My husband is a class A Jerk

[sahmmommy]

As I've posted before, I have trouble setting foot in our local hospital since our daughter's birth. I avoid the maternity floor like the plague when I do visit. Just a little while ago, my husband told me his friend's wife had gave birth to a little girl and asked if I wanted to go see her. Not realizing that the little girl was born this morning

Comments

[breakableheart]

*hugs* I'm sorry. What a bunch of crap to deal with. You have my sympathy.

[junetoo]

I had a terrible relationship with my husband after my birth. I had to throw him out of the house. I wouldn't let it go.

Finally he started to see why. Our daughter is now 16 months and I have his understanding and support.

But like I said I was a "bitch" about it for lack of a better word. I could NOT let it go until I was healed AND had his support. Our marriage wouldn't have survived.

[sahmmommy]

I still hold some anger at him over the way things went. Even though he had promised to stand up for me if I couldn't and to talk me out of any pain meds if I was ready to give in, he didn't. Instead, he slept in a chair while I labored alone. He was also supposed to take a week off from work starting when I went into labor. That way he would be there to help me once I came home from the hospital. I turned down several people that offered to come help because I assumed he'd be there. He went back to work the day after I got out of the hospital, leaving me alone with a newborn when I couldn't even get out of bed without help. I'm not as angry as I was then, but there's still some anger.

[thunderofsins]

I KNOW if my husband and I were planning to have another we'd have the same fight. I wanted a natural home birth with my daughter, I agreed to a hospital birth to shut him and insurance up....I had a similar horrid experience. :\

[seraphickiss]

I'm with you... in every.single.way. My Husband does not understand and tries to "put his foot down" about our next birth but little does he know, it WILL be at home while I refuse to go to a hospital. Unassisted, if need be.

[ailbhe]

It might help to bring up the rape comparison, though I know that for me at least rape is easier to bear (no-one ever tried to tell me I consented to it, and only rapists told me it was for my own good, and no-one said I had to do it for the sake of my baby to force consent - big big issues for me

[whollydevoted]

I msut disagree with you. Childbirth is not dangerous. It is a natural process and it is the flawed assumption that it is life threatening that leads to so many traumatic births.

I suggest before you have another child that you educate yourself better on childbirth. I suggest that you read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May Gaskin, "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer, and "Childbirth Without Fear" by Grant Dickley-Read.

A woman's failure to educate herself and learn the truth about how wonderfully her body was designed will only lead to more degradation and humiliation from doctors and more traumatic births. That in turn will lead to more depresson, more PTSD, and a completely destroyed self esteem.

[ailbhe]

Childbirth was the *leading cause of death in post-pubertal females* for most of human history. The main improvement is not surgical intervention in birth but antenatal care.

It is *essential* that women are taught to trust themselves and listen to their bodies, but it is also essential for the medical system to acknowledge that unnecessary medical intervention takes a potentially dangerous situation and *causes* complications and *causes* the potential danger to become actual danger, just as it is important to recognise that sometimes surgical intervention during or immediately after birth saves lives.

Your assumption that I am uneducated is unfounded.

[sahmmommy]

I had PPD, but was never diagnosed with PTSD, although I suspect I might have that as well. I took Lexapro for the PPD until my daughter was 6 months, but had to quit because we couldn't keep paying out of pocket for it (I was covered under Medicaid for pregnant women but it ended a couple months postpartum). I don't have a GP, mainly because we don't have insurance. I rarely get sick so I've never really bothered with getting one.

I have dealt with my daughter's birth, at least to the extent I'm able to at this time. I'm prepared to have another child, with or without my husband's support. If he can't be supportive, I don't want him there. The way I see it, I'm the one that's going to be giving birth so it's my choice where I do it.