(no subject)
ok so i thought i didnt know what was going on but damn. does anybody remember my friend richard that had emotional problems and i was his only friend growing up and in return he was the only person that has ever pissed on me and hit me in the head with a lead pipe(and i still call a friend).
starts with spending the night with him, we find a lizard in the yard and he's sacred of it and im trying to catch it. im just about to get it when i black out. when i open my eyes my head is throbbing and standing there crying and holding a lead pipe. i said "why are you crying im the one that got hit in the head?" he said " you wont be my friend no more." i said " no no we can still be friends you just cant hit me in the head with pipes and shit."
then in elementary school we had these trough urinals, if you're not familiar this it is a urinal that looks similar to a bath tub hung on the wall. we had a game where you stood on one end of the trough and pissed longways to the other end, this was considered a touchdown. if one was capable if pissing on the opposing wall he was then awarded an extra point. the day was lovely, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. nature was glowing and also calling for little paul to do some business. as i approached the trough from the side line and proceeded to spring my not-so-adventurous leak. mid-way through the endeavor, richard positions himself in the appropriate spot and shouts(in a very high pitched voice) "im gonna make me a touchdown!" we werent so lucky. the day became grim as his piss hurdled angularly from his whancker and all over me. he began to cry and i again asked "why are you crying im the one that got pissed on?" he replied " you wont be my friend no more!" however i explained it was still possible to be friends, he was just going have to refrain from defecating on my person.
years went by fairly uneventful, and richard started calling multpile times a day. i would try anything "i have to shit" but i would get answers like "thats ok man ill talk to you while you do that." then it reached a peak. he started calling me and asking " you hear that?" id respond "no" "hold on man...you hear that now?" "yeah i heard it what was it?" "you heard that?" "yes" "you heard that?" "yeah what was it?" "Im beatin my dick!!!"
ok well hes's back. he somehow accquired my phone number and place of work. so it started only minorly frustraing, he would call alot and id be like "well, shit." then it escalated, he went to my place of work and made them call me and then proceeded to take the busness phone from the manager and talk to me while telling the manager to "hold on" as he tried to explain to him that it was a buisness phone.
as if he's not pushing it at this point he then came to my work while i was working and waited for me to get off work(at 6am). he walked around asking ppl "is paul here?" and when my coworkeres were like "yeah he's right there." richard would respond with "oh i see him" and then walk off and sit down. so i go over and talk to him and try and humor him so he'll be on his way. but instead when i got off work he was sleeping in my car. i woke him and asked where his car was he said he didnt have a car. i asked him "how'd you get here?" he said "where?" so i asked him if he needed a ride home. he said we could go look for his girl. we didnt find her and i finally left him at badass and when home to bibb around 10am.
i was really pissed that he had stalked me all day at work and then wouldnt leave my apartment(big mistake letting him know where i live) i found out after dropping him off and looking at my phone log he had only really called this girl twice out of the supposed two dozen. he comes back to my work the next night and the manager says hes gonna call the police so i go warn him and tell he doesnt want any trouble with thte cops so he needed to go. he asked "can i go to your place and catch some shut eye?" i told him my brother had s.a.d. and we didnt have guests and told him to go to his girl's house. thankfully he stayed gone this time. i went home went to bed got up the next morning and realized my brother's phone was gone. richard then called me on my brother's phone that he got out of my house after leaving my work and asked if i wanted to watch the super bowl with him.
so what the fuck?