Sestina!fic #4, "The Truth in Dreams"

[bironic]

Others:
- Sestina #1: House post-infarction
- Sestina #2: "A Typical Day in Diagnostics"
- Sestina #3: "Breaking the Cycle"

Title: The Truth in Dreams
Character: Gregory House, with House/Wilson undertones
Rating: PG
Word Count: 362
Prompts: truth (from daasgrrl), Vicodin, Wilson, dreams, leg, puzzles
Spoilers: Vague for "Meaning" and "Cane and Able"
A/

Comments

Sestina: The Truth in Dreams

[secondsilk]

Well, now, House.
Oh.

He tries not to admit that buried truths will surface in dreams.
The pain and the twistedness as well as Wilson and heat and need.

[celebriangel]

This...is comparable to the first one in quality. As in, if it weren't fanfiction you could publish it and get fabulous reviews. In the last two - fantastic though they were - I got a sense that they were tricky to write. In this, it sounds as easy as speaking. I lovelovelove it. Okay. on with the concrit - but only because I think this could seriously be the best fanfic poem I've ever read with some tweaking.

His mind working, working, solving intricate puzzles I think would benefit from you changing the second, working, as then you have three different words which is a powerful concept. Perhaps to 'churning' or something along those lines?

There are no words to describe my love for the second stanza. Seriously, it was concise and insightful and perfect, especially Or convince Cuddy to hide the truth/To save House from his own puzzles.

In the third stanza, Vibrant and whole, he doesn't need puzzles is so much love. I think it would flow better, though, if you replaced 'in which' with 'where', and that also carries the idea of a

[bironic]

My goodness -- thank you. Really, thank you. I do take it as a compliment not only that you love it so much but also that you would take the time to write such a detailed comment with suggestions for improvement. I really appreciate it. I also agree with most of your ideas. Changing "in which" to "where" will shorten the line to match the others in the stanza, for instance, and if I replace "utter" with "pure" it will begin the alliteration earlier. I'm also happy that you've picked up on so much, including the fact that, yes, House is in desperate denial about far more than Wilson

[celebriangel]

I was going for the removal of 'his' - if the Vicodin is 'his' then Wilson's just being annoying, keeping him from getting what's rightfully his. Although this is the way House seems to feel, the truth about addiction is that you do not own the drug; the drug owns you, and I think just by removing this little word you could suggest some of this. House might think of the Vicodin as being rightfully his but deep down he must know that he is in its control

[bironic]

"Refusing him Vicodin" didn't have enough syllables for my satisfaction, so I've made it "refusing to give him Vicodin." It sounds better in my head and it allows for both interpretations of House's relationship with the drugs.

reading the poem is very satisfying because I could spend hours analysing it.

Now that is a wonderful thing to hear. Yay. (She said, intelligently.)

By all means, friend away. Going by what you've said here, I think it would be lovely to have you on board to take a look at stories before they get posted elsewhere and to chat with on other topics. If you poke around my journal, you'll see the sort of stuff I usually post about. I should warn you, though, that in January I'm going to be posting much more than usual -- once a day at least -- for a month-long communal memory project (just described in a post this morning). So I'd understand if you wanted to hold off until February. Either way, welcome!

[alexao]

Ooh, a House sestina! This is beautifully written. Nice work.

[bironic]

Three more where that came from. :) Thanks very much.

[jadesfire]

coming to this late, still trying to resume normal service after the holidays.

This one felt quite different to the others, as it's not 'telling a story' exactly. It's got the slightly detached sense that you get in dreams and the melancholy mood pulls it along. It's a wonderful description of moments, like the bittersweet imagining that his leg is whole or the biting pain of Wilson laughing at him. I really liked the surrealness of the 'extra Vicodin' stanza and the kick at the end.

I thought And suffering more pain than he can blame on his leg. was a great way of putting it and, although I think the second sestina is still my favourite for the sheer bounciness, this sits so well with the others, delving more in House's character. Great work!

[bironic]

Hey, welcome back! And thanks for the assessment; I really wasn't sure about this one when I posted it, and I value your opinion, so it's greatly appreciated that you've taken the time to come back to this and let me know what you think. (Thought? Dang tenses.)

[kassrachel]

The visions slip away before the pieces of the puzzle
Fit together-something about heat, and need, and Wilson,
And a sense of pure contentment possible only in dreams.

Oh, man. Wow. Yes.

And of course, the end-words in a Greg House sestina would be precisely these six -- leg and Vicodin and puzzle and Wilson and truth and dreams.

[bironic]

It was really satisfying to write that line and imagine House being happy for a change, no strings, no rancor. How wonderful would it be to see him enjoy that kind of peace?

of course, the end-words in a Greg House sestina would be precisely these six

"Dreams" was "piano" at first, you may have seen mentioned up above somewhere, but the poem got stuck for a while at that. I started the other one afterwards (pills/Stacy/nerve/f*ck/laugh/dead) and it came much more easily -- maybe because here, the words all show up on the series so often it was harder to know where to focus.

Thanks for the comment. I'm so glad to see you're enjoying these!