Life Again Chapter 6 (Part 2)
GDragon woke up in someone’s arms and ended up falling out of bed with his wiggling. He rubbed his head as he looked back up at the bed, only to find it was TOP.
He went into the living room, collapsing onto an already-awake TaeYang.
“How are you today?” TaeYang asked him, concern apparent on his face.
“I want to peel my skin off.” The leader replied graphically, honestly. He dug his fingernails into his elbows.
“I’ll cut your fingernails if you keep that up.” TaeYang warned. He pinched his fingers together and held it up for GDragon to see.
“This short.” He growled.
The leader brought his hands down to his sides, biting his lip instead. TaeYang couldn’t take out his teeth, could he?
TaeYang proved GDragon wrong as he shoved a few fingers into the younger man’s mouth, separating his lips from his teeth. “Stop that too, it’s not good for your lips.” He said simply, eyes never leaving the television.
“Why’d you do that? Why did you remind me?” GDragon asked and TaeYang felt his heart fall to the floor.
“You’ve handled everything else well; I want you to handle this hurdle properly as well.” He replied softly.
“I want to scream and yell and cut myself into ten million pieces but I’m not doing it! Is that what you want to hear? I’m not cutting myself!” He yelled, sitting up and bringing his legs to his chest.
“You’re not cutting with a knife JiYong. You’re still cutting and I want you to stop.” TaeYang growled. “You can deal with this without slicing your skin open.”
“You don’t know what happened YoungBae.” The boy cried. He buried his face into his lap. “It was horrifying.”
“Then tell me, in your own words.”
“I can’t! I can’t even begin!” He cried, tears falling. He dug his nails into himself again and TaeYang tore his hands away, pinning his friend against the couch.
“Listen.” TaeYang growled as he felt GDragon shudder. “You can. I know you can because you’ve gotten through everything else. This is your last hurdle. Do you remember when JaeMi broke up with you?”
“Yeah…” The leader looked at something distant outside the window.
“You were heartbroken and-”
“I still am.”
“Fine. You are still heartbroken about it and not once,” He took a shattered, angered breath, “not once did you cut yourself. Not once did you shove your fingernails into your skin. You can handle this too. Trust in TOP and SeungRi and DaeSung, god JiYong trust in me,” his voice broke and he knew he’d be crying soon enough, “we want to help you. You have so many people who care for you and want to see you get through this.” He finished. He cautiously let go of the younger man’s arms and returned to his spot.
They watched TV for the rest of the day. When TOP joined them on the couch, JiYong moved his “pillow” from TaeYang to his lover.
“TaeYangie?” GDragon called out one night a few weeks later, crawling into bed next to his friend.
“What is it?” TaeYang asked, opening his eyes wearily. He turned to face the other man.
“I won’t do it,” the leader said cryptically, his voice breaking.
“What?”
“Cut. I won’t do it. So make the memories stop.” The younger man begged, collapsing weakly onto TaeYang’s chest.
TaeYang held him close. “I’m sorry GD.” He replied, finally feeling guilty for bringing it up. “Get some sleep.” He told GDragon, closing his eyes again.
“TaeYang… I’m tired.” The leader whined, leaning against the older member, and TaeYang gave TOP a nervous smile as the eldest glared at him wearily.
“I told you to get some sleep…” TaeYang muttered, resting his head in his hands as he leaned against the table.
“I can’t sleep.”
“Then write a song.”
“All my songs are stolen trash.”
“Stop reading gossip sites.”
“I’m not.” GDragon’s head fell to the table, a “thunk” and then a whine as the leader brought his hand up to his forehead.
TaeYang winced, but let out a smile. This was his leader, the crazy one who gave all too much fan service in a depressed state, whining about his songs and whining about not getting enough sleep all at the same time.
“You write your best in the early morning hours, don’t you?” TOP asked him as he collapsed onto the couch, his voice sounding halfway into dreamland already.
GDragon let out a groan that sounded like an “uh huh”.
“Then if you can’t sleep tonight, try writing.” The oldest suggested, shoving a hat he found over his eyes.
GDragon let out a similar groan.
TaeYang laughed, not able to help being reminded of when he was trying to help his friend catch up in high school.
It was when GDragon came into the kitchen one morning bouncing around before he had coffee that TaeYang knew the boy had “dealt with it”.
“You seem different.” TaeYang told him, not able to help but smile.
JiYong smiled and whispered something in the older man’s ear, only making him sputter his own coffee and blush a brilliant shade of red.
SeungRi and DaeSung glanced over from the couch in the living room, curious.
“Why would I want to know that?” He asked his friend wildly.
“Because! Before I was so afraid and I couldn’t figure out why. I’ve sorted it out and we got intimate and it just… happened. And I wasn’t afraid, or scared.” GDragon told the older man, talking as if he accomplished something Nobel Prize-worthy.
“I’m glad for you, really.” TaeYang replied monotonally, burying his head in his hands.
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