One Shot: If tomorrow never comes (Part 2)
4. Day
Your head felt like exploding when you woke up. You knew before that it was a bad idea to get drunk. You picked up your phone and looked at the date.
16th June.
You closed your eyes again and fell back on the bed. What the fuck was going on you wondered. This wasn't a dream anymore. Every day you lived was real but it was the same day. It was the damn day when Kame was dying.
You didn't know what was going on or what sick game your mind was playing with you but you couldn't stand it anymore. Every time you tried to save Kame he ended up dying. You ended up arguing with each other. You weren't going to live this day again you decided. You would just let the day pass and would hope that tomorrow it would be the next day.
Your manager and band members tried to call you several times but you ignored it and stayed under the cover of your bed. You just had to wait until tomorrow was coming.
The ticking of the clock sounded so slow and when you closed your eyes you saw his pale face in front of your inner eyes. Every hour felt like years, every minute like days, every second like an eternity.
You became nervous when night arrived and you knew it was about time the others would leave work. You didn't know what to do so you played with your phone and watched TV without paying much attention to it.
You saw the voice mails your manager and the others left for you on the phone. You listened to Kame's.
“Akanishi, where the heck are you? Why aren't you answering any calls? I hope you have a good reason for not coming to work because you'll need it. Just call back or manager will be really angry.”
When it was eleven o'clock and you were sure that he had already left work and must be home you called him. You had to know that he was still alive.
“Akanishi?”
You let out the breath you were holding and sighed deeply.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“You weren't at work today.”
“I'm sorry. I had my reasons,” you told him and sat down on the sofa. “Where are you?”
“I'm on my way home.”
Your whole body stiffened. “What? Why aren't you home yet? It's already eleven o'clock.”
“You want to hold a lecture again? Aren't we already through this Akanishi.”
You gripped on your phone tightly in your hand and tried to calm down but it was difficult when you were expecting that moment any second. You must try not to argue with him.
“Kame.”
“Why did you call me?” he asked you.
“I … don't know,” you replied honestly.
“Akanishi.”
“Since when do you call me Akanishi? What's with Jin?”
You heard a sigh on the other side of the line. “Since you've decided that we should have nothing to do with each other anymore,” he answered and you thought you heard regret in his voice. “Since you cut the connection between us, Jin.”
You were about to answer but then a loud crash was heard and the connection was cut.
5. Day
You were woken up by the ringing of the alarm clock. You shut it off and pulled the blanket over your head. You didn't want to wake up. You were afraid of what you were going to realize when you looked at your phone.
You couldn't explain what was going on. Every day you lived felt like hell. Every day you had to watch Kame die. You wondered if this would continue for the rest of your life. There wasn't even a life anymore if it did.
You even considered killing yourself so you wouldn't have to experience Kame's death over and over again.
You didn't intend to go to work but your manager called you and told you he would pick you up. When you saw the date on your phone you shut it off and took a shower.
Half an hour later, a knock was heard on your door so you grabbed your bag and headed out. But you didn't expect to meet Kame in front of your door.
“Manager sent me to pick you up because it's on my way,” he explained before you asked. “Come on.”
He made his way downstairs to his car and you followed him silently. You tried the option to tell Kame the truth but he didn't believe you, you even tried locking the door but it didn't work. You wondered what you had to do to save him. You weren't even sure if saving him would stop this circle.
“Have you overslept?” he asked you on your way to work.
“No, I just don't feel like going to work,” you told him honestly but you doubted he even believed you. You knew that he thought you were a lazy asshole who didn't care about anything and anyone.
“Why?”
The question took you by surprise. You didn't think Kame cared.
“It's just not a good day,” you answered.
“How can you know? The day just started,” he asked you amused.
It was the first time in months that you had a normal conversation. Somehow it made you happy.
“I dreamed about this day before.”
“Oh. So what will be so bad that you didn't want to go to work?” he asked and there was no undertone of mockery in his voice.
“Someone important to me will die today.”
He didn't say anything for a while and you wondered if you shouldn't have told him. He must have been thinking you were crazy.
“You shouldn't believe it. Try believing that that person will live.”
You nodded and that was the end of your conversation. But you were happy that he talked to you. It was already the fifth time - if you counted right - that you lived that day and somehow you felt like you were a step closer to Kame than on the first day.
You arrived at work and even managed to hold a civilized conversation on your way upstairs. When you entered the room you separated and prepared for the photo shoot.
You declined the offer to go out for lunch with the rest of KAT-TUN but also the offer from Pi to eat with NEWS. Instead you headed towards the cafeteria where you knew you would find Kame.
And you did. He was sitting alone at a table, eating a cold disgusting sandwich. You quickly grabbed a sandwich yourself at the counter and approached him.
“Mind if I sit here?”
He looked up from the script he was reading surprised but nodded.
