LJ Idol: Bewize, in the Dark
And if thou gaze long at an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Yesterday, as part of my year of 40 x 40 (40 awesome things I’m doing for myself as a gift the year I turned 40), I went to a spa and had a float in a sensory deprivation chamber. The mechanics behind it are simple - dump a bazillion pounds of Epsom salt into a water tank, put in ear plugs, get naked, climb into the tank, shut the door behind you - and voila! Very little sensory input.
I spent 90 minutes floating the dark with nothing but myself, the dark, and my thoughts - and I will tell you this: 90 minutes of unadulterated (if slightly salty) Bewize is a lot of Bewize to take in. Even for Bewize.
My thoughts went something like this:
“Wow, it’s dark! Let me open my eyes more… nope, still dark! Close my eyes, open my eyes, close my eyes, open my eyes… no difference.”
After I heard a dripping noise rig to my ear, because the tank apparently gets condensation on it and it drops back down, “Holy shit! There’s something in here with me! The Devil…. I don’t know if I believe in the Devil… maybe it doesn’t matter if he beliees in me… holy shit, I can’t get out of this 90 seconds in, that’s total chicken shit behavior….I bet this is like the beginning of space and time, all this nothing darkness…. It’s probably God in here…. I don’t know if I believe in God, but if anything is in here, it’s probably God…. I wish I could see stars like God would see at the beginning of space and time….”
“I’m floating so intensely I can’t go underwater…. Let me twist this way? Nope, still floating. That way? Nope, still floating. I guess that’s why they call it a zero gravity experience. I wonder if I sit up… yep, there’s the bottom. Ha!”
“Don’t hold your neck so tense. Your head won’t sink. This is why you get headaches.”
“I wonder how long I’ve been in here.”
“They said I might get hot. I’m a little cold. I really am a freak of nature.”
“Sex thoughts. Sex thoughts. Sex thoughts.”
“I’m hungry. I can hear my stomach growling through my body, since the ear plugs are blocking everything out.”
“OMG, this tastes like the worst thing on the planet! I’m dying! I’m dying! Okay…. It’s better now. DO NOT LICK YOUR LIPS.”
“I think I’ll get sushi for lunch.”
“How long have I been in here? She said the music would start when its time to get out. No music…. She said I’d hear it for sure, so I could sleep.”
“Relax your neck!”
“Sex thoughts.”
“I wonder if my boss got that thing done he said he’d get done. I wonder if he thinks I’m a giant idiiot. I wonder if he knows I’m faking it all the time….No, don’t say that! You’re not faking it, this is imposter syndrome. You’re good at your job, stop telling yourself you aren’t.”
“I cannot believe my baby is two! I don’t know if I want to get him a fish for his birthday or not. The cat will eat it…”
“I love my baby so much.”
“I SAID DON’T LICK YOUR LIPS.”
“I’ve probably only been in here like 10 minutes. OMG, I’m never getting out of here.”
“What was that noise?! Am I snoring?”
“OMG, I can’t breathe…. Yes, you can, relax, fool. This chamber is like 4/5 air, and they aren’t trying to kill you in here. … Are they? NO, OF COURSE NOT. STOP THINKING SCARY THOUGHTS! Puppies! Kittens.”
“That book I’m reading says emotions are like puppies - even the good ones will wreak havoc and you have to put them away to focus on getting things done, so you don’t live in constant anxiety. I think that’s really wise. That’s definitely the best way I’ve ever heard it described. I’m going to work to remember that.”
“Didn’t Eleven get locked in a sensory deprivation tank in Stranger Things? I think she did. Poor Eleven.
“I should probably think about important self-improvement things in here.”
“Was I asleep? It’s hard to tell.”
“How long have I bee in here? What happens if I just… get out? They can’t force me to stay. But, I’d feel like a big ole loser.”
“I’m definitely having sushi for lunch.”
“I wonder if this is what it’s like to be an unborn baby. I wonder if they are cold. Poor babies.”
“My skin feels slimy to the touch. Eww.”
“Wheee, it’s fun to shift around in the tank.”
“I read somewhere most people in small dark spaces follow the edges to figure out the space. I wonder why I didn’t do that? … OMG, what’s that pipe thing?! That’s why I didn’t do this! I don’t want to know.”
“Relax your neck!”
“I wonder if this is like tripping… cause I’m kind of seeing colors now. In all this darkness.”
“I’ve probably only been in here like 5 minutes. OMG, what if this is the end of all things and the “real” world doesn’t really exist?”
“I think I was asleep for sure. I wish I’d slept more.”
“I wonder if I could float on my stomach… nope! That’s a big ole negative!”
“What’s that noise? Oh, the music. Time to go!”
Outside, in the real world that was, in fact, real, I felt utterly disoriented, off balance, and sluggish. But, by the time I’d showered off, and realized I would find dried salt on my body for the foreseeable future, I was also very relaxed. My back didn’t hurt. It felt like I’d been asleep for a lot longer. My friend was waiting for me and said that she’d not made it through the full 90 minutes of her soak. She said 60 minutes would have been enough.
Perhaps 90 minutes of unadulterated anyone is too much. When I was leaving, the lady at the desk reminded me I have 2 more soaks. I felt equal parts anxiety and excitement. Can I handle that much me? Guess I’ll find out.
