(no subject)
Title: What's Happening With The Winchesters.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen, Lady Gaga
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,668,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Sam throws his annual Christmas Eve party.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
On Christmas Eve at just past noon, Dean decided that he needed to cancel Christmas and take at least a two week nap. He was absolutely exhausted and it was entirely Sam's fault. Of course they had fooled around after breakfast, but that wasn't anything special, in fact that usually gave Dean the energy to get through any day. The reason Dean was so tired was because the big Christmas Eve party was just hours away and somehow he was stuck in the kitchen helping Sam, which if memory served was Evan's job.
For two hours straight Dean tried to escape the kitchen to find Evan or question his whereabouts, but Sam just kept giving him more and more chores to do. There were things to chop and silver to polish, plates that weren't dirty had to be washed and dried, champagne and beer had to be chilled, and Dean had quite literally put out thirty-five thousand candles. On top of all of that Sam kept sending Dean out to tend to the house full of guests, which was fine, but if he took too long he got yelled at.
When Dean finally got a straight answer out of Sam all he learned was that Evan was busy practicing his dancing. It was slightly suspicious that he was practicing alone, but when Dean questioned Ethan all he got was a shrug. Dean didn't actually get worried until he realized that no one actually knew where Evan was practicing his dancing at and there was no music playing anywhere. Sam, as the worst dad ever, didn't seem too concerned and went right back to putting the 87th coat of glaze on the ham, but Dean went looking because he wasn't okay with one of his kids missing in action.
Even though the house was fairly large, there weren't a lot of spaces where Evan would have room to practice dancing. Dean checked in the upstairs playroom first and then bypassed the kitchen, and more of Sam's chores to head out to the garage. It was absolutely frigid outside and the garage was probably about forty degrees. Dean could actually see his breath hanging in the air as he walked out of the laundry room and immediately spotted Evan. He had on a big pair of headphones, his iPod, and though it was cold as fuck, he was only wearing a pair of black tights and matching slippers. The rest of his clothes were thrown all over the place like he had started off fully dressed and shed his clothes piece by piece.
Evan's hair was all wet from sweat and his heavy breathing was practically creating fog inside the garage, but despite the cold he remained absolutely and utterly focused on his practice. Dean couldn't hear the song he was listening to but Evan was thrashing violently and intensely around the garage. He was spinning and twirling, and hurling himself back and forth with a fluidity and passion Dean had never seen in him before.
Over the past few months, Dean had come to the unsettling conclusion that Evan was inherently and vastly superior to Ethan when it came to dancing. He worked harder, he wanted it more, and it showed. Every move he made was technically perfect and the wild movements seemed absolutely natural. Ethan was good, but Evan's hard work had really paid off and he blew him out of the water. Craig had mentioned it a few weeks ago, but Dean had dismissed him because he thought not having Ethan and Evan as absolute equals was like playing favorites, but he couldn't deny it anymore. Evan precision was just amazing and it didn't really seem to bother Ethan because he either didn't care or he didn't want to work as hard.
Instead of announcing his presence Dean hung back and watched for a while. Evan was dancing with his eyes closed for the most part and amazingly he didn't slam into the walls or lose his footing even once. He stopped a few times to backtrack on the song he was listening to because it seemed like one of his moves was giving him some trouble. His ballet had taken on a decidedly modern twist and it really was beautiful. The move he was trying to perfect had him going from a series of what seemed like fifteen pirouettes, onto his knees, his back, and then rolling completely over with his legs in the air before letting his body fall flat against the cold cement.
The whole sequence only lasted a couple of seconds and it looked pretty flawless, but Dean could see that Evan was not at all happy with it. He did it four times before he really got frustrated and went on with the rest of his dance. Dean watched the whole thing with a odd mixture of pride and concern. He was proud because Evan was profoundly talented, but he was concerned because he was way too hard on himself and he was absolutely filthy from rolling around on the freezing concrete. Dean knew better than to disturb him, but he had just gotten over a cold and he didn't want him exhausting himself.
When the song finally ended Evan practically ripped off his earphones and his iPod before tossing both onto the sweatshirt he had been wearing which was balled up against the wall. He slumped to the floor completely out of breath and wringing wet and Dean was almost positive he was about to cry, but instead he almost immediately got up, tried his move again and nailed it. It was absolutely perfect, there was no room for improvement, and Dean finally stepped forward when he saw how pleased Evan looked with himself.
"Wow!" Dean clapped. "That was something!"
"Hey, daddy." Evan panted. "Thanks."
"What was all of that?"
"Oh, just some practice." Evan said as he pulled on his sweatshirt. "You know tomorrow is Twinmas, right?"
"Mmhmm."
"Well, Craig says when we start school next month they'll want to see a piece on the first day."
"Oh, so you're working on something for you and Ethan?"
"I think Ethan should be responsible for his own performance."
"Oh..."
"Daddy, grab my pants for me."
Dean grabbed the pants and silently handed them over because he really had no idea what to say. Evan was pretty fucking tight with Ethan and it seemed very strange that they weren't going to work on something together. Dean was concerned all over again for different reasons and he wasn't sure if he should say or do anything about it. Evan seemed fine with letting Ethan fend for himself, but it was strange.
"Did you two disagree about what you were going to do?"
"No, Ethan just wants to wing it. I've worked too hard to wing it. I have to be perfect."
"Baby, you just have to do your best, you don't have to be perfect."
"Daddy, sometimes you say the silliest things."
"You want to turn into some weird bird thing like Natalie Portman?"
"I don't know what that means. All I know is that I don't have a reality show, I haven't been in any music videos, and I'm almost six years old. In twenty years my career could be over."
"You know when I was six years old..."
"Oh, daddy, I know, you had to eat mustard sandwiches and you didn't have shoes that fit, but it's not 1957 anymore. We have electricity, running water, black friends!"
"I'm not that old! Who told you I was that old!"
"Daddy."
"What a jerk." Dean said as he crossed his arms. "Evan, you have your whole life to have a career and you're going to have a great one, but it's too cold out here and Sammy's going to freak out if he sees how filthy you are because it'll remind him he hasn't mopped the garage since we've been here."
"I need to shower before Lady Gaga gets here anyway."
"Wait, I thought maybe you'd help daddy."
"I will after I shower."
"Okay, well, hurry up. Daddy almost made me make my own potato salad."
"There are children starving in Africa."
"Well, they're not getting any leftover potato salad, that's mine. I earned it. We'll send more goats. Go shower and take Ethan with you. Sammy put out clothes for you guys."
"Thanks, daddy!"
When Dean leaned down Evan gave him a sweet little peck on the lips before he darted out of the garage. Dean wasn't far behind him because it was fucking cold out there. He was pretty sure there was a space heater in one of the cabinets, but he wasn't going to bother looking for that until Evan decided he needed to practice again. If he put the heater out now there was a very good chance they wouldn't see Evan again until it was time to go back to Connecticut.
Back inside Dean tried his very best to sneak through the kitchen unnoticed and he came so close to actually succeeding. Sam was in the pantry talking to himself and Dean was on his tip toes moving as quietly and quickly as he could. His hand was actually on the doorknob to freedom, when he heard Sam rather loudly yell his name and follow it with an overly dramatic exasperated sigh of annoyance. When he turned around Sam was staring him down with his arms full of what appeared to be everything in the pantry.
"I need your help with..."
"Unless it's getting your dick sucked, I'm busy."
"I need..."
"Your ass eaten? Fucked? Busy."
"You know, one day out of the year I ask for help and..."
"Are you kidding me!" Dean asked as he rushed over. "Sammy, you've been forcing me to help you with Christmas for literally three months now and today I've only left the kitchen to pee and find our missing child."
"He was in the garage, I knew where he was!"
"Why didn't you tell me that?"
"Because he was busy and I wanted to spend time with you. I guess I'm a terrible person for wanting to spend time with the man I love."
"Oh, Sammy, that's so sweet. I..."
"Can you peel the eggs for me?" Sam smiled sweetly. "My sweet honey bunny."
"No! You tried to trick me by pretending to love me!"
"Fine." Sam sighed. "I'll let you play with it for two minutes, but then you get to work and stop bitching."
"Play with it?" Dean asked as he raised an eyebrow. "With what exactly?"
When Sam nodded over his shoulder Dean was on him so fast he practically set a new land speed record. He ripped open Sam's belt, popped the top button on his jeans, and thrust his hands inside. They were still plenty cold from the garage, but Sam's meaty ass warmed them right up. While Dean groped, rubbed, fondled, and stroked lovingly, Sam went right back to his cooking. It was a great compromise especially when Dean managed to sneak his middle finger inside when he still had a full minute left. If he was lucky and very efficient, he was sure he could get Sam to jizz in his pants and then they'd have to take a break to "clean up."
Dean was just getting in there good with another finger and Sam was starting to breathe a little heavier when the kitchen door opened and Ann strolled in like she owned the joint. Like a typical rude woman she hadn't bothered with knocking, which pissed Dean off, but not as badly as having to pull his fingers out of Sam's ass did. Dean wasn't sure Ann had seen anything, but she did look at him weird when he put his fingers in his mouth and sucked them so hard he thought his fingernails might pop off.
