Sugar and Pepper (35)
THIRTY-FOUR
* THIRTY-FIVE *
01.
On a late autumn day, Satoshi found the courage to ask his father the first favor he could remembering asking.
"I w-want to study in Japan," he told his father over the phone.
"That's not possible. We already talked about this," Mr. Ohno replied adamantly.
"I-I'll study really hard. I'll t-try to get into a university you want," Satoshi pleaded. "I-I don't want to study abroad."
"Satoshi, you're almost eighteen. This is the biggest request I will ever ask of you as your father," Mr. Ohno said. "I want you to have a thorough education and a broad sense of the world."
But this is the only favor I will ever ask of you, Satoshi thought desperately. "I w-want to stay," was all he could muster.
"I've already settled everything with your teacher," Mr. Ohno interrupted. "They'll send everything to my secretary once its available. He'll handle all the paperwork. All you need to do is study. I had my secretary send you a study guide a while ago. I hope you're prepared for your tests."
The one-sided conversation ended.
02.
He no longer had to attend school regularly, so Jun and he walked together to school for the first time in a few weeks. A block from their neighborhood, they held hands as they usually did and chose to walk through the paths with the least people. They eased back into their old routine comfortably.
Jun did most of the talking. Since Satoshi had missed most of the practices, he filled his older brother in on all that had happened. Graduating seniors had left the team and consequently left a gaping hole in the roster to be filled the following season. The most troublesome problem for the team at the moment was that a junior high from the younger team had accepted a sports scholarship at another private high school and wouldn't continue his education with the rest of his teammates. A few had felt betrayed and were causing problems.
"He would've become the ace of the senior team if he stayed a little longer," Jun explained, "so I understand how they're feeling, but I don't agree with the way they're handling it."
Satoshi listened silently, half focused on the conversation, but mostly lost in his thoughts.
Jun noticed his inattentiveness and tugged on his hand. "What are you thinking?"
Satoshi couldn't tell Jun the bulk of his thoughts, that today he'd most likely meet his homeroom teacher to go over the papers to be sent to his father's secretary. His mind roved for an alternate answer, but not quick enough.
Jun clasped their entwined hands to his side and said, "You're worried about something."
"My father called to see how I was doing," Satoshi went with the half-truth.
"Is he returning?" Jun asked, worried.
Satoshi shook his head and forced a small smile on his face hoping to deceive Jun. "It's just been a while since we spoke."
Jun released a heavy sigh in relief, ignorant of the true worry that plagued his older brother. "I'm glad that was all."
Unable to agree with him, Satoshi said nothing and moved closer to Jun's side as they walked.
03.
During lunch, he visited the music room for the first time in a long time, at least it felt so to him, and was disappointed to find the room empty. Since the cultural festival, he had not seen Kazunari. Jun had informed Satoshi of his quitting the baseball team and Satoshi concluded that his underclassman was too busy to focus on music, even if it was towards that goal that he was working.
With a burdened heart, Satoshi sat down at the piano. His fingers splayed over the keys. In his head, the tune Kazunari had taught him during sports day played over again in his mind; a beautiful melody yet awfully melancholy. Even though he had captured the song in his memory, he couldn't recall how to play it.
Sudden fear and sadness overwhelmed him and he wondered if a year from that moment, when he happened to be sitting alone in a different country, would he think back to this particular instance and be able to recall the tune. He was afraid that not only would he have lost the knowledge to play the song, he would have forgotten Kazunari's song as well.
In frustration, his hand hit upon the keys. The ugly clashing sound he produced seared through him and erased Kazunari's beautiful tune from his mind.
04.
In the faculty room after the last bell of the school day, his homeroom teacher verified his father's plans with him. He stood by dumbly and listened to the details that he already knew and wished he wasn't hearing again.
"You'll be gone a week. Tomorrow I'll give you all the work you'll miss, so come see me after school." When Satoshi neither nodded or answered, his teacher observed his somber expression and asked, "Are you worried about going abroad?"
Only slightly, he shook his head.
Reading the truth behind his response, his teacher sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Your father told me you'll be leaving as soon as you graduate. I don't know why he's rushing you, but if you have doubts and need time to think I'll talk to him for you."
It was the first time Satoshi realized the integrity of his teacher; in the past he'd never cared about anyone else enough to notice. The unexpected kindness disarmed him and he choked back a sob. Quickly, he shook his head again, but stronger. He appreciated the offer, but he knew his father more than anyone; no one could change his father's stubborn mind.
"I know as an adult and your teacher I should be encouraging you to aim high and do your best," his teacher said, leaning forward in his chair to seriously address Satoshi, "but I have to believe that you really want this. You're the quietest student in my class, Ohno. I'm worried about your ability to assimilate into a different and strange environment. Are you really sure about studying abroad? It's not too late to change your mind."
