So my friend Randi wrote this poem about my brother... I guess he was bored at some conference he's at. I tweaked one line because Randi's more of a tool than I am.
If you don't know my brother, this pretty much paints a picture of him.
Well it's half past 2,
in the afternoon.
I just stepped out of bed,
gatta be somewhere soon.
So I step into my flip-flops,
and take a look around.
I gatta check my email.
I got a certificate in "sound."
Cuz I'm Ben,
I love my pretty hair.
Cuz I'm Ben,
What Rock+Roll T-shirt should I wear?
Well I love my dads basement,
it's where I call my home.
Some girl called me creepy,
Cuz I got her picture on my phone.
So I finally grab some breakfast,
and lumber to the shower.
Randi calls me bitching,
I'll be at least another hour.
Cuz I'm Ben.
I'm waitin for some girl to call.
Cuz I'm Ben.
I'm like 8 and a half feet tall.
My ZZR is awesome.
My HHR's the same.
I used to have a Chevy.
Thank god it was in my name.
I've got so many friends.
Though some just arn't that great.
My favorites know who they are,
cuz they're all in my top 8.
Cuz I'm Ben.
Well, I work at P + G.
Cuz I'm Ben.
You wish you were cool as me.
Well, Zack Wilde is my idol.
I even bought his axe.
I play in a couple bands,
But they are all just hacks.
I can learn any song,
on guitar, drums, or bass.
If you have a hard time playing,
I'll rub it in your face.
Cuz I'm Ben.
I own 16 guitars.
Cuz I'm Ben.
I'll only drive black cars.
Well I brag about my numbers,
I'm catching Isaac now.
I'll sleep with almost any chick,
as long as she's no cow.
This girl asked me over,
I'll go; she's got blonde hair.
I better take some rubbers.
I hope Dateline's not there.
Cuz I'm Ben.
I please all the chicks of course.
Cuz I'm Ben.
And I'm hung like a horse.
Money is no object.
As long as it looks cool.
My brother just bought a house,
But he's not an uber tool.
Well Randi is my best friend.
Against him I'll never win.
Everyone knows the real truth.
I wish I was cool as him.
Cuz I'm Ben.