One Shot: Don't forget me (Part 4)
“How are you doing lately Kamenashi-san?”
“I'm fine.”
“That's good. The tests show that now is probably the time when you will slowly forget about your recent memories. People you met the last years will become strangers to you and you will probably don't remember important events of the last years. It will slowly start and you will forget more and more and maybe even the memories of your childhood will be forgotten. I know it's difficult but you shouldn't let it affect your life too much. Try living your remaining months or years to the full content. ”
He nodded and you took his hand to lead him outside. You knew he was trying hard not to be too upset when he forgot about something but there were still certain things he couldn't hide in front of you.
“The others are coming over today. Let's go buy food.”
Recently he seemed like something was bothering him and you had a guess that he was afraid of forgetting more. Forgetting about truly important things.
You thought it would be good for him when he was in a different environment so you invited some people over.
“Hey! Come inside.”
Taguchi and Koki were the first one to arrive but only minutes later Ueda, Nakamaru and Pi joined them in the living room.
“Where is Kame? We haven't seen him for a while.”
You called for Kame to come out of the kitchen and he replied that he would be out in a second. The others were making themselves comfortable on the sofa and on the floor. You haven't met up like this for a very long time.
“Hey Kame, come here and sit next to me,” you held his hand out to him when you saw him exiting the kitchen.
He smiled and sat down next to you.
“We haven't seen each other for a while. You look good Kame,” Koki said to him.
“Yeah, we should do this more often. It must be boring for you to always be at home,” Taguchi was smiling his bright smile.
You looked at Kame and saw that he was smiling weakly. It was a forced smile.
“What's wrong?” you asked him quietly so the others wouldn't hear. They were engrossed in a conversation about the newest gossip in the company anyway.
“I'm sorry. I can't remember.”
The room suddenly fell silent and everyone was looking at you two questioning.
“I'm sorry but I can't … remember you.”
You were reaching for his hand to hold it tightly in yours. You knew someday this day would come.
“It's okay Kame.”
“It's not okay Jin! Just a moment ago I exactly knew who was coming. I remembered the names and how happy I was to see them again. But now when I look into your eyes I … it's like I'm looking into the faces of strangers.”
The others didn't know what to make of the situation and you couldn't blame them. They didn't know how to handle this because they didn't spend every day with Kame for the last year and months.
“Listen Kame. Look at them again. See if you maybe can remember them. Don't be scared. Try it. I'm here beside you. You don't have to be afraid of anything.”
You were wiping his tears away and he nodded. He looked at Koki's face first.
“It doesn't matter when you can't remember me Kame. You were never the one who had a good memory anyway. You always forgot when I asked you 'Do you remember that guy? We were with him on stage once'.”
He looked at Taguchi next.
“Ne Kame-chan. How can you forget about me? Don't you remember my jokes? Iriguchi, deguchi, Taguchi desu ~”
He let out a small laugh and Taguchi received a hit on the head from Koki. He looked over to Nakamaru.
“You and Jin were always the one to bully me on stage. We joined JE at the same time.”
“Nakamaru.”
You turned around to him surprised. “You remember him?”
“Yes. It's Nakamaru. We … we ran together with your mom because we got the wrong place back then.”
“Yes. We did that.”
You saw that Nakamaru had tears in his eyes and turned away to quickly wipe them away. Kame was smiling and looked at Ueda next.
“Kame. No matter if you forget about us one day we will always be there to support you. Got it?”
Kame nodded and was wiping away his own tears. You were glad to have such awesome band members.
“I too will always support you Shuuji-kun.”
You threw a death glare at Pi who only smirked back at you. You hated it when he called Kame like that and he knew it and always did it to tease you.
“Thank you Yamapi.”
“You remember me too!” Pi was suddenly jumping on top of Kame and you had to use all your strength to pull him off.
“Get off Kame you fatty!”
The room was filled with laughter and you saw even Kame laughing at you two. It was good after all to invite the others. You thought maybe Kame wasn't so afraid anymore of forgetting. You were all there to support him.