“The sandwich is good, isn't it?” you tried to unsuccessfully start a conversation between you but the result you got was a blank stare from Kame.
“Is something wrong with your taste? This cafeteria stuff is horrible.”
You wanted to slap yourself for this failed attempt to talk to him but then you heard a small chuckle coming from his direction and when you looked at him he actually smiled. You grinned happily back. “It really is horrible.”
He went back to read his script and you felt proud of having said the right thing for the first time. You two had problems but you were mature enough to still hold a normal conversation after all. And you wanted to save Kame's life and wake up from his nightmare.
You thought about how to save him the whole day and you decided to talk to Kame when the others were still there. Maybe someone would believe you.
“Koki, you should drive Kame home,” you suggested suddenly when everyone was preparing to go home. Kame looked up from the script he was still reading and everyone else just looked at you as if you were insane.
“What are you talking about Akanishi,” Kame asked you.
“I just think it's pretty late and you look tired and Koki should drive you home.” You knew you were unreasonable but you couldn't think of a better excuse.
“Akanishi could you come with me for a moment,” Kame requested and pointed to the door.
“What's your problem Akanishi?” he immediately asked you when you were outside the room. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing. I just think that you look tired and you should sleep and it's dangerous for you to drive alone. Koki should bring you home.”
“Don’t you ever start again with this. I am not tired and I am able to drive alone. Why do you even care? You didn't the past months,” he responded coldly and was about to walk away but you grabbed his arm and pulled him back. His glare felt even more intense now when his face was only a few inches away from yours.
“I care because I fucking care about you. I might have been a bastard the last months but I still care about you. And I don't want you to -” Your words got stuck in your throat when you saw teary eyes. You didn't mean to sound so harsh. “Kame, I'm sorry. I didn't want to -”
But before you could finish he draw his arm away from your grip and stormed back into the dressing room and came out a few seconds later with his bag and disappeared towards the exit.
The others asked you what you two were talking about and why Kame left the room so angrily but you couldn't explain anything to them now when it was already too late.
6. Day
You thought you were slowly becoming insane. You couldn't bear the thought that you were the cause of Kame's death every single day. You wondered if this was some kind of punishment, living this day again and again. Though you don't know what crime you committed to get this harsh penalty.
You would even sacrifice yourself so that Kame didn't have to die, so that this day passed and tomorrow would come.
Suddenly you thought that was the idea. You would sacrifice yourself.
You took the train to work and again met Ueda at the elevator. You behaved like you did the last “days” and so the day went by.
You joined Kame at lunch again and talked to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Kame was surprised at first but he didn't want to argue as well so he acted as if nothing ever happened between you.
When work was over you waited again for the others to leave first and
then asked Kame.
“Could you take me home Kame? I went to work by train today but I'm too tired to take the train now,” you requested and he replied that it was no problem.
You went downstairs to his car and sat down on the passenger seat.
“Can I ask you something,” Kame asked after a few minutes after starting the engine.
“Sure.”
“Why the sudden change of attitude?” he asked.
You looked at him questioningly as if you didn't understand his question. You did understand but you just didn't know how to reply.
“Why are you so nice all of a sudden? Talking to me as if nothing ever happened between us. Acting as if we were close like before.”
You saw him gripping the steering wheel tighter and you wanted to touch his hand to loosen it but you didn't. Instead you answered his question. “I don't want us to argue anymore. I'm tired of it and it doesn’t even benefit any of us.”
“Whose fault do you think it was which made us like this?”
You knew that Kame was angry and you were afraid that any moment now, you would start arguing again and cause an accident. But you couldn't help but defend yourself as well.
“Okay, I was wrong but so were you. Not everything was my fault so don't blame everything on me.”
Kame unconsciously sped up his car causing you to panic. You had to do something before it was too late.
“Do you know why I was so angry at you when you were working on your drama? Do you know why I shouted at you for being irresponsible? Because I fucking care about you!” You noticed the car slowing down. You continued talking. “You were working so hard at your drama and you weren’t even caring about your health or even the people around you. You don't even notice how everyone is worried about you every time you shoot a drama, including me. I care about you. I'm worried when you don't have enough time to eat or even sleep. I’m not trying to interfere with your business; I just want you to take care of yourself.”
You saw tears in his eyes when you finished talking. You wanted to wipe them away but then everything happened so fast. You saw his eyes widening in shock and then a bright light blinded your eyes, you felt a heavy warm weight on you and then the whole car started spinning and you just gripped tightly on anything that was in reach and hoped that everything would be over soon. Your right hand tried to grab Kame's hand but there was nothing. A loud crash was heard, you jerked forward and you thought you felt something wet against your face.
When everything stopped spinning you opened your eyes again. You only felt a bit pain but nothing seemed to be broken. You wanted to move but you couldn't. You moved your head slightly to see what was lying on you. Your scream got stuck in your throat when you saw Kame clinging tightly to you.
