I know she's going to read this and that's what makes this awkward
EDIT- Lameness pwned by semi-request of super azn man.
Well, as if I couldn't possibly post anymore about this girl (OMG I know!), I feel inclined to make one more thing known. Ugh, I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but then I read Sam's LJ and it sort of inspired me to open up a bit. As almost none of you know, I'm trying to change myself for the better. This includes actually using my $80 acne cream stuff, start running again, and fixing personality issues, which will be hard to say the least. Atop all of this though, I want to post about her. Recognize the boldness? Hey hey, you're one of the lucky ones who actually know who I'm talking about then. Well, yesterday I called her but she couldn't talk so I thought about some things and I couldn't get her off my mind. Everytime I would stray from thinking about her, I'd get to something that reminded me of her. It seems like everything does right now. One thought lead to another thought and I came up thinking, 'Man...I guess she really won't ever have these feelings for me. She won't ever kiss me in adoration, or hold me when she needs someone. It's always going to be some other guy, and there already are those other guys'. I just kept thinking about the fact that she'll never have this 'love' for me, but she truly has everything that I want and have been searching for, even though I know that no on would date me anyway. It just lead to tears, I couldn't explain it if you don't get it already. It seemed like I couldn't stop crying, so I violinned and felt a little better. Well, it stopped the tears anyhow. She's intelligent, beautiful, just the right height, the perfect weight. Deep blue eyes that contrast her milky complexion and her bright red hair, and freckles that dot her soft face. Damn, here I go again. I'll save you the description, I'm sure you've seen her. Easy on the eyes, no? It just unsettled me, the idea that she's everything I could want, but her reason for not liking me as more than a friend, is in her words, 'You know how I am'. It's about as simple as a no gets when you don't want to hurt someone. You just don't realize this hurts more than a no sometimes. It's killing me. I talk to her all the time on the phone and sometimes in person like it's nothing and I just don't tell her this. Of course she knows, but like it'd change anything anyhow. It's just killing me on the inside. It really is.
Well, as if I couldn't possibly post anymore about this girl (OMG I know!), I feel inclined to make one more thing known. Ugh, I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but then I read Sam's LJ and it sort of inspired me to open up a bit. As almost none of you know, I'm trying to change myself for the better. This includes actually using my $80 acne cream stuff, start running again, and fixing personality issues, which will be hard to say the least. Atop all of this though, I want to post about her. Recognize the boldness? Hey hey, you're one of the lucky ones who actually know who I'm talking about then. Well, yesterday I called her but she couldn't talk so I thought about some things and I couldn't get her off my mind. Everytime I would stray from thinking about her, I'd get to something that reminded me of her. It seems like everything does right now. One thought lead to another thought and I came up thinking, 'Man...I guess she really won't ever have these feelings for me. She won't ever kiss me in adoration, or hold me when she needs someone. It's always going to be some other guy, and there already are those other guys'. I just kept thinking about the fact that she'll never have this 'love' for me, but she truly has everything that I want and have been searching for, even though I know that no on would date me anyway. It just lead to tears, I couldn't explain it if you don't get it already. It seemed like I couldn't stop crying, so I violinned and felt a little better. Well, it stopped the tears anyhow. She's intelligent, beautiful, just the right height, the perfect weight. Deep blue eyes that contrast her milky complexion and her bright red hair, and freckles that dot her soft face. Damn, here I go again. I'll save you the description, I'm sure you've seen her. Easy on the eyes, no? It just unsettled me, the idea that she's everything I could want, but her reason for not liking me as more than a friend, is in her words, 'You know how I am'. It's about as simple as a no gets when you don't want to hurt someone. You just don't realize this hurts more than a no sometimes. It's killing me. I talk to her all the time on the phone and sometimes in person like it's nothing and I just don't tell her this. Of course she knows, but like it'd change anything anyhow. It's just killing me on the inside. It really is.