(no subject)

[bitchandjerk]

Mikeypalooza continues.

Title: Melody
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen,
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,648,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Sam accidentally throws a dick shaped everything dinner party.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard



Every weekend an old warehouse in downtown Burlington opened it's doors to the public and let them peruse hundreds of vendor's stalls for all kinds of nifty little things. It was a pretty packed space to have so many shoppers and so many vendors, and that was before and after the holiday season. During December the crowds tripled, the amount of stuff for sale doubled, and Dean was also pretty sure the prices went up. He didn't much care about price tags, especially because he was shopping for Sam, but Zora, his shopping buddy, seemed very concerned with something she called a budget. Dean had never heard of such a thing and decided she made the word up to confuse him, but she insisted that real people had real budgets they had to stick to.

Just to be on the safe side, and avoid looking foolish, Dean asked his other shopping buddy if he had ever heard of such a ridiculous sounding term. He had not, but that didn't surprise Dean one bit because out of everyone he knew, Porter spent money almost as freely as Sam did. He didn't have nearly as much, but he still had so much that he didn't worry about spending any of it. He thought perhaps a budget was something for blue collar workers, maybe like people who worked in sewers, which Dean thought sounded absolutely correct. Zora, being a pain in the ass, reminding them both that contrary to popular belief she wasn't a sewer worker, and she was far from poor, she just didn't have a million dollars.

"Don't have a million dollars!" Dean laughed. "My dear, how on Earth do you afford luxurious moisturizers from Pah-ree and Mee-lahn?"

"Do you even know what moisturizer is?" Porter scoffed. "Are you Paula Deen? Do you just rub a stick of butter on your face before bed?"

"Oh, you two are so funny! Ha-ha! You know what else is funny?"

"What's that?" Dean asked as he inspected a vase. "Not eating little diamonds so your poops look pretty? So you have sparkle poops?"

"You're both kept bitches."

Porter was about to come back with something quick and witty, but Zora shut him down. He quickly turned to Dean and waited for a response, but that bitch was right. Sam and Henri were both the breadwinners and Dean was fine with that. Porter was fine with it too, but he was having way too much fun messing with Zora, so was Dean in fact. Yesterday, their first full day in Vermont, she spent the day looking so lost and confused as Sam flexed his considered wealth and influence to turn the house into a Christmas wonderland.

He flew in Antony and his team of little miracle workers to start decorating and they brought with them the most lavish and beautiful things Dean had ever seen. Watching them work really was kind of magical and because Zora had been around for a while, Sam wasn't exactly cautious when talking cost with Antony. He may have casually mentioned how much it was going to cost to have fresh flowers twice a week up until they left to go back home, or how much the collection of vintage mercury glass ornaments were. Zora was completely out of her element, and it was fun to tease her a little, even though she was living a very comfortable life with her new job.

"He's kept." Dean said as he motioned towards Porter. "I make my own money."

"I have money!"

"You're married to a French investment banker, I think he's got you beat."

"You're both still bitches." Zora said before she sighed. "You need to get it all out of your system."

"We just met like two hours ago. You can't call me a bitch."

"I read your book. I can call you a lot worse if you like."

"Everyone likes me now." Porter said. "Lots of people do."

"Really? I had a four year old tell me you were a douchebag this morning."

"My fat boy is so precocious. Come on, bitch, I need you to use your homo powers to find something spectacular for Sammy."

Porter made a half hearted case for not being a bitch, but Dean pretty much ignored him and Zora totally did. He had arrived in Vermont with Matty just a few hours ago to attend a very important dinner party. Dean had already made it known far and wide that Zora and Porter weren't going to like each other very much and so far he was right. Still, Sam insisted he be invited to the party because him and Zora had so much in common. That was absolutely true if you only counted race and even then you could only half count it because Zora's mom wasn't Caucasian. Lumping two people together and expecting them to hit it off just because they were both biracial seemed very shortsighted and a little ignorant, but Sam said it always worked with the gays, which Dean was also willing to argue with. It seemed like maybe Sam really just needed an extra body and Porter was the closest one available, which would explain his flimsy biracial fun time excuse.

"So." Porter said before clearing his throat. "You're a lesbian."

"Porter!"

"What? Sam said she was bringing her girlfriend to this dinner party I had to drop everything to come to."

"What the hell else were you doing?"

"You know I don't like to leave the city. It's too real out here. Look at that guy, he's wearing...I don't even know what that is."

"He's wearing a sweatshirt." Zora added. "It's a sweatshirt."

"Whatever you say. And by the way I had plenty to do at home. Christmas is in two weeks."

"You're going to Paris, Henri has a staff that does everything, what could you possibly have to do?"

"I have to shop."

"Well, here we are!" Dean said as he opened his arms wide. "Everything you could possibly want."

"Oh, yes, do point me to the nearest Prada stall. I'm sure I'll find something perfect for my mother and husband."

"Oh, my God, you two are the worst!" Zora groaned. "Why did I agree to come here?"

"Because you wanted to buy something for your lesbian lover."

Dean elbowed Porter hard in the ribs because he didn't want to make Zora feel any more nervous. In just a few hours Melody was arriving for a fabulous weekend in the country. She was driving up after work and dinner was going to be served promptly at eight. Dean figured with a little weekend traffic she might make it there around seven which would give everyone time to know each other and have a drink or two before they ate. Sam was whipping up something delicious, Mikey was going to have a movie night with the rest of the kids, and Porter was going to be on his best behavior. He was joking around a lot, but Dean knew he'd be cordial and absolutely charming, because Sam had already ordered him to.

"I hate that." Zora said. "Only eighty year old gay men should call the person they're sleeping with their lover."