This entry was written for therealljidol 11:00: "Introduction." If there is one, I will share the poll. Thanks.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Yesterday, as part of my year of 40 x 40 (40 awesome things I’m doing for myself as a gift the year I turned 40), I went to a spa and had a float in a sensory deprivation chamber. The mechanics behind it are simple - dump a bazillion pounds of Epsom salt into a water tank, put in ear plugs, get naked, climb into the tank, shut the door behind you - and voila! Very little sensory input.
I spent 90 minutes floating the dark with nothing but myself, the dark, and my thoughts - and I will tell you this: 90 minutes of unadulterated (if slightly salty) Bewize is a lot of Bewize to take in. Even for Bewize.
My thoughts went something like this:
“Wow, it’s dark! Let me open my eyes more… nope, still dark! Close my eyes, open my eyes, close my eyes, open my eyes… no difference.”
After I heard a dripping noise rig to my ear, because the tank apparently gets condensation on it and it drops back down, “Holy shit! There’s something in here with me! The Devil…. I don’t know if I believe in the Devil… maybe it doesn’t matter if he beliees in me… holy shit, I can’t get out of this 90 seconds in, that’s total chicken shit behavior….I bet this is like the beginning of space and time, all this nothing darkness…. It’s probably God in here…. I don’t know if I believe in God, but if anything is in here, it’s probably God…. I wish I could see stars like God would see at the beginning of space and time….”
“I’m floating so intensely I can’t go underwater…. Let me twist this way? Nope, still floating. That way? Nope, still floating. I guess that’s why they call it a zero gravity experience. I wonder if I sit up… yep, there’s the bottom. Ha!”
“Don’t hold your neck so tense. Your head won’t sink. This is why you get headaches.”
“I wonder how long I’ve been in here.”
“They said I might get hot. I’m a little cold. I really am a freak of nature.”
“Sex thoughts. Sex thoughts. Sex thoughts.”
“I’m hungry. I can hear my stomach growling through my body, since the ear plugs are blocking everything out.”
“OMG, this tastes like the worst thing on the planet! I’m dying! I’m dying! Okay…. It’s better now. DO NOT LICK YOUR LIPS.”
“I think I’ll get sushi for lunch.”
“How long have I been in here? She said the music would start when its time to get out. No music…. She said I’d hear it for sure, so I could sleep.”
“Relax your neck!”
“Sex thoughts.”
“I wonder if my boss got that thing done he said he’d get done. I wonder if he thinks I’m a giant idiiot. I wonder if he knows I’m faking it all the time….No, don’t say that! You’re not faking it, this is imposter syndrome. You’re good at your job, stop telling yourself you aren’t.”
“I cannot believe my baby is two! I don’t know if I want to get him a fish for his birthday or not. The cat will eat it…”
“I love my baby so much.”
“I SAID DON’T LICK YOUR LIPS.”
“I’ve probably only been in here like 10 minutes. OMG, I’m never getting out of here.”
“What was that noise?! Am I snoring?”
“OMG, I can’t breathe…. Yes, you can, relax, fool. This chamber is like 4/5 air, and they aren’t trying to kill you in here. … Are they? NO, OF COURSE NOT. STOP THINKING SCARY THOUGHTS! Puppies! Kittens.”
“That book I’m reading says emotions are like puppies - even the good ones will wreak havoc and you have to put them away to focus on getting things done, so you don’t live in constant anxiety. I think that’s really wise. That’s definitely the best way I’ve ever heard it described. I’m going to work to remember that.”
“Didn’t Eleven get locked in a sensory deprivation tank in Stranger Things? I think she did. Poor Eleven.
“I should probably think about important self-improvement things in here.”
“Was I asleep? It’s hard to tell.”
“How long have I bee in here? What happens if I just… get out? They can’t force me to stay. But, I’d feel like a big ole loser.”
“I’m definitely having sushi for lunch.”
“I wonder if this is what it’s like to be an unborn baby. I wonder if they are cold. Poor babies.”
“My skin feels slimy to the touch. Eww.”
“Wheee, it’s fun to shift around in the tank.”
“I read somewhere most people in small dark spaces follow the edges to figure out the space. I wonder why I didn’t do that? … OMG, what’s that pipe thing?! That’s why I didn’t do this! I don’t want to know.”
“Relax your neck!”
“I wonder if this is like tripping… cause I’m kind of seeing colors now. In all this darkness.”
“I’ve probably only been in here like 5 minutes. OMG, what if this is the end of all things and the “real” world doesn’t really exist?”
“I think I was asleep for sure. I wish I’d slept more.”
“I wonder if I could float on my stomach… nope! That’s a big ole negative!”
“What’s that noise? Oh, the music. Time to go!”
Outside, in the real world that was, in fact, real, I felt utterly disoriented, off balance, and sluggish. But, by the time I’d showered off, and realized I would find dried salt on my body for the foreseeable future, I was also very relaxed. My back didn’t hurt. It felt like I’d been asleep for a lot longer. My friend was waiting for me and said that she’d not made it through the full 90 minutes of her soak. She said 60 minutes would have been enough.
Perhaps 90 minutes of unadulterated anyone is too much. When I was leaving, the lady at the desk reminded me I have 2 more soaks. I felt equal parts anxiety and excitement. Can I handle that much me? Guess I’ll find out.
This entry was written for therealljidol 11:00: "Introduction." If there is one, I will share the poll. Thanks.