Please Say That You Love Me Like You Once Did
Title: Please Say That You Love Me Like You Once Did.
Pairing: Jongin/Joonmyun.
Genre: AU, romance.
Rating: PG
Summary: Joonmyun doesn’t remember anything from his previous life except that he was Suho and Jongin was Kai. What relationship they had in the past, he doesn’t know. But if Joonmyun has to choose between his previous life and his current, he's sure he'd choose the current one.
~"~
If Joonmyun has to choose between his previous life and his current, he’s sure he’d choose the current one over the previous one. There are plenty of reasons why. First, he has his first love Luhan by his side. Second, he has great, supportive friends like Park Chanyeol and Kris Wu and Zhang Yixing and Kim Jongdae and Do Kyungsoo and Kim Minseok. Third, there are people he wants to protect, like Byun Baekhyun and Huang Zitao and Oh Sehun; the kid Luhan brought into their group of friends more than a year ago now. The fourth reason is... Well, the fourth reason is because he found Kai-or Kim Jongin, as he’s known as in this life.
Joonmyun doesn’t remember anything from his previous life except that he was Suho and Jongin was Kai. What relationship they had in the past, he doesn’t know. Jongin used to be visibly upset about it, but lately he’s been able to accept the fact (after several failed attempts at making him remember). It’s weird though, Joonmyun likes to think, it’s weird that he only remembers Suho and Kai while Jongin remembers everything; from how they met until how they separated.
It’s a bit absurd, though, how Jongin quickly becomes friends with Chanyeol, Luhan and Baekhyun. He figures Jongin knows them from before-it’s obvious from the way Baekhyun calls him Kai as he runs towards Jongin to envelope him in a delightful hug. Chanyeol stays on his spot, but a gentle smile adorns his face. Joonmyun notices how Luhan only looks on in confusion, though he immediately softens when Jongin introduces himself and tells him that he was Kai, that he was friends with Luhan, that he used to serve Luhan’s Father. He knows Luhan doesn’t remember, yet it doesn’t stop the guy from smiling warmly and wrapping Jongin in a welcoming hug.
By the end of the week, Jongin’s already met all of Joonmyun’s friends in their so-called ‘group.’ Jongin knows everyone-with the exception of Sehun-and some of them who remember welcomed him warmly (like Yixing who latched onto Jongin as soon as he saw him) and eagerly (like Zitao, with a jab to Jongin’s gut). Those who don’t either welcomed him awkwardly or politely. (In Kris’ case, however, Joonmyun couldn’t help but be amused seeing how Kris became suddenly intimidated since Jongin kept glaring coldly at him, as if still blaming him for what had happened in the past.)
Jongin tells Joonmyun later that the people he’s now close with are the same people who used to have close interactions with Suho. Except Oh Sehun, Jongin elaborates, Sehun has just started his life. No wonder Luhan was all alone... His Father saved this person for him on Earth.
Joonmyun doesn’t bother asking him what he means by his last sentence, since Jongin feels warm and he just wants to snuggle and sleep.
It doesn’t come as a surprise when Baekhyun tells him that Suho and Kai were lovers. He kind of expects it, really, since he feels abnormally comfortable around Jongin and has no problem doing skinship with him. It explains a lot of things, actually; it explains why Jongin was upset because he doesn’t remember anything, it explains Jongin’s overprotectiveness towards him, it explains Jongin’s sad eyes when he recited their history, purposedly skipping details about how they were romantically involved with each other. Joonmyun has tears in his eyes when he confronts Jongin about this.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Jongin gives him those sad eyes again.
Because I didn’t want you to feel obliged to love me.
There’s silence as a teardrop makes its way down Joonmyun’s cheek-he feels his heart being squeezed; it hurts so badly. If only he remembers, if only he could remember... Jongin doesn’t have to be hurt.
I’m not Suho, he forces himself to say, looking at the floor so he doesn’t have to feel guilty for saying it for he knows there’s pain flickering in Jongin’s eyes.
But Jongin holds his gaze steady, not tearing it away from Joonmyun even for a milisecond. You’re not. Suho is you.
He brings his hands to cover his face-to cover his freefalling tears, shoulders slumped forward as they shake lightly. And you’re not Kai.
A sad, tiny smile tugs at Jongin’s lips. He shakes his head, reaching up to wrap his arms around Joonmyun’s figure, gently kissing the side of his neck. No, he says, I am Kai. I never died, Joonmyun.