"Right?" Porter laughed. "Don't be nervous."

"I'm not nervous."

"Oh, yes, you are." Porter said as he took Zora's arm. "Sam is so...what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Martha Stewarty."

"Thank you, Dean. Yes, Martha Stewarty. The kids have been raised well, which means they say exactly what they're thinking because they don't judge anyone, and I'm really, really, good looking."

"You're okay."

"Just okay?" Porter frowned. "Well, maybe I'll just help you find an okay present for your girlfriend, instead of that absolutely stunning antique atomizer you can pair with a bottle of perfume."

Dean felt a little ashamed because clearly Porter was a more powerful homo than him something that must have come with all the dicks he had gobbled up over the years. Without even looking around he had managed to lead them to a really beautiful stall filled with all sorts of vintage feminine things. It was a good thing they left Mary at home because there was so much pink and lace and frilly stuff she would have gone completely ape shit. The standout piece, among all the muted tones was the emerald green and gold atomizer. It was very art deco and green crystal base had a very unique shape. Dean didn't know much about antiques, especially atomizers, but he was pretty sure the hose and ball had been replaced because they looked very crisp and new in shiny black.

Melody was still a completely mystery, but it was hard to imagine any woman who wouldn't appreciate the beauty of the design. Zora was immediately drawn to it and picked it up right away, which prompted a very nice older overweight woman to rush over and make sure there were four hands on it. Zora was clearly quite taken with it, but there wasn't a price sticker on it, which made Dean exchange a worried glance with Porter. Dean had been to the market enough times with Sam to know that not having a sticker on an item was generally not the best sign.

"Do you like it, dear?"

"It's beautiful." Zora smiled. "Does it work?"

"Perfectly. The ball and hose are new, everything else is original, made in 1921."

"It's almost as old as Alex."

"Ha!" Dean laughed. "She's making fun of my old ass son-in-law. Geezer."

"What do you think, Dean?"

"It's beautiful. I'm sure Melody would love it."

"There's not a price on it."

"It's forty-five hundred."

"Excuse me?"

Dean cringed because he saw Zora's heart break when the woman repeated herself. Sam would have bought a box of a hundred and given them out as party favors and Porter wouldn't have thought twice about getting it for his mother to tuck into her Christmas stocking. Living comfortable or not that much more was more than most people could afford to spend regardless of how much they cared about the person they were buying it for. It took everything Dean had to not hand over his credit card, and Porter looked tempted to do the same, but Zora was way too proud to accept help, which was fine.

"That's a little steep for me."

"I can take off a hundred because I can see how much you love it."

"Uh...it's gorgeous, but I don't have that much money and I'm pretty sure my friend would kill me."

"Oh, look over here!" Porter said as he rushed to the other side of the stall. "A bunch more. Oooh, vintage Tiffany!"

The other atomizer weren't as nice as the green one, but they were still really nice and very reasonably priced. The most expensive one was only two hundred dollars and Dean thought that was somewhere closer to Zora's budget. Porter seemed to know an awful lot about antique atomizers because he went through each one with Zora making sure to test them all and find one that worked well and had the right look. In the end Zora picked a really gorgeous sterling silver one that was tall and thin. It was a hundred and seventy-five dollars and somehow Porter managed to talk the old lady into including a hundred dollar matching hand mirror for just twenty-five more dollars. That legendary charm was shining through and he even gave the seller a kiss on the cheek after she handed Zora the bag with her purchases.

"She's going to love this! This is so exciting!"

"It's fabulous."

"Thanks, Porter." Zora said. "As a general rule I never doubt Ollie, but maybe he was wrong about you being a douche bag."

"Maybe."

"He also told me one day soon that pig is going to shed his bacon and then we can eat it."

"That's true." Dean said. "Might even shed a few chops this year if we're lucky."

"I was there once when it happened." Porter said as he shook his head. "Sam unwrapped some bacon and told Ollie he found it on the floor."

"Sounds delicious. Any idea where the bathroom is?"

"All the way in the back." Dean pointed. "There's going to be a massive line because women take like four hours to pee."

"I can have sex with a dude in the men's bathroom faster than a woman can pee."

"You two are so helpful. Can you hold my bag for me?"

"You got it. Bring us back some snacks."

"I'll do my very best."

Dean knew there were snacks right around where the bathrooms were and he was hoping Zora had enough sense to bring back corndogs. That way he could have a delicious snack and Porter could shove something penis shaped in his mouth, because it had probably been like a day or maybe two. As soon as Zora was out of earshot Porter turned and rather roughly elbowed Dean back. Dean thought it was just payback, but then he saw that Porter had a weird goofy grin on his face.

"She's fabulous."

"What?"

"She's a cool chick." Porter said. "I don't think she's a strict lesbian though because she'd already be living with this chick and they'd have like four pitbulls."

"Offensive!"

"Whatever, I like her. I don't want to be that guy, but do you think it's weird hanging around people who..."

"Don't have millions of dollars?" Dean asked. "Extremely. Well, not weird just..."

"Weird." Porter said. "It's weird."

The truth was that it was a little weird, but Dean was sure there was a better word. Weird just made it seem like there was something wrong with average working class people and there wasn't. Dean had been so far below working class for years, growing up they had less than nothing, so he wasn't in any position to judge now that he had everything. Being around Zora or Justin was just different than being around people who didn't worry about money. It was eye opening, a little depressing and really humbling. It made Dean extra thankful for everything he had and it also reminded him that there were people who couldn't afford Christmas gifts at all.

"She's great. The kids love her, Sam loves her."

"And she's not evil?"

"Mary doesn't seem to think so."

