#2 Theme 38: Secret Scars - Rentrer en Soi; Tora/Hiroto
Title: Forget
Author: beyondtheremix
Theme: 038 Secret Scars (Rentrer en Soi)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Tora/Hiroto, Aki/Hiroto
Band[s]: Alice Nine, SID
Disclaimer: abuse, smut, fluff
Comments: Yeah, I don't know again. Aki used to be an angry drunk and I am being emo so this is all his fault :(
Forget
Tora found Aki on his front lawn.
"Wake up asshole."
Said asshole slapped irritably at his prodding foot before wriggling closer to the brick wall. Except his bedroom didn't have a brick wall and Aki was pretty sure he didn't have grass carpeting either. The bugs and dirt only confirmed his suspicions as he cracked an eye open in an attempt to lessen the mind-splitting blow of light on his corneas.
"You must have been fucking shitfaced to wind up on my lawn," Tora snorted derisively, polite as always. Yes, oh so very polite - especially to Aki. The guitarist tried to make as little contact as possible with Hiroto's significant other because the very thought simply angered him beyond reason and Aki knew all too damn well he was supposed to stay away because of that.
Feeling rather slow and almost embarrassed at his apparent half-nakedness, Aki thanked the gods above it had been a particularly warm and relatively dry and windless summer night. He stood leaning heavily on Tora's little house before suddenly sending an arc of vomit into the neighboring yard.
Wincing at the wet spatters bouncing off the sidewalk and lawn ornaments, Tora tried to direct his attention at Aki's disheveled state, his stringy hair, red briefs, and brown boots. Aki would never get this drunk unless something was really wrong and Tora found his compassionate side getting the best of him. They used to be friends Tora reminded himself sheepishly - used to be - before grudgingly offering him a ride home. There probably wasn't any bus or tax around that would let the phoneless, walletless mess in anyway.
Wordlessly, Aki allowed himself to be led into Tora's house, shown the shower, given a set of clothes, aspirin, breakfast, and a smoke because Tora was feeling just that nice. Honestly, he just didn't want a dirty, hung over Aki in his car.
"Hiroto and I were going to hang out today anyway," Tora remarked casually as he pulled into the apartment guest parking. "But I'm running a little early, mind if I come up with you?"
Aki's blood boiled at the obvious jibe. Yes, he knew Tora had his eyes set on Hiroto. Yes, he knew they had been attracted to each other from the get go and, frankly, Aki couldn't give two shits about what Tora wanted because he had asked Hiroto first and Hiroto had said yes. If the two were going to be all shy and never get together, why should he sit around and wait for their feelings to disappear?
Yanking off his seatbelt and slamming the car door, Aki let Tora follow him up five flights of stairs before coming to an awkward stop at the door to his apartment.
Shit. Right. Of course he didn't have his keys - or anything else for that matter. Sexy red briefs meant no room for pockets of any real substance. Glaring at the doorknob, Aki let Tora step in front of him and unlock the door with his own key. Fucking Hiroto just had to give all of his best fucking friends keys to their apartment. Made no fucking sense.
Ignoring Tora's smug face, Aki elbowed him out of the way and pulled the door open himself.
His breath was tainted with the yeast of alcohol, his eyes dark with nighttime vice. Lips twisted with the drag of a cigarette and his intoxicated features flushed into greater contrast. Hiroto barely had time to close his eyes before Aki's fist sank into his cheek.
Aki froze at the sudden flash of thought.
Tap.
A gentle breeze ruffled the linen curtains and escaped through the open door.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Both men came to a halt just inside the door's entrance.
Tap. Tap.
Chairs were overturned, papers everywhere and Aki could see a couple of Hiroto's compositions fluttering quietly with the wind and littering the ground.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
It seemed like everything was open, suspended in time, and Aki couldn't bring his feet to move forward, to step into the mess of his apartment and all its open doors and cabinets. If it weren't for Tora's hand warm, strong, shaking, and somehow reassuring on his shoulder, he would have turned and ran.
Tap. Tap.
Aki jerked back as the liquor and glass, sticky and crunchy beneath their shoes, jogged his memory for a second time.
Tap.
"Did I - I… I did this." Aki's voice was a bare whisper and full of such finality. His face contorted with shock. Tora turned towards him, his own eyes, blazing with confusion and worry, taking in Aki's horrified ones. And then Tora knew, understood the self-hatred Aki carried all too heavily in his mind. Knew each hole, each new piercing and tattoo was Aki's way of getting back at himself. Punishment for everything and anything he had ever done wrong. The pain was repentance, and it was necessary for him to keep living.
