Sugar and Pepper (13)
Edited: 2014.08.01
TWELVE
* THIRTEEN *
01.
The celebratory roar from the winning team thundered through the field, drowning the bitter cries of the losers. Sho's teammates ran and hugged him crying, "Ace! Ace! Ace!" He had, after all, been the one to score the winning point.
The corners of Satoshi's lips lifted into a grin as he watched. His cheeks hurt from the effort, but he couldn't stop himself. He could see that Sho was laughing too.
The game drew to a close. The opposing teams formed two lines and shook hands. Another outburst of celebration erupted.
As the audience dispersed, Satoshi stood alone on the sidelines. In the open space, he felt out of place. The celebrating group had no need of him. But Sho caught sight of his lone figure and broke out of the merry group, running to him and shouting. Satoshi watched his approach and could not run even if he wanted to. He hesitantly raised his own arm in greeting, unnerved by the attention he received from Sho calling him.
Sho did not see his awkwardness and stopped in front of him beaming. "I didn't see you, senpai. We won."
"I know," Satoshi muttered and uncomfortably glanced at Sho's teammates waiting for him. "You scored."
Sho's smile grew even wider. "We're going out to celebrate. Coach reserved a room. Want to come?"
The thought of being surrounded by strangers did not appeal to Satoshi. He shook his head vehemently. He had come for Sho and nothing else.
Unaware of his feelings, Sho frowned. "It’s like I dragged you here and then forced you to leave."
Satoshi could not reject him after that.
02.
The reserved upper floor of the small restaurant filled with the bodies of twenty adolescents, each vying for some attention. They ate, made bets, cursed losses, chattered, and moved restlessly. Every now and then, the voice of their coach shouted orders over the clatter.
Satoshi sat among the din and knew he should have rejected Sho's invitation.
If the other boys weren't stealing glances at him, they ignored him completely. The coach had too many boys on his hands to care about the comfort of their Ace's guest. And Sho had too much fun laughing with his teammates to remember his upperclassman.
Because he knew he wouldn't be missed, Satoshi voluntarily wedged into a corner where he had a full view of the room. He was content to be a shadow, preferring it to the curious stares of the other boys.
His eyes glazed over in disinterest as the chaos around him continued, and his thoughts wandered to a personal matter of more importance. He wondered about Jun and where his younger brother was. Satoshi thought back to their morning. He felt very small in the room. He regretted their argument as the loud chorus of the soccer team rang around. If Jun was here, Jun would've ignored him, but after he'd made sure Satoshi was comfortable.
Ironically, Sho noticed him at that moment. "Senpai, how're you doing?" he asked.
"I'm fine," Satoshi answered.
Jun would've known it was a lie right away.
03.
He left before the awkward partings began. While Sho was preoccupied with his neighbor, he snuck out and did not have to explain why he had stayed so long, or why he had decided to leave now of all times.
The customers and employees on the first floor did not notice him, so Satoshi breezed through easily and happily. Only when he reached the door did a person call out to him. The voice was familiar, but he turned and was surprised to see Kazunari waving at him from the counter.
“Got money?” his junior called across the room. “I forgot my wallet.”
Satoshi wondered why Kazunari was here, alone, on a late evening. He didn’t ask.
He reluctantly paid for the meal and was aware of a few patrons staring at them. His heart sank. He was glad when Kazunari dragged him out as soon as he stowed away his wallet.
04.
They walked home together. Satoshi named the wonder he felt as himself feeling out of place. He didn’t usually meet his underclassman outside the music room or baseball field. But Kazunari didn’t seem to mind their circumstances.
“I’m surprised,” Kazunari said, matching his slower pace. “I didn’t think you’d have friends on the school soccer team.”
Satoshi knew they had made a large gaudy group with some of the players still in their uniform, but he didn't know Kazunari had been at the restaurant that long. He walked on and made no effort to reply to his junior’s comment.
Again, Kazunari didn’t seem to mind. “If you go to another game, tell me. I’ll go with you,” he said.
Satoshi turned to stare at him this time, longer than necessary. Kazunari was on the baseball team, seemed to not care about the games, but volunteered to attend a soccer match with him. He realized he didn’t really understand his junior.
He kept staring until they reached a cross-section where both of them stopped.
“I’ll be going this way, Oh-chan,” his junior said and waved. “Remember to call me next time, okay?” Kazunari didn’t wait for an answer. He continued on a different path and disappeared down another street as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
Mystified, Satoshi watched his receding back and couldn’t decide if the younger boy was serious or not. He thought Kazunari might be joking.
05.
Jun was already in bed when he came home that night.
Satoshi stood in the doorway and observed him in the darkness of their room, and then he entered and climbed into his futon in silence. After a moment, he called for his brother. He knew Jun was awake, because his mother told him Jun had just gone up before him. He called again, afraid Jun just hadn’t heard.
He received no answer.
Why? Satoshi asked, but answered his own question: Jun was still angry with him. Satoshi would’ve allowed Jun to ignore him, except that his day had been endless and he wanted one nice word from Jun.
He pulled off the covers and crawled to his brother’s bed. Satoshi knelt and pressed closer until his breath skimmed his brother’s face.
“Get away from me,” Jun ordered, his eyes still closed.
“You spoke.” Relief flooded Satoshi. He thought Jun would continue to give him the silence treatment.
“Get away,” Jun repeated, stronger.
Satoshi refused to budge. He sat back on his heels in thought. Then he murmured, “I missed you today.”
Seconds of silence passed before Jun muttered in contempt, “You shouldn’t say that to me.”
“Why?” Satoshi asked, because he had said the truth. He sat in the stillness and watched his brother. He wanted Jun to understand, and he waited.
Too quick for Satoshi to react, Jun’s hand shot out and gripped the front of his shirt. He was pulled in, felt Jun’s arms slide around him, felt the warm heat of their bodies pressed together, and then he was shoved from Jun’s bedside. He tumbled to the floor.
“Jun--“ he started.
“Get away from me.” The words were barely audible, but they cut clearer, harder this time. Jun was dead serious.
Satoshi crawled back into his futon and curled up, and knew that his sincere feelings hadn’t reached Jun. He gripped his arms until his nails dug into the skin through his shirt. He remembered Jun so close to him that he had felt his warmth.
Satoshi shut his eyes and wished Jun's anger with him with dissolve soon. He regretted not apologizing when he had the chance.
06.
On the next school morning, Satoshi woke up and looked for his brother. He was told by his mother that Jun had gone.
Jun had broken his promise and left without him.
* *
FOURTEEN