"I came to help."
"Stay over there for a second." Sam said. "I spilled something...Dean, get me a towel...and my apron."
"Really?" Dean grinned. "Your apron, huh?"
"Please."
Sam looked slightly red around his cheeks and Dean knew it wasn't because he was embarrassed. When he turned to take the apron, Dean spotted a rather large and obscene wet spot against the lewd cock shaped bulge in his jeans. That second finger hadn't done the job, but yanking both of them out had certainly caused something to spill. Fucking Ann, if she wasn't there Dean would have been on his knees suckling at that spot like a damned newborn puppy.
"We don't need any help. Go away!"
"Dean!" Sam said as he tied the apron. "Calm down."
"What's that thing you've got anyway?" Dean asked. "What is that? Where'd you get it?"
"This is my child." Ann said as she pointed at Henry. "I had a baby, remember."
"I know that, what are you doing with him? Do you even know how to take care of a baby? Is James dead again? I think Sammy and I are the legal guardians if he's dead again."
"Dean." Sam laughed. "This is an important moment for Ann, don't be a jerk. You're doing good with him! The first time I held a baby I was so nervous. Make sure you support his head."
"So funny!" Ann nodded. "Aren't they funny, Henry?"
"Oh, sweetheart, he doesn't know who you are." Dean said. "And isn't it a little soon to be on a first name basis with James' son? You barely know each other."
"I'm going to take my boob out."
"That's how you ended up pregnant and unwed."
"Dean." Sam sighed. "The eggs."
"In a minute, Sammy, in a minute."
When Ann sat down at the kitchen table and undid the top of her dress, Dean was over there almost as quickly as he was inside Sam's ass. Sam was mumbling something, probably something about jizzing his pants, but Dean ignored him. Some people might have thought he was a weirdo, but Dean absolutely loved watching a baby nurse. Jenny had been so good with nursing Buster whenever she could and Dean could watch it all day. Ann didn't seem to mind, and it wasn't like Dean had his phone out. He just liked seeing the look on both their faces. Henry looked so happy and Ann had this sense of pride in knowing that since he was born she was all he really needed to survive and thrive. Maybe James was slightly possessive, but there was one thing he'd never be able to do for their son and it wasn't for lack of trying.
"Maybe you can feed Buster when you're done."
"Dean!"
"What?" Dean asked as he looked back. "Look at those tig ole bitties. He can't eat all that."
"You want me to feed your baby when you called my baby ugly this morning?"
"I didn't call him ugly. I said compared to Buster he looked like an old man's foot."
"Ann, ignore him. We have plenty of milk in the freezer. Dean, eggs."
"Fine."
"Wash your hands first."
"Wash your jeans." Dean grumbled. "Glazing a ham with glaze in your pants, slut."
"I'm not the one who will only work if he gets to fing..."
When the door to the kitchen opened again Sam immediately shut up and plastered his biggest, cheesiest, and most disingenuous smile on his face. When Ann looked over she did the exact same thing and even added a really spastic wave. Dean smiled halfheartedly and then went to wash the butt off his fingers as Angie walked into the kitchen and awkwardly waved back at Ann. She had arrived with Jason a few days ago, and Dean just did not get it.
He understood that she had a very strict religious upbringing and that she was very shy, but he didn't think that was any excuse for her being so God damned bland. She was about as thrilling as a paper cup full of lukewarm water. For the first few days Dean had really tried to talk to her and get her to open up, but she was exhausting. All that said she was very sweet, nice, and polite, and she actually reminded Dean a lot of Jason, but it was hard to understand their relationship when he couldn't imagine Angie displaying passion for anything.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Angie said as she looked away from Ann. "I didn't realize you were...naked."
"What?"
"I came to see if I could help with anything, I didn't know your..."
"Breast." Ann said cautiously. "My breast is out."
Ann was one of those mothers that didn't give much of a fuck about feeding her child, which was one of the many, many, reasons Dean liked her so much. If Henry needed to eat she'd whip 'em out and not care who was around. The only exception she made was if the kids happened to be around. She wasn't worried about being immodest, she just had trouble feeding Henry with Ethan asking ten thousand questions, most of which were about whether or not she made any other food from other places.
"Are you going to breastfeed?" Dean asked as he finished washing his hands. "What's your plan?"
"Oh, I don't know what we're going to do yet."
"Why not?"
"Dean." Sam said before clearing his throat. "The eggs?"
"We haven't really talked about it. I guess whatever Jason thinks is best for the baby."
Just when Dean was about to say something he knew he'd regret Sam pinched him in the arm so hard he actually yelped. It hurt like hell and he was going to pitch a total bitch fit, but when he turned around Sam had that crazy angry look he got sometimes. A lot of people, most people actually, would probably accuse Dean of doing whatever Sam thought was best and whatever Sam wanted, and that was mostly true, but he at least had his own opinions and ideas. He just did whatever Sam said because he loved eating that ass and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
"Breastfeeding is best for the baby."
"I swear to God." Sam whispered. "Leave her alone or I'm going to get very upset with you."
"Let me guess, you want me to peel the eggs?"
"Please. I don't want to fucking ask again."
Sam was whispering, but as always he had put too much emphasis on "fucking" which Angie overheard and immediately was shocked and scandalized by. She actually turned red before sitting down next to Ann with her back to Sam. When Dean rolled his eyes as hard as he could he got dirty looks from Ann and Sam. He didn't much care about either of them when it came to Angie. He had done his best and he was through with trying. Not only was she impossible to crack, but she wasn't fun, she didn't have a single opinion that was her own, and worst of all, she seemed positively unenthused about the baby, who, since he was the second coming, was probably going to be almost as awesome as Buster.
"I'll show you the pump later." Ann said. "That way if you don't like actually breast feeding you can still give him breast milk, which is free, unlike formula."
"Do you use the pump a lot?"
"Well, with work I can only feed him before I leave and when I come back, but we have plenty of milk saved."
"Someone's awfully boastful about their milk capacity." Dean said as he started on the eggs. "While my poor baby is probably starving and cold somewhere."
"He's in the living room with Mr. John." Angie said as she looked back. "He just fed him about ten minutes ago."
"Thank you, Angie."
"You're welcome, Mr. Dean."
"Mmhmm."
"Dean." Sam said. "If those eggs aren't peeled in two minutes I'm not making you potato salad."
"Christ, will you shut up about the fucking eggs, bitch?"
Sam's eyes got angrier, Ann's dirty looks got dirtier, and Angie unceremoniously scuttled out of the kitchen like a little mouse. As soon as the door shut behind her Sam slapped the shit out of Dean in the back of the head and Ann started bitching up a storm. Dean ignored both of them and finished peeling the 87 eggs in record time before shooting them both the middle finger and leaving the kitchen to go find Buster so they could cuddle together.
Instead of getting dressed and heading downstairs to make sure everything was perfect for the party, Sam was standing naked in front of the big mirror in the bathroom scrutinizing himself. Fashion week wasn't that far off and while he looked good, Sam wasn't anywhere near happy with his body. He had perhaps indulged in a few too many cookie samplings over the past couple of weeks and he definitely had too much hot cocoa. He hadn't gained more than two or three pounds, but he had lost a little definition in his stomach. It wasn't anything he couldn't fix, but it annoyed him enough to devote five full minutes to staring at his stomach, his ass, and his arms while he flexed.
While he checked himself out he was also keeping one eye on Dean, who was in the shower practically whistling Dixie. It was all foggy and steamy, but Sam could tell that Dean was doing bottoms everywhere proud, because he looked like he was in there fisting himself. He took great pride in the squeaky cleanness of his ass, for which Sam was appreciative, but it was still pretty fucking funny to watch him twist and contort in an effort to scrub every delicious nook and cranny. Seeing him so dedicated to the task at hand made Sam decide right then and there he was going to drop a couple of loads in him later once all the kids were asleep.
Sam wanted to get a picture for blackmail purposes, but he wasn't sure where he left his phone. Luckily Dean's was right on the counter next to the sink and Sam grabbed it with the intention of getting some sexy snaps to maybe send out to a very select group of friends. When Sam swiped his finger across the screen to unlock the phone he noticed a strange icon flashing orange. Without even thinking he swiped a few more times and was greeted with a grid of twelve men, most of whom were in various stages of undress and the torso in the upper left hand corner looked very familiar.
"Dean!" Sam screamed as he rushed over and ripped open the shower door. "What the fuck is this?"
"Sammy, I'm washing my butt. This is private."
"Why are you on Grindr?"
"That's not my phone." Dean said nervously. "It's...I found that outside in the woods."
"Oh, yeah? So I can check these messages? There's fifty-three of them."
"No! Don't do that!"
"Oh, now I'm checking all of them!"
"Sammy, it's not even a picture of me."
"Who is it then?" Sam asked as he looked down. "Because it sure...Oh, my God. Is that a picture of Michael?"
