Of Midsummer Nights and Unicorns [2/2]
(part 1)
Youngjae took off work that weekend and they rode the train out early in the morning to the countryside where Youngjae’s family lived. For most of the trip, Youngjae was quiet, looking out the window, and listening to Daehyun sing. Daehyun was standing, because the train’s seats were full, but he was bouncing up and down, excited to be on a train for the first time. Youngjae allowed himself to smile, to forget the fact that this wouldn’t be permanent.
They arrived in the familiar train station before noon. On their way from the train station to Youngjae’s house, they walked past a playground. Youngjae caught Daehyun’s eye, and they both understood without saying a word. Daehyun hopped over the playground fence and waved to Youngjae. Youngjae made the rest of the trip by himself.
“Oh, you’ve gotten so thin!” His mother enveloped him in her embrace when he knocked on the door, despite the fact that she was a head and a half shorter then he was. He hugged her back, and when she finally let go of him, she held him by his shoulders and examined his face. “You’ve also gotten more mature,” she said, sighing. “You all are growing up so fast.” She picked up his suitcase and pulled him inside.
“Umma, you’ve gotten prettier,” he said, truthfully. Although her face was a bit more lined and her hair streaked with more gray than the last time he saw her, her energy was vibrant.
She smiled and swatted his arm. “You flatter your old mother,” she said. She took his suitcase and called up the stairs. “Guess who’s home?”
“Youngjae-hyung!” A ball of energy jumped into his arms, knocking him back a step. He laughed as he lifted Junhong off his feet in a giant bear hug. He didn’t let go of Junhong, who was giggling like crazy, and instead held him by his waist under one arm.
At his other side, Jongup stood with a shy smile radiating from his face. “Hi hyung,” he said, reaching for Youngjae’s arm. Youngjae hugged Jongup with his free hand, and ruffled his hair.
“Hey buddy,” he said. “How’s school treating you?” He gave Jongup his hand, and let the boy play with his fingers.
“I like it,” Jongup said finally, his eyes concentrating on their hands. Youngjae would talk to Jongup more later about school, he decided. In the meantime, Junhong was starting to wriggle around under Youngjae’s grasp, so Youngjae put him down.
“Umma, can I take the boys out to the park?” He asked his mother, who had just come back from bringing Youngjae’s luggage into his old room, that Jongup now used.
“Of course, in fact I was going to ask you to,” she said. “Hold on a moment, I packed you all lunch.” She went to the kitchen and came back with a large lunchbox. “I’m sorry, I wanted us to all have lunch together, but I got a big job,” she apologized. His mother was a seamstress, and he knew that because the requests were inconsistent, every job was an important one; a big one, even more so.
Youngjae took the lunchbox from his mother, and kissed her goodbye. “Fighting,” he told her. He hung the lunchbox across his shoulders and held out his hands for his brothers. “Let’s go to the park!”
*
The boys took instantly to Daehyun. They laughed at his funny faces and when Junhong wanted to play house, he obliged to the child’s arbitrary assignment of “Mama Daehyunnie” by adopting his high-pitched scolding voice. Junhong was rolling in fits of screaming laughter, and even Jongup laughed more loudly than he normally did, his eyes becoming tiny slits.
When they stopped laughing long enough to realize they were hungry, Youngjae brought out the lunchbox and they dug into the food Youngjae’s mother prepared with her heart. “Mm, you were right, your mother is an amazing cook,” Daehyun managed to say with his mouth full of bulgogi, rolling his head back to emphasize the point.
“Daehyunnie, you’re going to finish everything before Jongup gets a bite,” Youngjae said, swatting away Daehyun’s chopsticks with his own. He wasn’t very worried about Junhong, who thought it was the most exciting thing in the world to copy Daehyun’s gluttonous way of eating.
“Oops, sorry,” Daehyun said, putting on his best apologetic face. He took a rest from stuffing his face and turned to Youngjae’s brothers. “How are you guys doing in school?”
Junhong had no problem rambling about his first grade class and the most exciting school project. “We’re learning about mematomforsis!” (“Metamorphosis?” Daehyun supplied.) “So we get to keep tadpoles in our huuuuge tank in our classroom!” He spread his arms to show exactly how “huuuuge” the tank was. “I named mine Froggie because he’ll be a frog in the future, even though he’s a tadpole right now.” He looked expectantly at Daehyun, who humored him.
“Wow! A tadpole turns into a frog?” Daehyun said. (“By matoformsosis,” Junhong nodded seriously.) “That is so cool!” Daehyun said, making Junhong beam his bright smile. “Jonguppie, what about you?”
Jongup chewed thoughtfully on a piece of kimchi. “Middle school is kind of scary,” he said quietly. He said it was hard to make friends, but he had one friend in a higher grade who took care of him so he was okay. Youngjae was glad to hear that Jongup wasn’t being bullied.
“If you ever get bullied, call me and we’ll come beat them up for you,” Daehyun said seriously. Jongup laughed his shy little laugh and nodded. “What’s your favorite part about middle school?”
Jongup’s face lit up, and he told them about how he and his friend started a dance crew. Hearing Jongup discover something he really liked lit a warm pride in Youngjae’s heart. He mentally kicked himself for thinking Jongup helpless just because he didn’t talk much, and leaned over to mess up Jongup’s hair. “Hyung, what are you doing!” Jongup giggled.
“Nothing,” Youngjae said, messing up his hair even more. “I just love you guys.” He glanced over at Daehyun, and for a second wondered if he also included Daehyun in with “you guys.” Again, something blocked his throat and he pushed away the thought that things wouldn’t be like this for long.
Jongup pulled him out before he started sinking in those thoughts by taking his hand. “Youngjae-hyung, can we go to the public bath today?” Junhong gasped. “Yes, please let’s go to the bath today, please please please!”
The public bath was the boys’ favorite tradition. They all hated taking baths, except when Youngjae was home and could take them out to the bath house. Youngjae couldn’t deny them that. “Of course,” he said, laughing at their enthusiasm.
Very seriously, Jongup pointed to Daehyun. “Daehyunnie-hyung too?” Youngjae looked at Daehyun, and decided he didn’t like the sinister smile that spread across his face. “Please?” Jongup added as an afterthought.
Youngjae couldn’t say no to Jongup. “Okay,” he sighed, trying not to think about Daehyun’s bad intentions.
*
They decided to meet at the bath house at 7, after dinner. Junhong and Jongup wanted to bring Daehyun back, but Youngjae told them that Daehyun had something to do, so they were satisfied with just the prospect of meeting him again. Youngjae packed a small bag of their clothes, including a set of Daehyun’s clothes, and also put in a container of jjigae he snuck from their dinner table.
Daehyun was there when Youngjae arrived, Junhong holding onto one hand and Jongup holding onto the other. “Daehyunnie-hyung!” They broke from Youngjae’s grasp and ran to hug their new friend.