Tap. Tap.
Aki could feel the sickness choking and threatening to spill over onto the carpet again as they neared the bedroom. He knows. I did this.
They can hear soft sobs mixed in with the tap of metal on wood and it hurts.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Hiroto was on the bed, dry whimpers echoing through the room. His arms belted together and tied securely to a bedpost near the wall, cheek resting on the wooden headboard as he tugged weakly on his bonds.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
His sobs were desperate, hysterical, empty because he didn't have enough tears left to cry.
Angry, raised circles crusted in blood and pus traced the line of Hiroto's spine, stopping at the waistband of his boxers before scattering across the sensitive skin of his thighs and the curves of his feet. Altogether, it looked like some sort of sick rash singeing and burning its way down.
Tap. Tap. Hiroto jerked away as hands moved to undo the straps on his forearms and wrists.
Aki could barely bring himself to breathe.
Tora could only pull Hiroto into his arms and watch the both of them break down in tears on the same bed, feet apart but miles away, trapped in their own worlds.
---
Hiroto huffs softly in his sleep, eyebrows furrowing before he once more buries his face into the pillow.
He hates remembering.
Being alone makes him remember and he just wishes Tora would come home.
---
A rough hand in his hair pulls Hiroto back into consciousness and he's suddenly all too aware of that familiar smell. He grabs at the hand, heart thrumming in his chest, eyes already leaking tears. It's the same fear, the same panic, the same vile smelling breath, the same situation all over again.
"T-To-ra-," his voice cracks. "Tora- P-Please- Stop!"
Tears flood his cheeks and it surprises Hiroto when the hand removes itself from his hair. It had never worked with Aki.
His body reacts automatically, slamming the bathroom door shut and fumbling with the lock before he's losing his stomach to the toilet. Hiroto finds it too hard to contain the memories. Old wounds were opening and the scars covering his body seemed to throb back to life.
At least he let go at least he let go at least he let go, oh God, at least he let go.
---
The next morning Tora's at the door trying to coax Hiroto back to reality. And he remembers, at least he let go.
The lock clicks and Tora hesitantly wraps Hiroto is as warm a hug as he can muster.
"I'm so sorry, Hiroto. So so sorry. I would never hurt you, you have to believe me."
And Hiroto thinks he can believe the hushed sorrow behind those words. He remembers the week he and Aki broke up, the week he could finally walk with his chin held high again, the week he wasn't afraid anymore. Tora was there each step of the way and he remembers.
Tora presses soft kisses to Hiroto's forehead, to his lips, to his jaw.
"I just want you to forget. Every day I just wish you could forget."
He's gasping at the hot, openmouthed kisses Tora's pressing to his skin, everywhere, all around. Then a tongue is circling the first of the scars high up on the skin of his neck, just below his hairline. It makes Hiroto squirm, embarrassed, ashamed, it feels good.
They're in the bedroom again, shirts gone and Hiroto's completely consumed with Tora. Tora Tora Tora. Tora's lips and tongue dancing up and down his spine. Tora's hands stroking his sides. Tora's voice whispering sweet everythings. And Hiroto feels like he can forgive these secret scars if Tora's mouth is so fond of them. He can forget if Tora's head is dipping down in between spread legs, circling raised skin, because Tora is making him completely lose his mind. And then Hiroto's thoughts go blank with ecstasy as he's engulfed by Tora's mouth.
Tora knows Hiroto is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen even with all his hidden scars and secret fears.
Hiroto arches his back and pushes off the bed, toes curling into the sheets below him. His hands thread into Tora's hair as he throws his head back in pleasure and he thrusts as softly as he can into Tora's mouth. He groans when a finger suddenly strokes him from inside before his lips part into a silent gasp and he's coming completely undone.
I love you so much I want to take away all the pain and memories, wipe your mind clean of all the unhappiness and keep you forever here, safe with me.
And Hiroto can't help but forget everything when Tora's holding him so close and the world looks warm and pleasant even as it blurs into sleep.
I love you so much I'd suffer to remember every moment spent with you, Tora. Remember all the nights you helped me forget and helped me fight and helped me love again.
A/N:
I think I killed it somewhere trying to switch tenses *sweats*
I love Aki btw so don't kill me for this!
