Denied (One-Shot)
Title: Denied
Author: Redeim
Rating: PG-13ish for mentions of sex
Genre: more angst-ish stuff/anti-climactic
Pairing: mentions of SeungSung/DaeRi, past SeungRi crush! TaeYang
Summary: DaeSung-centric and his PoV. DaeSung’s been holding a secret inside.
Random Notes: This idea came to me randomly last night (transl: 5am). Since I had to come to library, I decided to write it out and bring you guys a fic that is not GDTOP.
There is a ninja!mention of GDTOP though. ;)
At the time, I wasn’t surprised when no one noticed my change after we got to go home for the ChuSeok Holiday. I was always the odd one out in the band anyway.
It was always SeungRi and TaeYang and GDragon and TOP.
I don’t really know what gave me courage to tell him how I felt. I had been talking with TOP one day and he told me to go ahead and give it a try. The worst that could happen was he said no.
I don’t know how to explain how I felt when SeungRi accepted my feelings. I had kept them such a secret it was a surprise to him. He thought about it for a little bit and decided to return my feelings. I shoved my thoughts of ChuSeok behind me and let myself move forward so I could be happy.
But then the question of whether I was being used kept popping up. SeungRi and I were happy together but the question wouldn’t go away. But one day, my question was answered when I overheard SeungRi and TaeYang talking. (TaeYang’s a nice guy, he really is.)
“SeungRi…” He had started.
“What is it?”
“I’m worried about you and DaeSung. You claim to love him, but… All you guys really do is…”
I couldn’t tell what SeungRi did from where I was, but I know he moved as he let out a sigh.
“I do love him. There is no way I could bring myself to compromise the friendship we had before we were ever lovers. DaeSungie’s trust is more important to me than sex. I could never betray him like that.”
After hearing that, I had felt like been in a dream. All the time I had spent worrying felt like a waste. I never brought up SeungRi’s past crush on TaeYang again, and just accepted TaeYang had moved into the “best friend” category for my lover.
It’s getting close to our two month anniversary and I’m stuck trying to figure out what I can do to celebrate both our anniversary and SeungRi’s birthday in the same day. Our manager informs us that fans will be spending the day with us, and all of us groan in unison.
Not that we don’t like our fans. Please don’t misunderstand. It’s just… Having to entertain guests and keep up with our schedule is twice as tiring.
A fan caught SeungRi and I… in the act. She screamed and both of us jumped away from each other and she started screaming obscenities at us and I couldn’t help it, the water well broke.
Once the three eldest got her out (with the promise she wouldn’t tell ANYONE about us), they came back to the room to check on us.
SeungRi was doing his best to comfort me, but I couldn’t stop crying. The other four fans looked in curiously, but kept their distance, remaining quiet.
When I finally calmed down, I told them what happened. “During… ChuSeok…” I started, holding onto SeungRi as if he were my security blanket. I sniffed before continuing, “I had told my parents… that I had a crush on one of my band members. They… did exactly what that fan did.” I buried my face in SeungRi’s shoulder, and he held onto me tighter, comforting me.
“They... said I was probably mistaken. That it was something that could be ‘corrected’ or ‘fixed’; like it was a leaky faucet or something.” I choke back on more tears, remembering the event. “I was kicked out of the house. My parents never want to see me, unless I’m bringing back a girlfriend.” I finally got out.
The others remained quiet, not sure what to say.
“What did you do for ChuSeok?” SeungRi asked, and I more felt it than heard him.
“Went to my sister’s.” I mumbled into his shoulder.
I wake up the next day not even realizing I fell asleep. The fans and TaeYang are in the living room sipping on coffee and watching TV quietly, all of them obviously still waking up. They all look to me, and I feel awkward.
TaeYang stands up and comes over to me, giving me a smile. “Do you want some coffee?” He asked me softly, patting my shoulder.
I nod, letting a smile show on my face. After letting so many months go by of keeping what happened inside, I felt a lot more relieved now that it was out.
I know its cliché, but it’s true. I seriously felt better, and I felt like even though it was small, it was the first real smile I had given anyone in the last few months.
I sat down on the floor after TaeYang handed me some coffee and just waited for the girls to start asking me questions.
“DaeSung oppa…” One of them started.
“Yes?” I asked, doing my best to not be nervous.
“How long have you and SeungRi…?” She tried.
I blushed and my nervousness showed through, “Almost two months…” I replied shyly.
She smiled, muttering a “cute” before returning to the TV.
Was that it?
“How long before you two started doing it?” Another one asked; she had let herself be known as completely blunt from the moment we met her.
I sputtered my coffee for a bit before looking up at her with a bright red face, “wha-?” I asked her unintelligibly.
“You know… sex.” She sighed, as if it was an all-too-commonly-talked-about conversation.
“Um… I don’t think I’m obliged to answer that.” I replied softly, sinking down the arm rest until only my head was leaning against it.
“Are you okay?” A third one asked, referring to last night.
“Hmm? Oh… yeah… I’m alright.” I tell them, and I find I can easily give them a smile too.
The good thing about this is that I still had a home to return to. I had my sister’s house and even if I didn’t have her, I had Big Bang. If I had told my parents when I was younger (not like I realized it then); I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go. Also, SeungRi, GDragon, and TaeYang all have loving families that love the band, and all of us are welcome anytime.
I can’t help but get curious a few days later. The fans have left and it’s just the band again. GDragon and TOP are still sleeping, and TaeYang could be heard in the living room. SeungRi and I are lazing around in bed, giving each other small kisses and trying not to wake up too much in hopes we’ll go back to sleep.
“SeungRi?” I start with my voice just above a whisper.
“Hmm?” Comes his equally soft reply.
“Do you think your parents would accept you were gay?”
He smiles and gives me a kiss before replying, “I think they might. But we’d never be able to share a room together if we went over there.” We both let out a small laugh. “She’d be disappointed about not getting grandchildren from me. She’d only think about the future and make me totally embarrassed in the process.” He smiled.
I smiled back at him. “Can I join your family?” I joke.
“No.” He replied sternly. “Cause if you did, we wouldn’t be allowed to be lovers. Join GD’s family, they like you.”
We snuggled some more and SeungRi fell asleep first. I let out a small sigh. Really, I’m happy with my new family. My hyungs and lover (/only dongsaeng) are my new family and that’s alright. I still have my sister, anyway.
She’s getting married soon. I’m a bit nervous about seeing my parents again, but she told me she wouldn’t have the wedding if her “precious little brother” wasn’t the ring bearer. Though I keep insisting I’m too old for ring bearer, she won’t hear it. Oh well, that’s just my sister, I guess.