New Year's Resolutions - Goodbye, 2016!
I don't usually make resolutions that I end up keeping throughout the year. Usually they're these lofty ambitions for sometime in the future, like "make my peace with such and such" or "let go of this grievance". These resolutions are sort of cumulative life resolutions that I am just reminded of at the start of each year--by the way, you haven't achieved that yet...
This year is probably not going to be any different. Sorry to disappoint you.
Before I launch into a bunch of things that I won't actually get done within this year, I think I'll take some time to reflect on 2016.
Starting from the top: this was a year of 50 straight weeks of clerkship interspersed with call, post-call days, a few long weekends, some sister visits (<3), and a few moments snatched for some awesome adventures with a friend returning from Timmins, a friend moving away, the fam, and more!! It was a year during which I have never been so stressed in my life (the CaRMs application is SO much stress, seriously...) that will continue into the new year for exciting prospects of new beginnings!
My year began on Family Medicine, which was a lovely rotation all around. I discovered how much I love primary care, and got to work with some really great kids, too! It was a really nice way to gently ease myself into the craziness of clerkship... and to take part in my last Mac Dance performance in February!
Then came two incredible electives in Fergus and at Sick Kids--truly life-changing experiences!! I met a little guy who taught me so much about who I could be as a future pediatrician, and gave me the confidence in myself to really reach for it. I also met an incredible family through their journey of joy, love, heartbreak, and faith.
I began my Internal Medicine rotation knowing it was going to be hard. I have never learned so much in my life!! It was a great learning experience even though it was incredibly tough. There were some tears, lots of sleep deprivation, and working through some of my feelings of inadequacy, failure, and motivation-seeking. My ICU selective was a little out of place before this rotation, but I saw time and time again that all learning will come in handy someday...
While muddling through Internal Medicine, I was also honoured to deliver a keynote speech as a pinch hitter for the inaugural Child and Youth Health Conference at Mac. This was really fun and a wonderful opportunity!!
My next rotation was OB/Gyn, which I was so excited about before I started because I thought perhaps OB/Gyn would be for me... turns out I love the OB but have no interest in the Gynecology, so I suppose I was really not correct. I did have the opportunity to work with one of my medical heroes, Dr. Jean Chamberlain, who is truly an inspiration in so many ways. She was an incredible teacher and was so invested in my learning that it really got me conflicted about how much I love obstetrics and pediatrics... how would I choose?
The summer brought beautiful weather and my very favourite rotation--Peds!! I worked with Dr. Norton, who was an absolute joy to be around and probably one of my closest mentors. I got to spend some quality time with my co-students Julia and Kelly, who were both absolutely awesome! Then my CTU experience was amazing and I honestly could not ask for a better learning environment. I will always look back fondly on this time of adorable kids, hardcore learning, growth, ice cream, walk-in clinic shenanigans, and "#baseline b*tchface"... I also had enough free days to go to the beach with my family for the Civic Holiday, attend the Tsung Tsin Summerfest, and send my friends copious congratulatory texts for the birth of their new daughter (who is criminally adorable...)
I didn't think it could keep going at this level of amazing, but I was wrong. My next elective in Peds Emerg was mindblowing!! I learned so much in such a short period of time, and I got to get so much hands on experience in simulations, practical skills like suturing, splinting, and bedside ultrasound, and working with amazing staff members like Child Life Specialists in addition to the Respiratory Therapists, Nurses, etc. Now I'm considering a subspecialty in Peds Emerg someday. It also meant I had the flexibility to go home for the Hakka Conference on Canada Day and paint some pottery at Crock-a-Doodle with my wonderful Mac Dance friends (one of whom also had a beautiful baby girl in October!! I can't wait to meet her!)
