(no subject)
Thank you to everyone who replied to my post about being a rape survivor... I'm sorry I didn't get in touch with all of you, but I really appreciate your support and knowing I'm not the only one.
I went in to have my stitches (I had a one degree labial and a one degree vaginal tear) looked at today. I'm four weeks postpartum and they're still hanging in there... and they hurt. A nurse-midwife I hadn't met before looked at me, and said that I had a teensy bit of infection, but nothing to get antibiotics for. She touched one, and asked if it hurt, and when I said yes, she said she was just going to take it out. Apparently there is an enzyme that your body makes, and that is what dissolves the stitches... and apparently I don't make very much of it, because they should have dissolved by 10-14 days pp.
Long story short, it hurt OMG INCREDIBLY MUCH when she tried to take them out, and I had a panic attack. To be honest, I felt panicky as soon as I got undressed and put my feet up in the stirrups. I was shaking before she even started. She let me calm down a little bit, and then said she was going to cut the other stitch out, the one that didn't hurt as bad, and I said okay, then as soon as I felt the scissors touch me, SCREAMED and slammed my legs shut, and started crying, and said I was sorry, I couldn't do it. She was a little taken aback- like I said, she was a midwife I hadn't seen before and didn't know my history. She kept apologizing and I kept saying I was sorry... she told me to take 3-4 epsom salt baths a day over the weekend, and to come back on Monday to get checked out by my regular midwife.
I know the stitches have to come out, otherwise I'll form scar tissue around them, but I just cannot tolerate ANY pain down there. I was JUST BARELY starting to tolerate my husband touching me (not sexually, but just touching me in general) and then tonight, after we got home and I took my bath, I got in bed in just my panties and he put his hand on my hip while he was reading- and I flinched. Right now I hurt worse than I did when I came home from the hospital. It hurt to sit straight up, or walk, or move at all... and my daughter is growth spurting and she wants to be bounced and nursed and walked around.
I don't know what to do. Just thinking about getting them taken out and having it hurt like that again is making me cry. I'm so tired of being in pain.
I never should have gotten the stitches. They were one degree tears.... dammit. It never occured to me that they would hurt so badly after the fact, I thought the worst part would be GETTING them and I was already numbed up from the epidural...
I went in to have my stitches (I had a one degree labial and a one degree vaginal tear) looked at today. I'm four weeks postpartum and they're still hanging in there... and they hurt. A nurse-midwife I hadn't met before looked at me, and said that I had a teensy bit of infection, but nothing to get antibiotics for. She touched one, and asked if it hurt, and when I said yes, she said she was just going to take it out. Apparently there is an enzyme that your body makes, and that is what dissolves the stitches... and apparently I don't make very much of it, because they should have dissolved by 10-14 days pp.
Long story short, it hurt OMG INCREDIBLY MUCH when she tried to take them out, and I had a panic attack. To be honest, I felt panicky as soon as I got undressed and put my feet up in the stirrups. I was shaking before she even started. She let me calm down a little bit, and then said she was going to cut the other stitch out, the one that didn't hurt as bad, and I said okay, then as soon as I felt the scissors touch me, SCREAMED and slammed my legs shut, and started crying, and said I was sorry, I couldn't do it. She was a little taken aback- like I said, she was a midwife I hadn't seen before and didn't know my history. She kept apologizing and I kept saying I was sorry... she told me to take 3-4 epsom salt baths a day over the weekend, and to come back on Monday to get checked out by my regular midwife.
I know the stitches have to come out, otherwise I'll form scar tissue around them, but I just cannot tolerate ANY pain down there. I was JUST BARELY starting to tolerate my husband touching me (not sexually, but just touching me in general) and then tonight, after we got home and I took my bath, I got in bed in just my panties and he put his hand on my hip while he was reading- and I flinched. Right now I hurt worse than I did when I came home from the hospital. It hurt to sit straight up, or walk, or move at all... and my daughter is growth spurting and she wants to be bounced and nursed and walked around.
I don't know what to do. Just thinking about getting them taken out and having it hurt like that again is making me cry. I'm so tired of being in pain.
I never should have gotten the stitches. They were one degree tears.... dammit. It never occured to me that they would hurt so badly after the fact, I thought the worst part would be GETTING them and I was already numbed up from the epidural...