[bad fics: pick me, pick me]: betteronvicodin

savemoony in betteronvicodin

[bad fics: pick me, pick me]

May 11, 2007 11:35

Holy Batman!

You, ladies and gents, rock. We have 401 prompts for the taking; ranging from House/Cameron to Chase/Cuddy to Wilson/Foreman, dating from five billion BC to five billion AD, and playing nice with others such as Severus Snape, The Doctor, and God! The LOLz factor is beyond hardcore (so hardcore we had to split them into three posts), and the madness is only just starting: now it's time to claim these puppies and work some ironic magic.

Bad!Fic:

[Cast] HOUSE, THE MUSICAL:
a. (Anything Goes Version) Wilson plays ringmaster to the circus; but only after serenading House with “Night and Day”. Will all the couples reconcile before the finale bow? [Note: All songs must be from musicals]
House/Wilson, Chase/Cameron - mystictwilight

b. (Once More, With Feeling Version) House: The Musical. Scrubs did it. Buffy did it. And we all know Wilson can swing-dance with the best of them.
House/Wilson - dominus_trinus
Chase/Cameron, House/Cuddy, Wilson/Cuddy - tzuhsi

c. (We Will Rock You/Mamma Mia Version) With disco. And pop-y love ballads.

[Cast] PPTH has a hospital play. Cuddy forces House, Wilson, and the ducklings to participate. OPTIONAL: it's a musical.

[Cast] PPTH is hosting their new annual zoo visit. Do House and Wilson have penguin sex at the elephant exhibit? Do Chase and Cameron go at it like rabbits in the zebra pen? And where is Nurse Brenda while everyone hooks up with their inner animal? (Bonus points for making Tritter's inner animal something unexpected.)

[Cast] House and Co. are turned into plush toys! Oh noez! (stolen shamelessly from, I think, an SGA crack story)

drunken_hedhog

[Cast] Sumone steels House's ball!!! HOW FAR WILL HE GO 2 GET IT BACK?!!?

sewingrose

[Cast] [Character A] won't love house like he needs to be loved. and so house gets rly depressed. WARNINGS: dark subject matter. if you feel like this, plz go get help! No one shoudl ever feel this way. Flames will be used to roast marshmellows.

[Cast] A new hospital policy requires all department heads to plan an annual departmental outing. House
a. takes the ducklings to the zoo, or
b. plans a picnic and cookout...but the ducklings have to follow a series of difficult clues to find out where the picnic is

[Cast] House n every1 else @ PPTH r upset with DaVid Shor 4 teh way he is runing the show. tHey take there revenge. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Plz R&R.

[Cast] After finding out she cheated on him, in a spurt of rage House kills Cameron. He enlists Chase and Foreman's help to hide the body.

r0s3l992

[Cast] A new, beautiful, smart, friendly young intern comes to PPTH and all of the guys (and some of the girls) can't keep their eyes (and other organs) off her! Will she finally melt House's bitter, icy heart with her warm and wonderful Sue-ness?

faynia

[Cast] Someone's expecting @ PPTH; but it's not Wilson or Cuddy! (LOLz, R&R, Warning: MPRG!)

[Cast] Someone starts getting visions of a giant newt.

bluebickr

[Cast] Someone swaps House's vicodin with Spanish Fly. How many victimspartners will he go through before the bottle's done?

[Cast] Two words. SEX POLLEN.

[Cast] Duckling sexcapdes

[Cast] Fuck or Die

[Cast] Sheep. Baaah. (and those that *get* this, win at life.)

[Cast] A ferret, three pigeons and a walrus turn up at PPTH. House and Co. investigate.

[Cast] A patient shows up in the clinic! It turns out that the patient is Franklin Delano Roosevelt! Can House cure his polio?

[Cast] Team retreat time! Cuddy forces House's team (along with Wilson) to attend one those "team building" retreats. Leasons are learned, feelings are shared, a mystery is solved?

salvationinyou

[Cast] Foreman, Chase, and Cameron are all dating (and screwing) each other, they also cover the skin right below thier, right sholder at all costs. Why do they do that Cuddy asks herself? Well they all have House's bitemarks there, signaling they belong to him. But does Cuddy know this? And how will she find out?

sewingrose

[Cast] To test the Ducklings' observational skills, House decides to replacehimself with a monkey with a bottle of Motrin while he hides andwatches what happens. Who will notice first (if anyone)?