That his teacher cared about him, when Satoshi thought himself alone with his problems and his pleas raining on his father's death ears, he felt deep gratitude. Why hadn't he realized sooner? Because, he knew, Jun had been the one to change his outlook.
In answer to his teacher's sincere worry, he nodded. Then he bowed his head. "Thank you."
05.
On his way to the baseball field to meet Jun, he stopped when Sho called and waved him over. Satoshi approached his junior apprehensively. When Sho grinned, he thought sadly of the fact that he'd miss his first friend too. It was the first time he'd spoken to Sho in person since the school cultural festival where they'd exchange a few words, but he couldn't lift his spirits.
"It's been a while since I've seen you, senpai," Sho started, tucking the soccer ball under an arm. "Is it because you've been studying for your exams?"
Satoshi wordlessly nodded.
Sho sighed deeply. "Everyone's moving on so quickly. Even though they've already left the team, the senpais won't even come to cheer at the games. They've gone crazy with studying. I hope you're faring better. You didn't have to worry about club activities."
Satoshi shook his head in disagreement. He had worries. No one could escape something like that.
Sho frowned and tried to understand his gestures. He observed the frown that had returned his upperclassman's face. "Is something wrong?"
Afraid that he had become too easy to read, Satoshi shrugged. What would Jun think if he saw him? He hadn't told his brother anything.
Instantly perplexed, Sho asked him straightforwardly, "Are you struggling to get into the university of your choice?"
Again, Satoshi shook his head. To save his underclassman from having to guess further, he spoke tentatively. "I'm studying abroad. Sensei told me today that he just sent my transcript."
Sho dropped the soccer ball he'd been holding. "Seriously!?"
Shocked by his strong, excited reaction, Satoshi blinked rapidly. He nodded.
Sho bobbed his head up and down as if he understood something. "It's a great idea. I'm actually debating whether I want to study abroad as well." He perched one foot on the ball he'd dropped earlier. "It'd be great to get away from here for a while."
For a moment, Satoshi's thoughts wandered away from his own misery. He wondered if one of Sho's reasons was to get away from Kazunari. He dispelled the thought immediately because externally Sho appeared undisturbed. Knowing Kazunari and Sho's past had not affected Satoshi's relationship with them, but he started to wonder once the idea occurred to him about his connections to everyone he was just starting to care about. He had previously thought about Sho, but unconditionally he knew he'd miss Kazunari too. What about Miyuki and her friends? What about Masaki? Would his connections with them break off completely like Kazunari and Sho's friendship had done? He shuddered at the thought. Wasn't the sole reason he worried about going overseas due to his fear that going abroad would destroy everything he had just acquired?
He was afraid leaving would cause his current relationship with Jun to suffer.
But he realized now as he followed his own thoughts, the foolishness of why he believed he had to break it off if he left. He and Jun could still call and occasionally meet each other from separate parts of the world, even if sparingly. They would not become distant strangers like Sho and Kazunari if they could help it. He would try his hardest to make sure something like that never happened.
"Senpai," Sho called Satoshi's attention back to the present.
Satoshi concentrated on his underclassman with renewed inner strength.
"You're not worried about that, are you?"
Satoshi, who had devolved into his own mind for a few seconds, couldn't piece together what he was asking.
Already used to his personality, Sho repeated, "You're not worried about studying abroad, are you?"
To his and Satoshi's own surprise, the older boy gave a slight smile. "I'm fine now. Thank you."
"For what?" Sho asked, once again confused. One of his brows raised, but Satoshi was already ending the conversation.
Satoshi began walking away. "Thank you, Sho-kun," he repeated. "I have to go."
Sho decided to graciously accept his thanks and he waved at his upperclassman's already retreating back. "I'll see you around?"
06.
"Why're you smiling so broadly?" Jun asked him on their walk back from school. "Did something good happen to you today?"
A smile still plastered on his face, Satoshi nodded. "Jun?"
"What?" his younger brother answered, perplexed by his mood.
"We'll be together always and always and always and always, right?" Satoshi asked.
Even more confused now that Satoshi was bringing up a conversation months ago, Jun eyed him warily. Although suspicious, he agreed anyway. "I'll do my best to make it possible."
Their hands were intertwined and Satoshi squeezed his younger brother's fingers slightly. "And even if I'm across the world?"
Jun surrendered trying to comprehend his real meaning. He answered ideally, "Even then. I'll come to you."
Again, Satoshi beamed, causing Jun to smile along. His mood was infectious. Playfully, Jun asked again, "Why're you so happy?"
The older boy shrugged nonchalantly, content to walk alongside Jun, free of worry for the moment.
Their grins stayed on their faces.
Both of them could not have predicted the event that would unravel that night.
