Sugar and Pepper (39)
THIRTY-EIGHT
* THIRTY-NINE *
01.
The park was crowded despite the late autumn day, but Satoshi found himself a small open space in the middle of the inner yard and laid on the hard ground. He crossed his arms behind his head and blinked up at the clear blue sky.
The last few days had been difficult but as uneventful and he wondered if his school life here would be the same. Although a change of environment was interesting, he missed Japan. He hadn't thought it was possible. Only a little more than half a year with Jun and his take of the world had changed.
He remembered Jun and his gut wrenched. He missed his brother terribly. He didn't want to think about it, but Jun's image came to him anyway. Thoughts and feelings mingled inside his chest and Satoshi tried to not let it overwhelm him.
Someone called his name in the distance, but he ignored it.
Finally, the person came beside him and hovered over him, blocking his view of the sky. It was his father's secretary.
"We're leaving," the secretary said.
With reluctance, Satoshi stood and followed the man out of the park.
02.
Across the dinner table, his father set his phone down and remembered Satoshi.
"Tomorrow, I'll be busy. You'll be on your own," Mr. Ohno told his son. "Don't be a nuisance. You'll be leaving the morning after and I don't want to deal with any trouble."
Satoshi acquiesced with a small nod, but said nothing. His father allowed him his silence and pushed off from the table.
"I'll be in my study," Mr. Ohno said to both him and his housekeeper standing to the side and left them alone.
At the empty table, Satoshi dropped his silverware and stared quietly at his full plate. His father's housekeeper rushed to the table to his side.
"Young master, are you feeling okay?" she asked.
Satoshi forced another nod and stood from the table as his father had done. He stopped and turned to the housekeeper. Remembering her concern that he knew was not only because he was the son of her employer, he felt grateful.
"Thank you," he murmured to her.
Her eyes beamed radiantly and he was glad to have said it.
He then left the dining room and went into the guest room, his bedroom.
03.
The following day, Satoshi woke after his father had left and remained in his room. The housekeeper left his breakfast and lunch on a tray for him, but he left most of the contents untouched. He sat by the window fiddling with a robotic toy he had bought on a whim the day after he'd come here when his father had been too busy to think about anything he did.
He had turned eighteen on this visit. He wondered if anyone noticed, if at least Jun did.
Jun didn't care anymore, he remembered. The toy dropped to the ground and Satoshi hugged his arms around himself. He pressed against the glass of the window, feeling the chill of the outside seep into his skin.
He wished that once he returned home, to Japan, in the remaining time that he had he could still make memories with Jun and Kazunari and Sho and the others. He wished for enough memories to last him through his years here. Even if Jun didn't care anymore, he wanted to be with his brother for as long as he could. At least, a single word or look from Jun would be enough. He must content himself with that.
From the floor the robotic toy stared up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. Satoshi fixed his gaze on it, remembering a time in his childhood when on his birthday he had also had nothing but a cold toy to embrace. He did not want to return to a time like that again. He had already made the decision back when he realized how important Jun was to him.
04.
As night fell, his father's housekeeper finally interrupted his isolation. She came to his door and knocked before stepping in. "Young master, your father will not be home until midnight," she regretfully told him. "What would you like for dinner? I noticed you did not eat much this morning and afternoon."
In his dark bedroom, Satoshi turned away from the window to address her. His eyes shone like glowing orbs in the dimness. Instead of answering her question, he asked, "Tomorrow I'm leaving. Will father be seeing me off?"
He thought about his step-father, about the fact that Mr. Matsumoto had been the one to take him to the airport and had seen him off at the gate. He thought about how different the two fathers were and how he wished Mr. Matsumoto had been his real father.
"Mr. Ohno said he would," the housekeeper assured him gently.
Satoshi picked up his robotic toy off the ground where he had dropped it earlier and fiddled with it again. He wished he had a sketchbook and pencil.
"I don't like it here," he said to the robotic toy. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing by moving here in the spring?"
The housekeeper smiled at his child-like innocence. "I will be very happy to have the young master here," she said.
Satoshi looked up and met her eyes. He saw the kindness in them and on her open face. For the first time in a long time, a small smile also graced his lips.