[Cast] Cuddy, Wilson and Cameron are all vying for House's love. All three attempt to off the competition (bonus points if the murder attempts are creative/ironic).

lady_insanity

[Cast] The ducklings are hooking up, and so is Wilson and House. Ohh and all of the 6 are crushing on House, who has slept with them all but none of them, know about any one else. Plese make them find out.

[Cast] House has a 13 year old patient, who's bubbly and slightly crazed. ohh and when any of the golden 6 talk to her she shouts they are Gay/Bi and are doing each other (all 6 must meet her at least once, and come up with as many parings as you wish. Must have House/Wilson mentioned) . But is she right? (she must have red hair, and a name beging with C)

[Cast] The ducklings (past, present and future) have been keeping a diary. They shouldn't write some of the stuff they do, but hey! That's what nicknames are for.

labellacaracol

[Cast] The PotW (played by Stephen Fry) is an eminent professor at PrincetonPlainsboro Veterinary Teaching Hospital. His specialism is rodents. Heand Cameron strike up an immediate friendship (they both have asentimental streak). She tells him about House's pet rat. It thenemerges that Steve is the professor's beloved escaped pet, whoseprevious name was something nauseatingly twee. A vicious custody battleensues between House and the professor, with lawyers and a courtroomOMG! Who will win?!!! WARNING: Violence and character deaths.

[Cast] One or more of the Special Six finds religion.

maddoggirl

[Cast] House/Wilson/Cuddy/Stewardess From Airborne/Robin The Prostitute. The fivesome finds out that quintuplets are on the way--they're all pregnant!

[Cast] Brenda seduces her way through the hospital.

[Cast] Brenda is secretly a superhero!

[Cast] How would it feel to be hypnotized? Do you believe? Coult it actually happen?

[Cast] [Character A] is secretly a stripper in their spare time. [Character A's truluv] finds out! plz read and review!

labellacaracol

[Cast] "She suspected that he was out to get whatever he could out of their arrangement. Specifically her, in bed with him." <--- Use that quote. I dare you.

[Cast] A mysterious drug turns everyone on the cast into a rabbi. Except Wilson, who is strangely unaffected.

[Cast] Inspired by the blacksploitation parody in Kentucky Fried Movie.

[Cast] a hot air balloon ride goes horribly, tragically wrong. (In what way is up to whoever grabs this.)

[Cast] Everyone at PPTH swaps bodies with everyone else. (House into Foreman, Wilson into Chase, Foreman into Cuddy's etc. for example.)

hobsonphile

[Cast] House and Wilson finally consumate their long-standing mutual desires but somehow, during the coupling, they swap personalities. The rest of the team are amused but when Chase and Foreman also swap personalities, Cuddy and Cameron have to work out whether to try and swap them back or whether they prefer them as they are. Bonus points for using the term 'endoplasmic reticulum'.

[Cast] Hot, English Patient of the Week (James McAvoy) has some really weird disease which the team cure. But the disease leaves him with side-effects - 1) he's permanently horny 2) makes everyone around him horny and 3) has the power to impregnate both men and women. Within a few days the whole team is pregnant and only when they're doing paternity tests ('cos, really, they're all just so horny that it could be anyone) do we find out that PotW is House's long-lost son from a fling with a nurse on a trip to England. Bonus points for gratuitous use of a spork.

[Cameron] Cameon rapes Wilson with a strap on. Aftermath. Drama. How does he cope? Will he tell his boyfriend...

[Cameron] Cameron accidently kills Wilson, and House exacts his revenge by killing her!

drunken_hedhog

[Cameron] Cameron is really jealous of Wilson, so she makes a Voodoo doll of him!

[Cameron] Cameron sleeps with Wilson hoping to get close to House, since sleeping with Chase didn't seem to make him jealous.

[Cameron] Cameron and Chase find themselves in the clinic with a foot fetishist; Cameron realizes that she totally agrees with what said fetishist is saying.