Sam had to make the picture bigger to be sure, but once he did, he saw that it wasn't Dean's torso, it was considerably paler, and trimmer. Dean was still all soaped up, but he was rushing to rinse off and get out of the shower. It didn't matter how fast he was because Sam was faster and all he had to do was tap the screen to get the messages up. There were over fifty new messages and dozens more that had already been read. A lot of them were people just saying hello, but most were extremely unattractive dick pics and a couple of pictures of gaping assholes.
"Give me that phone!"
"No." Sam said. "What the hell, Dean? You haven't even responded to any of these guys. How does anyone even take a picture of their own asshole?"
"You're invading my privacy!"
"Are you going to cheat on me?" Sam asked. "Because I told you I'll destroy you. Jesus, at least cheat on me with someone we know. These guys are gross."
"Give me my phone!"
Dean snatched the phone out of Sam's hand and then went to grab a towel. Sam was pretty pissed off that Dean was hiding something from him, but more than anything he was confused and slightly amused. Dean was not a cheater, except for that one time when he was young and stupid and most importantly childless. He hadn't responded to anyone and he wasn't even using his own picture, which just kind of made it seem like he was using the app to collect pictures of stranger's dicks and asses. That made no sense because he had top notch dick and ass in the same house and Sam let him look whenever he wanted.
"Does Michael know you're using his picture to troll for guys?"
"I asked for permission."
"From him, but not from me? Why are you on there?"
"Because Porter made me feel bad, okay!"
"How? And why?"
"You know he's a slut, right?"
"Obvs."
"He made me feel bad because I'm not a slut." Dean frowned. "I only been with you."
"So...what are you telling me here?"
"I just wanted to see what else was out there, I guess. Just to see."
"Dean, you do realize that you could literally ask anyone in the world who their number one fuck is and a good 95% would say me, right?"
"I'm just window shopping. Please don't take Buster or Mary or Ollie."
"What about the rest of them?"
"Eh." Dean shrugged. "Don't hit me, Sammy!"
Sam's natural instinct was to go downstairs, open the fridge, break a beer bottle on the counter and then cut Dean's pretty face with it, but he sorta got it. He didn't approve, mostly because he didn't like Dean keeping anything from him, but he understood what he was doing and why he had done it and it wasn't like he was looking at women. If that shit had shown up on his phone Sam would have set fire to the rain and dragged Dean to hell.
"I'm not going to hit you."
"Really?"
"I mean, I'm sure I will before the end of the day, but not because of this. You can look all you want."
"It's pretty gross." Dean said as he grabbed his robe. "Hey, you think you and me and dad just have really pretty dicks?"
"Anthony has a nice dick. Jeremy and Aaron too."
"But ours are the prettiest?"
"Well, yeah." Sam laughed. "My asshole doesn't look like a weird collapsed soufflé, does it?"
"Sammy, it's gorgeous."
"I figured as much. Put some kind of lock on your phone, I don't want the kids seeing that."
"The kids respect my privacy."
"Thank God."
Just to prove he wasn't totally pissed off Sam gave Dean a kiss on the cheek and then went into the bedroom to get dressed. He still didn't have any clothes on and walked out completely naked to find Evan, totally dressed, sitting on the bed with Buster. Sam didn't care much about not being dressed in front of the kids, he was just surprised, especially when Evan waved and went right back to playing with Buster. After Sam pulled on some underwear and a shirt he joined them to see what was going on.
"You look adorable, baby."
"Thanks, daddy. Your wiener is huge."
"Thanks. What are you guys up to?"
"Just telling Buster about the party and Santa. He's excited, daddy."
Sam nodded and then looked down at Buster, who looked about as excited as he always did. He was maybe a little more alert than usual, but that was because Evan was talking to him. He just loved his big brother and he seemed quite focused on hearing about the festivities. Because he was in such good hands, Sam left him alone with Evan while he quickly threw on the rest of his suit and picked out a shirt and tie to match for Dean. He didn't want them to totally match, just to coordinate, like Mary and Milo always did, the only two people who had to match were Ethan and Evan because that shit was adorable.
"Sammy!" Dean yelled. "Sammy, get out here!"
"What! What's wrong!"
When Sam came running out of the closet Dean was standing right outside the bathroom door staring at Evan and Buster who had been joined by Ethan. Evan was dressed in his black suit with a gray shirt and a purple tie. Ethan, who should have been wearing the exact same thing had on a pair of pants and a bulky gray sweater. Their shoes didn't even match and Ethan's hair wasn't neatly combed like Evan's. It was slightly tousled.
"What the hell is this!"
"I hate it!" Dean cried. "Sammy, do something!"
"Ethan, that's not what I picked out for you to wear."
"Uh, I'm not a baby, daddy. I can pick out my own clothes."
"Ugh." Dean said as he grasped his chest. "He's right! He's not a baby!"
"Dean, take a deep breath." Sam said. "Ethan, quit being a trouble maker and go put on your suit."
"I don't want to wear my suit."
"Then Christmas is canceled."
"No, daddy!" Evan said as he shook his head. "Ethan, go change, now!"
"I'm my own person. I'm not a doll you can dress up, daddy!"
"Yes, you are! Until you can pay for your own clothes, you'll do what I say and I say you dress like your brother because it's adorable!"
"I'm going to leave with Lady Gaga!"
"Dean, call Lady Gaga and tell her the party is canceled because Ethan is a jerk butt."
"I hate it!" Dean cried again. "I hate everything about it!"
Sam should have been able to focus on laying down the law, but he had to break character for a second to console Dean, who had long been dreading when Ethan decided to start acting like the jerk everyone had long assumed he was. It wasn't bad enough that their birthday was tomorrow, then he had to go and decide to not wear the same clothes as Evan, which Dean had always thought was a sign of the end of their childhood. Sam wasn't about to let that happen, and when they were sixteen, they could revisit the different outfit conversation, but it sure as shit wasn't happening now.
"Are you happy?" Sam asked. "You made daddy cry."
"Oh, he's always crying about something!"
"Go change your clothes now. You two can wear those sweaters tomorrow."
"Lady Gaga would love for me to live with her."
"Good luck with that! Maybe she'll use you as an accessory like that dog she got!"
"Ethan, stop talking back to daddy. Go change or me and Buster aren't going to talk to you."
"This isn't over."
"It feels like it's over!" Sam yelled after Ethan. "You're walking away and I'm not thinking about it anymore, pretty sure it's over!"
"It's not over!"
"Feels over!"
For a second Ethan looked like he was about to slam the door, but then he thought better of it. It was a good thing too because Sam would have broken his no spanking rule and tanned that ass black and blue. Dean was basically hysterical, Evan looked very upset, the only one who didn't give half a shit about what was going on was Buster. He was kind of looking around, but like a smart baby he had chosen to completely ignore Ethan, which was probably for the best.
After spending way too much time calming Dean down, Sam finished getting dressed and then hurried downstairs. He was tempted to make sure Ethan had changed into appropriate party attire, but he was feeling slightly rushed and wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the party, which was already underway. Michael and Alex had already gotten into the champagne, and judging by the amount of frosting on his face, someone had given Milo permission to eat a cupcake.
"Did you know your father is using your toned and silky pale torso to attract whores on the internet?"
"They tell me I got good cum gutters." Michael whispered. "Because I do."
"Who tells you that!"
"Alex."
"I do." Alex blushed. "He does."
"So you're fine with people oogling him on Grindr?"
"Dad, everyone's on grindr. You just crop your head out and meet fun new people."
"You too, Alex?"
"Mine's a picture of my butt in sexy undies." Alex said. "I pretend I'm a bottom."
"He was very convincin' last night." Michael winked. "Reminds me, I need more ham to recharge."
"You cut the ham already?"
"No, I just been pickin' at it. What did you do to poor Ethan? He told me you were worse than a Polish."
"Wow, right in the nuts."
"I thought it seemed a little severe."
"I have stuff to do. If Lady Gaga gets here, spray her with Lysol and don't let her sit on the good furniture."
"All the furniture is good."
"Exactly." Sam said as he patted Michael's back. "And stay away from my ham."
In the kitchen the ham was resting right where Sam had left it and it mostly appeared undisturbed, but Sam saw a few of the spiral cut pieces were missing in the middle. Michael was such a no good ginger troublemaker that Sam was worried a whole hunk might be missing, but it was fine and when he snuck a piece himself he was very happy with how well it had come out.
Everything else was pretty much done, Sam just quickly straightened up, washed a few stray dishes, and then grabbed the big platter of ham so he could set it on the dining room table with the rest of the food. He had freshly baked rolls for anyone who wanted a sandwich, Dean's favorite potato salad, lots of little snacky things, and an impressive display of sweets. When Sam set the ham down he noticed a tiny little hand blindly feeling around for something from underneath the table. When he squatted down he caught Milo red headed and handed, sitting under the table with a whole stack of cookies.
"Hey!"
"I don't know what happen, daddy."
"I think you took a bunch of cookies and you're under the table eating them."
"No."
"What do you mean no?" Sam asked as he scooped Milo up. "You have a whole handful of cookies."
"I don't see it."
"They're in your hands right now!"
"Daddy, you're so pretty, like a pretty prince!"
"Well." Sam grinned. "That is true, but..."