Joonmyun can only imagine the horror in his own eyes as he pulls away so he’s able to look at Jongin. What is he saying? What does he mean by he never died, because that’s impossible; as clueless as Joonmyun is about their previous life, he is sure that Jongin wouldn’t look this young if he’s continued living since then, except-
You’re... You can’t die...
He doesn’t know if Jongin is being somber or serene because he can’t read his expression. It’s weird, and has a heavy aura about it. Joonmyun thinks he’s seen this kind of look somewhere, sometime long ago, but he doesn’t remember. Of course he doesn’t.
I am the Observer. I am forbidden from meddling with other people’s fates. Even so, I am free to determine my own destiny. Luhan’s Father has made it so that I’d lose my heart and soul every hundred years to start a new life instead of facing death.
Jongin’s hold around him tightens.
Suho gave Kai hope. He gave him so many reasons to live. It was the first time for Kai to feel so alive. Without him, Kai was so lost. You have no idea how long I’ve roamed the Earth to find you.
The clench in Joonmyun’s heart only grows at those words and he has to hold himself back from outright sobbing, not realizing when he started clinging onto the front of Jongin’s shirt.
But I’m not Suho...
This time, Jongin smiles, staring right into his eyes as if he possesses the ability to read his mind, bumping his forehead softly against Joonmyun’s.
You’re not. You’re Kim Joonmyun. The reason for Kim Jongin’s entire existence.
Joonmyun breaks into a smile, although somewhat strained, and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. Seeing this, Jongin chuckles, his voice light and lively as he holds Joonmyun’s hand away from his face, leaning in to connect their lips together. He rubs soothing small circles to Joonmyun’s back-a gesture that always made Suho feel at ease-and he relaxes into the kiss, tilting his head to return it.
I love you, Jongin. I will love you for the rest of my limited mortal life and I will continue to love you even in my next life.
It’s a promise. A vow that is too familiar to Jongin; the red string that ties their fates together.
I love you too, Joonmyun. I will continue to roam the lands of Earth if that means I will be able to find you again.
--
& cries obviously i have too many au's for exo in my head.
& here's to my first joonmyun ship.
& might contain some errors since i'm posting this half-asleep. #uselesswarning
& for alexishero in exchange of a game app l o l.
& for kuroiimiyumi ofc.
& for all of you sukai shippers out there! \o/
Pairing: Jongin/Joonmyun.
Genre: AU, romance.
Rating: PG
Summary: Joonmyun doesn’t remember anything from his previous life except that he was Suho and Jongin was Kai. What relationship they had in the past, he doesn’t know. But if Joonmyun has to choose between his previous life and his current, he's sure he'd choose the current one.
~"~
If Joonmyun has to choose between his previous life and his current, he’s sure he’d choose the current one over the previous one. There are plenty of reasons why. First, he has his first love Luhan by his side. Second, he has great, supportive friends like Park Chanyeol and Kris Wu and Zhang Yixing and Kim Jongdae and Do Kyungsoo and Kim Minseok. Third, there are people he wants to protect, like Byun Baekhyun and Huang Zitao and Oh Sehun; the kid Luhan brought into their group of friends more than a year ago now. The fourth reason is... Well, the fourth reason is because he found Kai-or Kim Jongin, as he’s known as in this life.
Joonmyun doesn’t remember anything from his previous life except that he was Suho and Jongin was Kai. What relationship they had in the past, he doesn’t know. Jongin used to be visibly upset about it, but lately he’s been able to accept the fact (after several failed attempts at making him remember). It’s weird though, Joonmyun likes to think, it’s weird that he only remembers Suho and Kai while Jongin remembers everything; from how they met until how they separated.
It’s a bit absurd, though, how Jongin quickly becomes friends with Chanyeol, Luhan and Baekhyun. He figures Jongin knows them from before-it’s obvious from the way Baekhyun calls him Kai as he runs towards Jongin to envelope him in a delightful hug. Chanyeol stays on his spot, but a gentle smile adorns his face. Joonmyun notices how Luhan only looks on in confusion, though he immediately softens when Jongin introduces himself and tells him that he was Kai, that he was friends with Luhan, that he used to serve Luhan’s Father. He knows Luhan doesn’t remember, yet it doesn’t stop the guy from smiling warmly and wrapping Jongin in a welcoming hug.