"Mary, huh." Porter said as he scratched his chin. "So now that we're alone, what's the big deal about this woman coming tonight? Sam said he needed everything to be perfect like twelve times and considering everything's already always perfect, I was concerned."

"You can't make a big deal out of this or freak out."

"Like I would."

"She's transgender."

"Shut the fuck up."

Dean just sort of shrugged and then thought about how often he had said 'transgender' in the past three days. He honestly couldn't ever remember saying it in his whole life and now it seemed like it was every other word out of his mouth. Sam was even worse, but then that was because he felt horribly guilty for only focusing his charity on the L and G of the LGBT rainbow. He wanted to start programs and send out newsletters and donate money and talk about issues and Dean just wanted him to chill the fuck out. He was so worried about everything being perfect for the dinner party, and there was a 90% chance he was going to be the one to say something completely inappropriate.

"Oh, so that's why you don't want to call her a lesbian."

"Well, that and she hasn't said she's a lesbian." Dean said as he moved down to the next stall. "You're a slut, right?"

"Um...Sometimes?"

"You ever been with...someone like that."

"Uh..." Porter said before he paused to think. "Yes? Yeah, college, she hadn't fully transitioned yet though."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, one surgery is a lot less expensive and easier to get than the other."

"Dude." Dean whispered. "So she had..."

"Oh, look! Mercury glass!"

Porter made a beeline for the rather impressive display of mercury glass leaving Dean in the middle of an aisle just kind of staring blankly at nothing in particular. He should have been on the glass like a fly on shit because it was the perfect present for Sam, but a good old fashioned think was currently more pressing. Zora didn't seem to care about labeling herself one way or another. Porter couldn't even remember who he had been with and that was only partially because he was such a whore, it just didn't matter to him. Auden was sort of the same way, he was married to Amy, he loved her more than anything, but he had been with other women and other men without declaring himself as gay, straight, or somewhere in between. Dean had only been with one guy and even though he thought about swapping head with a very select group of his gentleman friends, he couldn't imagine himself actually doing it regardless of whether or not Sam was around. It was very possible that somehow Dean had become the sexual stick in the mud because there was Sam and there was nothing else. Everyone else was spreading it around and not really caring about what it made them and more importantly what other people thought.

"Whores." Dean whispered. "They're all filthy whores. I'm a good boy!"

"Dean!" Porter yelled. "Stop staring at the wall. You look ridiculous."

With a new sense of purpose in his life based solely on the realization that he was a good boy Dean rather smugly walked over to inspect the mercury glass, which he promptly decided to purchase. Sam already had tons for the tree, but it was a easy gift and something he'd really love. That still left about forty-five more presents to buy, but Dean felt a lot better that he had one under his belt. The nice seller even started to wrap everything up in tissue paper and carefully place it into two big boxes while Dean checked out some stuff nearby.

"There's nothing here for Henri." Porter said as he looked around. "He likes antique shaving stuff."

"They'll have something, we have time to look around. Sam's busy all day anyway."

"What the hell is he cooking? The kitchen looked like a grocery store exploded in it."

"Cassoulet."

"Cassoulet." Porter repeated. "What..."

"It's a French casserole with..."

"I know what a cassoulet is! What kind?"

"Sausage and white bean. It's delicious."

"Sausage and white bean." Porter said slowly. "He's serving franks and beans to this woman?"

"Yeah, why would that...oh, shit!"

"Franks and beans...The one thing we know she's not into."

"Son of a bitch!"

"What are you yelling about?"

When Dean turned around Zora was right behind him. She had three corndogs in her hands and wasted no time in slapping Dean on the side of the face with one, just like Sam always did when he was feeling big about himself, which was all the time. It was a little sexy, but Dean still slapped the corndog away, yanked it out of her hand, and bit off the tip. It was delicious, just like the cassoulet would be, even it serving it might be slightly disastrous.

A cassoulet was really a very easy dish to prepare, it just required a lot of prep work and a really phenomenal amount of cooking time. Sam liked to cook it long and slow for about ten hours, which meant as soon as breakfast was over he had to get it started. Dean had gone shopping with Porter and Zora, Mikey and the kids were watching movies and helping Antony when they could, and Sam's sous chef was in the kitchen where he belonged.

Evan had made a very quick recovery, in fact all he needed was a good night's sleep, a big breakfast, and a hot bowl of homemade chicken noodle for lunch and by dinner time yesterday he was good as new. He was also itching to get started on the holiday baking, but it was still too soon to make all the cookies for the baskets back in Westport. Sam would have loved to start baking because he really enjoyed it, but that was a project for next weekend. The cassoulet was on the schedule for today and Evan was just as happy to be able to help out and because Dean wasn't around he could help out as much as he was able.

"You know I love daddy."

"I know, baby."

"But thank God he's not here." Evan said before he sighed. "He's so fussy sometimes."

"I agree."

Evan nodded and then continued trimming the pork shoulder with his impressive looking chef's knife. It wasn't the big huge one Sam used, only because that was unwieldy for a child, but it was still pretty big and it was very sharp. Dean would have shit himself and then cried for three days to see Evan using such a big knife, but Sam was absolutely fine with it. He wasn't worried about Evan at all because he was careful and he had excellent knife skills for a five year old, or rather an almost six year old.

"She's as lean as a string bean."

"Great job, buddy. Now can you cut it into about twelve chunks?"

"Sure. Daddy, when can I chop the onions?"

"When you're a little older. They're pretty hard and I don't want you to slip and hack off a finger, but my goal is to have you in charge of dinner all the time so I can just take naps and stuff."

"I wish Ethan wanted to cook with us."

"I wish Ethan wanted to do a lot of things." Sam sighed. "Like not be crazy."

