Melting Under Blue Skies (Part 5)
Jensen wasn’t sure what he would have done had it not been finals week. He had too much to do between studying and final projects for his studio and photography classes that it didn’t exactly leave him free time.
Being holed up in the library, or in the computer lab or the art studio meant he was unlikely to run into Jared accidently, and with his lack of down time he was hardly ever in his dorm room anyway so he missed Jared when he tried to find him.
Chris knew that something was wrong, Jared had managed to track him down to ask about Jensen, but Chris, as instructed had told Jared that Jensen was just really busy.
“Jared’s not retarded Jensen. What happened?” Chris asked, but Jensen shook his head, put on a smile and shrugged.
“Nothing, just stressed is all; I don’t have time to hang out.”
“You’ve been upset ever since we went sledding. What happ-“
“I think I left my Ethics book in the computer lab, I should go grab it.” Jensen hated lying to Chris but he wasn’t sure what to say. He knew Chris cared about him, but this wasn’t exactly something he felt like sharing.
He felt sick when he thought about it, what Jared must be thinking. Jensen had panicked when it first happened and he’d hid in his room, went to bed early that night, staring at his clock and thinking, what the fuck have I done?
When Jensen was fourteen he had this girlfriend that he cared a lot about. They started off as friends and he helped her with her math homework because she had never been able to get the hang of trig, and in return she let him use her father’s dark room in the basement of her house. The first time he’d ever kissed a girl was with Lacy; developing pictures of the school play.
He’d fallen hard and fast, and it was stupid kid love he knew that now but it hadn’t felt like it then. After about a month she’d treated him like shit, only ever got upset with him when he wouldn’t do things right, or didn’t act a certain way around her friends, kids that he could never hope to get along with.
She started spending more and more time at his house and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. His older brother Josh had been best friends with Jeff Morgan since grade school and more often than not he was hanging out at the Ackles household. Lacy, she flirted like it was her job, and it didn’t matter who, her girlfriends jokingly, Jensen, Jeff.
Jensen had liked her too much to tell her to get lost; took him catching her coming onto Jeff in his kitchen to tell her to fuck off, Jeff looking at him with a mixture of pity and sympathy, and he realized he didn’t want to lose what little dignity he had left.
After Lacy, Jensen realized he didn’t want to be the nice guy who was too worried about pleasing people to care who walked all over him. When he was fifteen he’d decided he didn’t want to be the doctor that his parents were so hoping he’d become but the photographer or maybe the writer, that he wanted to become.
He supposed in retrospect a career leap as large as that one, so shocking to his parents, probably shouldn’t have been followed by a sexual identity crisis. At least, that’s what his parents had called it, Jensen preferred to think of it as sexual identity awareness, really, because he’d sort of always known he’d liked guys, he’d just figured it wasn’t worth doing anything about it.
But then there was Jeff. Jeff who’d always let Jensen hang out with him and Josh, even when Josh did his absolute best to ditch him. And after Lacy, Jeff was really nice, told him how he’d never have betrayed him like that.
Right before Jensen entered his sophomore year of high school Jeff was off to college halfway across the country and Jensen, well he figured it was as good a time as any to tell him how he felt. Except the words “I think I have feelings for you” kind of got lost on the way to his mouth and he ended up kissing him instead, which Jensen felt, at least, couldn’t be lost in translation.
Jeff, he was a good guy, and he’d at least had the good grace to look upset, even as he turned Jensen down. He told Jensen, “I’m flattered, really Jen. I just…I don’t have any of those feelings for you. I’m sorry.”
Jensen at least didn’t have to see him for nearly three months, but it didn’t really hurt any less. Especially when he followed Jeff to Jackson College and discovered, “I don’t have feelings for you” didn’t mean, “It’s your penis” like he thought it had but, since Jeff had a recent boyfriend was more, “It’s your personality;” which sucked all around.
Jensen thought about Jared, and best case scenario: Jared would turn him and down the same way. He became the phantom of Jackson Falls in the days following the sledding incident. Didn’t want to bump into anyone who’d ask prodding questions of him, least of all Jared, who he’d seen with Sandy walking around campus like they were attached at the hip.
It stung, left an ache deep and low in his stomach that made it impossible to look at food without wanting to be sick. But Jared hadn’t exploded on him yet, so he was hoping his worst case scenario: being called a fag and thrown off the roof of the science building to an untimely death, was probably unlikely.