They went inside and got locker keys and a set of bath house clothes each. “Yay, let’s take a bath!” Junhong shouted, and Youngjae couldn’t figure out why his heart was beating so fast. They all entered the locker room labeled “Males.” He took off his clothes facing the locker and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist as fast as possible, then turned to help his brothers. Except Daehyun was already helping them, and they were all completely naked, save for the watch dangling on Daehyun’s wrist.
“Stop being so carefree,” Youngjae said, cheeks burning, as he tied a small towel around Jongup’s waist.
“We’re all going to be naked again in a few minutes anyways,” Daehyun said, with a roll of his eyes, but he wrapped a towel around his waist as well. He helped Junhong put on his towel.
They walked into the shower area, where they were supposed to clean before they got to soak in the baths. Youngjae pulled up three stools as per tradition and the three brothers lined up to wash each others’ backs. Youngjae washed Jongup’s, while Jongup washed Junhong’s. Youngjae would always have to wash on his own afterwards, but this time he heard the clack of a stool behind him, and soft breathing tickle his ear. “I’ll wash your back if you wash mine,” Daehyun murmured, sending goosebumps up Youngjae’s arms. Youngjae could just imagine the unremorseful grin on Daehyun’s face at causing him discomfort, but Daehyun’s hands on Youngjae’s back were gentle.
When Youngjae finished scrubbing Jongup’s back, he turned around. He shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to touch Daehyun’s back in a way that wasn’t awkward. It didn’t help that Daehyun’s golden brown skin was the same color Youngjae imagined that perfect cookies were baked to, and he vaguely wondered how it tasted. He closed his eyes. Just pretend it’s Jongup.
Just when he thought he was doing okay sudsing up Daehyun’s back, Jongup giggled softly. “Daehyunnie-hyung and Youngjae-hyung are such good friends,” he said, his fists buried in his cheeks as he observed from his stool. “I hope I can be as good friends with Himchannie-hyung too.” It was then that Youngjae decided he had scrubbed Daehyun’s back adequately enough, and accidentally doused him with cold water from the showerhead.
After showering, they were finally allowed to go into the bathing pool. This was Junhong and Jongup’s favorite part, and they threw off their towels, racing each other and gracefully cannonballing into the waters despite the warnings not to run or jump.
Youngjae shook his head at the energy of the younger boys, carefully unwrapped his towel and sat down at the edge of the pool to ease himself in. At least, that was the plan. Daehyun plopped down next to him and looking at Youngjae’s lap, commented dryly, “not bad,” and he fell into the bath with a loud splash.
Daehyun slipped into the water gracefully and Youngjae, flustered and blushing to the tips of his ears, splashed the bath water at Daehyun. “Go away, you’re an asshole,” he sputtered.
“Don’t forget, normal people can’t see me,” Daehyun said, paddling towards Youngjae despite the splashing. “You’re gonna look pretty crazy splashing water at nothing, Youngjae-pabo,” he said with that stupid annoying smirk of his.
“Ugh.” Youngjae resigned to leaning back against the bath wall, soaking the warmth to sooth his tired muscles. Daehyun came over and reclined beside him. They watched the two younger boys pretend to be otters for a while, in silence.
“Thanks,” Daehyun said unexpectedly, breaking the silence. “For letting me be a part of your family,” he elaborated before Youngjae could ask. “And for everything you have done for me since we first met.” He lifted his left arm out of the water, exposing the watch on his wrist. “It’s waterproof,” he said, seeing the look of alarm on Youngjae’s face. “I used to count the seconds til I could go back to my original form.” He turned away and laughed a hollow laugh. “Now this sometimes seems like a shackle,” he said, shaking his hand a bit so that the water droplets on his watch rolled down his forearm. “A constant reminder that I have to go back.”
Youngjae cleared his throat. “Don’t you want to go back?”
Daehyun shrugged. “Now I think I know why the Elder sent me here.” He looked at Youngjae. “I think I was meant to learn everything from you,” he said, as if he were unsure and working it out as he spoke. “To atone for my sins, I think I had to reach an understanding about humans.”
“Did you?” Youngjae probably didn’t want to hear the answer, but he couldn’t help asking.
Daehyun didn’t answer directly. “I discovered a lot of things I admire, like, and even love about humans.” He leaned his head back against the smooth tiling of the bath house floor. “The fact that you have to live day by day. I took every day for granted because I knew there would always be more carefree ones ahead.” He pulled down a finger. “Your relationships with each other. I’ve always been on my own.” He jerked his head towards Youngjae’s brothers who were still splashing around and pulled down another finger. “Your sense of purpose. I don’t even remember what I did, or if there was any significance in it.” Another finger. “Singing. Eating. Laughing, even.” He balled up his counting hands into fists.
“Do you know what I loved most above all those?” He turned towards Youngjae again, his stare intense. Youngjae opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out.
“Youngjae-hyung, your face looks weird,” Junhong said, as he swam up to them and stepped on Youngjae’s stomach. Whatever it was that Daehyun had to say dissipated as the two young boys came back.
“We’re done,” Jongup said, lifting himself out of the water.
“Yeah!” Junhong piped up, as he followed Jongup out of the bath. “I want to get sikhye!”
Youngjae tried not to dwell on Daehyun’s unfinished words for too long. For some reason they made his insides knot up and his throat constrict. He hoped he was just getting sick.
*
Youngjae’s mother insisted on his remaining another day, or at least until lunch, but Youngjae hugged his mother and brothers goodbye the following morning to catch the morning train back to the city.
The train ride home was subdued, quiet but for Daehyun’s humming. Youngjae let the unicorn boy’s sweet voice carry him to sleep, and he didn’t wake until they arrived.
Youngjae was ready to go back and get some of the work he neglected finished, but when he opened a door, Daehyun a step behind him, he was greeted by a stranger sitting on his living room couch. If he wasn’t fully awake before, he most certainly was now, his nerves stood on end and his hands immediately went for an old umbrella by the door.
“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you,” the stranger stood up and spoke, his voice deep and oddly reassuring. Youngjae lowered the umbrella, but didn’t loosen his grip on it. The man looked behind Youngjae, directly at Daehyun, and Youngjae realized that the man could see him. “Daehyun.”
Daehyun froze. “Yongguk-hyung?”
The man called Yongguk nodded, and reached out his hand, presumably for a handshake. “I’m Yongguk, Daehyun’s brother.” The Elder Unicorn, Youngjae remembered. Youngjae finally let go of the umbrella and took the proffered hand. “I took this form for convenience,” Yongguk said, gesturing up and down his body.
Daehyun still stood unmoving at the same spot. “Why are you here?” He asked, his words as rigid as his body.
“I’m here to take you back,” Yongguk replied. “You’ve passed, and I’ve prepared a place for you to steward.” The confidence in his words faltered as he realized that Daehyun wasn’t reacting at all.
“No,” was all Daehyun said.
Yongguk looked at him with his cutting gaze. “Have you…?” He closed his eyes and sighed before continuing. “Staying here now will make it harder to leave later.”
Daehyun shook his head. “I don’t care.”
Yongguk sighed again, bringing a hand up to rub his temples. “One day,” he finally said. “Just one day, to take care of your goodbyes.”