“Kame?! Oh my God, Kame?! Do you hear me?!”
Kame's head moved from your shoulder. When he finally looked into your eyes you saw blood on his cheek and his lips. You wanted to touch him but you were afraid of hurting him.
“Are you okay?” he asked you with a hint of a smile. It must have hurt to smile.
You felt your tears welling up inside your eyes. “Why are you asking me that. I should ask you.”
“I'm okay.” He suddenly started coughing blood and you patted his back. But when you lifted the hand that was on Kame's back you saw only blood.
“Kame, I'm so sorry.” You touched his face and wanted to apologize again and again but the words didn't come out anymore. “I … wanted to save you. But … I couldn't.”
“Jin.” You heard him breathing heavily and wanted to stop him from talking but he just shook his head. “I'm sorry. I just want to tell you I'm sorry. I wished we would have talked sooner. I know we're both stubborn and we have our pride but I wished I would have thrown my pride away for once and would have talked to you first.”
You hugged him carefully. Trying hard not to hurt him. “I'm sorry as well.”
In the background you heard sirens and voices but you only concentrated on Kame's slow breathing. He couldn't die in your arms. You wanted to protect him this time.
“Jin, I'm sorry.”
Epilogue
It was raining when you woke up. But nevertheless you got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. You put on a white shirt, black trousers, a black jacket and a loose tie around your neck. When you looked out of the window you couldn't see the sun behind the clouds.
You grabbed an umbrella before leaving and headed with your car to Kame's apartment. You took the key from under the doormat where you knew that Kame hid the spare key and opened the apartment door with it.
The apartment didn't look much different from the last time you were there. Everything was still neatly on its place, on shelves or tables, only a few clothes lying on the sofa. You walked through the living room and stopped in front of Kame's bedroom door. It was opened so you just pushed the door open a little bit before entering. In contrast to your room Kame's room was tidy.
You went to his table next to the window and touched the backside of a frame which was lying with its face on the table. You put it up again and smiled back at the smiling faces on the picture.
You opened the curtains to let in some light but the grey clouds didn't let any sunlight through them. You went to Kame's wardrobe and opened it. Kame had tons of clothes but you easily spotted the suits and took one.
You headed back to the car and with your car you made your way to a flower shop just around the corner.
“May I help you?” a shop assistant asked you while you were looking around the shop.
“Yes, actually I'm on my way to a funeral but I don't know what kind of flower I should buy,” you asked embarrassed.
“That's alright,” the assistant answered kindly with a smile. “White Chrysanthemums are typical for a funeral.”
“Is that so? Then could you please wrap me a bouquet of white Chrysanthemums?”
She nodded and went to make the bouquet. Meanwhile you continued to look around the shop and discovered cherry blossom branches.
“Excuse me. Could I also have a cherry blossom branch please.”
After 10 minutes you finally exited the shop and headed with your car to the hospital. Together with Kame's suit and the cherry blossom branch you took the hospital's elevator to the 3rd floor. Just when you exited the elevator Ueda stood in front of you.
“Hey Jin. Are you here to visit him?”, he asked you.
“Yeah,” you answered shyly and ducked your head.
“I'm glad you finally made up.” He patted your shoulder before he left.
You knocked on the door to room 316 and waited for an answer which came just a few seconds later.
“Jin.”
You smiled at him on the bed and took a few steps forward until you were next to the bed.
“How are you today?”, you asked him.
“Better. Though today's occasion isn't so happy,” he replied and turned his head to look out of the window.
“I brought you a suit Kame and ...”
He turned his head around when you didn't continue your sentence.
“I bought you this.” You gave him the nicely wrapped cherry blossom branch blushing. “I had to think of you when I saw it.”
“Thank you.” Kame smiled genuinely and you felt like spring blossoming inside you.
You helped Kame into his suit afterwards and together you headed to your car slowly. Though the doctor said it wasn't a good idea for him to leave the hospital Kame insisted to go to the funeral. He said after all it was his fault.
You were standing in the back during the ceremony with an umbrella above your and Kame's head. The rain was still falling as if it would never have wanted to stop. You couldn't hear anything through the loud noise of rain meeting asphalt but you could make out the cries of the widow.
Her cries were getting louder second by second you thought. You took a glance at Kame and saw his hands clenched into fists. You reached with your free hand to his and clasped his fist tightly. Slowly his hand loosened and he looks up into your eyes. You smiled at him.
“I'll always be here for you.”
He gave you a small appreciating smile before he turned back to listen to the ceremony.
You stood next to each other throughout the whole funeral, listening to the prayers and cries while your hand held his in a tight lock.
****
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something else, any SuJu fans among here? I still have SuJu stuff to give away :D See my post here
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