One Shot: Don't forget me (Part 3)
“Kame? Where are you going?”
“To the supermarket. We don't have eggs anymore.”
“You should change your clothes before you go.”
“Why?”
He frowned. You didn't know how to tell him without trigger a break down.
“You should wear some jeans or jogging trousers instead of pajamas.”
He thought about your words and you could see on his face as realization came upon him. He rushed back into your bedroom and you heard the door being locked.
“Kame?” You knocked against the door and tried to open it but no chance. “Let me inside.”
“No.”
It wasn't easy dealing with Kame when he was like this. But you couldn't probably imagine how hard it must have been for him.
“There's really nothing to it. That's why I'm here. To help you when this happens.”
“I can't take it anymore Jin. I hate it. Because I'm not myself anymore. I feel like I'm losing control over everything.”
“Kame. Open the door please. Let me inside.”
But he didn't open the door and neither did he answer you when you kept calling him. You stayed outside that night, leaning against the door.
You were exhausted as well but you didn't want him to know. It would just be a burden to him. But you felt like you needed a break from this. You didn't think it would be so hard. You didn't think this would affect Kame so much that he wasn't acting as himself anymore.
He was always so strong but right now he was just fragile and breakable. He was scared and it made you scared as well.
~♥~
His disease was suddenly starting to get worse. The doctor didn't know either. He just told you that it could happen.
“Kame? Why are you taking so long?”
You went into the kitchen to check what Kame was doing. You found him standing in front of the toaster, looking at it intensely.
“Kame? What's wrong?”
You touched his arm because it seemed like he didn't hear you but he flinched away at the touch.
“Kame? You are scaring me. What's wrong?”
“I … I don't know how to do this.”
You frowned, you didn't understand what he meant.
“Just a minute ago I knew exactly how to use this thing but now … I can't remember.”
You saw tears in his eyes and you took him into an embrace. “It's okay. Don't cry because of something like this. When you can't remember just ask me. I'll tell you and everything will be okay.”
“But you aren't always here Jin. You can't always be beside me.”
You knew he was right but you didn't want to admit it. You wanted to be beside him forever but you couldn't and it was tearing your heart apart.
~♥~
He entered the kitchen the next day, his hands rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked at you sitting at the kitchen table confused. You rarely got up earlier than him.
“Breakfast it ready.”
He just nodded and went into the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee like everyday. You followed him silently. You wanted to see his face when he would enter the kitchen.
“What is this Jin?”
“It's an instruction.”
He took the paste-on note on the toaster and read it.
“Why?”
“It will help you when I'm not around or when you don't want to ask me. I put these everywhere around the kitchen where it could be useful just in case.”
He stared at the note but then he tore it into pieces and threw them away.
“I don't need these.”
He ran out of the kitchen and locked himself into the bedroom.
Did you do something wrong you wondered. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.
“Kame? I'm sorry. I just thought it would help you.”
You didn't mean to hurt his feelings or offend him with the paste-on notes. You were just worried about him. You didn't want him to be helpless when you weren't around.
He didn't answer you and you already learned by then when he needed time to himself. You took your jacket and left the apartment. You needed some fresh air. The air inside was suffocating you.
~♥~
When you came back home you saw Kame standing in the kitchen, reading the paste-on notes you put everywhere.
“Thanks,” he whispered quietly but still for you to hear when you entered the kitchen.
You smiled and embraced him. “That's why I'm here.”
He hugged you back tightly and you knew he was crying. He was such a crybaby. “I'm sorry for being such a jerk sometimes. I know you just want to help me but … I hate myself when I'm so useless.”
“I know. And it's alright.”
“I'm probably a burden to you. I don't even know what to do without you. And I hate myself for making you having such a hard life. I'm so sorry.”
“I'm doing this because I love you Kazuya. I love you.”
He buried his head even more into the crook of your neck and cried. But you were happy. You were happy that he was finally talking to you and not hiding from you. You felt like you could protect him when he was in your arms.
“I love you too.”
~♥~
“Do you want to go out?”
“Is it a date?” He chuckled and already took your hand before you could answer.
It's been a long time since you saw him in such a good mood. It made you happy.
You went to your favorite café and ate cake. He was smiling the whole time and you couldn't hide your smile either. It were times like this when you felt the happiest.
You wished he would always smile like this, not caring about his disease, just living his life happily. You wanted to make his remaining time a wonderful memory for the both of you but you felt like you failed.
“Kazuya, do you have any regrets?”
You weren't sure if you should ask the question. You were afraid his good mood would disappear but when he smiled at you your insecurities flied away.
