A Single Footprint in the Snow (13)
TWELVE
THIRTEEN: AGAIN
Nino returns home eagerly. He tells himself that it isn't because he wants to see Aiba; rather he just likes going home after a tiresome day at work, which is true. He changes out of his suit and settles in front of the television and game system with a beer. He begins to play while he waits for his roommate-or-fiance. He tries not to think about the unpleasant way Aiba and he had parted, the awkwardness around them and the dreadful tension. When Aiba gets home, he doesn't know what may happen, but he does remember the hopeful fluttering in his stomach when he'd listened to Aiba's message that afternoon. He wishes that tonight, something may be different.
Nino's fingers jam down on the controller buttons. He concentrates on his game. He plays and his character dies, revives, upstages the boss and he moves onto the next round. The apartment is silent except for the sounds and music from the video game, his fingers tapping down on the controller and the rush of air and liquid when he takes a sip from his can of beer.
The shadows grow and eventually Nino is swamped in darkness. The light from the television swathes his small frame. Night has fallen on him alone in their shared apartment yet again. He does not dare to pause the game because when he does he will free his mind into realizing the obvious: tonight, again, Aiba doesn't want to come home.
But perhaps, just like that other time, Aiba will be tottering into their apartment drunk...
At last, Nino shuts off his game and turns in for the night. He curls under the blanket in his and Aiba's bed, the bed which in his memory used to be only his, but now he realizes how big it actually is. Despite lying down, he doesn't sleep and stays wide awake, his senses on full alert. His frustration keeps him conscious. A dull ache numbs him from the inside out and he tries to dismiss it, but it grows stronger with each passing minute. He doesn't know what it means, but he does know that Aiba is the cause of it.
Nino takes his phone and looks at it. He wants to call Aiba and ask him where he is, but he cannot. He is Nino, Aiba's fiance, and the person who doesn't know anything about Aiba at all. He is the Nino that isn't the one Aiba loves. This he has to remind himself because his hopefulness had made him a fool. The numb pain in his chest throbs. He doesn't call Aiba, instead he presses the phone to his ear and replay Aiba's message from earlier that day.
"Kazu, um, it's me," Aiba's message begins. "I'm on my lunch break. I just...I just wanted to know what you were doing. Sorry. Bye."
Nino believes that Aiba won't be coming home. He drops his phone onto the bedroom floor and turns his back to it. For the remainder of the night he pretends to sleep.
* *
FOURTEEN
THIRTEEN: AGAIN
Nino returns home eagerly. He tells himself that it isn't because he wants to see Aiba; rather he just likes going home after a tiresome day at work, which is true. He changes out of his suit and settles in front of the television and game system with a beer. He begins to play while he waits for his roommate-or-fiance. He tries not to think about the unpleasant way Aiba and he had parted, the awkwardness around them and the dreadful tension. When Aiba gets home, he doesn't know what may happen, but he does remember the hopeful fluttering in his stomach when he'd listened to Aiba's message that afternoon. He wishes that tonight, something may be different.
Nino's fingers jam down on the controller buttons. He concentrates on his game. He plays and his character dies, revives, upstages the boss and he moves onto the next round. The apartment is silent except for the sounds and music from the video game, his fingers tapping down on the controller and the rush of air and liquid when he takes a sip from his can of beer.
The shadows grow and eventually Nino is swamped in darkness. The light from the television swathes his small frame. Night has fallen on him alone in their shared apartment yet again. He does not dare to pause the game because when he does he will free his mind into realizing the obvious: tonight, again, Aiba doesn't want to come home.
But perhaps, just like that other time, Aiba will be tottering into their apartment drunk...
At last, Nino shuts off his game and turns in for the night. He curls under the blanket in his and Aiba's bed, the bed which in his memory used to be only his, but now he realizes how big it actually is. Despite lying down, he doesn't sleep and stays wide awake, his senses on full alert. His frustration keeps him conscious. A dull ache numbs him from the inside out and he tries to dismiss it, but it grows stronger with each passing minute. He doesn't know what it means, but he does know that Aiba is the cause of it.
Nino takes his phone and looks at it. He wants to call Aiba and ask him where he is, but he cannot. He is Nino, Aiba's fiance, and the person who doesn't know anything about Aiba at all. He is the Nino that isn't the one Aiba loves. This he has to remind himself because his hopefulness had made him a fool. The numb pain in his chest throbs. He doesn't call Aiba, instead he presses the phone to his ear and replay Aiba's message from earlier that day.
"Kazu, um, it's me," Aiba's message begins. "I'm on my lunch break. I just...I just wanted to know what you were doing. Sorry. Bye."
Nino believes that Aiba won't be coming home. He drops his phone onto the bedroom floor and turns his back to it. For the remainder of the night he pretends to sleep.
* *
FOURTEEN