You all do.

[spinofthewheel]

I find that ... very reassuring. I'll admit I feel somewhat alone, especially after decompositing.

[goldn_boy]

[Jim moves closer, cupping Benjamin's face for a moment with his hand.]

We all do. But we don't have to. Not all the time.