let me just say that i am a huge dork and i am totally psyched that american idol has returned to the television waves. under most circumstances, i consider myself to be a relatively intelligent individual with enough willpower and a high enough IQ to resist zoning into completely mind numbing excuses for entertainment. this, however, is not the ( Read more... )

i hate girl scouts.

here i am, sitting on the couch still in my smelly running garb, watching scrubs reruns on comedy central while my low carb, low fat, low cal dinner cooks in the oven, when the doorbell rings.

and first of all, whenever i am home alone and the doorbell rings, i am always a little apprehensive about opening it because i have seen ( Read more... )

so it's day four and i still have managed not to kill my fish. seeing as how i only remember to feed little ollie boo boo lobster williams when he sits in front of his foodbowl and talks to it, i consider this to be great success. i also accidentally cooked the beta's i used to have in college so my track record of caring for aquatic "pets" is less ( Read more... )

control b : "you've never seen mr. holland's opus?? you know...mr holland's opus! the one with jewey louis dreyfus."

garbageface: "you're drunk, aren't you."

control b: "shutup jewface."

part I.

i have really crazy dreams on a fairly regular basis; last night was no exception.

first, i was in some bakery looking at cakes and then all these bubbles started coming out of the cakes and the walls and stuff which somehow seamlessly transitioned into some dude with a gun in a parking lot waving it around like a crazy person wielding a gun ( Read more... )

so now that christmas is (finally) over, i feel as though i can elaborate on my experiences of the season, mainly detailing the various things that i absolutely hate about christmas (not to be confused with hating christmas itself because that would be a little too scrooge like, even for bianca.) so here.

1.) i hate that it comes out of nowhere and ( Read more... )

You Are Teal Green
( Read more... )

categories:

even though they kind of terrify me
gordon ramsay
bud foster
simon cowell

even though they're old
joe pa
bill clinton
anthony hopkins

even though they're women
heidi klum
oprah
evangeline lilly

even though they're gay
ellen
nate berkus
lee pace

even though they're dead
frank sinatra
bing crosby
jimmy stewart

in case it wasn't already apparent, i want to go on record and state that i fucking hate men who talk down to women as if they are idiots.

so i don't understand math. big fucking deal. so i have to roll my eyes in the back of my head in order to concentrate hard enough to remember basic multiplication tables. so i totally depend on the calculator ( Read more... )

all of us, if we are so very lucky, were blessed with 5 (and in some rare cases, 6) senses, most of which we take for granted every day. that is, until something happens.

and by "something happening" i don't mean anything majorly traumatic, at least not in the literal sense. what i am referring to is more subtle than getting your right arm stuck in ( Read more... )