is just silly ( Read more... )

yes, i wasted- totally "wasted" close to three days, a week before my project.  dangling between flip-out, freak-out and... save-up, sleep-well 'chillout' (if i'm not DOing it anyway) mode.  of course, i realy spent it in some superiorly grotesque amalgam of the two:  anxious fatigue, a will not just ill, but sucked dry and hollow and terrified.  ( Read more... )

as i realize how much time i've spent in this lab ( Read more... )

that i procrastinated with exactly 7 days ago, gmail tells me.  3:10 pm, possibly on this very computer.

if i can be so presumptuous as to write such a "letter."   so.. cryptic.  or something.....  but thus it came, like everything else, dissociated from what i usually still think is me.  which re-minds me,...   need to rehash a little, retitle ( ( Read more... )

i've been avoiding lj like the plague.  it's teh wrong time and teh wrong place tho these words are tempting  they're the wrong words... they're not its words, but they're SUCh tempting words... that it's alright with me ( Read more... )

my shame and self-disgust is oozing over and spilling all over the place.   lately.    it was skulking, and now it's rearing it's ugly head.

i could attempt more decription (or really, repeat more description as it's already gone down in my head), but should i?  recursing, recursing, is not what i wanna be doing right about now.

http://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/sartre/1961/preface.htmRead more... )

JUST FRAGMENTS... more of the same. beginnnings, or reminders, really. and unrelated.  (at least as far as i know...  or control.
so... sorry, more of the same.  and ok, ok, enough prologuing.

**
Prologu-ing the proj

(what all the writintg this semester- or the past few years…. No! - is.)

**

I had a most delicious snooze this morning, ( Read more... )

I'm going divebombing in swift attack- as concertion unleashes- and i'm scared.  But have i ever been afraid of these heights?   Is this not what i've been training for, waiting for, sweating for, all along ( Read more... )

(or...  more silliness!! for those of you who haven't infiltrated my head yet ( Read more... )