Day Two: Are Those Space Pants...(an R-rated post! Ohnoes!)

[big_tunny]

Today's gift is pickup lines! Whether you think they are ridiculous or the greatest invention known to (wo)mankind, they are always good for a laugh.

Under the cut are lines that I have found around the internet. I hope you haven't heard of all of these--I tried to gather ones I'd never heard of either, as well as ones that make me giggle no matter how many times I've heard them. And I pray you're not easily offended by dirty humor. :)

P.S.: For a clue to who I am/where I'm from, check my oh-so-obvious spelling of the word "humo(u)r". *hums the Star-Spangled Banner*


Pickup lines! Woohoo!

• How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
  
• Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
  
• If I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
  
• How would you like your eggs tomorrow morning? Scrambled or fertilized?
  
• They call me Fred Flintstone, because I can make the bed rock!
  
• If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
  
• Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
  
• Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch?
  
• I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night?
  
• Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
  
• Do you like chips? Because if you are "Frito Lay" than I am a barrel of fun!
  
• If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
  
• OH GOD! OH GOD! Just practicing.
  
• Trust me. It will only seem kinky the first time.
  
• (my personal favorite) Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
  

And some responses to common lines:
I'd really like to get into your pants.
No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.

So, wanna go back to my place?
Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

I'd like to call you. What's your number?
It's in the phone book.
But I don't know your name.
That's in the phone book too.

Hey, haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.