Before Daehyun could say anything, Yongguk brushed past them as he exited. “I’ll be waiting at the edge of the forest tomorrow at sunset.”
When the door closed behind them, Daehyun grabbed Youngjae’s right hand, the one that he shook Yongguk’s hand with. He forced Youngjae’s palm up and dropped it just as suddenly with a loud curse. He fell on his knees, his hands gripping the fabric of his shorts. “I have to go,” he said to the ground, barely audible.
Youngjae looked at his palm. He jumped back when he saw something on his skin moving. He scrubbed his palms on his shirt, but when he looked again, it was still there. It was a number, inked on his skin and counting down. 114983…114982…114981. They were seconds. “Daehyun?” 114980. “What happens when this reaches zero?”
“It’s a trade,” Daehyun said, his voice coming out strangled. “If I go, we won’t have to find out.” He wasn’t looking at Youngjae. He must have known more.
Youngjae knelt down beside Daehyun. “You know you can trust me,” Youngjae said. 114954…114953. He crunched the numbers. He had less than 32 hours left. He guessed the time came out to be sunset the next day. Youngjae clenched his fingers together to hide the foreboding countdown. “What happens when this reaches zero?”
Daehyun looked up and searched Youngjae’s face with his dark eyes. “Your past will get rewritten,” he finally said. “Without me in it.” His voice had gone dull, as if he put on a mask. There was no trace of emotion in his voice.
Youngjae felt his insides turn into a block of lead. He understood the implications if that were to happen. The last month and a half would be turned into a gigantic lie. It would be easy for Youngjae, after all, who could miss what they never had? But he didn’t want to forget a single moment of it. And Daehyun… “You’ll remember everything though, right?”
Daehyun nodded imperceptibly. “It’s a punishment.” He swallowed, exposing a crack in his mask. “For loving…” He bit his lip as if he were discarding what he was about to say and searched for the next words. “…a life that I wasn’t meant to live.” The crack disappeared and he was once again behind an impenetrable wall. “To keep me from forgetting about my responsibilities again.”
Youngjae knew that there was no way he would allow Daehyun to suffer that alone, and he knew that Daehyun knew that too. Plus, he would never give up his memories of Daehyun, even if they hurt. He pulled out his phone as Daehyun looked on, confused but quiet. “Hello? This is Yoo Youngjae. A family issue came up, and I won’t be in lab tomorrow. I’ll be back Tuesday.” He hung up, and turned to Daehyun. “I guess I’m playing hooky tomorrow,” he said, lifting the corner of his mouth into a half smile. “Is there anything left you want to do?”
“Too much,” Daehyun replied, mirroring Youngjae’s small smile. It was filled with heartbreaking acceptance.
*
112896.
Youngjae didn’t care how stupid he looked to the staff at the noraebang, going in by himself in the middle of the afternoon. He ordered all the snacks on the menu, and for the next 3 hours he and Daehyun sang together, Daehyun jumping on the harmony when he discovered Youngjae could carry a melody impressively. They also serenaded each other with cheesy songs about friendship, love, and heartbreak. Youngjae tried to not think about the lyrics too much, every time he let the words sink in, he felt pressure build up behind his eyes.
100226.
The Korean barbeque waiter had the same reaction as the noraebang staff, but Youngjae was already used to getting the strange looks. He requested a table in the furthest corner, with an extra set of plates for his “imaginary friend.” Daehyun sat against the wall, so Youngjae could hide him with his body. He ordered all the meats Daehyun wanted to try, even the expensive ones. Youngjae didn’t eat much, he was too busy drinking up all the expressions of pure enjoyment on Daehyun’s stuffed face.
92453.
The two went to a convenience store nearby, and Youngjae picked up two cans of coffee. They took the coffee to the playground where they first met, and sat on the swings to drink it. They talked about Daehyun. His reconciliation with the past, and his acceptance of his role in his future. Daehyun said if he could have stayed human, he would have loved to become a singer. They talked about Youngjae. How Daehyun wished his brother was as caring a brother as Youngjae was to his siblings. They talked about nothing and everything, and Youngjae carved into memory the way the sinking sun made Daehyun’s blond hair glow like it was on fire.
88247.
“Let’s take pictures,” Daehyun said when they passed by a photobooth. “I want to remember this for eternity.” Youngjae felt another stab in his gut when he realized eternity for Daehyun was a reality. Youngjae was disappointed when Daehyun didn’t show up in any of the pictures, but Daehyun made up for it by decorating the pictures with the clip art and his untidy scrawl. Youngjae-pabo, one said. On another one, he drew a mustache which had them laughing for a good minute. He also found a unicorn sticker and dragged it onto picture-Youngjae’s shoulder. They printed out two copies, and cut the strip down the middle. One for each of them.
86614.
“We’re not going to make it,” Daehyun said as they ran back to Youngjae’s apartment. He handed Youngjae his watch. “It’s yours from now on.” He didn’t take off anything else, for the sake of the last children running home from a long day of playing. “I’m sorry about your clothes,” he said, right before the sun dipped below the horizon. Youngjae managed to laugh when Daehyun’s unicorn body barely fit in the elevator up to Youngjae’s floor.
73912.
Youngjae stifled a yawn halfway through the third movie they put on that night. His head was against the unicorn’s firm body, Daehyun’s head rested on his lap, and it was so comfortable he couldn’t help it. You can sleep. “I don’t want to,” he said, but he let his eyelids droop over his tired eyes. In his mind, he was with Daehyun, washed in a warm oasis on a sandy white beach with water that was so clear he could see the bottom. Immersed in the daydream conjured by Daehyun, he slipped into unconsciousness.
49690.
Youngjae woke up to a loud sniff. He opened his eyes to find Daehyun hugging his knees, his face buried in his arms up to his eyes, which were a bit puffy. “Good morning,” Daehyun said, his voice quavering. He took a deep breath and regained his composure, but even though Youngjae just woke up, it was too obvious to miss. Daehyun had been crying. Youngjae pulled him into a hug, and they stayed that way for a while.
43306.
They both agreed that they would rather spend the entire day in each other’s company at home. They made breakfast like they were so used to. It was hard to believe it would be the last time, when it had become so familiar.
36765.
They sat on the couch, one on each end and their feet meeting in the middle. Both of them were trying to communicate the things left unspoken. “Youngjae,” Daehyun said after looking like he wanted to say something for a while. “Can you read me a book?”
“Mm,” Youngjae hummed in reply. “What book?”
Daehyun reached between the seat cushions. It was the copy of The Last Unicorn that the bookstore manager had given to him. He had forgotten about it. He must have left it in the plushie-filled bag he handed to Daehyun the first night, and Daehyun had kept it safe for him since then. It looked a little worn. Daehyun must have read through it a couple of times.
33021.
Youngjae coughed. His throat was parched from reading. The Last Unicorn looked like a children’s book, but so far there were things that definitely not for children. Daehyun also kept asking him what he thought of the characters and what they said. He jumped up and poured a glass of water and brought it back to Youngjae. “Keep reading,” he encouraged.