Archive
Author: beyondtheremix
Theme: 038 Secret Scars (Rentrer en Soi)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Tora/Hiroto, Aki/Hiroto
Band[s]: Alice Nine, SID
Disclaimer: abuse, smut, fluff
Comments: Yeah, I don't know again. Aki used to be an angry drunk and I am being emo so this is all his fault :(
Forget
Tora found Aki on his front lawn.
"Wake up asshole."
Said asshole slapped irritably at his prodding foot before wriggling closer to the brick wall. Except his bedroom didn't have a brick wall and Aki was pretty sure he didn't have grass carpeting either. The bugs and dirt only confirmed his suspicions as he cracked an eye open in an attempt to lessen the mind-splitting blow of light on his corneas.
"You must have been fucking shitfaced to wind up on my lawn," Tora snorted derisively, polite as always. Yes, oh so very polite - especially to Aki. The guitarist tried to make as little contact as possible with Hiroto's significant other because the very thought simply angered him beyond reason and Aki knew all too damn well he was supposed to stay away because of that.
Feeling rather slow and almost embarrassed at his apparent half-nakedness, Aki thanked the gods above it had been a particularly warm and relatively dry and windless summer night. He stood leaning heavily on Tora's little house before suddenly sending an arc of vomit into the neighboring yard.
Wincing at the wet spatters bouncing off the sidewalk and lawn ornaments, Tora tried to direct his attention at Aki's disheveled state, his stringy hair, red briefs, and brown boots. Aki would never get this drunk unless something was really wrong and Tora found his compassionate side getting the best of him. They used to be friends Tora reminded himself sheepishly - used to be - before grudgingly offering him a ride home. There probably wasn't any bus or tax around that would let the phoneless, walletless mess in anyway.
Wordlessly, Aki allowed himself to be led into Tora's house, shown the shower, given a set of clothes, aspirin, breakfast, and a smoke because Tora was feeling just that nice. Honestly, he just didn't want a dirty, hung over Aki in his car.
"Hiroto and I were going to hang out today anyway," Tora remarked casually as he pulled into the apartment guest parking. "But I'm running a little early, mind if I come up with you?"
Aki's blood boiled at the obvious jibe. Yes, he knew Tora had his eyes set on Hiroto. Yes, he knew they had been attracted to each other from the get go and, frankly, Aki couldn't give two shits about what Tora wanted because he had asked Hiroto first and Hiroto had said yes. If the two were going to be all shy and never get together, why should he sit around and wait for their feelings to disappear?
Yanking off his seatbelt and slamming the car door, Aki let Tora follow him up five flights of stairs before coming to an awkward stop at the door to his apartment.
Shit. Right. Of course he didn't have his keys - or anything else for that matter. Sexy red briefs meant no room for pockets of any real substance. Glaring at the doorknob, Aki let Tora step in front of him and unlock the door with his own key. Fucking Hiroto just had to give all of his best fucking friends keys to their apartment. Made no fucking sense.
Ignoring Tora's smug face, Aki elbowed him out of the way and pulled the door open himself.
His breath was tainted with the yeast of alcohol, his eyes dark with nighttime vice. Lips twisted with the drag of a cigarette and his intoxicated features flushed into greater contrast. Hiroto barely had time to close his eyes before Aki's fist sank into his cheek.
Aki froze at the sudden flash of thought.
Tap.
A gentle breeze ruffled the linen curtains and escaped through the open door.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Both men came to a halt just inside the door's entrance.
Tap. Tap.
Chairs were overturned, papers everywhere and Aki could see a couple of Hiroto's compositions fluttering quietly with the wind and littering the ground.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
It seemed like everything was open, suspended in time, and Aki couldn't bring his feet to move forward, to step into the mess of his apartment and all its open doors and cabinets. If it weren't for Tora's hand warm, strong, shaking, and somehow reassuring on his shoulder, he would have turned and ran.
Tap. Tap.
Aki jerked back as the liquor and glass, sticky and crunchy beneath their shoes, jogged his memory for a second time.
Tap.
"Did I - I… I did this." Aki's voice was a bare whisper and full of such finality. His face contorted with shock. Tora turned towards him, his own eyes, blazing with confusion and worry, taking in Aki's horrified ones. And then Tora knew, understood the self-hatred Aki carried all too heavily in his mind. Knew each hole, each new piercing and tattoo was Aki's way of getting back at himself. Punishment for everything and anything he had ever done wrong. The pain was repentance, and it was necessary for him to keep living.
