i don't know why we are completely incapable of producing a decent loaf of bread in the south. no good rye, rolls, bagels or baguettes. it's really quite pathetic. i've asked around, and no one seems to have a reasonable idea as to what the fuck hell our problem is.

"it's the altitude." really? because i'm pretty sure new york city is right around ( Read more... )

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preach.

it's almost three in the morning and for various reasons, i can't sleep. i keep thinking about crazy shit, like making pad thai, christina applegate, and how my new tattoo is disappearing even though it's a tattoo and it's supposed to be there forever. i finally got so sick of the tossing and turning that i just got up, mainly to avoid pulling my ( Read more... )

there is no greater feeling than that of your own floor beneath your feet after a whirlwind tour of some of the most beautiful places you never thought you'd see in your lifetime. my western extravaganza tour was ( save for a few minor / major setbacks ) the most crazy funny amazing and exhausting experience and i will be forever grateful to all ( Read more... )

so i pretty much had a shit, happy welcome back from your extended fourth of july holiday, monday at work today. i spent the better, oh, i don't know, 6 hours on the phone with various tech support assholes named "fernando" trying to help me reinstall corel draw on my new laptop. i say "trying" because when i finally got through the 45 minute hold ( Read more... )

so, i'm sitting here in my bathrobe on my couch, still hungry from whatever was supposed to be my dinner but really can't possibly be classified as such based on the fact that it didn't really contain enough calories to sustain my ever ravenous appetite (i'm going to be in L.A. in a month, and i very well can't be surrounded by the likes of heidi " ( Read more... )

 
I left work early on Monday to “go to a doctor’s appointment” which loosely translated means, “drive across the state line to see Pearl Jam live in concert, bitches.”

Too many hours later, my inner teenage angst and grown up dreams were finally realized during the most fantastic show of supreme rock out godliness I have ever seen, especially in ( Read more... )

Grief is a horribly disruptive and consuming emotion that can only be experienced or described as (disappointment, nausea, emptiness, depression, loneliness, anger, relief, guilt, and misery all together in one) and I would never in a million years wish it on my worst enemy. Well, maybe a few people. No, not really.

We lost a loving friend and ( Read more... )

i can't believe it's already june, almost, except for the fact that it's brutally fucking hot outside. there's really no other way to describe it--in fact, i'm frankly in shock that every time the weather man comes on to remind us that--SURPRISE! it's still hot!--he doesn't use exactly that description alongside an icon of birds and squirrels ( Read more... )

so i've just managed to bite the exact same place on my bottom lip for about the 7th time over the past several days and after shouting a range of obscenties, ask myself how this is humanly possible. i mean, i can drive a stick shift, do my own taxes, and cook a fantastic meal from scratch in under 30 minutes, but i can't manage to not repeatedly ( Read more... )