31228.
“She turns into a human?” Youngjae asked, scanning the section he had just read aloud. “Did you feel the same way?” He asked Daehyun about the unicorn’s reaction to turning into a human.
Daehyun tilted his head. “There was shock at suddenly becoming mortal,” he said. “But for me, it was the fact that I had turned into what I hated that was the biggest shock.”
They decided it would be a good time to break for lunch. “I’ll read the rest after,” Daehyun volunteered.
27623.
The reading sped up, because Youngjae was too interested in the developing story line to ask questions. The unicorn, who turned into a human, fell in love with the human prince, and forgot that her purpose for going to the castle was to save her brethren. Youngjae wondered if Daehyun was thinking about himself when he read those lines aloud.
In the end, the unicorn was returned to her original shape, and she saved the other unicorns. But she left the prince for her forest, saying that she was different from the other unicorns now that she knew love and regret. When Daehyun closed the book, Youngjae wondered aloud, “Was she happy to have experienced love, even though she lost it?”
Daehyun smoothed the cover of the book in his hand. “He was,” he said quietly towards the book, not loud enough for Youngjae to hear.
“Hm?” Youngjae asked absently, still brooding on the book’s ending. Daehyun shook his head. “Nothing.”
*
9476.
They left for the forest early, so Daehyun could show Youngjae his home. In the end, they just lay head to head on the grass, staring up at the canopy cover and listening to each other breathe. “This is what my life used to be like,” Daehyun said after an hour had passed.
“It’s not bad, once in a while,” Youngjae said back, feeling the prickle of the grass on the back of his neck and the coolness of the earth seeping through his clothes. He raised his hand over his head, looking at the time slip away. He wondered what he still had to say, before he could regret it.
1724.
Youngjae’s heart started beating in his ears. He had replayed moments spent with Daehyun through his head so many times, and each time it hurt worse. He still couldn’t figure out what he wanted to say.
999.
Youngjae felt sick as the numbers grew more and more tangible. What did he want? He wanted Daehyun to stay. Why?
311.
The countdown disappeared. “What?” Youngjae bolted up, his heart and mind racing. He saw a unicorn through the clearing. You came.
Daehyun got up slowly. He pulled Youngjae into a tight embrace. Youngjae felt their hearts beating asynchronously, his a messy tattoo and Daehyun’s slower and stronger. He felt Daehyun’s breath by his ear. Even though the ink on his hand was gone, he felt the time slipping through his fingers.
212.
“Goodbye, Youngjae,” Daehyun breathed, and slowly let go. He turned to follow the Elder Unicorn. Youngjae stood paralyzed. He felt like his lungs were being ripped out of his rib cage. He was never going to see Daehyun again, and it hurt, so badly. Are you going to let this happen? His mind was a mess, but this one thought resounded, gentle, deep, and strong. It didn’t come from him. He looked up but the Elder was out of sight.
127.
“Daehyun!” Youngjae didn’t know why he was making it harder to let go, but he had to see Daehyun’s face one more time. The pressure in his heart made its way up behind his eyes, and blocked his throat. His legs remained rooted to the ground, but they were trembling. He felt like if he took a step he would collapse. Daehyun turned around, an unfathomable expression in his eyes.
56.
It was unfair, Youngjae thought. Why did Daehyun have to be taken away when Youngjae needed him? Yes, he had finally figured out why it hurt so badly. He stepped numbly towards Daehyun. You belong with me. No one else can have you. It was selfish, Youngjae realized, but he didn’t care anymore.
I love you.
15.
Daehyun started fading away as that one selfish thought grew larger and larger. "Don't go," Youngjae whispered, his vision blurring.
8.
Daehyun's arms and legs disappeared. "Don't go, don't go, don't go!" He didn't realize he had started shouting, nor that he had lost control of his tears, nor that he was now running. He wasn't thinking of anything at all, but for the one thing slipping away right in front of his eyes.
Daehyun.
1.
The last ray of light extinguished as the sun fell past the horizon. His mind let go as his body took over. There was nothing left for him to hold on to, except Daehyun's head. He grabbed it, closed his eyes, and pulled their lips together.
A wave of pleasure ran down Youngjae's spine as he melted into the kiss. Every nerve was on fire, and his heart burst open. This could only be a daydream, Youngjae thought as tears flowed uncontrollably down his face. One last gift to remember Daehyun by. Nothing this good could be real.
The pressure on Youngjae's mouth lifted. "I told you I'd take away your purity." Youngjae's eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring at an incredibly self-satisfied smirk. A step late, he realized Daehyun’s body had reappeared and was currently wrapped very tightly around Youngjae’s.
“Argh!!” Youngjae pulled back, pushing Daehyun’s shoulders, but Daehyun’s arms were still wrapped firmly around his waist. Youngjae resigned to the warmth of the embrace, color creeping into his face and too surprised to cry. “Why are you still here?”
Daehyun shrugged. “I guess I’m a human now.” Youngjae gaped at him. “I don’t know how, unicorn magic is very finicky when it comes to true love,” he said, knowing what the other wanted to ask. Youngjae gaped at him some more. “Stop looking dumb, Youngjae-pabo,” he said crossly. “Aren’t you happy?”
Flushing some more, Youngjae closed his mouth. “But I took away your immortality!” His sobs were renewed in his distress.
“As if,” Daehyun snorted with unexpected laughter. When he calmed down, his face was serious. “You didn’t take it, I gave it up. Eternity gets tiring,” he said, pressing his forehead to Youngjae’s. “I’d rather die with you than live without you.”
Youngjae buried his face in Daehyun’s shoulder, drying his tear-stained cheeks. “You’re so cheesy,” he said, his voice muffled and his breathing unsteady as he tried to stop crying.
“Then shut me up,” Daehyun said, his trademark devilish grin appearing on his face.
If it were possible for Youngjae to blush more furiously, he would have. It was a lot harder now that he was conscious of his actions. He leaned in, unsure and tentative, but this time Daehyun met him halfway there. As their lips molded together, electricity raced through his blood. When he remembered to breathe, Daehyun’s scent and taste set off fireworks in his head.
When they broke apart, Youngjae was lightheaded. “Wow,” he said, after a short while. “That wasn’t a daydream, was it?”
Daehyun laughed and flicked Youngjae lightly on the forehead. “Youngjae-pabo, I just told you. I’m a human now.”
Youngjae couldn’t even pretend to be angry. He knew he was grinning dumbly, but so was Daehyun. He entwined their fingers together.
“Let’s go home.”
asdjfk;whatdidiwrite???? >_< Anyways, thanks to e for bouncing ideas and helping me turn this from a dumb idea into a reality, c + j for being so supportive and beta-ing, and to the three writers on t-list who have no idea how much they inspired and encouraged me with their advice and wisdom, and for talking to me even though I'm a nub writer! You probably don't even know I'm talking about you hehe ♥
THANK YOU FOR READING, HAVE A SHY YOUNGJAE ♥
Youngjae took off work that weekend and they rode the train out early in the morning to the countryside where Youngjae’s family lived. For most of the trip, Youngjae was quiet, looking out the window, and listening to Daehyun sing. Daehyun was standing, because the train’s seats were full, but he was bouncing up and down, excited to be on a train for the first time. Youngjae allowed himself to smile, to forget the fact that this wouldn’t be permanent.