Koki. Taguchi. Nakamaru. Ueda. Pi. And you.
~♥~
“I'll go out for a while Jin!”
You told him to come back quickly before turning back to your work. You were still writing lyrics for JE though you mostly spent your time at home with Kame. You liked that job and you were grateful when Johnny offered it to you after you resigned.
Hours passed without you realizing it. When you looked at the clock you wondered where Kame was. You took a break from work and got yourself a cup of coffee.
Passing the living room you saw a photo album on the table. You went closer and saw that it were Kame's childhood photos.
There were a lot of photos of Kame with his brothers and his parents. He was so young and so happy. You turned over the next page. There were pictures of Kame's 7th birthday. And then his 8th birthday. You wondered how many birthdays you could celebrate with him in the future.
A few pages further there were finally the first pictures with you. It was around the time when you joined JE. There were pictures with Pi in it. And Nakamaru. And a few pages further the others were in them as well. It was when KAT-TUN was formed.
When you heard a key in the lock of your apartment door you turned around to greet Kame.
“Okaeri.”
You were surprised when his brother was standing next to him.
“Hello Jin.”
“Hey Yuya. I didn't know Kame wanted to visit you.”
“No, I met him a few blocks away from your apartment. He seemed lost and he told me he couldn't remember his way home. He didn't even know where he was living. He thought he was still living with us.”
You looked at Kame worried but the other was keeping his face down.
“Thank you Yuya for bringing him home.”
“I'm going home then. Bye Onii-chan.”
Kame nodded and Yuya left the apartment.
“What happened Kame? Where did you want to go?”
You stepped closer to him and wanted to take his hand but he was suddenly taking a step away from you.
“Kame?”
He lifted his face and finally met your eyes. But what you saw scared you.
“Who are you?”
~♥~
You found yourself face to face with Kame. He looked like he was uncomfortable and just wanted to leave. It was hard for you to be calm.
“Who are you? Why did my brother bring me here?” he asked again.
“I'm Jin. You are living here Kame. You have Alzheimer so you probably forgot.”
He didn't say anything.
“I think you should rest in your room. You must be tired.”
You showed him your room and told him to sleep. You told him tomorrow would be a better day.
He nodded and went to bed. You slept on the sofa but made sure he didn't know.
~♥~
“Jin.”
You turned around to meet him standing at the kitchen door.
“Good morning love.”
You smiled and kissed him on the cheek.
“Breakfast is ready soon.”
You turned your attention back to the pan on the cooker. Suddenly two arms wrapped around your waist from behind and you felt his chest being pressed tightly against your back.
“I'm sorry.”
You tried to ignore the pain in your heart and smiled.
“Don't worry. I'm okay.”
“I'm so sorry.”
~♥~
You saw him sitting on the living room floor with photo albums and photos scattered around him. You picked one of Taguchi up.
Taguchi Junnosuke. Called: Junno. Cheerful, lame jokes, always smiling. In the same band KAT-TUN with him, it said on the back.
“What are you doing Kame?”
“I write their names on the back of the photo so I won't forget.”
You picked up a photo of you.
Akanishi Jin. Called: Jin. Bakanishi, still a kid, easily jealous, protective, cute, caring. My boyfriend.
~♥~
“Will you be alright going out?”
His illness was getting worse. Of course you were afraid when he went out alone.
“I'm just going to the supermarket around the corner so don't worry. And I have this with me.” He pointed at the little book in his jacket. “There's my name, address and your phone number so stop worrying.”
You looked after his retreating back until he stepped into the elevator.
You didn't let him hear your relieved sigh when he came back home.
~♥~
You saw him sitting over the photos and reading the back of them.
“What are you doing?”
“I just want to confirm I remember everything that's written there.”
You stole Pi's picture to read what he wrote there.
Yamashita Tomohisa. Called: Pi. Dork, calls me Shuuji-kun, quite touchy-feeling. Jin's best friend.
