(no subject)
I just had a nap that lasted 12:00 p.m. - 4:30 p.m. It's functioning as my "full night's sleep".
Yesterday I slept from 6:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.
I have the most unhealthy sleeping patterns of anyone else I know. Either I'm not sleeping at all, or I'm sleeping after the sun rises. I... can't sleep at night. Trust me, I've tried. Even with sleeping pills, it takes me hours. I don't understand it. I've tried drugging myself up at a decent hour every night for a while, in hopes my body would adjust itself, but it always falls right back into place when I stop taking the drugs. Even when I'm going to school or I have early shifts at work, it's next to impossible. There was a period during high school where I'd come home, sleep eight hours, wake up at 12:00 a.m. and stay awake until the following afternoon. And that was fine. It was a good schedule. The only problem was that it really frightened my parents, and it's so noisy in their house that it's difficult for me to sleep during the day.
It's really unhealthy, and I don't understand it at all. I wasn't always like this. Debra, my therapist, thinks it (and my difficulties eating) is a side-effect from trauma I suffered as a child. And I don't doubt it; because there was one turning point in my life where I completely spun around, and I've never recovered from it. She says a lot of my little habits are due to it... my eating problems, my sexual problems, my problems sleeping, talking about my feelings, my anger issues, my reluctance to start school again, etc. all stem from this trauma. And it makes sense, really. Up until a certain age, I was a totally different person. It's taken my years to try and get back some of the sympathy I had as a child, and some of the sensitivity towards others. Even now it's still not perfect. Not by a long shot.
So I guess what I'm saying here is... there are lots of things about myself that bug me, like my sleeping patterns. I get so angry with myself when I waste an entire day sleeping. But like I said, I really can't change some of the shit I dislike about myself. I've tried and failed miserably. I don't know if it's wise to blame these things on trauma and not on my lack of ability, but some things you just can't change, you know?
I dunno. Introspective Alo moment.
And now, a request.
Could someone make me a simple layout from this picture?
Doesn't need to be extravagent. I'll be happy with anything. I'll, uh, make you icons or something! *bats eyes*