They arrived in the familiar train station before noon. On their way from the train station to Youngjae’s house, they walked past a playground. Youngjae caught Daehyun’s eye, and they both understood without saying a word. Daehyun hopped over the playground fence and waved to Youngjae. Youngjae made the rest of the trip by himself.
“Oh, you’ve gotten so thin!” His mother enveloped him in her embrace when he knocked on the door, despite the fact that she was a head and a half shorter then he was. He hugged her back, and when she finally let go of him, she held him by his shoulders and examined his face. “You’ve also gotten more mature,” she said, sighing. “You all are growing up so fast.” She picked up his suitcase and pulled him inside.
“Umma, you’ve gotten prettier,” he said, truthfully. Although her face was a bit more lined and her hair streaked with more gray than the last time he saw her, her energy was vibrant.
She smiled and swatted his arm. “You flatter your old mother,” she said. She took his suitcase and called up the stairs. “Guess who’s home?”
“Youngjae-hyung!” A ball of energy jumped into his arms, knocking him back a step. He laughed as he lifted Junhong off his feet in a giant bear hug. He didn’t let go of Junhong, who was giggling like crazy, and instead held him by his waist under one arm.
At his other side, Jongup stood with a shy smile radiating from his face. “Hi hyung,” he said, reaching for Youngjae’s arm. Youngjae hugged Jongup with his free hand, and ruffled his hair.
“Hey buddy,” he said. “How’s school treating you?” He gave Jongup his hand, and let the boy play with his fingers.
“I like it,” Jongup said finally, his eyes concentrating on their hands. Youngjae would talk to Jongup more later about school, he decided. In the meantime, Junhong was starting to wriggle around under Youngjae’s grasp, so Youngjae put him down.
“Umma, can I take the boys out to the park?” He asked his mother, who had just come back from bringing Youngjae’s luggage into his old room, that Jongup now used.
“Of course, in fact I was going to ask you to,” she said. “Hold on a moment, I packed you all lunch.” She went to the kitchen and came back with a large lunchbox. “I’m sorry, I wanted us to all have lunch together, but I got a big job,” she apologized. His mother was a seamstress, and he knew that because the requests were inconsistent, every job was an important one; a big one, even more so.
Youngjae took the lunchbox from his mother, and kissed her goodbye. “Fighting,” he told her. He hung the lunchbox across his shoulders and held out his hands for his brothers. “Let’s go to the park!”
*
The boys took instantly to Daehyun. They laughed at his funny faces and when Junhong wanted to play house, he obliged to the child’s arbitrary assignment of “Mama Daehyunnie” by adopting his high-pitched scolding voice. Junhong was rolling in fits of screaming laughter, and even Jongup laughed more loudly than he normally did, his eyes becoming tiny slits.
When they stopped laughing long enough to realize they were hungry, Youngjae brought out the lunchbox and they dug into the food Youngjae’s mother prepared with her heart. “Mm, you were right, your mother is an amazing cook,” Daehyun managed to say with his mouth full of bulgogi, rolling his head back to emphasize the point.
“Daehyunnie, you’re going to finish everything before Jongup gets a bite,” Youngjae said, swatting away Daehyun’s chopsticks with his own. He wasn’t very worried about Junhong, who thought it was the most exciting thing in the world to copy Daehyun’s gluttonous way of eating.
“Oops, sorry,” Daehyun said, putting on his best apologetic face. He took a rest from stuffing his face and turned to Youngjae’s brothers. “How are you guys doing in school?”
Junhong had no problem rambling about his first grade class and the most exciting school project. “We’re learning about mematomforsis!” (“Metamorphosis?” Daehyun supplied.) “So we get to keep tadpoles in our huuuuge tank in our classroom!” He spread his arms to show exactly how “huuuuge” the tank was. “I named mine Froggie because he’ll be a frog in the future, even though he’s a tadpole right now.” He looked expectantly at Daehyun, who humored him.
“Wow! A tadpole turns into a frog?” Daehyun said. (“By matoformsosis,” Junhong nodded seriously.) “That is so cool!” Daehyun said, making Junhong beam his bright smile. “Jonguppie, what about you?”
Jongup chewed thoughtfully on a piece of kimchi. “Middle school is kind of scary,” he said quietly. He said it was hard to make friends, but he had one friend in a higher grade who took care of him so he was okay. Youngjae was glad to hear that Jongup wasn’t being bullied.
“If you ever get bullied, call me and we’ll come beat them up for you,” Daehyun said seriously. Jongup laughed his shy little laugh and nodded. “What’s your favorite part about middle school?”
Jongup’s face lit up, and he told them about how he and his friend started a dance crew. Hearing Jongup discover something he really liked lit a warm pride in Youngjae’s heart. He mentally kicked himself for thinking Jongup helpless just because he didn’t talk much, and leaned over to mess up Jongup’s hair. “Hyung, what are you doing!” Jongup giggled.
“Nothing,” Youngjae said, messing up his hair even more. “I just love you guys.” He glanced over at Daehyun, and for a second wondered if he also included Daehyun in with “you guys.” Again, something blocked his throat and he pushed away the thought that things wouldn’t be like this for long.
Jongup pulled him out before he started sinking in those thoughts by taking his hand. “Youngjae-hyung, can we go to the public bath today?” Junhong gasped. “Yes, please let’s go to the bath today, please please please!”
The public bath was the boys’ favorite tradition. They all hated taking baths, except when Youngjae was home and could take them out to the bath house. Youngjae couldn’t deny them that. “Of course,” he said, laughing at their enthusiasm.
Very seriously, Jongup pointed to Daehyun. “Daehyunnie-hyung too?” Youngjae looked at Daehyun, and decided he didn’t like the sinister smile that spread across his face. “Please?” Jongup added as an afterthought.
Youngjae couldn’t say no to Jongup. “Okay,” he sighed, trying not to think about Daehyun’s bad intentions.
*
They decided to meet at the bath house at 7, after dinner. Junhong and Jongup wanted to bring Daehyun back, but Youngjae told them that Daehyun had something to do, so they were satisfied with just the prospect of meeting him again. Youngjae packed a small bag of their clothes, including a set of Daehyun’s clothes, and also put in a container of jjigae he snuck from their dinner table.
Daehyun was there when Youngjae arrived, Junhong holding onto one hand and Jongup holding onto the other. “Daehyunnie-hyung!” They broke from Youngjae’s grasp and ran to hug their new friend.