This was the perfect segue into my Emergency Medicine Core in Oakville, for which I was able to live with my Lovebug's family for 3 weeks! It was a ton of fun and I met some really great kids. One little guy remembered me when I happened to pass his family in the hospital another day, and he waved!! My heart was a giant puddle of goo. I was incredibly fortunate to have minimal weekend and late night shifts, so I could join my family for part of their long-weekend cottage trip in Peterborough and even take a little weekend trip with the Jamz to Buffalo for some shopping and a really filling and delicious steak dinner. I drove a LOT this summer! Maegan also returned from Japan shortly before Labour Day, so my family and her family spent a day in Historical Oakville enjoying beautiful weather!
After Emergency Med I was off to BC to do some community pediatrics at a small rural hospital seemingly in the middle of nowhere. It was an amazing learning experience, and my parents were able to join me for the latter week--this was awesome! We went to Seattle for a weekend to see some family, and got to visit cousins and friends in Vancouver and Surrey. It's such a beautiful province... but the driving is horrifying and gas prices equally so. :P Sushi was amazing though, and I think I ate my weight in salmon over the course of the trip. I did also note that no one has a driveway in Vancouver...
My system was 110% shocked to return to my General Surgery rotation. I spent the full 6 weeks feeling really tired, barely having the energy to do reading, and feeling pretty useless on the team. The first two weeks felt the worst on ACS, even though the learning was good I felt so conflicted about how patients were treated and how we interacted with them in such brief and sometimes seemingly noncommittal ways. My second two weeks on Hepatobiliary Surgery were a lot more interesting--I met some very interesting patients and one with a truly heartbreaking story, and struggled with some ethical dilemmas. Overall, the residents and staff I worked with were absolutely incredible and it was a really good experience. My final two weeks in Pediatric Surgery were amazing--the fellows were awesome, the staff were awesome, the residents were awesome, and I learned so much that I hope to use in the near future. I also felt some real validation in my choice to pursue peds while I took the initiative to care for some of our patients mostly independently!
Finally, I settled into General Inpatient Psychiatry followed by Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (the latter of which was also in Oakville, so it meant living with the Jamz again and being better fed than ever haha). I learned so much about mental health and it was a really enlightening experience overall! I also can't complain about the schedule... it was a really welcome change after the long hours of surgery.
For the Christmas break, my family spent 10 days in Jamaica exploring my parents' roots and learning a lot about where our family came from. It was a truly once-in-a-lifetime experience!! We spent some time with family and friends who still live there, and we got to see firsthand where Mom and Dad lived, went to school, and worked--it gave us a lot of context for all their stories. We also realized that some of those "incredibly long walks" that Mom and Dad thought they were taking as children were actually usually less than 5 minutes, so it gave us some better perspective on those stories too. We visited the burial sites of some of our ancestors and paid tribute to their lives. It was pretty cool to hear and see Mom and Dad be welcomed home by the locals (some even called Dad a "yardie", pronounced more like "yah-dee") and hear their accents come out stronger than ever... Of course, it was also really nice to relax at the resorts, indulging in tons of Jamaican food (nothing will ever seem spicy enough ever again) and soaking up some sun and sand at the beach. We also climbed Dunn's River Falls and Y&S Falls, and explored a bit of Negril and Savanna-La-Mar.
I am so happy and grateful to be back home, and it was really nice to spend New Year's Eve in the company of friends and family. Now I look forward to some new adventures and big changes in 2017!
Some thoughts and resolutions for 2017:
1) Try to make peace with some of my inner demons, even if that means I must accept that I can only deal with them at arms-length
2) Settle into a more consistent routine for exercise, and maybe even get into yoga? Just Dance works pretty well for me...
3) Aim to eat more healthily, mostly with reducing simple sugars such as fruit juices and other highly caloric drinks (ie/maybe not get bubble tea at every possible opportunity...?)
4) Figure out how I can get as much sleep as possible in residency...
5) Clean out clothing I have outgrown/no longer wear (it's been kicking around for way too long!)
6) Donating my hair (but perhaps not >8" this time)
In a year I suppose I'll be taking a look at this and wonder why I never achieved these things, but for how here's to trying!!