"Thank you," he murmured.
05.
Mr. Ohno arrived home at two in the morning. Satoshi sat in the sitting room waiting for him. In the darkness, he watched and waited for his father to notice him. Mr. Ohno went to the kitchen first for a drink before turning and doing a double take when he saw his son.
"Why aren't you asleep?" he asked almost a little too harshly.
Satoshi could smell the liquor from his father and he tried not to cower. He stood and clenched his hands into fists at his side. Although they shook, he was determined to speak.
"Father," he started, "I'm doing this for you, so I hope it makes you happy. But I want to be happy, too. After I graduate from university here, I'm going back to Japan. I want to do things that I want to do. I'm going back, even if you try to stop me."
Intoxicated, all his father could do was give him a look of bewilderment. Satoshi held his breath and bowed to his father. His father might not remember his declaration later, but he did not regret having said it.
He went back to his room to await for the later morning and his flight.
06.
Stuck in a traffic jam in the car on their way to the airport, Satoshi rolled down the backseat window and peered out. He squinted up at the cloudy blue sky. The chilly autumn wind swept in.
"Close the window," his father ordered from the seat beside him.
Satoshi looked back at his father who was impatiently fuming about being stuck in traffic then he glanced up at the sky once more before he rolled the windows up again.
His father sighed and glanced at his watch. He looked out the front window and sighed again.
Satoshi tried to be as invisible as possible. He didn't want his father's temper to be unleashed on him.
At last, Mr. Ohno spoke. "Are you happy with your mother's family?" he asked.
Satoshi was startled at the abrupt question about himself. He looked down at his hands. He nodded, wondering if his father did remember his rare moment of courage early that morning. His father had shown no trace of remembering it at the apartment upon waking.
Mr. Ohno murmured, "That's good." He spoke no more.
A small smile tugged at the corners of Satoshi's lips. Maybe his father didn't understand him, but at that moment it didn't really matter. He looked out the window again glancing at the sky through the tinted glass, wondering if at that moment Jun was looking at the same sky too.
* *
FORTY
* THIRTY-NINE *
01.
The park was crowded despite the late autumn day, but Satoshi found himself a small open space in the middle of the inner yard and laid on the hard ground. He crossed his arms behind his head and blinked up at the clear blue sky.
The last few days had been difficult but as uneventful and he wondered if his school life here would be the same. Although a change of environment was interesting, he missed Japan. He hadn't thought it was possible. Only a little more than half a year with Jun and his take of the world had changed.
He remembered Jun and his gut wrenched. He missed his brother terribly. He didn't want to think about it, but Jun's image came to him anyway. Thoughts and feelings mingled inside his chest and Satoshi tried to not let it overwhelm him.
Someone called his name in the distance, but he ignored it.
Finally, the person came beside him and hovered over him, blocking his view of the sky. It was his father's secretary.
"We're leaving," the secretary said.
With reluctance, Satoshi stood and followed the man out of the park.
02.
Across the dinner table, his father set his phone down and remembered Satoshi.
"Tomorrow, I'll be busy. You'll be on your own," Mr. Ohno told his son. "Don't be a nuisance. You'll be leaving the morning after and I don't want to deal with any trouble."
Satoshi acquiesced with a small nod, but said nothing. His father allowed him his silence and pushed off from the table.
"I'll be in my study," Mr. Ohno said to both him and his housekeeper standing to the side and left them alone.
At the empty table, Satoshi dropped his silverware and stared quietly at his full plate. His father's housekeeper rushed to the table to his side.
"Young master, are you feeling okay?" she asked.
Satoshi forced another nod and stood from the table as his father had done. He stopped and turned to the housekeeper. Remembering her concern that he knew was not only because he was the son of her employer, he felt grateful.
"Thank you," he murmured to her.
Her eyes beamed radiantly and he was glad to have said it.
He then left the dining room and went into the guest room, his bedroom.
03.
The following day, Satoshi woke after his father had left and remained in his room. The housekeeper left his breakfast and lunch on a tray for him, but he left most of the contents untouched. He sat by the window fiddling with a robotic toy he had bought on a whim the day after he'd come here when his father had been too busy to think about anything he did.