They went inside and got locker keys and a set of bath house clothes each. “Yay, let’s take a bath!” Junhong shouted, and Youngjae couldn’t figure out why his heart was beating so fast. They all entered the locker room labeled “Males.” He took off his clothes facing the locker and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist as fast as possible, then turned to help his brothers. Except Daehyun was already helping them, and they were all completely naked, save for the watch dangling on Daehyun’s wrist.
“Stop being so carefree,” Youngjae said, cheeks burning, as he tied a small towel around Jongup’s waist.
“We’re all going to be naked again in a few minutes anyways,” Daehyun said, with a roll of his eyes, but he wrapped a towel around his waist as well. He helped Junhong put on his towel.
They walked into the shower area, where they were supposed to clean before they got to soak in the baths. Youngjae pulled up three stools as per tradition and the three brothers lined up to wash each others’ backs. Youngjae washed Jongup’s, while Jongup washed Junhong’s. Youngjae would always have to wash on his own afterwards, but this time he heard the clack of a stool behind him, and soft breathing tickle his ear. “I’ll wash your back if you wash mine,” Daehyun murmured, sending goosebumps up Youngjae’s arms. Youngjae could just imagine the unremorseful grin on Daehyun’s face at causing him discomfort, but Daehyun’s hands on Youngjae’s back were gentle.
When Youngjae finished scrubbing Jongup’s back, he turned around. He shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to touch Daehyun’s back in a way that wasn’t awkward. It didn’t help that Daehyun’s golden brown skin was the same color Youngjae imagined that perfect cookies were baked to, and he vaguely wondered how it tasted. He closed his eyes. Just pretend it’s Jongup.
Just when he thought he was doing okay sudsing up Daehyun’s back, Jongup giggled softly. “Daehyunnie-hyung and Youngjae-hyung are such good friends,” he said, his fists buried in his cheeks as he observed from his stool. “I hope I can be as good friends with Himchannie-hyung too.” It was then that Youngjae decided he had scrubbed Daehyun’s back adequately enough, and accidentally doused him with cold water from the showerhead.
After showering, they were finally allowed to go into the bathing pool. This was Junhong and Jongup’s favorite part, and they threw off their towels, racing each other and gracefully cannonballing into the waters despite the warnings not to run or jump.
Youngjae shook his head at the energy of the younger boys, carefully unwrapped his towel and sat down at the edge of the pool to ease himself in. At least, that was the plan. Daehyun plopped down next to him and looking at Youngjae’s lap, commented dryly, “not bad,” and he fell into the bath with a loud splash.
Daehyun slipped into the water gracefully and Youngjae, flustered and blushing to the tips of his ears, splashed the bath water at Daehyun. “Go away, you’re an asshole,” he sputtered.
“Don’t forget, normal people can’t see me,” Daehyun said, paddling towards Youngjae despite the splashing. “You’re gonna look pretty crazy splashing water at nothing, Youngjae-pabo,” he said with that stupid annoying smirk of his.
“Ugh.” Youngjae resigned to leaning back against the bath wall, soaking the warmth to sooth his tired muscles. Daehyun came over and reclined beside him. They watched the two younger boys pretend to be otters for a while, in silence.
“Thanks,” Daehyun said unexpectedly, breaking the silence. “For letting me be a part of your family,” he elaborated before Youngjae could ask. “And for everything you have done for me since we first met.” He lifted his left arm out of the water, exposing the watch on his wrist. “It’s waterproof,” he said, seeing the look of alarm on Youngjae’s face. “I used to count the seconds til I could go back to my original form.” He turned away and laughed a hollow laugh. “Now this sometimes seems like a shackle,” he said, shaking his hand a bit so that the water droplets on his watch rolled down his forearm. “A constant reminder that I have to go back.”
Youngjae cleared his throat. “Don’t you want to go back?”
Daehyun shrugged. “Now I think I know why the Elder sent me here.” He looked at Youngjae. “I think I was meant to learn everything from you,” he said, as if he were unsure and working it out as he spoke. “To atone for my sins, I think I had to reach an understanding about humans.”
“Did you?” Youngjae probably didn’t want to hear the answer, but he couldn’t help asking.
Daehyun didn’t answer directly. “I discovered a lot of things I admire, like, and even love about humans.” He leaned his head back against the smooth tiling of the bath house floor. “The fact that you have to live day by day. I took every day for granted because I knew there would always be more carefree ones ahead.” He pulled down a finger. “Your relationships with each other. I’ve always been on my own.” He jerked his head towards Youngjae’s brothers who were still splashing around and pulled down another finger. “Your sense of purpose. I don’t even remember what I did, or if there was any significance in it.” Another finger. “Singing. Eating. Laughing, even.” He balled up his counting hands into fists.
“Do you know what I loved most above all those?” He turned towards Youngjae again, his stare intense. Youngjae opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out.
“Youngjae-hyung, your face looks weird,” Junhong said, as he swam up to them and stepped on Youngjae’s stomach. Whatever it was that Daehyun had to say dissipated as the two young boys came back.
“We’re done,” Jongup said, lifting himself out of the water.
“Yeah!” Junhong piped up, as he followed Jongup out of the bath. “I want to get sikhye!”
Youngjae tried not to dwell on Daehyun’s unfinished words for too long. For some reason they made his insides knot up and his throat constrict. He hoped he was just getting sick.
*
Youngjae’s mother insisted on his remaining another day, or at least until lunch, but Youngjae hugged his mother and brothers goodbye the following morning to catch the morning train back to the city.
The train ride home was subdued, quiet but for Daehyun’s humming. Youngjae let the unicorn boy’s sweet voice carry him to sleep, and he didn’t wake until they arrived.
Youngjae was ready to go back and get some of the work he neglected finished, but when he opened a door, Daehyun a step behind him, he was greeted by a stranger sitting on his living room couch. If he wasn’t fully awake before, he most certainly was now, his nerves stood on end and his hands immediately went for an old umbrella by the door.
“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you,” the stranger stood up and spoke, his voice deep and oddly reassuring. Youngjae lowered the umbrella, but didn’t loosen his grip on it. The man looked behind Youngjae, directly at Daehyun, and Youngjae realized that the man could see him. “Daehyun.”
Daehyun froze. “Yongguk-hyung?”
The man called Yongguk nodded, and reached out his hand, presumably for a handshake. “I’m Yongguk, Daehyun’s brother.” The Elder Unicorn, Youngjae remembered. Youngjae finally let go of the umbrella and took the proffered hand. “I took this form for convenience,” Yongguk said, gesturing up and down his body.
Daehyun still stood unmoving at the same spot. “Why are you here?” He asked, his words as rigid as his body.
“I’m here to take you back,” Yongguk replied. “You’ve passed, and I’ve prepared a place for you to steward.” The confidence in his words faltered as he realized that Daehyun wasn’t reacting at all.
“No,” was all Daehyun said.
Yongguk looked at him with his cutting gaze. “Have you…?” He closed his eyes and sighed before continuing. “Staying here now will make it harder to leave later.”
Daehyun shook his head. “I don’t care.”
Yongguk sighed again, bringing a hand up to rub his temples. “One day,” he finally said. “Just one day, to take care of your goodbyes.”