"So handsome and tall!"
"Did you lick these cookies?"
"Maybe daddy."
"You can't eat just cookies!"
Since Sam was 100% positive Milo has licked the cookies, he put them all on a separate plate which he then placed out of his reach. True to form Milo tried his best to throw a fit, but he calmed right the hell down when Sam threatened to let Mary sleep in the big bed. It was Christmas and he could eat all the cookies he wanted to, but not all at once and not before he had some actual food in his stomach. Since the party was already started Sam fixed him a little plate of real food and sat him down with Ollie who had way too much ham on his own plate.
It seemed like everything was in order for the party so Sam made one last scan of the dining room and then went into the kitchen to pull a few more things out of the refrigerator. Earlier he had put in a couple of beers for John and Dean since they always got drunk way too fast on champagne alone. Sam was grabbing them out the back of the refrigerator when he felt a very firm pinch right on his ass practically in his button.
"You can't keep your hands out of there." Sam said as he turned around. "You cock hungry fa...Justin!"
"You call him a faggot?" Justin asked as he took a beer. "You kinky little slut. Spit in my mouth."
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I came to punch you in the face."
"Why?"
"Because it's Christmas Eve and instead of being home in my pajamas waiting to get my dick sucked, I had to bust ass up here when Mikey called and told Charlie that Lady Gaga was coming to your gay ass homo party."
"Charlie doesn't strike me as the..."
"Oh, Jesus!" Craig said as he ran into the kitchen. "Is she here? Where is she!"
"This mother fucker sucks really good dick." Justin sighed. "But I'm here freezing my ass off."
"I'm pretty sure you'll still get your dick sucked." Sam said. "Craig, she's not here yet."
"Oh, my God."
"No homo, but I like getting my dick sucked."
"Will you shut up about your dick?" Craig asked. "Maybe your best friend Alex will do it for you."
"My dick is way too old for that pervert. He's jealous because I was more excited about seeing Alex than I was about some bitch I don't even know. Who cares about Lady Gaga?"
"You are the worst gay." Craig said as he shook his head. "I can't with you right now. Where's Ethan?"
When Sam pointed back out the door Craig tore out of there like his ass was on fire. It was so cute that he wanted to meet Lady Gaga, but Sam was going to side with Justin, not only did he love getting his dick sucked, but he honestly didn't care whether or not she was coming. He was excited for the kids, but that was about it.
"He's so jealous that I love Alex so much more than him."
"Yeah, maybe stop joking about that?"
"Who's joking?" Justin asked. "Alex is my favorite boyfriend."
"Mmhmm."
"Anyway, I want to reiterate, no homo, but look at this."
When Justin reached into his jacket pocket Sam fully expected to see another video or at least a picture of Craig sucking himself off, which would have been awesome, but instead, he saw something quite a bit better. It was hard to believe such a thing existed, but apparently it did. Justin pulled out familiar looking little blue box, and flipped it open to reveal a perfectly plain and stunning platinum band. It was simple and understated and just perfect for a very special Christmas present.
"Is that what I think it is?"
"Well, it's too small for my wiener."
"I know you talked about asking him to marry you, but I honestly never thought that day would come."
"I finally figured out how to get rid of Michael."
"Justin."
"Fine, I'll ask Craig instead. Still, no homo."
"Of course not."
"Do you think he'll like it?"
"Of course he will." Sam smiled. "It's really nice. When are you asking?"
"Tomorrow. If I ask tonight then it'll be the night he met Lady Gaga, and "oh yeah some dude asked me to marry him too.""
"Warn Alex first?"
"Yeah, yeah." Justin said as he put the ring away. "I guess Craig's the one. I mean I drove all the way up here and I'm going to drive right back home."
"And?"
"And I...love him."
"What a homo!" Sam yelled. "Haha!"
"Shut up!"
Justin wasn't so great with expressing himself or with being a good gay in general, but he did love Craig, since he turned all kinds of red in the face and immediately challenged Sam to a wrestling match. The match lasted all of fifteen seconds before Sam had him bent over the kitchen counter just like his ballerina boyfriend did at home.
Dean wasn't quite sure what he was expecting with Lady Gaga, but it certainly wasn't what he got. All day he had been imagining some ridiculous entrance accompanied by a dress made out of old horse hooves shavings and some kind of busted ass looking weave glued to her head, but she was, perish the thought, a little boring looking. If she was wearing a wig, Dean couldn't clock it, her makeup was slightly dramatic, but not at all ridiculous or over the top, and she was dressed positively plainly in a simple gray dress. She was neutral, which to Dean was more shocking than a coat made out of old Kermit's.
Sam was understandably cautious, as he was around anyone who in anyway might be constructed as a threat to his overwhelming worldwide sphere of influence. Even with millions of incredibly loyal and downright rabid fans, Lady Gaga didn't come close to competing with Sam, but he still seemed almost territorial, which Dean got. Sam didn't really like any kind of competition when it came to business, and he really didn't have any either, but he especially didn't like it when it came to his family, and on Christmas Eve he had quite a bit.
Ethan was fawning to the point where Dean was worried he might hyperventilate and Evan wasn't too far behind. Since Sam had already declared Ethan a nemesis after the wardrobe debacle he wasn't too concerned about him, but he was visibly annoyed to see Evan paying attention to someone who wasn't him. It would have been adorable, but Sam sometimes had a little problem with sharing the spotlight and he had a big problem with not killing people who pissed him off.
"Hold Buster." Dean said as he handed him over. "Go by daddy."
"Look at her sitting on my sofa, bringing gifts for the kids. Who the hell does she think she is?"
"A considerate guest? Look at that thing she gave Mikey, it's like some weirdo instrument from India."
"We're Americans!"
"And she brought a hot straight boy for Michael to play with. Look how happy he is!"
"I want to play with a straight boy."
"Buster might be straight, play with him. Who's daddy's future breeder? Not you because daddy won't let you do that! That's right!"
Sam hugged Buster closer and kissed him on the top of the head while he continued to stare and seethe. For once in his life Dean didn't really care what Sam thought because he was just being silly. Just making time to come to the party was incredibly generous, but then to bring presents for all the kids was even better. Mikey and the twins were so into her and Mary sort of was as well, but Ollie and Milo didn't seem too impressed. That was probably a good thing because if Milo had gone all in Sam totally would have used devil powers to kill everyone.
"She does seem pretty normal."
"Sammy, what the hell were you expecting? She's a regular person, just like you..."
"Excuse me?" Sam asked. "What did you just call me?"
"I mean uh...aw, fuck."
"That's the cruelest thing anyone has ever said to anyone in the history of the world!"
Sam was not about to deal with being called regular, so he up and left and the worst part was that he took Buster with him. Dean had a few awkward sips of champagne while standing by himself before he went and sat down in the living room with everyone else. As soon as he sat down Mary came over and held her arms in the air so he'd pick her up and put her in his lap and then Ollie climbed onto the sofa and sat next to them while Lady Gaga, in all her utterly boring regularity held court for her adoring fans.
"Personally..." Ethan was saying. "Daddy is far too culturally significant for us to have our own reality show, but if we did, we'd call it "What's Happening With The Winchesters." and we'd be in music videos."
"What's happening with the Winchesters?" Dean asked. "That's the worst thing I've ever heard."
"Well, I suppose you have a better idea, daddy?"
"Yeah, like...uh..."Dean Meets World." or like..."iSammy""
For a second Dean was almost positive he heard crickets to accompany Ethan's over exaggerated embarrassed eye roll. The show titles had gone over like a fart in church and even Mary seemed slightly embarrassed. She reached up and gently slap patted Dean on his cheek before shrugging her shoulders and sighing. For the first time in his life Dean felt like he wasn't the coolest person in the room, which meant Sam, who was used to being the second coolest felt like the third.
"So." Ethan continued. "You got a video for us to star in or what? We could reinvigorate your career."
"Ethan!"
"What, daddy? I'm being helpful."
"I would love to have you guys in a video. I think that's a great idea."
"Are you just saying that because you're scared of daddy?"
"Why would anyone be scared of your daddy?"
When Dean looked across the room Michael was very quickly ushering Sam out of the room before he completely lost his mind. To Sam, there was no point in being adored if you weren't also feared. He was so about to go off, but luckily Michael had acted quickly. Dean was tempted to excuse himself, but he thought maybe Michael might be able to talk some sense into Sam or at least calm him down.
"Gaga, may I call you Gaga? Everyone is scared of him because he's so tall. Did you know he's a foot and a half taller than short daddy."
"Don't call me that!"
"Fine." Ethan sighed. "He's taller than Dean."
"Don't call me that either!"
"I promise that you two can be in my next video. How does that sound Evan?"
"Pretty good." Evan nodded. "I don't think we need a reality show though."
"Me neither."
"But if we had one, you'd watch it, right?" Ethan asked. "Live, not recorded."
"Absolutely. You could call it The Real Househusbands of Westport."
"Now that I like!" Dean clapped. "Alex, you can be the drunk one."
"They're all drunk, aren't they?"