Tap. Tap.
Aki could feel the sickness choking and threatening to spill over onto the carpet again as they neared the bedroom. He knows. I did this.
They can hear soft sobs mixed in with the tap of metal on wood and it hurts.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Hiroto was on the bed, dry whimpers echoing through the room. His arms belted together and tied securely to a bedpost near the wall, cheek resting on the wooden headboard as he tugged weakly on his bonds.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
His sobs were desperate, hysterical, empty because he didn't have enough tears left to cry.
Angry, raised circles crusted in blood and pus traced the line of Hiroto's spine, stopping at the waistband of his boxers before scattering across the sensitive skin of his thighs and the curves of his feet. Altogether, it looked like some sort of sick rash singeing and burning its way down.
Tap. Tap. Hiroto jerked away as hands moved to undo the straps on his forearms and wrists.
Aki could barely bring himself to breathe.
Tora could only pull Hiroto into his arms and watch the both of them break down in tears on the same bed, feet apart but miles away, trapped in their own worlds.
---
Hiroto huffs softly in his sleep, eyebrows furrowing before he once more buries his face into the pillow.
He hates remembering.
Being alone makes him remember and he just wishes Tora would come home.
---
A rough hand in his hair pulls Hiroto back into consciousness and he's suddenly all too aware of that familiar smell. He grabs at the hand, heart thrumming in his chest, eyes already leaking tears. It's the same fear, the same panic, the same vile smelling breath, the same situation all over again.
"T-To-ra-," his voice cracks. "Tora- P-Please- Stop!"
Tears flood his cheeks and it surprises Hiroto when the hand removes itself from his hair. It had never worked with Aki.
His body reacts automatically, slamming the bathroom door shut and fumbling with the lock before he's losing his stomach to the toilet. Hiroto finds it too hard to contain the memories. Old wounds were opening and the scars covering his body seemed to throb back to life.
At least he let go at least he let go at least he let go, oh God, at least he let go.
---
The next morning Tora's at the door trying to coax Hiroto back to reality. And he remembers, at least he let go.
The lock clicks and Tora hesitantly wraps Hiroto is as warm a hug as he can muster.
"I'm so sorry, Hiroto. So so sorry. I would never hurt you, you have to believe me."
And Hiroto thinks he can believe the hushed sorrow behind those words. He remembers the week he and Aki broke up, the week he could finally walk with his chin held high again, the week he wasn't afraid anymore. Tora was there each step of the way and he remembers.
Tora presses soft kisses to Hiroto's forehead, to his lips, to his jaw.
"I just want you to forget. Every day I just wish you could forget."
He's gasping at the hot, openmouthed kisses Tora's pressing to his skin, everywhere, all around. Then a tongue is circling the first of the scars high up on the skin of his neck, just below his hairline. It makes Hiroto squirm, embarrassed, ashamed, it feels good.
They're in the bedroom again, shirts gone and Hiroto's completely consumed with Tora. Tora Tora Tora. Tora's lips and tongue dancing up and down his spine. Tora's hands stroking his sides. Tora's voice whispering sweet everythings. And Hiroto feels like he can forgive these secret scars if Tora's mouth is so fond of them. He can forget if Tora's head is dipping down in between spread legs, circling raised skin, because Tora is making him completely lose his mind. And then Hiroto's thoughts go blank with ecstasy as he's engulfed by Tora's mouth.
Tora knows Hiroto is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen even with all his hidden scars and secret fears.
Hiroto arches his back and pushes off the bed, toes curling into the sheets below him. His hands thread into Tora's hair as he throws his head back in pleasure and he thrusts as softly as he can into Tora's mouth. He groans when a finger suddenly strokes him from inside before his lips part into a silent gasp and he's coming completely undone.
I love you so much I want to take away all the pain and memories, wipe your mind clean of all the unhappiness and keep you forever here, safe with me.
And Hiroto can't help but forget everything when Tora's holding him so close and the world looks warm and pleasant even as it blurs into sleep.
I love you so much I'd suffer to remember every moment spent with you, Tora. Remember all the nights you helped me forget and helped me fight and helped me love again.
A/N:
I think I killed it somewhere trying to switch tenses *sweats*
I love Aki btw so don't kill me for this!
Archive