“No. I don't have any regrets. But when I leave I think I will regret that I left you alone here. I wanted to spend the rest of your life with you but unfortunately I will be the one to leave first.”
You took his hand over the table and stroked it softly. “It's enough for me that I can spend the rest of your life with you.”
“Can you promise me something Jin?”
You nodded and took his hand. You could sense what he was about to say.
“When I leave you, will you cry over me? No matter where I am I'm always watching over you so please cry when I leave you. Because I want to be the last person you'll cry over. And then promise me that you'll never cry again. Promise me that you will live your life like you do now and don't grieve for me for a very long time.”
You squeezed his hand. You didn't want to promise him to never cry again but you knew he just wanted you to be happy. Even when he wasn't here anymore.
“Okay. But I'm allowed to cry as much as I want when you leave right? And as long as I want.”
“Sure.” He smiled. “But don't be sad for too long. I wouldn't be able to stand it from above.”
You nodded and lifted his hand to kiss it.
“But I allow you to fall in love with someone else.”
You looked surprised into his face but you had to smile when you saw how difficult it was for him to say those words.
“I could never love someone as much as I love you.”
“But when you find someone you can love then don't hesitate because of me, will you?”
“Yes. But I don't think I can love anyone else after I loved you for my whole life.”
“Jin.”
You looked into his eyes.
“You won't forget me, will you?”
“Never. I'll never forget about us.”
~♥~
It was your anniversary when the disease truly affected you for the first time.
You made breakfast early before he woke up. You wanted to surprise him. You made heart-shaped fried eggs, decorated the table with pink rose petals and wore the clothes he always loved seeing on you.
“Good morning.” He came into the kitchen, still sleepy and placed a quick kiss on your lips. “You are awake early.”
He looked around and saw the decorated table. “What have I done to deserve such a nice breakfast?”
You wondered if he remembered your anniversary. He never forgot once.
“I quickly take a shower and then come out.”
He disappeared into the bathroom and left you standing dumbfounded in the kitchen.
You weren't that surprised that he forgot. Recently he forgot about dates more and more often. He would have forgotten about your birthday if Ueda hadn't reminded him the day before.
But still you had hoped that he would remember this special occasion. It was your anniversary after all.
You were torn between telling him and not. He would surely be hurt when he realized that he'd forgotten. But if he remembered later he would be hurt as well.
He came out half an hour later and sat down on the table. You were still undecided about telling him or not but when you were about to tell him his phone rang.
“Hello?”
He went to the bedroom to talk there and you went back to arguing with yourself.
“Happy Anniversary Jin.”
You looked at him standing next to the table suddenly, surprised.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
You looked away and suddenly felt guilty. You knew he would be upset when he found out you didn't tell him.
“I wanted to but … I thought you would be upset when you realized you forgot.”
You felt him placing a hand under your chin and lifting it up so your eyes could met.
“But I would feel even worse when we didn't celebrate out anniversary.”
He kissed you and your worries were flying away. You knew you shouldn't always be thinking so much.
“How do you remember?”
“Ueda just called me. I knew I would forget so I told him to call me.”
You made a note in your head to thank Ueda later.
“So what do you want to do?”
~♥~
You spent your anniversary in a amusement park. Kame was having so much fun that you forgot about him being ill for the whole day.
You were walking around hand in hand, not minding curious glances. You didn't care when he was so happy.
“Kazuya.”
He looked at you with such a bright smile that you wanted to kiss him right there.
“I love you.”
He stepped closer and kissed you. “I love you too.”
You took his face into your hands and kissed him once more. “I will love you forever. Only you.”
He noticed how serious you meant your words so he only nodded and gave you a quick kiss.
“I know.”
You smiled and hugged him. You didn't know why you suddenly felt like telling him. Somehow you were scared that he would leave you right then. It was stupid but you couldn't help it that you felt that way.
“What's wrong Jin?” he asked you. You knew that he could sense that something was wrong. But how could you tell him when you didn't even know yourself?
“It's nothing. I just needed to tell you.”
~♥~
“You can go upstairs first. I need to buy something.”
“What do you need to buy? I can come with you.”
You shook your head and pushed him into the elevator. “I'll be back soon.”
You ran a few blocks down the street until you arrived at a little flower shop.
“Welcome,” you were greeted when you entered the shop.
“Hello. I want to buy a pink rose.”
The woman nodded and told you to wait a moment. You curiously looked around the shop. There were a lot of red roses. Any normal guy would buy red roses for the anniversary but you felt like a pink rose expressed your feelings better than any flowers could ever do.
