[video ; two locks]

[goldn_boy]

[Locked to Nyota Uhura (canon)]

I'm worried. Are you all right? Have you heard from him?

[Locked to Jim Kirk (Junior)]

Jim. I have a... a strange request, I guess.

Comments

[video - locked]

[talentd_tongue]

No.

[For a woman with so much stock in language, the effort it takes to force out that single word is monumental.]

[video - locked]

[goldn_boy]

Where are you? I'm coming over.

[video - locked]

[talentd_tongue]

I'm--

[For one thing, she's not sure she wants to see him. For another thing, she's not sure he really wants to see her. She's not doing so great, and having to keep it together for Tony's sake isn't helping her any.]

In the library.

[video - locked] -- > [action]

[goldn_boy]

[Jim couldn't care less about whether she thinks he wants to see her. He does. She needs him--that's all he needs to know.]

I'm on my way.

[And he is, instantly, taking the stairs precipitously down to the library. He pushes the door open gently, eyes scanning the room.]

[action]

[talentd_tongue]

[Uhura is sitting with her legs tucked up underneath her at one edge of a dark leather couch.

Tony is at a table about twenty feet away underneath a bright light, looking at a beautiful old picture book. He knows it's special and that he has to be careful with it, and the care he takes while turning the pages means that Uhura could have hours. It's why she gave it to him.

When Jim gets there, she's still staring at her communicator, but she's not using it to talk to anyone.]

[action forever]

[goldn_boy]

[Jim is quiet when he enters, not sneakily so but not wanting to disturb either unduly. Or more than Uhura already was. He approaches the couch, sitting next to her and plucking the communicator gently from her grasp. She looks small and lost, and Jim certainly doesn't think any the less of her for that.

Communicator placed on the table, he tucks one arm around her and encourages her to lean into his embrace.]

C'mere. It's okay.

[It's really not, but she has him. And that's all he can give her right now.]

[talentd_tongue]

[No it's not. It's most certainly not okay. But she knows that he means well, and when he puts his arm around her and offers a kind of knowing comfort, she takes it. He's felt this loss. Not the same thing, she knows. Different relationship, different circumstances. But he's as close to understanding as someone else can get.

So she leans against him, turns her face into his shoulder, and lets herself be miserable, just for a moment.]

[goldn_boy]

[She can be miserable as long as she wants. He feels it welling up in himself, too--the memory, the inability to ask what was wrong, the knowledge that Spock was going away and not just away from him, but away from all the humanity Jim had carefully teased out of him.

He puts his other arm around her, holding her close, wishing he could do more. But what is there?]

[talentd_tongue]

[There's nothing.

There's already too much going on, too much on her plate. So she's been repressing, justifying ignoring her own needs and issues to deal with Tony's far more pressing ones. Spock is gone. He's gone.

Sometimes people who leave come back, but more often they don't. She knows this. While they were all looking for the way home, she did the numbers. The chances of him coming back, they're so incredibly slim.

And now she has to think about it. She turns her face into Jim's shoulder, and she cries. No sound, nothing for Tony to hear, because he's still her biggest concern. Because she doesn't want him to know that anything's wrong. Her shoulders shake, her hands clench in his shirt, but she doesn't make a sound.]

[goldn_boy]

[He wraps her tighter in his arms, letting her cry, wishing she had more than this. Because he knows the pressures that are on her, and that this is the last thing she needs.

It lets him ignore the fact Tony's in the room, push those thoughts to one side. He hasn't forgiven himself but there's nothing he can do there, either. His hands move in slow circles on her back, and he presses his cheek to the top of her head.]

[talentd_tongue]

[She has to keep quiet. If Tony hears her crying, he'll know something is wrong, and that's not fair. It's not his problem, and it's wrong to put this on him. Especially since he doesn't understand. She has to be quiet, but it's hard. It's especially hard because Jim won't leave her alone, he won't let her bottle it up and push it away and pretend it's not there. So she just clings tighter, cries harder, all without making a sound. Until she does. And it's a broken little whisper.]

He's gone.

[goldn_boy]

[No, he won't let her. That's what Spock does. That's what Uhura needs to guard against. Strength doesn't require repression. He was convinced of that once, at least.

But he doesn't make her say anything, doesn't ask her anything, just holds her and lets her cry. Watching Tony from time to time, making sure he was quiet and occupied. Wondering fleetingly, what Uhura would think if she knew...]

I know. I can... stay with him. For awhile, if you want.

[talentd_tongue]

[Even if taking him up on that offer wouldn't make her feel even more useless, where would she go? So she shakes her head, holds him tighter, pulls the fabric of his shirt out of shape.]

Please don't go.

[goldn_boy]

I'm not going anywhere.

[He's not too worried about his shirt. And he has no plans to leave. He keeps rubbing circles on her back, being as much shelter as he can provide.]

[talentd_tongue]

[He's not making her leave or shut down, so she's just crying. She's crying and she doesn't think it'll be stopping until she doesn't have any tears left. Which might take a while, but if he's willing... she could use the time.]

[goldn_boy]

[He's willing. Jim stays as long as she wants, holding her and trying to attract as little attention from Tony as possible. Uhura obviously needs this. And she's not getting it. The thought makes him sad. If anyone's deserving of a friend, it's her.]