"I don't...I don't watch television." Dean frowned. "Craig, are you going to come over and say something or just keep mumbling to yourself?"
"He's having a gaymergency." Justin said as he snapped his fingers at Craig. "She used her illuminati magic on him."
"Justin!"
"No, that's fair, I did that."
It was a shame Sam felt so threatened, because Lady Gaga was really nice and sort of funny. She was crazy if she didn't think Dean Meets World wasn't the best title for a reality show in the world, but Dean was going to let that slide. He couldn't focus on it too much because he had to worry about Sam and whether or not they'd need to seek medical attention for Craig, who after introductions had gone practically catatonic. While they kids all assisted in snapping him out of it and James talked about the industrial revolution with the straight guy, Dean returned to the kitchen to check on Sam with their special guest coming along for the ride.
"You two are so lucky, those kids are adorable."
"Most of the time. Forgive Justin, we know the illuminati isn't real."
"Are you sure?"
"Well yeah, Sam would be president if it were."
"Maybe I am." Sam said from across the kitchen. "You know Bey is my best friend."
"Bey, huh?" Dean asked. "You two that close?"
"We should all have dinner one night in the city."
"Isn't that a great idea, Sam?" Dean asked. "I can call my best friends the Jolie-Pitts."
"And I'll come and bring Alex." Michael said as he puffed out his chest. "Because..."
"You have to watch the kids."
"Come on, short daddy!"
"We have to talk about illuminati stuff. 100 mils only, no gingers."
"I'm going to discuss this with Milo." Michael said as he stormed out. "Telling me what to do when I'm a grown ass man."
"You give me a kiss before you walk out of here young man!"
Michael begrudgingly kissed Dean on the cheek and then in retaliation took Buster away from Sam before he left. Dean was going to challenge him to a street fight, but thought that might make a bad impression in front of their guest, which Sam already had under control. It was shame Sam was acting so childishly, because it wasn't like he didn't have anything in common with someone who got rich super quickly, had almost frighteningly devoted fans, and genuinely enjoyed fashion. Gaga just needed an "In" and because she was a smart woman, she knew exactly what to say.
"Fashion Week is so soon."
"I suppose it is." Sam said cautiously. "I was thinking about a...spray tan."
"You what?"
"A tan." Sam said as he looked over at Dean. "So I look toasty and delicious for the Armani show."
"Sammy, I don't know how I feel about that."
"And I heard a rumor you were judging Project Runway."
"One of the many rumors there might be so truth to. One of our friends made it to the finals. He's been designing his collection for the past few months in the city."
"That's exciting."
"I feel it's important to support new designers. I feel I have an obligation to the fashion industry, as a fashion icon."
"Did you really just call yourself that?" Dean asked. "Yesterday you wore sweatpants all day. Lewd ones, sexy ones."
"Dean, you know nothing about the fashion industry."
"You bought them at Target on sale."
Sam scoffed and threw his hand up in what Dean thought was an attempt to dismiss him. He wasn't going anywhere just yet, not until he wasn't absolutely sure that Sam wasn't going to unhinge his jaws and swallow that Gaga whole. When they both began to animatedly and passionately discuss couture, Dean knew things were going to be okay, but he stuck around anyway, just to make sure Sam didn't say anything too ridiculous.
"So you have a clause in your contract?"
"Yeah." Sam said. "Whenever I'm at an event I have to wear Armani."
"What happens when you run out of clothes?"
"Well, Dean's comfortable wearing the same thing more than once. I know, it's embarrassing!"
"Says you." Dean grumbled. "Suit makes me look fine as hell I owe it to the people to wear it more than once."
"If I need something I call the tailors who work in the city. They'll make me anything I want and deliver it in a day or so."
"Anything?"
"Like if I feel like wearing puce and I need a shirt, or a lined blazer, or if I have a nice tie, and I want to match a certain color they can make me a shirt. They'll make me a suit every...once in a while."
"Six suits." Dean said quickly. "He made them make him six suits last month all in slightly different shades of black. He wore one of them. They other five are still in the garment bags. He made me move half my clothes to the attic."
"I made him move his summer clothes. You need to calm down. Come see my closet. Oh, I can show you my crown I got for being king of the universe."
"That's not what that crown's for, Sammy!"
Sam dismissed Dean with a flick of his hand and then strolled out hand in hand with his new best friend. Just like any raving homosexual, Sam was unable to resist the allure of pop royalty, especially when the bitch liked clothes. Dean was bummed Sam had left him alone, but he was glad they were getting along, because powerful people needed powerful friends and Ethan and Evan really wanted to be in a music video. Dean wanted that to happen, and with Sam making nice it seemed very possible.
Back in the living room, Dean tried to get Buster away from Michael, but it wasn't happening. Michael was sitting on the sofa with Buster in his arms and one leg up over his knee. He was tapping his foot something severely and the glossy red sole of his boot looked like a siren going off. Dean didn't even have to glance over to see what Michael was staring at, because he knew he was pretty much glaring at Angie and Jason, who had confined themselves to the safety of the dining room away from new people.
"Michael."
"What?" Michael snapped as he looked over. "Alex is talking to the straight boy, probably falling in love with him. I'm going to seduce Justin with my beautiful red hair."
"Speaking of, new shoes?"
"I bought them for myself when we went shopping the day before Jason got here."
"1,400?"
"And some change."
"Make you feel better?"
"No, but they're pretty. I got three other pair."
"Alex let you buy four pair of shoes?"
"I make the rules, boy." Michael said. "I do what I want, I'm a grown ass man."
"You're very fond of saying that."
Like any young gay on the go Michael liked to look nice and Alex liked to treat him nice, but spending so much money on shoes was out of character for them both. Michael had his own money and his own credit card Sam blindly paid off every month, but Dean knew Alex and there was no doubt he had bought the shoes and probably a bunch of other stuff. Dean got where he was coming from, but expensive things weren't a magical Band-Aid that could fix any problem. If that was true Dean would have figured out a way to get rich a lot quicker than he had.
"Christmas is family time."
"Okay." Dean nodded. "I'll go tell her to leave."
"What?"
"I'll go tell your brothers pregnant girlfriend to leave and drive home on Christmas Eve."
"Okay, but make it sound like it was your idea."
"Nope, you're a grown ass man, I'll tell them both you don't want her here."
"No, he'll be mad at me!"
"Honestly I'd rather him be mad than upset because you've been avoiding him since they got here."
"He ain't upset. All he cares about is that girl. You don't understand."
"I don't?" Dean laughed. "I went three years without speaking to the only person I've ever loved. Is that what you want? Because while you may think he'll choose you over her, he's never going to choose anyone over that baby. Trust me."
Jason might not have been acting upset, but that's not who he was. He'd never do anything to make Michael feel bad. When Dean looked over he was still sitting next to Angie and actually waved when he saw Michael staring at them. Dean waved back and so did Michael before he got up and handed Buster over. After a quick stop to pick up a few cookies Michael joined Jason and Angie and for the first time in a long time, looked like he was making an effort. Dean was very proud of him and he really hoped that two diet cokes Angie had went straight to her head and she'd become at least marginally interesting.
After so much hard partying, Buster was ready for bed. After giving him one last bottle and changing him into his extra warm Christmas fun time jammies, Dean wrapped him up tight, and put him to bed. For a few minutes he just kind of stared at Dean with a disapproving look in his eyes, but then he started to blink heavy and in no time he was softly cooing in his sleep. He was such a good boy and Dean couldn't wait for him to have his first Christmas in the morning.
After another hour the party began to lose some steam. Mary and Milo fell asleep on the sofa and the rest of the kids weren't far behind. When Charlie, Justin, and Craig left, Mikey called it a night and once the special guest was on her way Ethan and Evan clocked out and took Ollie with them. Once all the kids were sleeping, except for Michael of course, Dean rallied everyone to disperse through the house to collect the hundreds of hidden presents. That took a good half hour, but once it was done Sam was able to begin the tedious process of arranging them underneath the tree.
"I want to leave some room over here for Ethan and Evan's birthday presents and then over here we'll...what's with these envelopes?"
"Those are from me."
"Envelopes?" Sam asked as he picked them up. "What the hell inside of them?"
"That's none of your business." Dean said as he took the envelopes back. "They're surprises."
"I hope it's a gift card to Target." Michael said as he grabbed them. "Hey, Alex has one too!"
"I do? I might get that new blender I've had my eye on."
"They're not gift cards to Target!"
"All the kids, grandpa, grandma." Michael whispered. "What are you up to!"
Dean snatched the enveloped back and tucked them into his jacket because he couldn't trust anyone. He had gotten everyone the same thing for Christmas and he didn't wait anyone to ruin the surprise. Sam was the most suspicious because Dean didn't tell him anything, and envelopes on Christmas morning were completely forbidden. Sam thought copping out and giving a gift card was tacky, and Dean agreed, but he wasn't handing out cards, he had something much better.
"I have presents in the car."