You smirked and scribbled something behind his name.
“What are you doing?”
He took the picture from your hands and read what you've written.
“Baka.”
“So you still remember?”
“Yeah.”
You wrapped your arms around him and kissed his lips.
“Back then I really thought he was your boyfriend. You were always around him though you used to hate each other. I was jealous.”
“You were and always will be my only boyfriend. My first and last love.”
He kissed you and you knew you could believe his words.
~♥~
“Kazuya.”
“Hm?”
He turned around in your embrace to look at your face. You touched his cheek softly and brushed a strand out of his face.
“I wish time could stop for a moment. Or just forever.”
He snuggled closer into your embrace and kissed your collarbone.
“That tickles,” you almost squealed.
“I love you so much Jin.”
“Me too. I love you Kazuya.”
He fell asleep quickly but you still lied awake. You think you felt something wet against your collarbone.
~♥~
“The others are coming over in a few minutes Kame! I'm just going to the super market quickly to buy beer!”
“Okay! Hurry up! They'll be here soon!”
You quickly ran to the super market around the corner and bought beer. It took you longer than expected because the queue was so long.
“I'm back!”
You already saw shoes at the entrance. You recognized them as Pi's.
“Hey Pi! You're on time for the first time!”
“Hey Bakanishi! We're in the kitchen! Shuuji-kun is making delicious cake!”
You took off your shoes and went to the kitchen with the beers in your hands. You almost let them drop at the sight in front of you.
“What … are you doing?” You tried not to sound bothered but it actually did. How could you not when your boyfriend was wiping away something from your best friend's face. Lovingly.
“Pi … who is this?”
You tried not to get hurt. You told yourself you were already used to it. That Kame would forget about you occasionally.
“I'm-”
“That's Jin! Your boyfriend! Don't you remember?” Pi interrupted you.
“My … boyfriend? But aren't you … my boyfriend?”
This time you actually let the bags in your hand drop and you took Pi by the collar angrily.
“What the fuck is going on here Pi?!” you screamed and you saw Kame wince.
“Calm down first Ji-”
You punched Pi into his face and he fell back on the ground. You dragged Pi out of the kitchen into the living room and punched him again.
“Jin, listen to me fi-”
You didn't know what you were doing anymore. You didn't know you were even crying. You were full of rage. All the frustration that had built up inside you but were never let out now spilled over. You punched him again and again and sometimes he was punching back.
Sometimes you think you saw Kame standing at the kitchen door, staring at you. But there was no fear in his eyes. He looked like he felt so guilty. But you could have been wrong. Your vision was blurred with tears.
It took Ueda, Koki and Taguchi to get you away from Pi.
~♥~
“I'm sorry Jin.”
Pi's photo was lying in front of you on the table.
Yamashita Tomohisa. Called: Pi. Dork, calls you Shuuji-kun, quite touchy-feeling. Jin's best friend. Boyfriend.
“It's not your fault. It was my fault. I was the one who wrote it but I also was the one who got out of control like that. I'm an idiot. Can you forgive me?”
He kissed your forehead before burying his face deep into the crook of your neck.
“I'm so sorry.”
~♥~
The next morning you woke up and he was gone.
~♥~
“Jin. You should eat something. You didn't eat for fours days. You are getting skinny like him.”
You didn't have the strength to fight back. You only nodded but still didn't eat anything. Your best friend was at the edge of insanity.
“Jin! Stop being like this! It's frustrating me. Do something! Anything! Yell, scream, cry, whatever just do something!”
You looked at him. He looked like he would cry soon. You should be the one crying but all your did was cling onto his letter tightly.
~♥~
“I think you should call Nakamaru or Ueda.”
You didn't answer him.
“They might know where Kame is right now.”
You looked at him as if finally someone brought you back to reality.
“Finally you are back to reality Jin.”
“Where is Kame, Pi?”