It was like a precious memory only you and Kame shared.
“Here is the flower sir.”
“Thank you.”
You ran back to your apartment. You couldn't wait to give him the flower.
~♥~
“Kame? I'm back.”
“I'm in the bedroom!”
You walked into the bedroom and found Kame already lying in bed.
“Why are you in bed already? Don't you feel well?” you asked worried.
“I'm just tired after such a long day. I didn't know I was tired until I entered the apartment.”
“Oh okay.”
You sat down on the bed besides him and gave him the flower.
“Happy anniversary Kazuya.”
He smiled brightly and embraced you. “Thank you Jin. Thank you so much.”
He looked at the rose in his hand before looking at you again.
“Why a pink rose? Does it have a special meaning?”
Your smile faded with his words. He was looking at you expectantly as if it was just a simple question. But the question broke down the whole world you were living in.
“No. It doesn't have a special meaning. The other flowers were just sold out.”
You heard him chuckle and then he kissed your cheek before lying down on the bed again.
“I'm not tired yet. I think I go out for a while.”
“Okay.”
You got up from the bed and made your way out of the bedroom, out of the apartment. When the door closed behind you, you started running. You didn't know where you were heading, you just followed where your feet were carrying you.
You knew that you shouldn't blame him. You didn't blame him. But you couldn't deny the feeling of hurt. He promised you to always remember the meaning of the pink rose. To you it was a promise to never forget about what you shared.
You could stand it when he forgot your birthday, when he forgot about your anniversary but when he forgot about the flower it was like he was forgetting about you two.
And you were scared that one day he would forget about you.
~♥~
“When did you come home yesterday? I was waiting but I must have falling asleep.”
“I don't know. I was at Pi's apartment for a few hours but it was pretty late.”
He looked at you worried but didn't ask further.
You knew that you shouldn't act this way. It would only make him worry about you and he would wonder if he was the cause. He was like that. Always caring about others first and blaming himself first before anyone else. He was just too kind. Why was he the one with such a cruel fate?
“Do you mind when I go out for a few hours?”
“No, of course not.”
You nodded and grabbed your jacket and headed to Pi's apartment.
“Hey Jin. Why are you here? Where is Kame? He's usually around you wherever you go.”
“I just needed some time for myself.”
He let you inside and grabbed a beer for you. He knew when you were having problems.
“Want to talk about it?”
“I'm truly scared Pi. Never in my life was I this scared before.”
“Why?”
“Kame. I'm scared that he will forget about me.”
“Didn't you already say that it will happen eventually?”
“Yes, but now that I realize that it might happen soon I get scared.”
“But you know that in the bottom of his heart he loves you.”
“I'm still scared.”
You took a sip from your beer. And another. And another.
“I could stand it when he leaves me because of someone else. I could stand when he hates me. But I can't stand when he forgets about me. When he doesn't remember anymore … it would be like we never existed. Like there was never he and me. Like everything was just a dream.”
Pi didn't answer you. You knew he didn't know how to answer you either. You didn't know what you were expecting either. Probably nothing.
“When he forgets I'll be the only one left with the memories. I'd rather want him than the memories.”
~♥~
“Jin?”
He was already calling you when you just opened the apartment door. You stumbled inside the living room and found him on the sofa, looking at you worried. Again.
It seemed like you were the one who was sick. You wished it would be true and you could take his place.
“Are you alright? Did you drink?”
You somehow managed to sit down next to him on the sofa and rested your head on his shoulder. He lifted his hand to stroke your hair softly. You felt like the worst boyfriend ever.
“I'm so sorry Kame.”
He kissed your forehead before going back to stroking your hair. “There's nothing you need to apologize for.”
“I'm the worst boyfriend ever. I should be the one comforting you, taking care of you but right now you are the one who comforts me.”
“It doesn't say anywhere that you are the one who needs to comfort me. When you are sad I'll be here to comfort you. That's what a boyfriend does. When I was sad you always comforted me so now it's my turn.”
“Kame, I'm scared.”
Somehow you knew that he understood you without you having voiced it.
“Me too. But as long as we're together I'm not afraid of anything.”
You didn't notice when your tears started flowing but when you did you felt like an idiot. You felt stupid for being scared. He should be the one who was scared but right now he was the one comforting you.
“I'm sorry.”
You told yourself that tomorrow you needed to be your usual self again. You needed to support Kame the best you could because you loved him. You loved him so much that even if he forgot about you, you would be able to handle it because you had to. You needed to be strong enough for the both of you. You owed him this.
But just for this night you allowed yourself to be comforted by him.
~♥~
Part 4