Jensen didn’t know how he could have let that kiss almost happen. He’d been so careful, never got attached as quickly as he had to anybody like he had to Jared. He figured it was the dimples, with their super hypnotic powers. Jensen figured he could settle for being Jared’s best friend, he’d actually said that, told him that he was his best friend.
Out of everyone that Jared had lined up behind him to spend time with him, he’d picked Jensen? Jensen was wondering if he should make alternate travel plans, go home for Christmas and spend the month of vacation moping.
He was too busy feeling sorry for himself; he didn’t notice that someone was standing outside his dorm room.
Jensen gasped in surprise and ducked into the bathroom. But he knew Jared had spotted him, and it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go so he just waited until the door opened and Jared walked in, sad shy smile on his face, hair hanging low in his eyes.
He was fingering his bracelet again as he stood awkwardly in front of Jensen, leaning against the sink. He looked like he was about to say something and then thought better of it, snapped his mouth shut and straightened up.
“We should leave here at like 10 tomorrow morning. Chad can drive us to the airport so if you can meet me at my dorm that’d probably be best.” Jared smiled and Jensen’s jaw dropped a bit in surprise and he muttered,
“Huh?”
“You’re still coming home with me right?” Jared asked, no mistaking the obvious pleading in his eyes. Jensen wanted to ask, what about the fact that I clearly want to jump your bones? But figured if Jared was going to pretend like it hadn’t happened, then it hadn’t happened so shut up dick everything was going to be fine.
Jensen nodded in response, tried a small smile that he figured, judging by Jared’s expression was more of a pained grimace, but at least he tried. Jared clapped him on the shoulder with a wide grin.
“Awesome!”
Chad grumbled about needing his beauty rest the entire way to the airport the next morning. Jared appeased him with coffee and a chocolate donut and he was as pleasant as Chad ever was the rest of the trip.
Jensen had opted to sit in the back, pressed his face against the cold glass and stared at Jared in the side mirrors when he wasn’t looking.
Jared was wearing his knit cap again, it was black, pulled over his hair so little tufts stuck out at the sides and back, and when he smiled his dimples were even more noticeable.
Jared gave Jensen the window seat on the plane, sat himself down in the middle and pulled out the Disney Princesses coloring book and box of Crayola crayons he’d bought at the airport. Jensen had forgotten to recharge the batteries to his ipod, so Jared slid his left ear piece into Jensen’s right ear and put his between them.
Jensen smiled down at his lap, avoided meeting Jared’s eyes and watched the country go by thousands of miles beneath him.
Jared folded up the picture he had been working on, the entire time his arm blocking Jensen’s view. He slid it into Jensen’s pocket as they descended.
“I don’t like flying alone. It’s boring. I’m glad you’re here,” Jared smiled at him, and Jensen flushed, heart clenching in his chest.
Jared’s mom was one of the nicest people that Jensen had ever met, Jared could tell he was thinking it and leaned down and whispered in his ear, “to lull you into a false sense of security.” His mother rolled her eyes and slapped him playfully on the arm.
Jensen smiled at them as she pulled Jared down for a hug. Jared’s sister was almost the same age as his own and Jared scooped her up in a spinning hug minutes after he’d arrived. His family called him Jay.
It was early evening by the time the boys arrived. Jared had made the introductions before pulling Jensen up the stairs, out of the spot light of his curious and questioning family members. He pulled Jensen into his room, queen bed against the far wall.
Sports trophies lined the shelves of his desk, naturally, Jensen thought, smiling at the photo of Jared in a Little League uniform, missing his front tooth.
“I’ll set up an air mattress, probably the easiest.” Jensen nodded absently, taking in his surroundings. “Bathroom’s down the hall.” Jensen smiled and nodded in affirmative, dropping his two lone bags to the floor.
“Your family seems…nice.” Jensen replied awkwardly, shifting on his feet as Jared watched him.
“They’ll like you, I promise.” Jensen just nodded and Jared grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the hall.
“Let’s eat!”
The next morning was the twentieth, and according to Jared, the official ‘Padalecki Christmas Tree decorating day.’ Jensen had felt awkward all morning, woke up late and ate in his pajamas while the rest of the family was already dressed.
After breakfast, huge plate-sized pancakes covered in chocolate chips and strawberries because Jared wasn’t capable of choosing one, Jared led him into the bathroom to show him where everything was for a shower.