* *
THIRTY-SIX
* THIRTY-FIVE *
01.
On a late autumn day, Satoshi found the courage to ask his father the first favor he could remembering asking.
"I w-want to study in Japan," he told his father over the phone.
"That's not possible. We already talked about this," Mr. Ohno replied adamantly.
"I-I'll study really hard. I'll t-try to get into a university you want," Satoshi pleaded. "I-I don't want to study abroad."
"Satoshi, you're almost eighteen. This is the biggest request I will ever ask of you as your father," Mr. Ohno said. "I want you to have a thorough education and a broad sense of the world."
But this is the only favor I will ever ask of you, Satoshi thought desperately. "I w-want to stay," was all he could muster.
"I've already settled everything with your teacher," Mr. Ohno interrupted. "They'll send everything to my secretary once its available. He'll handle all the paperwork. All you need to do is study. I had my secretary send you a study guide a while ago. I hope you're prepared for your tests."
The one-sided conversation ended.
02.
He no longer had to attend school regularly, so Jun and he walked together to school for the first time in a few weeks. A block from their neighborhood, they held hands as they usually did and chose to walk through the paths with the least people. They eased back into their old routine comfortably.
Jun did most of the talking. Since Satoshi had missed most of the practices, he filled his older brother in on all that had happened. Graduating seniors had left the team and consequently left a gaping hole in the roster to be filled the following season. The most troublesome problem for the team at the moment was that a junior high from the younger team had accepted a sports scholarship at another private high school and wouldn't continue his education with the rest of his teammates. A few had felt betrayed and were causing problems.
"He would've become the ace of the senior team if he stayed a little longer," Jun explained, "so I understand how they're feeling, but I don't agree with the way they're handling it."
Satoshi listened silently, half focused on the conversation, but mostly lost in his thoughts.
Jun noticed his inattentiveness and tugged on his hand. "What are you thinking?"
Satoshi couldn't tell Jun the bulk of his thoughts, that today he'd most likely meet his homeroom teacher to go over the papers to be sent to his father's secretary. His mind roved for an alternate answer, but not quick enough.
Jun clasped their entwined hands to his side and said, "You're worried about something."
"My father called to see how I was doing," Satoshi went with the half-truth.
"Is he returning?" Jun asked, worried.
Satoshi shook his head and forced a small smile on his face hoping to deceive Jun. "It's just been a while since we spoke."
Jun released a heavy sigh in relief, ignorant of the true worry that plagued his older brother. "I'm glad that was all."
Unable to agree with him, Satoshi said nothing and moved closer to Jun's side as they walked.
03.
During lunch, he visited the music room for the first time in a long time, at least it felt so to him, and was disappointed to find the room empty. Since the cultural festival, he had not seen Kazunari. Jun had informed Satoshi of his quitting the baseball team and Satoshi concluded that his underclassman was too busy to focus on music, even if it was towards that goal that he was working.
With a burdened heart, Satoshi sat down at the piano. His fingers splayed over the keys. In his head, the tune Kazunari had taught him during sports day played over again in his mind; a beautiful melody yet awfully melancholy. Even though he had captured the song in his memory, he couldn't recall how to play it.
Sudden fear and sadness overwhelmed him and he wondered if a year from that moment, when he happened to be sitting alone in a different country, would he think back to this particular instance and be able to recall the tune. He was afraid that not only would he have lost the knowledge to play the song, he would have forgotten Kazunari's song as well.
In frustration, his hand hit upon the keys. The ugly clashing sound he produced seared through him and erased Kazunari's beautiful tune from his mind.
04.
In the faculty room after the last bell of the school day, his homeroom teacher verified his father's plans with him. He stood by dumbly and listened to the details that he already knew and wished he wasn't hearing again.
"You'll be gone a week. Tomorrow I'll give you all the work you'll miss, so come see me after school." When Satoshi neither nodded or answered, his teacher observed his somber expression and asked, "Are you worried about going abroad?"
Only slightly, he shook his head.
Reading the truth behind his response, his teacher sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Your father told me you'll be leaving as soon as you graduate. I don't know why he's rushing you, but if you have doubts and need time to think I'll talk to him for you."
It was the first time Satoshi realized the integrity of his teacher; in the past he'd never cared about anyone else enough to notice. The unexpected kindness disarmed him and he choked back a sob. Quickly, he shook his head again, but stronger. He appreciated the offer, but he knew his father more than anyone; no one could change his father's stubborn mind.
"I know as an adult and your teacher I should be encouraging you to aim high and do your best," his teacher said, leaning forward in his chair to seriously address Satoshi, "but I have to believe that you really want this. You're the quietest student in my class, Ohno. I'm worried about your ability to assimilate into a different and strange environment. Are you really sure about studying abroad? It's not too late to change your mind."
