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[bethfacekillah]

I've been up since 7:30
its so cold. and schools delayed 2 hrs. i should
be finishing up my Maxx animatronic sculpt. i am
burning 4 copies of lucero instead. what fun will
it be for all my pa friends to see me get drunk
and cry and not offer them the chance to do the
same you know?

The Boyi really dont mean to be so cryptic by being so

Comments

[andrew_tsks]

beth, i've been going through the same thing with girls. as you will remember, i've been notorious in the past for not having a problem with dating young girls... well, no more. aside from the fact that these days i see it as wrong, which i guess i had to learn the hard way, these days i try not to date anyone who's under 22 or so. i've met a few cool girls in the last year or two who are 21 or even 20 but even that makes me feel a bit weird. you're right, that is a time in one's life when you change dramatically and quickly. looking back you will realize that while you didn't feel it happening at the time, you were changing quickly and dramatically in those years too. in fact, i don't really feel like i settled down and became more solidified in my personality until i was 25 or so, so ideally i wouldn't want to date anyone younger than that

[bethfacekillah]

you're soo right.

ugh.

at the time i started dating tim i was 21 and he was 18 and i was SO into it because ive always been pretty irresponsible and liked younger kids because they were as carefree and willing to stay up til 6am. i wish i really would have thought more about the future though. thats something i tend to ignore... and now that im about to turn 25 the future is the one thing i HAVE to consider because i really dont want to date anyone that i wouldnt see myself having a future with. i also dont think i could handle another 2-3yr relationship with a boy and have it turn to shit.

everytime i approach a new relationship i feel like i am spreading myself thinner and thinner. its just not worth it to me to keep telling the same stories and exposing the real me. there are to many people out there that know about the "man behind the curtain" and we barely make eye contact at bars. gah.

i hate this growing up thing.

[andrew_tsks]

"i really dont want to date anyone that i wouldnt see myself having a future with. i also dont think i could handle another 2-3yr relationship with a boy and have it turn to shit

[bethfacekillah]

It all just confuses me to no end

[robdeicide]

Ahh to be 19 again...I thought I was in love with Katherine...Jen Burilla hit on me constantly...where has the time gone. Things do seem a lot different once you're past the 25 mark. I feel like I'm getting older, everytime I try to lift weights I pull something...my hair is like salt and pepper now. I dont even dress like I used to, neither of you would recognize me if you saw me right now. And yes this is due to the clock ticking away...I dont even act like you guys remember me, I have calmed way down. I seem just like a slightly eccentric yet normal guy. I even have a moustache and gotee now, thats how conformist I have become.I can say this because it is Beth's journal and no one I know besides you guys are going to read it.

[andrew_tsks]

i remember when you had a mustache and goatee when you were 19. it made you look latino as fuck.

don't worry about it, man. whatever you feel the need to do in your personal life will always be secondary to the fact that you're one of the three best friends i've got. that's what's important.

hell, i'm starting to dress nicer lately, and might even be about to [gasp] cut my hair!

[bethfacekillah]

i personally have more respect for the kids who are secure enough on the inside to not have to dress like homeless people on the outside. fashion was never supposed to be a trademakr of who we were anyways.

i mean jesus, i just bought a pair of timberlands (mind you for very cheap) but i just dont feel comfortable going out in the world with torn pants and shirts held together by dirt. i think a lot of how we looked reflected a lot of how we felt about ourselves, and personally i like me alot more now and im going to spoil myself by doing laundry and taking showers every day.

im glad this discussion is tucked neatly in my livejournal. i think i will resort back to reading it every once in a while to remember im not alone.

[andrew_tsks]

no, you're definitely not alone.