Jensen just stared at the bathtub, a little dumbfounded, because that…right there was where Jared got naked.
Half an hour later, Jensen made his way downstairs, freshly showered and smelling like Jared’s shampoo and soap. Jared grinned at him from the living room where he was sitting amidst what looked like an explosion of pine branches.
“Wanna help? I usually have to do this myself.”
“What?” Jensen asked looking at the box; it had a Christmas tree on it.
“Most of my family is allergic to pine.” Jared explained, putting the plastic tree stand between them. “The branches are color coded.”
“Alright.” Jensen sat down and pulled a pile of branches towards him, sorting them into piles according to color. The two worked in a comfortable silence, both diligently putting together the fake tree.
Jared’s mother had put on Christmas music, and ordinarily Jensen couldn’t stand listening to it, a person could only endure so much Frosty the Snowman before snapping, but listening to Jared singing it under his breath, making odd dancing moves every once in awhile, Jensen thought it was pretty okay.
It only took an hour to put the tree together, bending it into correct shape with little help from Megan who barked orders and yelled at Jared telling him he was stupid.
Jared pulled her into a crushing hug and began tickling her until she cried uncle and kicked him in the shin playfully. Jared’s mom brought them in freshly made Christmas cookies to eat while they hung ornaments. Jensen took a seat on the couch as they began, watching fondly, feeling nostalgic and a little home sick.
“Hey, help me with these ones?” Jared asked, smiling at him. Jensen hesitated before stepping over boxes and bubble wrap to get to him. Jared handed Jensen an ornament and Jensen began hanging it without really paying attention, flushed when he actually looked at it.
It was a green sled, squirrel in the front holding onto a rope tied like reins around it, while a rabbit sat in the back, holding onto the squirrel’s shoulders. Jensen hung it quickly, and smiled forcefully at Jared before turning away.
That night Jared forced Jensen to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas with him, his sister always refused because she thought it was stupid, would have rather watched Frosty the Snowman.
Jared made them both hot cocoa, mountain of whipped cream in Jensen’s mug, huge marshmallows in his own, he brought the bag with him to replenish as they dissolved. Jensen wasn’t surprised that Jared knew every word to every song, or that he would be the type to belt them out unabashedly.
Jensen sang it under his breath but refused to join in.
After the movie, barely midnight, Jensen stood up and announced he was going to bed. Jared grabbed his mug and rinsed them off before putting them in the dishwasher. He trailed after Jensen up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom.
Jensen was already in sweatpants making his way into the bathroom to brush his teeth and take out his contacts. When he came out, Jared was getting undressed; bare, broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist, disappearing into boxers with snowmen on them. Jensen held in the snort.
Jared climbed into bed in just his boxers and an old white t-shirt. He smiled at Jensen and waited for him to get settled onto the air mattress before shutting his bedside table light off and plunging the room into darkness. Jensen took his glasses off and placed them on the table above his head. He closed his eyes and settled back against the mattress, thick blanket draped over him.
“My cousins are coming tomorrow.” Jared replied, seemingly to the darkness.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. My cousin Addy, you’ll love her Jen, she’s only two and she loves to talk!”
“Must be genetic,” Jensen teased, he heard Jared scoff.
“And Brian, he’s seven. He loves reading; I always buy him books for Christmas.”
“Mmm,” Jensen closed his eyes, listened to Jared talking, hmmed in the appropriate places.
“Jensen?” Jensen opened his eyes sleepily.
“Yeah?”
“S’weird talking to you when you’re down there,” Jared’s voice was soft and questioning and Jensen’s heart sped up, stomach fluttering with déjà vu.
“Yeah?” Jensen replied softly.
“Y-yeah.”
“Well…I uh…I’m pretty tired anyway. So…we should probably go to bed.” Jensen turned over on his side, worried at his lower lip and squeezed his eyes shut. Jared made a noncommittal noise then went silent.
By the time both Jared and Jensen had pulled themselves out of bed and in and out of the shower the next morning most of Jared’s family had arrived. His aunt and uncle who lived a few hours away stayed with them every year rather than drive down on Christmas Day.
Jared’s mom enlisted the help of the boys to keep the kids occupied for the day. So Jared suggested they go to the mall and take them to see Santa.