Upon hearing Angie's voice Dean spun around on his heels convinced that some stranger had broken into the house. Even though she was standing less than ten feet away he totally didn't even realize she hadn't gone to bed. Since it was so cold out Jason went to get the presents and came back with a bunch of boxes for everyone. For some reason, which Dean couldn't even think of, it was surprising that she had purchased presents for everyone including the kids. It wasn't going to be anything extravagant, but she had thought about them and Dean loved that.
"Let Michael open your present!" Jason said before practically throwing the box at Michael. "Go on, open it!"
"Ow!"
"Go on!"
"You can open it if you want." Angie said softly. "It's just a little something I saw at the mall."
"I can wait until tomorrow, it's..."
It didn't really matter what Michael wanted or when he wanted to open the present because Jason looked absolutely psychotic. He already had his phone out and judging by the blinding light he was recording a video. Instead of arguing that the present could wait Michael sat down, and openly the plainly wrapped package before pulling out what looked like a totally ordinary blue sweatshirt, at least based on what Dean could see.
"You got this for me?"
"Yeah." Angie nodded. "I thought it was perfect."
"Turn it around!" Jason squealed. "Show it off!"
"It says "World's Greatest Uncle.""
For the record, Dean was the world's greatest uncle, just like he was the greatest dad, husband, son, brother, writer, model, and string cheese eater, but the sweatshirt was very cute for Michael and it obviously meant a great deal to him that Angie had purchased it all on her own. Jason still looked like he was going down a terrifying rollercoaster, but Michael true to form was on the verge of tears as he stood up and embraced Angie, who so clearly wasn't expecting it.
"I'm stealing that sweatshirt." Dean whispered. "That sweatshirt is a lie on anyone else but me."
"Be quiet." Sam whispered back. "You don't even know how to bake."
"Ain't gonna stop be from filling you up with batter."
"Ew!"
"Too much? Gonna put it in your butt oven. Eat it all up after a half hour."
"Dean!"
"Rawr!"
Dean grabbed Sam around the waist and kissed him all over. The party had been a success, Sam had somewhat reluctantly made a new friend, and Michael finally seemed to come to terms with Angie being in Jason's life. All in all it was shaping up to be a fantastic Christmas, maybe their best yet, and Dean couldn't wait to sit around the tree and open presents with the rest of the family, but first he was going to try his best to knock Sam up at least twice.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen, Lady Gaga
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,668,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Sam throws his annual Christmas Eve party.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
On Christmas Eve at just past noon, Dean decided that he needed to cancel Christmas and take at least a two week nap. He was absolutely exhausted and it was entirely Sam's fault. Of course they had fooled around after breakfast, but that wasn't anything special, in fact that usually gave Dean the energy to get through any day. The reason Dean was so tired was because the big Christmas Eve party was just hours away and somehow he was stuck in the kitchen helping Sam, which if memory served was Evan's job.
For two hours straight Dean tried to escape the kitchen to find Evan or question his whereabouts, but Sam just kept giving him more and more chores to do. There were things to chop and silver to polish, plates that weren't dirty had to be washed and dried, champagne and beer had to be chilled, and Dean had quite literally put out thirty-five thousand candles. On top of all of that Sam kept sending Dean out to tend to the house full of guests, which was fine, but if he took too long he got yelled at.
When Dean finally got a straight answer out of Sam all he learned was that Evan was busy practicing his dancing. It was slightly suspicious that he was practicing alone, but when Dean questioned Ethan all he got was a shrug. Dean didn't actually get worried until he realized that no one actually knew where Evan was practicing his dancing at and there was no music playing anywhere. Sam, as the worst dad ever, didn't seem too concerned and went right back to putting the 87th coat of glaze on the ham, but Dean went looking because he wasn't okay with one of his kids missing in action.
Even though the house was fairly large, there weren't a lot of spaces where Evan would have room to practice dancing. Dean checked in the upstairs playroom first and then bypassed the kitchen, and more of Sam's chores to head out to the garage. It was absolutely frigid outside and the garage was probably about forty degrees. Dean could actually see his breath hanging in the air as he walked out of the laundry room and immediately spotted Evan. He had on a big pair of headphones, his iPod, and though it was cold as fuck, he was only wearing a pair of black tights and matching slippers. The rest of his clothes were thrown all over the place like he had started off fully dressed and shed his clothes piece by piece.
Evan's hair was all wet from sweat and his heavy breathing was practically creating fog inside the garage, but despite the cold he remained absolutely and utterly focused on his practice. Dean couldn't hear the song he was listening to but Evan was thrashing violently and intensely around the garage. He was spinning and twirling, and hurling himself back and forth with a fluidity and passion Dean had never seen in him before.
Over the past few months, Dean had come to the unsettling conclusion that Evan was inherently and vastly superior to Ethan when it came to dancing. He worked harder, he wanted it more, and it showed. Every move he made was technically perfect and the wild movements seemed absolutely natural. Ethan was good, but Evan's hard work had really paid off and he blew him out of the water. Craig had mentioned it a few weeks ago, but Dean had dismissed him because he thought not having Ethan and Evan as absolute equals was like playing favorites, but he couldn't deny it anymore. Evan precision was just amazing and it didn't really seem to bother Ethan because he either didn't care or he didn't want to work as hard.
Instead of announcing his presence Dean hung back and watched for a while. Evan was dancing with his eyes closed for the most part and amazingly he didn't slam into the walls or lose his footing even once. He stopped a few times to backtrack on the song he was listening to because it seemed like one of his moves was giving him some trouble. His ballet had taken on a decidedly modern twist and it really was beautiful. The move he was trying to perfect had him going from a series of what seemed like fifteen pirouettes, onto his knees, his back, and then rolling completely over with his legs in the air before letting his body fall flat against the cold cement.
The whole sequence only lasted a couple of seconds and it looked pretty flawless, but Dean could see that Evan was not at all happy with it. He did it four times before he really got frustrated and went on with the rest of his dance. Dean watched the whole thing with a odd mixture of pride and concern. He was proud because Evan was profoundly talented, but he was concerned because he was way too hard on himself and he was absolutely filthy from rolling around on the freezing concrete. Dean knew better than to disturb him, but he had just gotten over a cold and he didn't want him exhausting himself.
When the song finally ended Evan practically ripped off his earphones and his iPod before tossing both onto the sweatshirt he had been wearing which was balled up against the wall. He slumped to the floor completely out of breath and wringing wet and Dean was almost positive he was about to cry, but instead he almost immediately got up, tried his move again and nailed it. It was absolutely perfect, there was no room for improvement, and Dean finally stepped forward when he saw how pleased Evan looked with himself.
"Wow!" Dean clapped. "That was something!"
"Hey, daddy." Evan panted. "Thanks."
"What was all of that?"
"Oh, just some practice." Evan said as he pulled on his sweatshirt. "You know tomorrow is Twinmas, right?"
"Mmhmm."
"Well, Craig says when we start school next month they'll want to see a piece on the first day."
"Oh, so you're working on something for you and Ethan?"
"I think Ethan should be responsible for his own performance."
"Oh..."
"Daddy, grab my pants for me."
Dean grabbed the pants and silently handed them over because he really had no idea what to say. Evan was pretty fucking tight with Ethan and it seemed very strange that they weren't going to work on something together. Dean was concerned all over again for different reasons and he wasn't sure if he should say or do anything about it. Evan seemed fine with letting Ethan fend for himself, but it was strange.
"Did you two disagree about what you were going to do?"
"No, Ethan just wants to wing it. I've worked too hard to wing it. I have to be perfect."
"Baby, you just have to do your best, you don't have to be perfect."
"Daddy, sometimes you say the silliest things."
"You want to turn into some weird bird thing like Natalie Portman?"
"I don't know what that means. All I know is that I don't have a reality show, I haven't been in any music videos, and I'm almost six years old. In twenty years my career could be over."
"You know when I was six years old..."
"Oh, daddy, I know, you had to eat mustard sandwiches and you didn't have shoes that fit, but it's not 1957 anymore. We have electricity, running water, black friends!"
"I'm not that old! Who told you I was that old!"
"Daddy."
"What a jerk." Dean said as he crossed his arms. "Evan, you have your whole life to have a career and you're going to have a great one, but it's too cold out here and Sammy's going to freak out if he sees how filthy you are because it'll remind him he hasn't mopped the garage since we've been here."
"I need to shower before Lady Gaga gets here anyway."
"Wait, I thought maybe you'd help daddy."
"I will after I shower."
"Okay, well, hurry up. Daddy almost made me make my own potato salad."
"There are children starving in Africa."
"Well, they're not getting any leftover potato salad, that's mine. I earned it. We'll send more goats. Go shower and take Ethan with you. Sammy put out clothes for you guys."
"Thanks, daddy!"
When Dean leaned down Evan gave him a sweet little peck on the lips before he darted out of the garage. Dean wasn't far behind him because it was fucking cold out there. He was pretty sure there was a space heater in one of the cabinets, but he wasn't going to bother looking for that until Evan decided he needed to practice again. If he put the heater out now there was a very good chance they wouldn't see Evan again until it was time to go back to Connecticut.