Before Daehyun could say anything, Yongguk brushed past them as he exited. “I’ll be waiting at the edge of the forest tomorrow at sunset.”
When the door closed behind them, Daehyun grabbed Youngjae’s right hand, the one that he shook Yongguk’s hand with. He forced Youngjae’s palm up and dropped it just as suddenly with a loud curse. He fell on his knees, his hands gripping the fabric of his shorts. “I have to go,” he said to the ground, barely audible.
Youngjae looked at his palm. He jumped back when he saw something on his skin moving. He scrubbed his palms on his shirt, but when he looked again, it was still there. It was a number, inked on his skin and counting down. 114983…114982…114981. They were seconds. “Daehyun?” 114980. “What happens when this reaches zero?”
“It’s a trade,” Daehyun said, his voice coming out strangled. “If I go, we won’t have to find out.” He wasn’t looking at Youngjae. He must have known more.
Youngjae knelt down beside Daehyun. “You know you can trust me,” Youngjae said. 114954…114953. He crunched the numbers. He had less than 32 hours left. He guessed the time came out to be sunset the next day. Youngjae clenched his fingers together to hide the foreboding countdown. “What happens when this reaches zero?”
Daehyun looked up and searched Youngjae’s face with his dark eyes. “Your past will get rewritten,” he finally said. “Without me in it.” His voice had gone dull, as if he put on a mask. There was no trace of emotion in his voice.
Youngjae felt his insides turn into a block of lead. He understood the implications if that were to happen. The last month and a half would be turned into a gigantic lie. It would be easy for Youngjae, after all, who could miss what they never had? But he didn’t want to forget a single moment of it. And Daehyun… “You’ll remember everything though, right?”
Daehyun nodded imperceptibly. “It’s a punishment.” He swallowed, exposing a crack in his mask. “For loving…” He bit his lip as if he were discarding what he was about to say and searched for the next words. “…a life that I wasn’t meant to live.” The crack disappeared and he was once again behind an impenetrable wall. “To keep me from forgetting about my responsibilities again.”
Youngjae knew that there was no way he would allow Daehyun to suffer that alone, and he knew that Daehyun knew that too. Plus, he would never give up his memories of Daehyun, even if they hurt. He pulled out his phone as Daehyun looked on, confused but quiet. “Hello? This is Yoo Youngjae. A family issue came up, and I won’t be in lab tomorrow. I’ll be back Tuesday.” He hung up, and turned to Daehyun. “I guess I’m playing hooky tomorrow,” he said, lifting the corner of his mouth into a half smile. “Is there anything left you want to do?”
“Too much,” Daehyun replied, mirroring Youngjae’s small smile. It was filled with heartbreaking acceptance.
*
112896.
Youngjae didn’t care how stupid he looked to the staff at the noraebang, going in by himself in the middle of the afternoon. He ordered all the snacks on the menu, and for the next 3 hours he and Daehyun sang together, Daehyun jumping on the harmony when he discovered Youngjae could carry a melody impressively. They also serenaded each other with cheesy songs about friendship, love, and heartbreak. Youngjae tried to not think about the lyrics too much, every time he let the words sink in, he felt pressure build up behind his eyes.
100226.
The Korean barbeque waiter had the same reaction as the noraebang staff, but Youngjae was already used to getting the strange looks. He requested a table in the furthest corner, with an extra set of plates for his “imaginary friend.” Daehyun sat against the wall, so Youngjae could hide him with his body. He ordered all the meats Daehyun wanted to try, even the expensive ones. Youngjae didn’t eat much, he was too busy drinking up all the expressions of pure enjoyment on Daehyun’s stuffed face.
92453.
The two went to a convenience store nearby, and Youngjae picked up two cans of coffee. They took the coffee to the playground where they first met, and sat on the swings to drink it. They talked about Daehyun. His reconciliation with the past, and his acceptance of his role in his future. Daehyun said if he could have stayed human, he would have loved to become a singer. They talked about Youngjae. How Daehyun wished his brother was as caring a brother as Youngjae was to his siblings. They talked about nothing and everything, and Youngjae carved into memory the way the sinking sun made Daehyun’s blond hair glow like it was on fire.
88247.
“Let’s take pictures,” Daehyun said when they passed by a photobooth. “I want to remember this for eternity.” Youngjae felt another stab in his gut when he realized eternity for Daehyun was a reality. Youngjae was disappointed when Daehyun didn’t show up in any of the pictures, but Daehyun made up for it by decorating the pictures with the clip art and his untidy scrawl. Youngjae-pabo, one said. On another one, he drew a mustache which had them laughing for a good minute. He also found a unicorn sticker and dragged it onto picture-Youngjae’s shoulder. They printed out two copies, and cut the strip down the middle. One for each of them.
86614.
“We’re not going to make it,” Daehyun said as they ran back to Youngjae’s apartment. He handed Youngjae his watch. “It’s yours from now on.” He didn’t take off anything else, for the sake of the last children running home from a long day of playing. “I’m sorry about your clothes,” he said, right before the sun dipped below the horizon. Youngjae managed to laugh when Daehyun’s unicorn body barely fit in the elevator up to Youngjae’s floor.
73912.
Youngjae stifled a yawn halfway through the third movie they put on that night. His head was against the unicorn’s firm body, Daehyun’s head rested on his lap, and it was so comfortable he couldn’t help it. You can sleep. “I don’t want to,” he said, but he let his eyelids droop over his tired eyes. In his mind, he was with Daehyun, washed in a warm oasis on a sandy white beach with water that was so clear he could see the bottom. Immersed in the daydream conjured by Daehyun, he slipped into unconsciousness.
49690.
Youngjae woke up to a loud sniff. He opened his eyes to find Daehyun hugging his knees, his face buried in his arms up to his eyes, which were a bit puffy. “Good morning,” Daehyun said, his voice quavering. He took a deep breath and regained his composure, but even though Youngjae just woke up, it was too obvious to miss. Daehyun had been crying. Youngjae pulled him into a hug, and they stayed that way for a while.
43306.
They both agreed that they would rather spend the entire day in each other’s company at home. They made breakfast like they were so used to. It was hard to believe it would be the last time, when it had become so familiar.
36765.
They sat on the couch, one on each end and their feet meeting in the middle. Both of them were trying to communicate the things left unspoken. “Youngjae,” Daehyun said after looking like he wanted to say something for a while. “Can you read me a book?”
“Mm,” Youngjae hummed in reply. “What book?”
Daehyun reached between the seat cushions. It was the copy of The Last Unicorn that the bookstore manager had given to him. He had forgotten about it. He must have left it in the plushie-filled bag he handed to Daehyun the first night, and Daehyun had kept it safe for him since then. It looked a little worn. Daehyun must have read through it a couple of times.
33021.
Youngjae coughed. His throat was parched from reading. The Last Unicorn looked like a children’s book, but so far there were things that definitely not for children. Daehyun also kept asking him what he thought of the characters and what they said. He jumped up and poured a glass of water and brought it back to Youngjae. “Keep reading,” he encouraged.