He had turned eighteen on this visit. He wondered if anyone noticed, if at least Jun did.
Jun didn't care anymore, he remembered. The toy dropped to the ground and Satoshi hugged his arms around himself. He pressed against the glass of the window, feeling the chill of the outside seep into his skin.
He wished that once he returned home, to Japan, in the remaining time that he had he could still make memories with Jun and Kazunari and Sho and the others. He wished for enough memories to last him through his years here. Even if Jun didn't care anymore, he wanted to be with his brother for as long as he could. At least, a single word or look from Jun would be enough. He must content himself with that.
From the floor the robotic toy stared up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. Satoshi fixed his gaze on it, remembering a time in his childhood when on his birthday he had also had nothing but a cold toy to embrace. He did not want to return to a time like that again. He had already made the decision back when he realized how important Jun was to him.
04.
As night fell, his father's housekeeper finally interrupted his isolation. She came to his door and knocked before stepping in. "Young master, your father will not be home until midnight," she regretfully told him. "What would you like for dinner? I noticed you did not eat much this morning and afternoon."
In his dark bedroom, Satoshi turned away from the window to address her. His eyes shone like glowing orbs in the dimness. Instead of answering her question, he asked, "Tomorrow I'm leaving. Will father be seeing me off?"
He thought about his step-father, about the fact that Mr. Matsumoto had been the one to take him to the airport and had seen him off at the gate. He thought about how different the two fathers were and how he wished Mr. Matsumoto had been his real father.
"Mr. Ohno said he would," the housekeeper assured him gently.
Satoshi picked up his robotic toy off the ground where he had dropped it earlier and fiddled with it again. He wished he had a sketchbook and pencil.
"I don't like it here," he said to the robotic toy. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing by moving here in the spring?"
The housekeeper smiled at his child-like innocence. "I will be very happy to have the young master here," she said.
Satoshi looked up and met her eyes. He saw the kindness in them and on her open face. For the first time in a long time, a small smile also graced his lips.
"Thank you," he murmured.
05.
Mr. Ohno arrived home at two in the morning. Satoshi sat in the sitting room waiting for him. In the darkness, he watched and waited for his father to notice him. Mr. Ohno went to the kitchen first for a drink before turning and doing a double take when he saw his son.
"Why aren't you asleep?" he asked almost a little too harshly.
Satoshi could smell the liquor from his father and he tried not to cower. He stood and clenched his hands into fists at his side. Although they shook, he was determined to speak.
"Father," he started, "I'm doing this for you, so I hope it makes you happy. But I want to be happy, too. After I graduate from university here, I'm going back to Japan. I want to do things that I want to do. I'm going back, even if you try to stop me."
Intoxicated, all his father could do was give him a look of bewilderment. Satoshi held his breath and bowed to his father. His father might not remember his declaration later, but he did not regret having said it.
He went back to his room to await for the later morning and his flight.
06.
Stuck in a traffic jam in the car on their way to the airport, Satoshi rolled down the backseat window and peered out. He squinted up at the cloudy blue sky. The chilly autumn wind swept in.
"Close the window," his father ordered from the seat beside him.
Satoshi looked back at his father who was impatiently fuming about being stuck in traffic then he glanced up at the sky once more before he rolled the windows up again.
His father sighed and glanced at his watch. He looked out the front window and sighed again.
Satoshi tried to be as invisible as possible. He didn't want his father's temper to be unleashed on him.
At last, Mr. Ohno spoke. "Are you happy with your mother's family?" he asked.
Satoshi was startled at the abrupt question about himself. He looked down at his hands. He nodded, wondering if his father did remember his rare moment of courage early that morning. His father had shown no trace of remembering it at the apartment upon waking.
Mr. Ohno murmured, "That's good." He spoke no more.
A small smile tugged at the corners of Satoshi's lips. Maybe his father didn't understand him, but at that moment it didn't really matter. He looked out the window again glancing at the sky through the tinted glass, wondering if at that moment Jun was looking at the same sky too.
* *
FORTY