Back inside Dean tried his very best to sneak through the kitchen unnoticed and he came so close to actually succeeding. Sam was in the pantry talking to himself and Dean was on his tip toes moving as quietly and quickly as he could. His hand was actually on the doorknob to freedom, when he heard Sam rather loudly yell his name and follow it with an overly dramatic exasperated sigh of annoyance. When he turned around Sam was staring him down with his arms full of what appeared to be everything in the pantry.
"I need your help with..."
"Unless it's getting your dick sucked, I'm busy."
"I need..."
"Your ass eaten? Fucked? Busy."
"You know, one day out of the year I ask for help and..."
"Are you kidding me!" Dean asked as he rushed over. "Sammy, you've been forcing me to help you with Christmas for literally three months now and today I've only left the kitchen to pee and find our missing child."
"He was in the garage, I knew where he was!"
"Why didn't you tell me that?"
"Because he was busy and I wanted to spend time with you. I guess I'm a terrible person for wanting to spend time with the man I love."
"Oh, Sammy, that's so sweet. I..."
"Can you peel the eggs for me?" Sam smiled sweetly. "My sweet honey bunny."
"No! You tried to trick me by pretending to love me!"
"Fine." Sam sighed. "I'll let you play with it for two minutes, but then you get to work and stop bitching."
"Play with it?" Dean asked as he raised an eyebrow. "With what exactly?"
When Sam nodded over his shoulder Dean was on him so fast he practically set a new land speed record. He ripped open Sam's belt, popped the top button on his jeans, and thrust his hands inside. They were still plenty cold from the garage, but Sam's meaty ass warmed them right up. While Dean groped, rubbed, fondled, and stroked lovingly, Sam went right back to his cooking. It was a great compromise especially when Dean managed to sneak his middle finger inside when he still had a full minute left. If he was lucky and very efficient, he was sure he could get Sam to jizz in his pants and then they'd have to take a break to "clean up."
Dean was just getting in there good with another finger and Sam was starting to breathe a little heavier when the kitchen door opened and Ann strolled in like she owned the joint. Like a typical rude woman she hadn't bothered with knocking, which pissed Dean off, but not as badly as having to pull his fingers out of Sam's ass did. Dean wasn't sure Ann had seen anything, but she did look at him weird when he put his fingers in his mouth and sucked them so hard he thought his fingernails might pop off.
"I came to help."
"Stay over there for a second." Sam said. "I spilled something...Dean, get me a towel...and my apron."
"Really?" Dean grinned. "Your apron, huh?"
"Please."
Sam looked slightly red around his cheeks and Dean knew it wasn't because he was embarrassed. When he turned to take the apron, Dean spotted a rather large and obscene wet spot against the lewd cock shaped bulge in his jeans. That second finger hadn't done the job, but yanking both of them out had certainly caused something to spill. Fucking Ann, if she wasn't there Dean would have been on his knees suckling at that spot like a damned newborn puppy.
"We don't need any help. Go away!"
"Dean!" Sam said as he tied the apron. "Calm down."
"What's that thing you've got anyway?" Dean asked. "What is that? Where'd you get it?"
"This is my child." Ann said as she pointed at Henry. "I had a baby, remember."
"I know that, what are you doing with him? Do you even know how to take care of a baby? Is James dead again? I think Sammy and I are the legal guardians if he's dead again."
"Dean." Sam laughed. "This is an important moment for Ann, don't be a jerk. You're doing good with him! The first time I held a baby I was so nervous. Make sure you support his head."
"So funny!" Ann nodded. "Aren't they funny, Henry?"
"Oh, sweetheart, he doesn't know who you are." Dean said. "And isn't it a little soon to be on a first name basis with James' son? You barely know each other."
"I'm going to take my boob out."
"That's how you ended up pregnant and unwed."
"Dean." Sam sighed. "The eggs."
"In a minute, Sammy, in a minute."
When Ann sat down at the kitchen table and undid the top of her dress, Dean was over there almost as quickly as he was inside Sam's ass. Sam was mumbling something, probably something about jizzing his pants, but Dean ignored him. Some people might have thought he was a weirdo, but Dean absolutely loved watching a baby nurse. Jenny had been so good with nursing Buster whenever she could and Dean could watch it all day. Ann didn't seem to mind, and it wasn't like Dean had his phone out. He just liked seeing the look on both their faces. Henry looked so happy and Ann had this sense of pride in knowing that since he was born she was all he really needed to survive and thrive. Maybe James was slightly possessive, but there was one thing he'd never be able to do for their son and it wasn't for lack of trying.
"Maybe you can feed Buster when you're done."
"Dean!"
"What?" Dean asked as he looked back. "Look at those tig ole bitties. He can't eat all that."
"You want me to feed your baby when you called my baby ugly this morning?"
"I didn't call him ugly. I said compared to Buster he looked like an old man's foot."
"Ann, ignore him. We have plenty of milk in the freezer. Dean, eggs."
"Fine."
"Wash your hands first."
"Wash your jeans." Dean grumbled. "Glazing a ham with glaze in your pants, slut."
"I'm not the one who will only work if he gets to fing..."
When the door to the kitchen opened again Sam immediately shut up and plastered his biggest, cheesiest, and most disingenuous smile on his face. When Ann looked over she did the exact same thing and even added a really spastic wave. Dean smiled halfheartedly and then went to wash the butt off his fingers as Angie walked into the kitchen and awkwardly waved back at Ann. She had arrived with Jason a few days ago, and Dean just did not get it.
He understood that she had a very strict religious upbringing and that she was very shy, but he didn't think that was any excuse for her being so God damned bland. She was about as thrilling as a paper cup full of lukewarm water. For the first few days Dean had really tried to talk to her and get her to open up, but she was exhausting. All that said she was very sweet, nice, and polite, and she actually reminded Dean a lot of Jason, but it was hard to understand their relationship when he couldn't imagine Angie displaying passion for anything.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Angie said as she looked away from Ann. "I didn't realize you were...naked."
"What?"
"I came to see if I could help with anything, I didn't know your..."
"Breast." Ann said cautiously. "My breast is out."
Ann was one of those mothers that didn't give much of a fuck about feeding her child, which was one of the many, many, reasons Dean liked her so much. If Henry needed to eat she'd whip 'em out and not care who was around. The only exception she made was if the kids happened to be around. She wasn't worried about being immodest, she just had trouble feeding Henry with Ethan asking ten thousand questions, most of which were about whether or not she made any other food from other places.
"Are you going to breastfeed?" Dean asked as he finished washing his hands. "What's your plan?"
"Oh, I don't know what we're going to do yet."
"Why not?"
"Dean." Sam said before clearing his throat. "The eggs?"
"We haven't really talked about it. I guess whatever Jason thinks is best for the baby."
Just when Dean was about to say something he knew he'd regret Sam pinched him in the arm so hard he actually yelped. It hurt like hell and he was going to pitch a total bitch fit, but when he turned around Sam had that crazy angry look he got sometimes. A lot of people, most people actually, would probably accuse Dean of doing whatever Sam thought was best and whatever Sam wanted, and that was mostly true, but he at least had his own opinions and ideas. He just did whatever Sam said because he loved eating that ass and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
"Breastfeeding is best for the baby."
"I swear to God." Sam whispered. "Leave her alone or I'm going to get very upset with you."
"Let me guess, you want me to peel the eggs?"
"Please. I don't want to fucking ask again."
Sam was whispering, but as always he had put too much emphasis on "fucking" which Angie overheard and immediately was shocked and scandalized by. She actually turned red before sitting down next to Ann with her back to Sam. When Dean rolled his eyes as hard as he could he got dirty looks from Ann and Sam. He didn't much care about either of them when it came to Angie. He had done his best and he was through with trying. Not only was she impossible to crack, but she wasn't fun, she didn't have a single opinion that was her own, and worst of all, she seemed positively unenthused about the baby, who, since he was the second coming, was probably going to be almost as awesome as Buster.
"I'll show you the pump later." Ann said. "That way if you don't like actually breast feeding you can still give him breast milk, which is free, unlike formula."
"Do you use the pump a lot?"
"Well, with work I can only feed him before I leave and when I come back, but we have plenty of milk saved."
"Someone's awfully boastful about their milk capacity." Dean said as he started on the eggs. "While my poor baby is probably starving and cold somewhere."
"He's in the living room with Mr. John." Angie said as she looked back. "He just fed him about ten minutes ago."
"Thank you, Angie."
"You're welcome, Mr. Dean."
"Mmhmm."
"Dean." Sam said. "If those eggs aren't peeled in two minutes I'm not making you potato salad."
"Christ, will you shut up about the fucking eggs, bitch?"
Sam's eyes got angrier, Ann's dirty looks got dirtier, and Angie unceremoniously scuttled out of the kitchen like a little mouse. As soon as the door shut behind her Sam slapped the shit out of Dean in the back of the head and Ann started bitching up a storm. Dean ignored both of them and finished peeling the 87 eggs in record time before shooting them both the middle finger and leaving the kitchen to go find Buster so they could cuddle together.