Ethan was in a mood for some reason. Sam didn't know what was going on with him but he didn't want to help in the kitchen, he didn't care about decorating the house, and he expressed no interest in getting to pick which movie to watch. Sam had tried to talk to him but he was just kind of grumpy. It was probably nothing, but Sam was still going to keep an eye on him in case there was something bothering him.

"Ethan doesn't believe that Santa is real."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"He has a lot of valid points, daddy." Evan said as he went to wash his hands. "And I know you've answered all our questions, but it's still suspicious."

"What's suspicious about a fat man made out of magic who comes down the chimney to bring presents to every good child in the world."

"Everything you just said."

"Well, Ethan can believe what he wants, but I know he's real. I have a picture of him with Mikey when he was a baby."

"That was clearly grandpa."

"What about at the mall?"

"Why would he be at a mall? Doesn't he have elves to supervise? How does he make money to produce these millions of toys? Don't worry though, Ethan has devised a scheme."

"A scheme?" Sam asked. "What kind of scheme?"

"He put a letter in the mailbox before we left for Santa asking for a secret present. If he doesn't get it then we'll finally know once and for all that daddy has been lying to all of us."

"You think he's lying to me too?"

"Of course. Unless you're lying, which is so ridiculous I won't even entertain the thought."

"So ridiculous."

At that point Sam had made up his mind. For Christmas he was going to have to drop Ethan off at the fire station or give him to Angelia Jolie. Either way they were going to have to get rid of him because he had been making trouble for the entire family for long enough. If he didn't want to believe in Santa that was fine, but he had way too much influence over Evan and if they both started doubting it was going to trickle down to Ollie, who was still too young to be a skeptic. Sam wasn't going to let that happen because once you stopped believing in Santa some of the magic of Christmas was lost.

Just when Sam decided to go have a father son chat with Ethan the kitchen door opened and an unexpected guest walked in. At first Sam was in full on defensive mode because he was so surprised, but then he recognized their new guest mostly because he was holding Matty. It wasn't that Sam was forgetful, it was just that Henri was still dressed in his brutal winter outerwear, which consisted of a gorgeous coat, a big cabled scarf, and a hat. Part of his face was obstructed, the part with his sexy French jaw line, which was why Sam thought a stranger had just strolled in.

"Sam! You look marvelous."

"Henri, what a surprise!"

"I know it's terribly forward of me to show up unannounced, but I do love a surprise."

"And it looks like you were missed."

"So it does."

Matty was hugging Henri as tight as he could. He was such a cute kid and Sam loved that he had accepted Henri as a father without any hesitation. Though it pained him to do so Henri sat Matty down on the kitchen table and then sat down in the chair in front of him so he could take off all his fashionable outerwear. The scarf was particularly fabulous and maybe it was going to have to go missing before the end of dinner.

"Where's papa?"

"Shopping for Christmas."

"Hmm." Henri said before touching Matty on the nose. "Are you ready to come home for Christmas?"

"Yes." Matty nodded. "When we leave here, we'll go."

"Indeed. What should Pere Noel bring you?"

"A brother."

"You know." Henri said before he leaned in and whispered. "I asked for the very same thing."

Matty smiled even bigger and then jumped forward into Henri's arms. It was good to see the baby brother initiative hadn't lost any steam, but Sam talked to Porter pretty regularly and he hadn't said anything which probably meant he still wasn't on board. That was a real shame because despite all his shortcomings he was a great dad and Henri really loved kids. Part of the problem, as far as Sam could tell, was that if they had a child together they'd have to raise it together. Porter was never going to permanently leave the city and Henri found that states a bit too vulgar for his refined palette.

After Matty ran off to resume his activities with the kids Sam got to properly greet his guest. He was going for a hug, but then he remembered, that Henri wasn't just a hugger. He embraced Sam like a long lost lover, held him tight, and gave him a very long, extremely satisfying kiss on the lips. He was so fucking sexy that Sam was immediately at half mast and he would have been embarrassed but he had on his apron and he backed away rather quickly just in time to see Evan put his eyeballs back in his head.

"When Porter said he was coming here I thought I'd pop right over for the night."

"Just the night?"

"Yes, I have a bit of a surprised planned for Christmas. We'll be at the house in the country."

"Instead of Paris?"

"Oh, Porter will survive somehow. Evan! What on earth are you doing with such a huge weapon? You'll cut your arm off."

While Evan said hello and showed off his knife skills Sam had himself a little quiet giggle. Not only did Porter want to stay in New York for Christmas, but the only reason he had agreed to go to France was because Henri lived in Paris proper. There was absolutely nothing wrong with Normandy, and it wasn't like they were staying at some rundown farm house, Henri had a proper estate, but it wasn't Paris and it sure as hell wasn't New York.

"Oh, my bag, my bag. Sam, what did you buy for the cheese course?"

"I...I'm not having a cheese course."

"Oh, dear." Henri said as he lugged his bag onto the table. "I assumed you would."

"Well...Dean's been really constipated?"

"Ah. Well, I stopped and got a selection of cheeses before I left. Oh, Evan, look here, this one is made from my own cows."

"Those fancy cows?" Evan asked. "Daddy sent his to live in South Carolina even though me and Ethan had space in our room."

"The very same fancy cows."

"This is gorgeous." Sam laughed. "You make this?"

"I help when I can, which isn't often enough."

The absolutely ridiculously huge wheel of cheese was covered in a thick ashy rind. There was no way they were ever going to finish the whole thing even if they ate on it until Christmas day. Henri had brought a very nice selection with him and it was very thoughtful. It even made sense to have a nice cheese course after the cassoulet. It was shaping up to be a very French meal and very international as well considering all the different nationalities in attendance.