[Cameron] Cameron shows up one day rilly hot! House and Chase fall in love w/her!

[Cameron] Cameron is gonna DIE and House is like "oh no". What does Cameron have and when are they gonna have teh hot sex?

[Cameron] Cameron's a mental patient [with multiple personality disorder] and House is her "doctor". Can he cure her?

[Cameron] Cameron starts hearing voices that say House is the Messiah. She sets out to find her rock and build her worship center!

[Cameron] Cameron has a secret baby (or secret twins even), what happens with her old flame, an ex-Texas Ranger turned rancher, gets admitted to the hospital and green-eyed Foreman finds out?

[Cameron] Cam likes that meth too much. Completely cliched addiction story as done by Lifetime Movie Channel, please include 80's b-list actors of your choice.

[Cameron] Ppl are meen to Cameron and she becomes anorexic! then ppl feel bad for her.

modernsaints

[Cameron] Cameron uses fake tan but turns Green and goes in to a coma!!! It's up to House and Co. to work out what went wrong. But one of the team is too distraught to work. Who could it be????

[Cameron] Cameron is turned into a were-terrier. Not a wolf, just a high-strung yappy do

[Cameron] Cameron remembers the last three years in poetry

[Cameron] Cameron's a poet. A RILLY GOOD ONE!! (POems are all ORIGINAL works by the AuTHOR DON"T STEEL!!!)

[Cameron] OMGZZZZ!! Every1 @ PPTH iz speaking n tongues. Will Cameron ever figure out y?

[Chase] CHacE is the most poplar guy in skul, but he wantz to take the goth Cameron to the dance!!!!

[Chase] Chase is upset because Cameron has rejected him, House punched him, and no one respects him. He takes to cutting himself. Wilson finds out.

[Chase] Chase is depressed after breaking up with Cameron. Wilson tries to show him that life really is worth living. He fails. But someone else succeeds.

[Chase] Chase gets amnesia and needs Foreman to remind him who he is. Chase/Foreman.

[Chase] Chase is House and Wilson little sex slave

[Chase] Chase is actually House's son. How will they cope?????

[Chase] Chase never told anyone the real reason he left the seminary because of "bad" run-in with a priest. Dark!Fic, House/Chase, Hurt/Comfort, NC17

[Chase] Chase knocks Foreman up.

[Chase] Chase and his wife (who is a Mary Sue daughter of House) have sextuplets

[Chase] Chase has a secret daughter with a nun! Which is why he hates nuns.

[Chase] Chase has a sister! She's only 19! And a doctor too! And she has six violet eyed burmese cats that she's trained to do gymnastics! And she's got the eye of a doctor at PPTH! Who is it? Read and SEE!!!!1

[Chase] One of our six is an alien (space), and it's up to Chase to figue out who! (bonus points for if he gets ubductied and experimented on)

[Chase] Chase sees that HOUSE"S MOTORCYCLE FLIES and comes 2 the obvious conclusion: OMG HE"S SIRIUS BLACK!!!111!

[Cuddy] Cuddy is a tranny. House finds outs. Cuddy/Foreman

[Cuddy] Cuddy's breasts shoot lasers.

[Cuddy] Nurse Brenda is pregnant, but who's the daddy? And what happens when Cuddy finds out BRENDA SWIPED HER FERTILITY MEDS?

[Cuddy] Jesus f***ing Chr***, why can't Cuddy get into this bag of Milano cookies? PMS time for sure.

[Cuddy] A parody of all the purple prose out there: House discovers his cock actually does have the power to heal. AND CUDDY IS PREGNANT AND THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE BABY. Wilson is jealous of both of them.

[Cuddy] Cuddy has twins! But... oh my godz... Why does 1 have stunning blues eyez and then other have teh bestest cheek bones eva! (and, like, in case you didn't get it, House and Wilson are both the daddies! Cigars all around!!!!)

[Cuddy] Cuddy sells the ducklings into slavery to pay for House's Vicodin bill! Can he and Wilson rescue them from Vogler in time!?!

[Foreman] Foreman comforts Cameron, and sparks fly (bonus points if it's a threesom with Chase)

[Foreman] Foreman complains bitterly that none of the fanfic writers love him. He wakes up the next morning and is violently sick. OMG, Foreman is pregnant!

