Awkward
Title: Awkward
Author: Redeim
Genre: not angst! 8D;; fluffish
Rating: Pg13ish, some mentions of sexual stuff
Pairing: what do I always do? GDTOP, of course! :D
Summary: TOP’s awkward with accepting he’s gay. TOP’s PoV
Random Note: I think I'll feel bad once I run out of ideas.... ._. I've been posting things left and right and eventually... I'll have to stop cause I'm out of ideas. I've still got a couple more up my sleeve, but I dunno... Another GDTOP drabble.
It’s not like someone wakes up one day and goes, “hey, I like guys now”… do they?
But a fake kiss with THE LEE HYORI didn’t even get me least bit excited.
It’s entirely his fault.
Back when the band first started up, he came up to me and told me he liked me.
But I turned him down because I don’t swing that way really and you know what? I didn’t care. He was just a scrawny little kid anyway.
I don’t know what changed. I really don’t.
His leadership, his (amazing) songwriting…
At some point I realized I was starting to feel the same for him. He had been patient and didn’t make any further advances after I turned him down. But before I knew it, he had become my best friend. Then I thought about it more, and told him I loved him back.
It only took him two years to get me.
But I like our romance. It’s simple, sweet, seems to bringing out the best in both of us.
Yet nothing’s happened. He wants something to happen. But to think I stick that in there just kind of makes me back off. I guess I’m a bit afraid. No, I’m awkward. Awkward with the thought of a sexual relationship with my partner because up until only about a week ago, I was pretty sure I was straight.
We’ve cuddled plenty. Silly little words exchanged that become inside jokes between the two of us as we’re the last ones to go to sleep, whispering to each other and giving each other butterfly kisses.
I like his kisses. Each night seems like something new. Minty toothpaste, a candy bar, cherry chap stick… I should write a food diary just on what he does before bed, I swear.
After the kisses, we’ll cuddle into a comfortable position and fall asleep.
It’s not like I haven’t had any reaction to his advances, but we’ve never gone all the way. I think the furthest we’ve gone is… he got a sweater off me.
I think he’s frustrated about that, speaking of which. I can disrobe him in (no more than) five minutes and he’s stuck playing with the strings to my sweater hood.
I’m unfair, I know. But to think about it, it goes back to awkwardness. It’s not the fact that he’s a guy even; I’m just awkward with letting anyone see me shirtless. Even my lover.
I’m pathetic, I know.
He’ll bring his hands under my shirt though. One time, I jumped back because his hands were like freaking icicles and I like my body at a comfortable temperature, thank you very much. It ruined the moment and we went to sleep.
I think our trick when we get nothing accomplished is to just cuddle into each other and let ourselves fall asleep with like, no space between any part of us.
He says he’d cry if I ever felt cold; something about liking my body temperature where it’s at as well. I’m his personal heater or some other thing.
At one point he got so frustrated he joined me in the shower, probably hoping action would happen in there.
An hour later we were cuddling and I was applying small kisses to his neck. Nothing was different except we weren’t clothed and the water pouring over us was going cold.
I’m okay with that though. We will take this one step at a time, and maybe one day, I’ll be less awkward, and he’ll be less distracted, and it will happen.
I’m comfortable with this.