"I see you're keeping your distance from that dashing Australian."

"Antony?" Sam asked. "No, I'm just trying to get dinner ready."

"Sam, I understand, he's beautiful."

"Yes." Sam laughed. "Yes, he is."

"But he has a lover?"

"He does, yes. He couldn't make it though."

"What a beautiful man." Henri whispered. "Well, nothing for an old married man like me to concern myself with. Tell me, how long until Porter comes back?"

"They just left about a half hour ago. Has it been a while?"

"Far too long."

Poor Henri was all alone in beautiful Paris with no one to give him the loving he deserved. Sam felt pretty bad for him, but him and Porter could have a nice night together and then they were going to have a couple of weeks together for Christmas. Sam couldn't imagine being away from Dean for weeks at a time. In fact it had barely been a half hour and he was already missing him. Eventually something was going to have to give and Sam was almost positive it was going to be Henri compromising. He didn't really need to work anymore, he could retire early, spend half the year in New York and jet off to France whenever they wanted to. They wouldn't even have to worry about Matty being in school since there was no way Porter wasn't going to hire the best private tutor available for his son.

After visiting for another few minutes Henri went to spend some more time with Matty and to get settled. Sam wasn't even sure where Porter's room was, but he was sure Matty would be able to help. He was going to be up in the kids room having a great big sleep over which he seemed very excited about. He was so shy, but he had really gotten comfortable around the rest of the kids, particularly Evan, who was close to his age and a lot more approachable than Ethan. Sam was even going to see if Evan wanted to go hang out with him, but now that Henri had arrived they could spend some quality time together.

"Daddy, when are we getting our tree?"

"Tomorrow. We're going to take Zora's friend with us to the tree farm and we'll all have cocoa and roast marshmallows before we put up the tree and start decorating."

"Why do you and daddy keep calling her a special friend?"

"Well." Sam said as he resumed his mountain of chopping. "She is...Zora's special friend. They're..."

"In love?"

"I guess they really like each other right now. Remember when Michael and Alex were just boyfriends?"

"Yes."

"That's what they are."

"Girl boyfriends." Evan nodded. "Makes sense."

"Yeah, not ready to get married, but they care about each other a whole lot."

"Cool."

"You know what else is cool?" Sam asked. "I was reading this article about a boy who decided he wanted to be a girl when he grew up. He always felt like a girl so he became one. What do you think about that?"

Evan was done with the pork shoulder and had moved on to washing and inspecting the white beans. He was standing at the sink on his little helper stool and he turned his entire head sideways to stare at Sam with the most dumbfounded look on his face. Sam immediately regretted saying anything, but he needed to see how the kids might react. Ollie was too young, Ethan would freak the hell out and Mikey was going to be fine with it. Sam wanted to get an honest reaction from Evan about what he thought, he just wasn't expecting the incredibly confused look.

"How do you become a girl?"

"Well, he went on some medicine and had surgery."

"For what?"

"To give him a girl's body?"

"Oh, daddy, that sounds terrible!" Evan cried. "They cut off his head and sewed it on to another body?"

"Oh, no, no, they cut off his penis!"

"Ahhh!"

Evan screamed like someone had just set him on fire and then he immediately began to start crying. Good old father of the year had done it again and in an attempt to keep Evan from thinking about something as scary as someone getting their head cut off he had given him a much scarier image to mull over. It was no wonder he was in therapy and Sam knew after today they were going to probably have to up his visits to twice a week.

"It's okay, it's okay!"

"Are you going to cut off my penis and make me a girl because daddy wants another baby but you won't let him have one!"

"No! Who told you that!"

"I just assumed." Evan said as he sniffled. "Oh, daddy, I don't want you reading any more articles. This is terirble!"

"Baby, it's okay. It made this man happy. It's what he wanted."

"What's going on in here with the yelling?" Mikey asked as he walked into the kitchen. "What's wrong."

"A man had his penis cut off to become a lady!" Evan cried. "Oh, Buster!"

Mikey was holding Buster and he looked as confused as Evan had. At that point Sam really missed his special time traveling mojo because he wanted to go back and tell himself to kindly shut the fuck up. His experiment had gone completely awry and poor Evan was probably going to be scarred for life. Even if he wasn't he was going to tell Ethan all about it, which meant the entire state would know by the time Melody arrived. Sam's perfect dinner party was going to end up being the worst and most awkward on record and he had no one to blame by himself.

"People do that." Mikey said as he walked to the refrigerator. "I go to school with a boy who wants to get his...well, I don't think they're going to cut his vagina off."

"You go to school with a transgender kid?"

"Yeah, Shane."

"Shane's a girl?"

"No." Mikey said curtly. "He's a boy."

"What bathroom does he use?"

"The same one I do." Mikey said. "In the stalls."

"How come you'd never mentioned this?"

"I didn't realize my friends genitalia were worth mentioning."

Sam had absolutely no idea what to say to that but for some reason he was feeling like a huge intolerant asshole. Instead of saying or thinking anything he watched while Mikey got a bottle out of the refrigerator, popped it in the warmer, and then sat down at the kitchen table with Buster who was wide awake, cooing quietly, and obviously not worrying too much about his penis or anyone else's or lack thereof.

At that point Sam realized, really for the first time, that he was putting way too much emphasis on what Melody was instead of just treating her like any other guest that was coming over. The kids didn't need to be prepared, special concessions didn't have to be made, she was just Zora's friend coming to spend the weekend in Vermont. Sam felt so silly and ashamed of himself and he hated that Mikey sounded a little judgmental.

"Why does it matter where he pees?"

"It doesn't. I was just curious."

"Do you have a problem with him?"