[Foreman] Foreman is in trouble with the law!!!!ONE!! Who will come to rescue him from the evil cop Rettirt?!?!?!!

[Foreman] Foreman listens to "How to Save A LIFe" and feels sad. :(

maddoggirl

[Foreman] Foremen iz secretly a ninja. LOL.

[Foreman] How would foreman quitting affctr his realtion ship? Forema/Chase/Cameron

[House] House is preggers. But OMG WHOZ THE DADDIE????

[House] House is a goffick vampire and he hates them preps and he only ever shops at Hot Topic because he's not a prep. Oh, and anyone who gives this a bad review is a prep(Seriously, I've seen it).

[House] House decides to amputate his leg... but teh doctors remove the wrong one! Will happen when he wakes up?

[House] House secretly takes a serum to maintain his AWESOME BRAIN POWER OF D00M!!1! What happens when it runs out and Character A finds out about it?

[House] House is told by some higher power (who takes the form of a HOT 21 year old female, red hair) that she has fixed his leg at a minor cost... one of the 5 must become POTW. WHO?

[House] Paralyzed from birth, young Gregory House is given the power to walk between sunset and dawn-- with only one condition. He must dance every night, in a seemingly harmless homage to the sorceress patron who gave him the gift of mobility. However, House soon discovers that his gift comes with a price. . .

[House] House has a twin! Like teh double hawt

[House] House is Captain Ahab

[House] House meant it when he said he was into foursomes...but with whom? Washed-up boy bands. He can get them in bulk that way.

[House] INspired by a new potw, HOUSE BECOMES A NUDIST

[House] 5 tiems that House used the lollipops in the clinic for somethign he wasnt' supposed too(*winkWINK!!*)!! LOLOL

daisylily

[House] A mysterious girl appears in Princeton and knows House's secret. Who is she? How does she know House? Read to find out!

[House] House has a daughter!!!! She is beautiful and talented!!!! She is at medical school already!!!! She is only six years old, she is a genius!!!! Eleventy-one!!!! (Mom must be a dead OC)

r0s3l992

[House] House discovers he has an illegitimate 12 year old daughter. Who has huge tits.

[House] House adopts an adorable street urchin who is secretly a world-class child gymnast. Wilson loses his heart. Literally? Read to find out!

[House] House is secretly in a band!!!

[House] House has secretly been sponsoring a pegeant contestant through a recently discovered "adopt a beauty queen" website. Now that the big Ms. New Jersey contest is on the horizon he's determined to see her crowned...no matter what the cost!

[House] My first House fic, and please bear with me here, I'm no where near a med whiz. When House pops a couple pills thinking there Vicodin he soon comes to realize he'll be having to deal with a lot more 'challenges' then just a bum leg. Warning:mpreg Ch.6 up

[House] Officer Tritter ass-rapes House and now he's pregnant. What to do? Will/Should he keep the baby?

[House] House becomes Chase's sex slave.

[House] House hits his head and wakes up with FAS

luna_argentea

[House] House is sick with a mysterious disease. Wilson and the ducklings have to find out what it is and cure him before he dies.

[House] House walks into the clinic; the patient has tentacles. (Warning: PWP!!!)

luna_argentea

[House] House wants a kickass assistant and gets one, but when she comes down with something, House has to save her. ChaseOC. REVISED! Caution: has sexual content.PLEASE REVIEW.

[House & Wilson] House and Wilson are actually brothers!!1! Oh noes! But they just started their hawt man sexx0rs. How did this happen? What will they do?

[House & Wilson] House's couch eats House and Wilson. What will they do!? :O

luna_argentea

[House & Wilson] House and Wilson adopt an Alien Kid! (That's why they are so smart!)

[House & Wilson] WilsonHouse. Wilson's a daddy to twins, a boy &girl. the little boy has epilepsy, how will Wilson deal?

