so i finally grew a pair and chopped my hair off over the weekend. not with my own hands, obviously, but it's short just the same. i've been wanting to cut it for a while now with the dread of it clinging to the back of my neck through the nasty humidness that is summer here. fortunately for me, my hairdresser was out of town on her honeymoon and ( Read more... )

Under most circumstances (most being those that don’t include vodka or the occasional cigarette) I try to be a healthy human being. I eat healthy, exercise regularly and hardly ever get sick. Naturally, I’d like my life to stay this way.

But ever fucking time I turn on the television somebody’s talking about something that’s going to give me ( Read more... )

Today I remember why I don’t wear high heels anymore.

I decided to spruce up my typical office attire today in an attempt to don something other than black, white or gray after some asinine remark from bossman jeff that I always come to work dressed like I’m going to a funeral. There should be two s’s in asinine.

So I went through my (color coded ( Read more... )

 
I’m convinced Lowe’s Foods is lying to me.

I buy a quart of skim milk on April 1st with an expiration date of April 12th. I assume (incorrectly) that this quart of milk will most certainly last me until the 12th, which is probably about how long it will take me to consume cet milk because I rarely drink it.

This morning I decide I am actually ( Read more... )

last night i fell asleep on the couch watching eddie izzard because watching a (coked-out?) british transvestite comedian is what my saturday nights have become anymore. the last thing i remember is an attempt at explaining/ridiculing the christian holiday tradition that is easter by comparing the chocolate color of the easter egg to the wood on ( Read more... )

bianca: "why does simon always have those sparkles in his eyes ( Read more... )

bianca: "this is so sad about patrick swayze."

bossmanjeff: "he was a drunk. he did it to himself."

bianca: "um, i don't think you can give yourself pancreatic cancer."

bossmanjeff: "whatever, he was still a drunk. [some stupid story about how he crashed his plane in a parking lot or something out in arizona and no one made a big deal about it] he ( Read more... )

today my neck hurts from leaning back while staring at the lunar eclipse last night. i don't recall if i've ever seen one before, or if i have created the memory from various articles and photos. typically whenever something fantastically mind-blowing like that happens, it's covered by an excess of cloud clutter or otherwise invisible from my ( Read more... )

 
i hate lent.

raised catholic, i am pretty sure that even thinking the phrase, "i hate lent," means i am going to hell, but i'm saying it anyway. i hate lent.

because even though i am not a practicing catholic other than my obligatory biannual holiday visits to the church, guilt sucks me into giving up meat on fridays and something else in its ( Read more... )

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