31228.
“She turns into a human?” Youngjae asked, scanning the section he had just read aloud. “Did you feel the same way?” He asked Daehyun about the unicorn’s reaction to turning into a human.
Daehyun tilted his head. “There was shock at suddenly becoming mortal,” he said. “But for me, it was the fact that I had turned into what I hated that was the biggest shock.”
They decided it would be a good time to break for lunch. “I’ll read the rest after,” Daehyun volunteered.
27623.
The reading sped up, because Youngjae was too interested in the developing story line to ask questions. The unicorn, who turned into a human, fell in love with the human prince, and forgot that her purpose for going to the castle was to save her brethren. Youngjae wondered if Daehyun was thinking about himself when he read those lines aloud.
In the end, the unicorn was returned to her original shape, and she saved the other unicorns. But she left the prince for her forest, saying that she was different from the other unicorns now that she knew love and regret. When Daehyun closed the book, Youngjae wondered aloud, “Was she happy to have experienced love, even though she lost it?”
Daehyun smoothed the cover of the book in his hand. “He was,” he said quietly towards the book, not loud enough for Youngjae to hear.
“Hm?” Youngjae asked absently, still brooding on the book’s ending. Daehyun shook his head. “Nothing.”
*
9476.
They left for the forest early, so Daehyun could show Youngjae his home. In the end, they just lay head to head on the grass, staring up at the canopy cover and listening to each other breathe. “This is what my life used to be like,” Daehyun said after an hour had passed.
“It’s not bad, once in a while,” Youngjae said back, feeling the prickle of the grass on the back of his neck and the coolness of the earth seeping through his clothes. He raised his hand over his head, looking at the time slip away. He wondered what he still had to say, before he could regret it.
1724.
Youngjae’s heart started beating in his ears. He had replayed moments spent with Daehyun through his head so many times, and each time it hurt worse. He still couldn’t figure out what he wanted to say.
999.
Youngjae felt sick as the numbers grew more and more tangible. What did he want? He wanted Daehyun to stay. Why?
311.
The countdown disappeared. “What?” Youngjae bolted up, his heart and mind racing. He saw a unicorn through the clearing. You came.
Daehyun got up slowly. He pulled Youngjae into a tight embrace. Youngjae felt their hearts beating asynchronously, his a messy tattoo and Daehyun’s slower and stronger. He felt Daehyun’s breath by his ear. Even though the ink on his hand was gone, he felt the time slipping through his fingers.
212.
“Goodbye, Youngjae,” Daehyun breathed, and slowly let go. He turned to follow the Elder Unicorn. Youngjae stood paralyzed. He felt like his lungs were being ripped out of his rib cage. He was never going to see Daehyun again, and it hurt, so badly. Are you going to let this happen? His mind was a mess, but this one thought resounded, gentle, deep, and strong. It didn’t come from him. He looked up but the Elder was out of sight.
127.
“Daehyun!” Youngjae didn’t know why he was making it harder to let go, but he had to see Daehyun’s face one more time. The pressure in his heart made its way up behind his eyes, and blocked his throat. His legs remained rooted to the ground, but they were trembling. He felt like if he took a step he would collapse. Daehyun turned around, an unfathomable expression in his eyes.
56.
It was unfair, Youngjae thought. Why did Daehyun have to be taken away when Youngjae needed him? Yes, he had finally figured out why it hurt so badly. He stepped numbly towards Daehyun. You belong with me. No one else can have you. It was selfish, Youngjae realized, but he didn’t care anymore.
I love you.
15.
Daehyun started fading away as that one selfish thought grew larger and larger. "Don't go," Youngjae whispered, his vision blurring.
8.
Daehyun's arms and legs disappeared. "Don't go, don't go, don't go!" He didn't realize he had started shouting, nor that he had lost control of his tears, nor that he was now running. He wasn't thinking of anything at all, but for the one thing slipping away right in front of his eyes.
Daehyun.
1.
The last ray of light extinguished as the sun fell past the horizon. His mind let go as his body took over. There was nothing left for him to hold on to, except Daehyun's head. He grabbed it, closed his eyes, and pulled their lips together.
A wave of pleasure ran down Youngjae's spine as he melted into the kiss. Every nerve was on fire, and his heart burst open. This could only be a daydream, Youngjae thought as tears flowed uncontrollably down his face. One last gift to remember Daehyun by. Nothing this good could be real.
The pressure on Youngjae's mouth lifted. "I told you I'd take away your purity." Youngjae's eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring at an incredibly self-satisfied smirk. A step late, he realized Daehyun’s body had reappeared and was currently wrapped very tightly around Youngjae’s.
“Argh!!” Youngjae pulled back, pushing Daehyun’s shoulders, but Daehyun’s arms were still wrapped firmly around his waist. Youngjae resigned to the warmth of the embrace, color creeping into his face and too surprised to cry. “Why are you still here?”
Daehyun shrugged. “I guess I’m a human now.” Youngjae gaped at him. “I don’t know how, unicorn magic is very finicky when it comes to true love,” he said, knowing what the other wanted to ask. Youngjae gaped at him some more. “Stop looking dumb, Youngjae-pabo,” he said crossly. “Aren’t you happy?”
Flushing some more, Youngjae closed his mouth. “But I took away your immortality!” His sobs were renewed in his distress.
“As if,” Daehyun snorted with unexpected laughter. When he calmed down, his face was serious. “You didn’t take it, I gave it up. Eternity gets tiring,” he said, pressing his forehead to Youngjae’s. “I’d rather die with you than live without you.”
Youngjae buried his face in Daehyun’s shoulder, drying his tear-stained cheeks. “You’re so cheesy,” he said, his voice muffled and his breathing unsteady as he tried to stop crying.
“Then shut me up,” Daehyun said, his trademark devilish grin appearing on his face.
If it were possible for Youngjae to blush more furiously, he would have. It was a lot harder now that he was conscious of his actions. He leaned in, unsure and tentative, but this time Daehyun met him halfway there. As their lips molded together, electricity raced through his blood. When he remembered to breathe, Daehyun’s scent and taste set off fireworks in his head.
When they broke apart, Youngjae was lightheaded. “Wow,” he said, after a short while. “That wasn’t a daydream, was it?”
Daehyun laughed and flicked Youngjae lightly on the forehead. “Youngjae-pabo, I just told you. I’m a human now.”
Youngjae couldn’t even pretend to be angry. He knew he was grinning dumbly, but so was Daehyun. He entwined their fingers together.
“Let’s go home.”
asdjfk;whatdidiwrite???? >_< Anyways, thanks to e for bouncing ideas and helping me turn this from a dumb idea into a reality, c + j for being so supportive and beta-ing, and to the three writers on t-list who have no idea how much they inspired and encouraged me with their advice and wisdom, and for talking to me even though I'm a nub writer! You probably don't even know I'm talking about you hehe ♥
THANK YOU FOR READING, HAVE A SHY YOUNGJAE ♥