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[bettertolive]

I miss Mimi at times like these. I haven't had someone that I felt I could just talk to ever since she and I were quit of each other. It's remarkably, and completely unintelligibly, helpful to have someone in one's life that one can really talk to about everything that's going on

Comments

[selimsivad]

"I miss Mimi at times like these. I haven't had someone that I felt I could just talk to ever since she and I were quit of each other. It's remarkably, and completely unintelligibly, helpful to have someone in one's life that one can really talk to about everything that's going on

[bettertolive]

I suppose I can't compete with "my close friend died". You are right though, in that the functional problem is largely the same (I think that's what you mean, anwyay), though I could perhaps argue that it is worse to be rejected by a living person who was close to you rather than to lose contact with someone who did not reject you but instead died, though I'm not sure if I'm really allowed to compare apples to oranges like that

[ext_94150]

Well, whatever you do, don't try to "really talk" with the many people you know who have yet to sequester themselves from your life. That would be crazy! You're "not special," after all, so there's no way that they'd be interested in hearing about your problems!

Sorry, but friends are, in fact, special. It's fine for one to accept that, on a cosmic scale or to a disinterested observer, one has little that stands out from other young tall male American human. But if you don't accept that you are special to some people, that you do stand out from the crowd to them, then your behavior towards them tells them that they're idiots for wasting their feelings on you. Then you're surprised when they decide to stop hanging around. Except when you're not, of course, because the event gives you the satisfaction of confirming the world-view of your unimportance and worthlessness. "I knew it! I knew they were just hanging around to be polite, or still figuring out that I'm not worth knowing, or because they had nothing better to do!"

[oceansbabe]

The following I say gently: Don't mistake the freedom you have to come and go, to be in contact or not as you please, to mean that your value to me is low or that I wouldn't like more of you in my life. I believe you care about me, love me, but I have to take that on faith because the actions that would demonstrate your care for me are all but absent. And, quite frankly, you do not encourage me to be close to you when whatever gesture I make is almost rebuffed if it's acknowledged at all. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around hurt all the time, I have a life, etc., but I miss you, and I've been missing you for quite some time. Whatever I may have done that told you not to want or need or expect much of me, if that's where this comes from, I deeply regret those actions and would change them if I could