"Of course not." Sam said as he walked over. "You just caught me off guard. I guess I thought the school would have said something. It doesn't bother me, but I can see how some parents might be bothered."

"Shane is brave and it isn't easy to be brave. Making a big deal out of it would make things harder for him. He's my friend and I don't care if he has to sit down to pee."

"You're right."

"And no one cares if Zora's friend used to stand up to pee." Mikey whispered. "Really, daddy. Don't be so narrow minded."

"How did you know about that?"

"Because I'm not stupid. Hand me that bottle will you? I gotta feed this baby."

"I can do it."

"Go calm Evan down. He looks like he's about to jump off the helper stool."

Sam sighed and did his best to explain things to Evan, it took the better part of an hour, six cookies, and a glass of milk, but he did calm down. He also decided that no one was ever going near his penis and he agreed to not say anything to Ethan, because it "might upset him." That was one crisis down and Sam felt like his party was back on track, at least until he realized he was serving glorified franks and beans for dinner and cream filled éclairs for dessert.

Dean had on his favorite cologne, he had some goop in his hair, and according to Mary his outfit was totally adorable. Now, he was a little bit biased when it came to Mary, but he was pretty sure that she was absolutely right and he did look downright adorable. He was sort of on the dressy side of casual with a pair of jeans and some kind of fancy homosexual sweater that had magically shown up in his closet. Sam probably actually bought it, but Dean liked to think that shit just magically appeared.

"Boy, your look is on point. Brow game is strong, hair game is killin' it. Slaying these bitches like Buffy."

"Excuse me?"

"Uh..." Dean said as he looked away from the mirror. "Not you. I was talking to myself. What the hell are you doing anyway, you crazy British bastard?"

"I'm from Perth."

"I don't know what that means."

Antony tried to explain where he was actually from, but Dean didn't care. What he did care about was the enormous floral display he was tweaking in the dining room. Antony was all dressed for dinner as well, but he was still working on some finishing touches. The whole house was basically decorated for Christmas, except for the family tree which would come tomorrow. In the dining room the table was beautifully set and ready for dinner, but the big gay hoopla was happening on the sideboard. Antony had worked on it for an hour before he went to shower and get dressed and now he was still making minute adjustments that Dean didn't even pretend to understand.

Sam loved orchids, he loved roses and hydrangeas, and Antony had put them all together in one massive arrangement. There was a mirror behind the sideboard, the one Dean had been primping in, that was six feet wide, and he could only see about a foot of it on either side of the flowers. It was just a bit too much which to Sam meant that it was just enough. It really was beautiful, but it did have Dean a little worried because as the day had worn on the little dinner party seemed to evolve into a full on event.

"You look very handsome."

"Baby, I know it."

"Are you going to behave like a gentleman?" Antony asked. "Treat this young woman like a young woman?"

"You're worried about me? Sam's serving the most phallic meal on record and you're worried about me? I'm what they call enlightened and open minded."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. I don't care if someone's insides and outsides don't match. She's who she is just like I'm who I am."

"I guess you are open minded."

"I am." Dean smiled. "I don't even think you're a lazy beach bum criminal just because you're from Australia."

"When I was a boy I used to go around to the neighbors houses and steal flowers from their yards to make arrangements."

"Wow, what a badass."

"I suppose I was a bit keen."

"I literally can't even with you right now." Dean said. "Stop fucking with that thing and go fix us some wine. Not that wine made from kangaroos either."

After five more minutes of finessing Antony finally was either satisfied or he just gave up. Either way he was done and went off to find Sam and the wine. Dean wasn't even sure what they were drinking, since he didn't know what paired well with dick shaped everything, but he needed a half glass. He wasn't nervous or anxious, he was just kind of excited. It was always fun meeting new people and Melody was very intriguing.

Just when Dean was about to go check on the kids and make sure they were still happy and full of spaghetti his super cute ears picked up on the very faint sound of a car outside. He was pretty much in the middle of the house, but he could still hear everything outside even though there was a bitch of a storm out there. The wind was howling, the snow was coming down in a thick blanket, and ice was pelting against the windows. It was no weather to be driving in and Zora was a little concerned, but it sounded like Melody had made it.

Now Dean knew the proper thing would be to go find Zora and tell her that Melody had arrived, but being proper was for nerds like Mikey or Bruce. Instead of altering anyone that their dinner guest had arrived Dean darted through the house, silently opened the door, and stepped out into the freaking brutal storm. He instantly regretted not grabbing a jacked and some ear muffs, but it wasn't like he was going to be outside for any great length of time and after so many years living so far up North he was able to withstand the cold pretty well.

From where he was standing Dean could just make out headlights turning up the long driveway, then he spotted the rest of the car just a second later and even through the storm he could see a woman driving. She quickly parked next to the rest of the cars and checked herself out in the overhead mirror one last time while Dean stood by and watched completely undetected. He totally felt like a creeper, but he was excited and he couldn't wait to meet Melody and to see what she looked like because he really couldn't see much from where he was hiding on the front porch.

After quickly touching up her lipstick Melody finally opened the door and Dean's eyes went to the snow covered ground. Her left foot emerged first and Dean immediately knew Sam was about to have a new best friend. Melody was wearing, and had driven five hours in a pair of pristine looking black heels with a cherry red sole. Seeing just the glimpse of a Louboutin caused Dean to become even more intrigued, but then he started to miss Amy a little. He was going to have to call her tomorrow and tell her all about the shoes and their new friend.

When Melody fully emerged and was illuminated by the light of the moon Dean felt like someone had just slapped him across the face. The shoes were high, but without them Dean was sure Melody was probably pushing almost six feet. Her skin was a rich olive color, her hair looked like chocolate that faded into honey, and she was absolutely gorgeous. Dean could see that from a distance, but it wasn't until she got closer that he realized just how pretty she was.