That his teacher cared about him, when Satoshi thought himself alone with his problems and his pleas raining on his father's death ears, he felt deep gratitude. Why hadn't he realized sooner? Because, he knew, Jun had been the one to change his outlook.
In answer to his teacher's sincere worry, he nodded. Then he bowed his head. "Thank you."
05.
On his way to the baseball field to meet Jun, he stopped when Sho called and waved him over. Satoshi approached his junior apprehensively. When Sho grinned, he thought sadly of the fact that he'd miss his first friend too. It was the first time he'd spoken to Sho in person since the school cultural festival where they'd exchange a few words, but he couldn't lift his spirits.
"It's been a while since I've seen you, senpai," Sho started, tucking the soccer ball under an arm. "Is it because you've been studying for your exams?"
Satoshi wordlessly nodded.
Sho sighed deeply. "Everyone's moving on so quickly. Even though they've already left the team, the senpais won't even come to cheer at the games. They've gone crazy with studying. I hope you're faring better. You didn't have to worry about club activities."
Satoshi shook his head in disagreement. He had worries. No one could escape something like that.
Sho frowned and tried to understand his gestures. He observed the frown that had returned his upperclassman's face. "Is something wrong?"
Afraid that he had become too easy to read, Satoshi shrugged. What would Jun think if he saw him? He hadn't told his brother anything.
Instantly perplexed, Sho asked him straightforwardly, "Are you struggling to get into the university of your choice?"
Again, Satoshi shook his head. To save his underclassman from having to guess further, he spoke tentatively. "I'm studying abroad. Sensei told me today that he just sent my transcript."
Sho dropped the soccer ball he'd been holding. "Seriously!?"
Shocked by his strong, excited reaction, Satoshi blinked rapidly. He nodded.
Sho bobbed his head up and down as if he understood something. "It's a great idea. I'm actually debating whether I want to study abroad as well." He perched one foot on the ball he'd dropped earlier. "It'd be great to get away from here for a while."
For a moment, Satoshi's thoughts wandered away from his own misery. He wondered if one of Sho's reasons was to get away from Kazunari. He dispelled the thought immediately because externally Sho appeared undisturbed. Knowing Kazunari and Sho's past had not affected Satoshi's relationship with them, but he started to wonder once the idea occurred to him about his connections to everyone he was just starting to care about. He had previously thought about Sho, but unconditionally he knew he'd miss Kazunari too. What about Miyuki and her friends? What about Masaki? Would his connections with them break off completely like Kazunari and Sho's friendship had done? He shuddered at the thought. Wasn't the sole reason he worried about going overseas due to his fear that going abroad would destroy everything he had just acquired?
He was afraid leaving would cause his current relationship with Jun to suffer.
But he realized now as he followed his own thoughts, the foolishness of why he believed he had to break it off if he left. He and Jun could still call and occasionally meet each other from separate parts of the world, even if sparingly. They would not become distant strangers like Sho and Kazunari if they could help it. He would try his hardest to make sure something like that never happened.
"Senpai," Sho called Satoshi's attention back to the present.
Satoshi concentrated on his underclassman with renewed inner strength.
"You're not worried about that, are you?"
Satoshi, who had devolved into his own mind for a few seconds, couldn't piece together what he was asking.
Already used to his personality, Sho repeated, "You're not worried about studying abroad, are you?"
To his and Satoshi's own surprise, the older boy gave a slight smile. "I'm fine now. Thank you."
"For what?" Sho asked, once again confused. One of his brows raised, but Satoshi was already ending the conversation.
Satoshi began walking away. "Thank you, Sho-kun," he repeated. "I have to go."
Sho decided to graciously accept his thanks and he waved at his upperclassman's already retreating back. "I'll see you around?"
06.
"Why're you smiling so broadly?" Jun asked him on their walk back from school. "Did something good happen to you today?"
A smile still plastered on his face, Satoshi nodded. "Jun?"
"What?" his younger brother answered, perplexed by his mood.
"We'll be together always and always and always and always, right?" Satoshi asked.
Even more confused now that Satoshi was bringing up a conversation months ago, Jun eyed him warily. Although suspicious, he agreed anyway. "I'll do my best to make it possible."
Their hands were intertwined and Satoshi squeezed his younger brother's fingers slightly. "And even if I'm across the world?"
Jun surrendered trying to comprehend his real meaning. He answered ideally, "Even then. I'll come to you."
Again, Satoshi beamed, causing Jun to smile along. His mood was infectious. Playfully, Jun asked again, "Why're you so happy?"
The older boy shrugged nonchalantly, content to walk alongside Jun, free of worry for the moment.
Their grins stayed on their faces.
Both of them could not have predicted the event that would unravel that night.
* *
THIRTY-SIX