[House & Wilson] House doesn't love Wilse anymore!!!!! Wilse feels bad! :((((((((

[House & Wilson] House goes through Wilsie's old stuff and finds his birth certificate. *GASP* It reads "Janice Elizabeth Wilson" (Wow, lolz, that explains a lot)

[House & Wilson] House/Wilson Song!Fic to Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" [interpret as you want]

[House & Wilson] Sometimes it's not enough just to be the boywonder oncologist... HW friendship

[House & Wilson] House finds Wilson on JDate and pretends to be a young Jewish woman.

[House & Wilson] House and Wilson succumb to their inner geekiness and start to play Magic: The Gathering.

[House & Wilson] House and Wilson attend either (or both. Both is definitely lolz) AnimeNext [Anime Con in NJ] or NYCC [New York Comic Con]. House acts like a teenage boy and convinces Wilson to stop being an ass and play along too... Who do they CosPlay as? (*Batman and Robin is FT-LOSE, BTW!*) Does Wilson drag House to a panel? LARP or Video Game room? OR BOFF! How do they pass their time in the Henati dubbing line? Read and Find out! Bonus Points if their CosPlay recieves glomps from 15 year old fangrls. Double Bonus Points if they are *actually* 18 and hook up with Mary Sues. [If you use other canon characters, that only makes the awesomeness better, FYI.]

[House & Wilson] Cameron walks in on House & Wilson in a closet. Revenge? They shall fix her up (without her knolwdge) with Chase or Foreman (or BOTH) and walk in on her.

[House & Wilson] Wilson gets really sick and House takes care of him and realises how much he actually loves Wilson. Please comment! This is my first House fic. Edit: Sorry, guys! Didn't know what an lj-cut was. Fixed now.

[House & Wilson] Love means never having to say your sorry. Dis might look like it's taken from Love Story but it's not. House and Wilsie are rea11y rea11y in love and that's hard sometimes OK? WARNINGS: CHARACTER DEATH

[House & Wilson] Wilson has had a devastating car accident but miraculously comes out of it without a scratch...but with amnesia...of course. Who does House convince him he actually is?

[House & Wilson] House's is in a panic! Wilson and Cuddy are going to get married and have a baby! He enlists Foreman (because, Foreman's a criminal and good with this stuff!) to crash the party and break up the big day! Will they succeed? (Or will House and Foreman fall in luv!? R&R!)

queenzulu

[Wilson] Wilson interrupts House and Cameron's wedding with an important announcement, what could it possibly be?

deelaundry

[Wilson] Every1 knows House and Wilsi are tru luv but Julie is TEH EBIL!!! and whisks poor little Wilie away to an secret, ebil hiding spot. Will House ever see his boyfriend again?!?!?!?!

[Wilson] Wilson's first ex-wife is an ninja-spy-assassin-OMG, and she's really really good in everything she does; almost like, dunno, an Evil Mary-Sue or something like that. Because she's really really evil (I mean, she works for the Bad Guys, so that makes her EVIL, right?). Anyway, something goes wrong, really really wrong, and the only one she can go to is James Wilson, who isn't very happy to see her. Ah, and they had a child, but she has kept the kid hidden.

savemoony

[Wilson] Wilson meets and falls in love with a charming, intelligent, attractive, rich and sensitive Dr Mai Ree Su from Korea. Unfortunately House has already fallen in love with her. What will they do?!

r0s3l992

[Wilson] This is the only way FOX will allow it to happen. Wilson turns into a woman (Jenny) and only House knows. Bonus points if'Jenny' has a horrible time adjusting to being a woman.

[Wilson] Wilson has a sex change, and ZOMG House totally falls in love with her. Yeah, this was done before, but don't most bad!fics just recycle the same plot lines? OK, fine, it can be House that has the sex change.

[Wilson] Wilson is pregnant with sextuplets! OMGWTFBBQ! How will he cope? And what will House say when he finds out? (Can certainly be House/Wilson, but Wilson/somebody else is fine too)

[Wilson] Wilson spontaneously starts levitating and can't get down. How? Why?

hannahrorlove

[Wilson] Wilson gets kidnapped by ALIENZ!!! (Bonus points for a Farscape crossover: "His cousin in Australia warned him about this.")

bironic

[Wilson] Every time Wilson walks into a door, his cheeks cut the glass and it's always House's office. Who came up with this idea of glass walls?

modpost