Because she had come from work she was dressed conservatively, but still sort of sexy. She was wearing a wool jersey dress that went to the knee with a split up the side. It was simple and all black, the same color as her coat which was sort of a woman's trench with a wide fur collar. She had the lightest green eyes Dean had ever seen, they almost looked gray and her makeup was dark and smoky. The lipstick she had just reapplied was a vivid matte red that matched the soles of her shoes. She was just absolutely perfect and Dean knew Sam was going to shit himself over meeting someone so chic. She even moved effortlessly through the snow on those fantastic heels and didn't wobble once.

"It's so nice to meet you."

"Me?" Dean asked. "I'm Dean."

"I...I know, I'm Melody."

"Oh! Melody, yeah, yeah, hi."

"Hi." Melody said back. "I need to grab my bag, I..."

"I got it!" Dean screamed. "I'll get it for you!"

Dean realized he was screaming at the same moment he realized he had run off the porch towards Melody and stopped when he was about three inches away from falling into her. She definitely had three inches on him, but he didn't have on heels. Dean felt incredibly awkward and then it just got worse when Melody went to go in for a handshake. Dean for some reason, possibly the cold, misread the signs and ended up hugging her around the shoulders. Her hand was actually balled up against his chest and Dean just kept on squeezing like they were old friends and not complete strangers.

When he finally snapped out of it Dean backed away and then accepted a handshake before going to get the bag out the back of the car. The luggage was Louis Vuitton, which Dean expected but he didn't expect to see Melody playing for the home team as well. She grabbed her purse out of the backseat and Dean was very pleased to see a familiar logo near the buckle.

"Dolce and Gabbana!"

"Excuse me?"

"Your purse." Dean pointed. "I made that."

"You did?"

"Well, no, but, I'm sort of a big deal over there."

"Yes, you are. I bought this bag last weekend, there's a huge poster of you in the store on 5th."

"Shut up! Wow!"

"You didn't know about those?" Melody asked. "They're sort of everywhere."

"I always forget." Dean blushed. "Come on, let's get inside before we freeze to death."

Dean felt like he was sixteen years old again, which always happened when he was around pretty girl. On his best days he was pretty damned charming, but sometimes he could help feeling and acting like a total nerd. Once they were inside the nice warm house Melody shrugged off her coat and Dean got to admire her all over again in the bright light of the entryway. She really was gorgeous, which Dean was frankly a little surprised by, but that's only because he kept thinking about how Sam would make a butt ugly woman. Dean thought he might be kind of pretty as a woman, at least prettier than Sam and ten times prettier than John.

"There you are." Sam said as he walked over. "Hi!"

"Hi." Melody said as she offered her hand. "Thanks so much for inviting me up, both of you, thank you."

"Oh, it's our pleasure. It's so nice to meet you."

"We've met actually."

"Oh?" Sam said before he forced a smile. "Uh...um..."

"Oh, don't feel bad, it was last year at the Halloween party."

"Yeah." Dean laughed. "There's like a million people there."

"I'm sorry. I hope I was cordial."

"You were charming. Wow, this house is beautiful."

"Thank you." Sam smiled. "Why don't you come have a glass of wine, Zora just went to finish getting ready."

"Sounds great."

"Antony was supposed to bring me wine."

"No wine for you."

"Why not!"

"He said you called him a beach bum thief."

"He's a liar too. He's never lied so damn much!"

In the kitchen Antony was sitting at the counter with a great big glass of wine and smirking. Dean was going to hit him but that didn't seem like it would make too great of a first impression. Porter and Henri showed up just a second later and once everyone had been introduced Zora finally made it to the party. She was a jeans kind of girl, but she had dressed up for dinner and she looked stunning. Her wild curly hair was tamed and wavy, she had on makeup, and to Dean's surprise her own pair of heels. They didn't have red soles, but they were designer and very nice.

"I texted you a million times."

"Because today's the day I drive with my phone on?" Melody asked. "I was fine, been driving in the snow my whole life."

"Well, I'm glad you made it here."

Zora wasn't a short woman, but she looked miniscule next to Melody, she actually had to lean up just a little to kiss her. They didn't start making out or anything, but it was very romantic. Antony and Henri both being very proper and foreign averted their gaze, Porter, as a horn ball, looked like he was ready to jump in the middle, and the hopeless romantic actually swooned. Sam was a great big hunk of fuck, but he sighed dreamily and his eyes got all glazed over for a second. That was the great thing about being in love, you could always appreciate it whenever you saw it.

Sam wanted to get right into dinner and even though he had cooked he wanted to serve as well because he was a control freak and wanted to be responsible for everything. The food smelled amazing as Sam was making the rounds starting with the guests and Dean couldn't wait until he got his plate. He was practically salivating until Sam delivered his portion at which point Dean actually felt himself turning green. It was an absolutely beautifully composed plate, but there was no way to not notice the eight inch sausage and all the white cannellini beans. To make matters worse Dean had two pieces of pork shoulder at the base of his sausage that just looked like huge nuts.

"Brava!" Henri said before grabbing and kissing Sam's hand. "A triumph of culinary perfection!"

"And my tuna noodle casserole isn't I guess." Porter muttered. "I use two kinds of cheese."

"Blargh! It's poison not fit for swine."

"Super glad I married you."

"It smells and looks delicious." Melody smiled. "What is it?"

"It's a Toulouse style cassoulet. It's a French sausage make with pork, smoked bacon, lots of garlic and wine served with pork shoulder and white beans."

"Well done, Sam." Antony said. "Though Evan did most of the work."