Standing in line for a couple of hours while listening to screaming children wasn’t exactly Jensen’s idea of a good time, but Jared had been right in assuming Jensen would love his cousin Addy.
Addy looked a bit like Jared, same puppy dog eyes and soft brown hair. Unlike what Jared had warned however, Addy wouldn’t say a word to Jensen. She stared up at him with a very serious expression on her face, and Jensen figured she was just shy around strangers but she wouldn’t leave him alone.
She grabbed onto his pant leg and motioned with raised arms that she wanted to be carried. When he picked her up she stared him in the eyes and started to cry when her mom tried to take her away.
Once at the mall Jared smiled at Jensen apologetically and left Jensen to watch the kids while he ran off to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Jensen scowled at him, looking down at the three kids tugging on him and pointing in different directions but Jared just smiled and whispered conspiratorially,
“The present is for you.” Jared’s breath was hot in his ear, and he lingered a second longer than Jensen thought was absolutely necessary and he bit his lip and pulled away, turning and hurrying quickly away before Jensen could even make a squeak of protest.
“What’s this?” Brian asked, picking up a piece of folded gray paper that had fallen out of Jensen’s pocket onto the floor.
“Dunno, let me see.” Jensen asked, holding his hand out. He shifted Addy to one side and unfolded the paper with one hand. It was torn from Jared’s coloring book, the page he had forgotten to look at after they had deplaned.
It was Prince Charming and Cinderella dancing and over the Prince was written in blue crayon ‘Jared’ and he’d scrawled ‘Jensen’ with an arrow to Cinderella. Jensen wasn’t sure how to take it.
“Pwitty!” Addy oohed, pulling the paper out of Jensen’s hands.
Jensen had done everything in his power to convince himself that Jared’s feelings for him were strictly platonic. Jared was a walking flirt and he treated everyone like they were giant teddy bears wanting to be snuggled and hugged; Jensen wasn’t special. But Jared was beginning to confuse the fuck out of him.
On the twenty-second Jared’s mom brought the boys into the guest bedroom where Jared’s aunt and uncle were staying. They sat on the floor by the dresser and she pulled out from the closet bags and bags of toys and a list of who was getting what.
Jensen liked wrapping gifts, something calming in the rhythm of cutting, wrapping, taping, and labeling. He made sure all the girls got the silver wrapping paper with the pale pink and gold stars, all the boys the snowmen and dogs.
Jared laughed at him, but it was fond and teasing and Jensen pretended to scowl.
“You’re real good at wrapping packages,” Jared said, all Texas drawl and easy smile. Better at the unwrapping, Jensen swallowed it down, shrugged and blushed at Jared’s comment, ignored the innuendo. So which do you prefer? Giving or receiving? Things he’d say easily to anyone but Jared, but he wasn’t entirely sure he could make his voice inflect each word right to make it sound like a joke.
Jared either didn’t notice, or ignored Jensen’s obvious embarrassment. Jared picked up a green bow from the bag by Jensen’s knee and threw it at him. It hit Jensen in the face and he looked up in surprise, gaze questioning. Jared looked around and coughed, smiled at Jensen innocently and shrugged his shoulders. Jensen rolled his eyes and labeled the last gift, pushing the stack to the side.
“C’mon…you’re no fun!” Jared crushed up the scrap wrapping paper and pelted Jensen with it. Jensen gave in, unable to hide his grin and threw them back.
The friendly game turned into a tussle when Jared bolted forward, pretending to slap Jensen chick style and Jensen laughed and hit him back.
Jared slapped his arms away to the side and pinned him to the ground. Jensen let out an “Oomph” of surprise, head banging against the carpet. Jared winced sympathetically.
“Sorry…you alright?” Jensen nodded, and Jared sat down on his legs, effectively pinning him to the floor. Jensen froze, body tensed, mouth going dry and throat closing up as he tried to speak.
Jared leaned forward, palms spread wide on either side of Jensen’s shoulders and Jared stared down at Jensen with a somber expression. Jensen’s eyes widened, wondering what the hell Jared was doing.
“J-Jensen I-“
“I think I hear your mom! Better get her these presents!” Jensen shot up, pushed Jared off of him and climbed to his feet, hurrying out the door, not stopping until he was safely locked away in the bathroom.
He could hear Jared’s footsteps right outside the door, they paused for just a minute, before fading away down the hall.
Part 4 Part 6