“I don't know. I just heard they are in Okinawa very often. Even staying there for weeks and months and only coming back for a day or two and then it's only one of them. I thought maybe you should give them a call.”
~♥~
“Where is Kame?”
“Jin.”
“Ueda. Tell me where Kame is. I know you know where he is. Please tell me. I need to know.”
“Jin. I can't tell you. He told me not to tell you.”
“Please Ueda! Please. I need to know. I just want to be with him. I don't care if he doesn't remember me. I just want to be with him.”
“We are in Okinawa. Maru is in Tokyo right now. Contact him and come with him.”
~♥~
Jin,
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. I never want to leave you but I have to. How can I stay by your side? How can I allow myself to continue putting such a burden on you?
Jin, I love you so much.
I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to be beside you for the rest of your life and make you smile but I can't. The me right now can only bring pain to you and it's hurting me and you.
I'm so sorry. I can't do anything else than leave you so you can live a peaceful life. I don't know when I will leave but I can no longer take your kindness because it's hurting.
I love you so much. I know you know so understand me and don't look for me. Just let me leave and live your life. You don't need to know where I am or when I won't be on the same world as you anymore.
Don't cry Jin. I don't want you to cry. Remember the happy time we got to spend together and smile. Smile for me as well. Don't be sad and smile.
If I stayed you would be crying again and again because of me. But I never want to see you cry again. I never want to see you break because of me. I'm a bad person I know. I'm selfish. I want to stay beside you until the end of my life.
I love you Jin. I love you so much.
I love only you and it will always be you in my memory. I only think of you day and night and I don't know what will become of me when I can't think of you anymore. I don't want to look into your face and ask who you are. I don't want to wake up and realize what I did to you again. I love only you. I don't want to forget. I can't forget.
You are a part of my heart. My heart is only filled with you so even if I forget, you will always be inside my heart. You occupied it and I don't ever want you to leave. I just want to be this selfish for once and beg you to stay in my heart.
I don't know how much longer my memories will be there so I just want you to know that I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I just love you. Only you.
I, Kamenashi Kazuya, love you, Akanishi Jin.
~♥~
“You know he might not recognize you. He barely recognizes us.”
“I know.”
You were driving with Nakamaru to their house in Okinawa.
You weren't scared of meeting him. You wanted to see him so badly your heart was hurting.
“Come inside. His room is right next to the kitchen.”
He led you into Kame's room. You looked around it. There was only a bed and closet in the room. And a table. You took a step closer and saw photos on the table.
“He sometimes looks at them. But lately he hasn't been looking at them anymore. He accepted the fact that he can't remember.”
You picked up a picture of the two of you together.
Jin. My boyfriend. My only love.
“They must be outside. Come.”
Nakamaru led you to the garden. You already saw him from inside sitting at a table and playing cards with Ueda.
“Kame. You have a guest.”
He looked up, smiling at Nakamaru. Then he looked at you.
“Hello.”
He was looking at you. You knew he didn't recognize you.
He was so beautiful. He would always be beautiful in your eyes. You wanted to hold him, look into his eyes deeply, kiss him, touch him. You wanted him.
“Do you recognize me?” you asked.
“Do we know each other?”
He was having such a kind smile on his lips. You wanted to cry.
“I'm Jin.”
You revealed the flower you had hid behind your back and held it in front of him.
He looked at it.
He looked back at you.
A single pink rose.
It meant everything to you. It was the symbol of your memory. Even if he didn't remember you still remembered. You would always remember it. For you and for him. You could remember it for the two of you.
You wanted to be with him for the rest of his life. You would be his memory.
I love you.
“Jin.”
~♥~
The memories I thought I would lose
held me close.
*****
This was lying in my hard disk since February so I thought I should finish and just post it before it would lie there another few months.
Inspired by a young boy who went to my school and died a few months ago because of an illness. That was when I started writing this.
I hope you liked it :) Comments are always welcome. Especially because I'm frustrated after spending hours trying to make a gif-header and at the end I didn't work.