By the end of the week, Jongin’s already met all of Joonmyun’s friends in their so-called ‘group.’ Jongin knows everyone-with the exception of Sehun-and some of them who remember welcomed him warmly (like Yixing who latched onto Jongin as soon as he saw him) and eagerly (like Zitao, with a jab to Jongin’s gut). Those who don’t either welcomed him awkwardly or politely. (In Kris’ case, however, Joonmyun couldn’t help but be amused seeing how Kris became suddenly intimidated since Jongin kept glaring coldly at him, as if still blaming him for what had happened in the past.)
Jongin tells Joonmyun later that the people he’s now close with are the same people who used to have close interactions with Suho. Except Oh Sehun, Jongin elaborates, Sehun has just started his life. No wonder Luhan was all alone... His Father saved this person for him on Earth.
Joonmyun doesn’t bother asking him what he means by his last sentence, since Jongin feels warm and he just wants to snuggle and sleep.
It doesn’t come as a surprise when Baekhyun tells him that Suho and Kai were lovers. He kind of expects it, really, since he feels abnormally comfortable around Jongin and has no problem doing skinship with him. It explains a lot of things, actually; it explains why Jongin was upset because he doesn’t remember anything, it explains Jongin’s overprotectiveness towards him, it explains Jongin’s sad eyes when he recited their history, purposedly skipping details about how they were romantically involved with each other. Joonmyun has tears in his eyes when he confronts Jongin about this.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Jongin gives him those sad eyes again.
Because I didn’t want you to feel obliged to love me.
There’s silence as a teardrop makes its way down Joonmyun’s cheek-he feels his heart being squeezed; it hurts so badly. If only he remembers, if only he could remember... Jongin doesn’t have to be hurt.
I’m not Suho, he forces himself to say, looking at the floor so he doesn’t have to feel guilty for saying it for he knows there’s pain flickering in Jongin’s eyes.
But Jongin holds his gaze steady, not tearing it away from Joonmyun even for a milisecond. You’re not. Suho is you.
He brings his hands to cover his face-to cover his freefalling tears, shoulders slumped forward as they shake lightly. And you’re not Kai.
A sad, tiny smile tugs at Jongin’s lips. He shakes his head, reaching up to wrap his arms around Joonmyun’s figure, gently kissing the side of his neck. No, he says, I am Kai. I never died, Joonmyun.
Joonmyun can only imagine the horror in his own eyes as he pulls away so he’s able to look at Jongin. What is he saying? What does he mean by he never died, because that’s impossible; as clueless as Joonmyun is about their previous life, he is sure that Jongin wouldn’t look this young if he’s continued living since then, except-
You’re... You can’t die...
He doesn’t know if Jongin is being somber or serene because he can’t read his expression. It’s weird, and has a heavy aura about it. Joonmyun thinks he’s seen this kind of look somewhere, sometime long ago, but he doesn’t remember. Of course he doesn’t.
I am the Observer. I am forbidden from meddling with other people’s fates. Even so, I am free to determine my own destiny. Luhan’s Father has made it so that I’d lose my heart and soul every hundred years to start a new life instead of facing death.
Jongin’s hold around him tightens.
Suho gave Kai hope. He gave him so many reasons to live. It was the first time for Kai to feel so alive. Without him, Kai was so lost. You have no idea how long I’ve roamed the Earth to find you.
The clench in Joonmyun’s heart only grows at those words and he has to hold himself back from outright sobbing, not realizing when he started clinging onto the front of Jongin’s shirt.
But I’m not Suho...
This time, Jongin smiles, staring right into his eyes as if he possesses the ability to read his mind, bumping his forehead softly against Joonmyun’s.
You’re not. You’re Kim Joonmyun. The reason for Kim Jongin’s entire existence.
Joonmyun breaks into a smile, although somewhat strained, and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. Seeing this, Jongin chuckles, his voice light and lively as he holds Joonmyun’s hand away from his face, leaning in to connect their lips together. He rubs soothing small circles to Joonmyun’s back-a gesture that always made Suho feel at ease-and he relaxes into the kiss, tilting his head to return it.
I love you, Jongin. I will love you for the rest of my limited mortal life and I will continue to love you even in my next life.
It’s a promise. A vow that is too familiar to Jongin; the red string that ties their fates together.
I love you too, Joonmyun. I will continue to roam the lands of Earth if that means I will be able to find you again.
--
& cries obviously i have too many au's for exo in my head.
& here's to my first joonmyun ship.
& might contain some errors since i'm posting this half-asleep. #uselesswarning
& for alexishero in exchange of a game app l o l.
& for kuroiimiyumi ofc.
& for all of you sukai shippers out there! \o/