"That's true. Everyone, enjoy."

"Good job, Sammy."

"Thank, baby."

Before he sat down with his own plate Sam leaned over and gave Dean a kiss, much like they did before every meal. Normally it was a thanks for cooking and thanks for the eventual kitchen cleaning, but Sam was a little more insistent, it lasted a little longer, and it was somehow more satisfying. In that moment Dean didn't really care that there was a dick and beans sitting in front of him, he just wanted to get dinner over with so he could plant Sam's ass square on his face.

For the first few minutes everyone was quiet while they ate and enjoyed the food. Normally silence around the table, especially at a dinner party, was a bad sign, but everyone was just trying to be polite and not start a conversation while their mouths were full and they were drooling at the same time. Dean thought they food was just incredible, some of Sam's best yet and the homemade baguettes put it over the top. He would have been satisfied to just keep quiet and shovel food in his face but eventually conversation resumed and after a minute or so Dean started to pay attention, mostly because he heard Carol's name.

"You know Carol?" Sam asked. "From the Halloween party?"

"Well, there too, but I volunteer with an organization in the city that provides housing for trans youth that are homeless. We set them up with a bed and three meals a day provided they either stay in school or have a job. They work with counselors and when we can we try to arrange some medical appointments as well."

"How wonderful." Antony said. "That seems right up Carol's alley."

"Oh, she's amazing. We went through a few months where we were faced with cutting some of our programs. I reached out the center in Westport and Carol made it possible for us to not only keep all the programs, but we were able to renovate more of the facility and fit in six more beds. It doesn't sound like a lot, but that's six kids off the streets."

"And six kids whose lives you've changed." Sam said before he paused. "Dean and I would love to make a contribution."

"Sam." Zora said quickly. "You don't have to offer to..."

"Nonsense, it's our obligation to help those who can't help themselves. Porter?"

"Hmm?" Porter said as he looked up. "Oh, yeah, I agree. You and Dean should make a contribution."

"For heaven's sake." Henri sighed. "We'd love to contribute as well."

"And I have a friend who owes me a favor downtown." Antony added. "Perhaps with his space we can arrange a benefit fundraiser, raise some money and awareness."

"Perfect." Dean nodded. "Antony throws the best parties. Quick, pick a theme off the top of your head, go!"

"Oh, uh...uh...We'll do it in the spring, garden theme, fill the space with flowers and trees, make it like a tea...Wonderland!"

Antony was quick on his feet and his idea for a benefit seemed to go over well for something he just pulled out of his ass. Dean thought it sounded great and Sam was already plotting and planning with Antony at the other end of the table, but Melody hadn't said anything. She was strangely quiet and then Dean saw a sparkling glisten in the corner of her eye. Zora was sitting right next to her and Dean spotted her reaching under the table to give her hand a little squeeze. It had only been about fifteen minutes since her arrival and Dean could already tell just how strong they were together. It kind of reminded him of him and Sam. Dean of course was Melody was because he the prettier one.

"I'm sorry." Melody said as she dabbed at her eye. "That's so incredibly generous of all of you."

"These kids mean a lot to her." Zora added. "They have it rough and a lot of them are never going to have an easy life and even less of them are going to become the people the feel they are inside."

"Right now."

"What?"

"Right now." Sam said to Zora. "That's how things are right now, that's not how they'll always be. Every person around this table...well, there was a time when none of us could be married, and now we are. Most of us."

"I don't have time to get married." Antony said. "There's literally no time."

"The kids you care about so much are strong and brave to be so uncompromising in who they are. The men and women who came before us fought so we could have the rights to marry and have children with whoever we wanted. Now it's our turn to return the favor to the entire community in whatever ways we are capable of."

Sam was sitting at the other end of the table, but Dean had never felt so close to him, he also couldn't remember the last time he was so proud of the man he had become. Inviting Porter just because he was biracial and obsessing over having a transgender guest for the weekend instead of just a guest had been missteps, but when he got it right he got it really fucking right. Antony and Henri looked very proud of him as well and there was just the slightest chance that just maybe even Porter was in agreement.

"Well said, Sammy."

"Thank you. So, Melody, don't be sorry for caring about something so deeply. The world needs people like you who care. We'll all work together to give these kids everything they need and then we'll go find more to help until there's no one left that needs us."

"That's certainly a big undertaking."

"Psh." Dean scoffed. "No harder than dealing with Porter when he was evil or planning our wedding."

"I wasn't evil!"

"No, darling, just your tuna noodle casserole."

Porter shot Dean his most menacing glance, but the mood had to be lightened, and even if he wasn't technically evil, he was still a douche bag, which counted for something. Dean got a laugh out of everyone, including Melody who dabbed her eyes once more, accepted a kiss from Zora on the cheek and then turned back to her food. Dean was so glad she had come and he was looking forward to working with her and her organization because she was one cool chick.

"These sausages certainly are phallic."

"I'm sorry!" Sam cried. "I just wanted to make cassoulet!"

"Sammy!"

"What? You said no one would notice the sausages!"

"I lied." Dean said. "They're eight inches long, plump, and succulent, everyone notices them."

"I ordered éclairs for dessert. They're shaped like dicks too."

"Sammy!"

"I'm sorry!"

Melody laughed first and then Zora joined her. Turned out that Zora had already briefed Melody on the rather penisey dinner menu, which they bought thought was hilarious. She had also warned Melody that at some point during the dinner Sam was going to completely breakdown and have a penis related panic attack. She was right, but Melody wasn't offended, she didn't care, and she even split a second link of sausage with Dean. All in all it was a pretty great dinner party and Dean was more than looking forward to the rest of the weekend.