Instead of getting dressed and heading downstairs to make sure everything was perfect for the party, Sam was standing naked in front of the big mirror in the bathroom scrutinizing himself. Fashion week wasn't that far off and while he looked good, Sam wasn't anywhere near happy with his body. He had perhaps indulged in a few too many cookie samplings over the past couple of weeks and he definitely had too much hot cocoa. He hadn't gained more than two or three pounds, but he had lost a little definition in his stomach. It wasn't anything he couldn't fix, but it annoyed him enough to devote five full minutes to staring at his stomach, his ass, and his arms while he flexed.
While he checked himself out he was also keeping one eye on Dean, who was in the shower practically whistling Dixie. It was all foggy and steamy, but Sam could tell that Dean was doing bottoms everywhere proud, because he looked like he was in there fisting himself. He took great pride in the squeaky cleanness of his ass, for which Sam was appreciative, but it was still pretty fucking funny to watch him twist and contort in an effort to scrub every delicious nook and cranny. Seeing him so dedicated to the task at hand made Sam decide right then and there he was going to drop a couple of loads in him later once all the kids were asleep.
Sam wanted to get a picture for blackmail purposes, but he wasn't sure where he left his phone. Luckily Dean's was right on the counter next to the sink and Sam grabbed it with the intention of getting some sexy snaps to maybe send out to a very select group of friends. When Sam swiped his finger across the screen to unlock the phone he noticed a strange icon flashing orange. Without even thinking he swiped a few more times and was greeted with a grid of twelve men, most of whom were in various stages of undress and the torso in the upper left hand corner looked very familiar.
"Dean!" Sam screamed as he rushed over and ripped open the shower door. "What the fuck is this?"
"Sammy, I'm washing my butt. This is private."
"Why are you on Grindr?"
"That's not my phone." Dean said nervously. "It's...I found that outside in the woods."
"Oh, yeah? So I can check these messages? There's fifty-three of them."
"No! Don't do that!"
"Oh, now I'm checking all of them!"
"Sammy, it's not even a picture of me."
"Who is it then?" Sam asked as he looked down. "Because it sure...Oh, my God. Is that a picture of Michael?"
Sam had to make the picture bigger to be sure, but once he did, he saw that it wasn't Dean's torso, it was considerably paler, and trimmer. Dean was still all soaped up, but he was rushing to rinse off and get out of the shower. It didn't matter how fast he was because Sam was faster and all he had to do was tap the screen to get the messages up. There were over fifty new messages and dozens more that had already been read. A lot of them were people just saying hello, but most were extremely unattractive dick pics and a couple of pictures of gaping assholes.
"Give me that phone!"
"No." Sam said. "What the hell, Dean? You haven't even responded to any of these guys. How does anyone even take a picture of their own asshole?"
"You're invading my privacy!"
"Are you going to cheat on me?" Sam asked. "Because I told you I'll destroy you. Jesus, at least cheat on me with someone we know. These guys are gross."
"Give me my phone!"
Dean snatched the phone out of Sam's hand and then went to grab a towel. Sam was pretty pissed off that Dean was hiding something from him, but more than anything he was confused and slightly amused. Dean was not a cheater, except for that one time when he was young and stupid and most importantly childless. He hadn't responded to anyone and he wasn't even using his own picture, which just kind of made it seem like he was using the app to collect pictures of stranger's dicks and asses. That made no sense because he had top notch dick and ass in the same house and Sam let him look whenever he wanted.
"Does Michael know you're using his picture to troll for guys?"
"I asked for permission."
"From him, but not from me? Why are you on there?"
"Because Porter made me feel bad, okay!"
"How? And why?"
"You know he's a slut, right?"
"Obvs."
"He made me feel bad because I'm not a slut." Dean frowned. "I only been with you."
"So...what are you telling me here?"
"I just wanted to see what else was out there, I guess. Just to see."
"Dean, you do realize that you could literally ask anyone in the world who their number one fuck is and a good 95% would say me, right?"
"I'm just window shopping. Please don't take Buster or Mary or Ollie."
"What about the rest of them?"
"Eh." Dean shrugged. "Don't hit me, Sammy!"
Sam's natural instinct was to go downstairs, open the fridge, break a beer bottle on the counter and then cut Dean's pretty face with it, but he sorta got it. He didn't approve, mostly because he didn't like Dean keeping anything from him, but he understood what he was doing and why he had done it and it wasn't like he was looking at women. If that shit had shown up on his phone Sam would have set fire to the rain and dragged Dean to hell.
"I'm not going to hit you."
"Really?"
"I mean, I'm sure I will before the end of the day, but not because of this. You can look all you want."
"It's pretty gross." Dean said as he grabbed his robe. "Hey, you think you and me and dad just have really pretty dicks?"
"Anthony has a nice dick. Jeremy and Aaron too."
"But ours are the prettiest?"
"Well, yeah." Sam laughed. "My asshole doesn't look like a weird collapsed soufflé, does it?"
"Sammy, it's gorgeous."
"I figured as much. Put some kind of lock on your phone, I don't want the kids seeing that."
"The kids respect my privacy."
"Thank God."
Just to prove he wasn't totally pissed off Sam gave Dean a kiss on the cheek and then went into the bedroom to get dressed. He still didn't have any clothes on and walked out completely naked to find Evan, totally dressed, sitting on the bed with Buster. Sam didn't care much about not being dressed in front of the kids, he was just surprised, especially when Evan waved and went right back to playing with Buster. After Sam pulled on some underwear and a shirt he joined them to see what was going on.
"You look adorable, baby."
"Thanks, daddy. Your wiener is huge."
"Thanks. What are you guys up to?"
"Just telling Buster about the party and Santa. He's excited, daddy."
Sam nodded and then looked down at Buster, who looked about as excited as he always did. He was maybe a little more alert than usual, but that was because Evan was talking to him. He just loved his big brother and he seemed quite focused on hearing about the festivities. Because he was in such good hands, Sam left him alone with Evan while he quickly threw on the rest of his suit and picked out a shirt and tie to match for Dean. He didn't want them to totally match, just to coordinate, like Mary and Milo always did, the only two people who had to match were Ethan and Evan because that shit was adorable.
"Sammy!" Dean yelled. "Sammy, get out here!"
"What! What's wrong!"
When Sam came running out of the closet Dean was standing right outside the bathroom door staring at Evan and Buster who had been joined by Ethan. Evan was dressed in his black suit with a gray shirt and a purple tie. Ethan, who should have been wearing the exact same thing had on a pair of pants and a bulky gray sweater. Their shoes didn't even match and Ethan's hair wasn't neatly combed like Evan's. It was slightly tousled.
"What the hell is this!"
"I hate it!" Dean cried. "Sammy, do something!"
"Ethan, that's not what I picked out for you to wear."
"Uh, I'm not a baby, daddy. I can pick out my own clothes."
"Ugh." Dean said as he grasped his chest. "He's right! He's not a baby!"
"Dean, take a deep breath." Sam said. "Ethan, quit being a trouble maker and go put on your suit."
"I don't want to wear my suit."
"Then Christmas is canceled."
"No, daddy!" Evan said as he shook his head. "Ethan, go change, now!"
"I'm my own person. I'm not a doll you can dress up, daddy!"
"Yes, you are! Until you can pay for your own clothes, you'll do what I say and I say you dress like your brother because it's adorable!"
"I'm going to leave with Lady Gaga!"
"Dean, call Lady Gaga and tell her the party is canceled because Ethan is a jerk butt."
"I hate it!" Dean cried again. "I hate everything about it!"
Sam should have been able to focus on laying down the law, but he had to break character for a second to console Dean, who had long been dreading when Ethan decided to start acting like the jerk everyone had long assumed he was. It wasn't bad enough that their birthday was tomorrow, then he had to go and decide to not wear the same clothes as Evan, which Dean had always thought was a sign of the end of their childhood. Sam wasn't about to let that happen, and when they were sixteen, they could revisit the different outfit conversation, but it sure as shit wasn't happening now.
"Are you happy?" Sam asked. "You made daddy cry."
"Oh, he's always crying about something!"
"Go change your clothes now. You two can wear those sweaters tomorrow."
"Lady Gaga would love for me to live with her."
"Good luck with that! Maybe she'll use you as an accessory like that dog she got!"
"Ethan, stop talking back to daddy. Go change or me and Buster aren't going to talk to you."
"This isn't over."
"It feels like it's over!" Sam yelled after Ethan. "You're walking away and I'm not thinking about it anymore, pretty sure it's over!"
"It's not over!"
"Feels over!"
For a second Ethan looked like he was about to slam the door, but then he thought better of it. It was a good thing too because Sam would have broken his no spanking rule and tanned that ass black and blue. Dean was basically hysterical, Evan looked very upset, the only one who didn't give half a shit about what was going on was Buster. He was kind of looking around, but like a smart baby he had chosen to completely ignore Ethan, which was probably for the best.
After spending way too much time calming Dean down, Sam finished getting dressed and then hurried downstairs. He was tempted to make sure Ethan had changed into appropriate party attire, but he was feeling slightly rushed and wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the party, which was already underway. Michael and Alex had already gotten into the champagne, and judging by the amount of frosting on his face, someone had given Milo permission to eat a cupcake.
"Did you know your father is using your toned and silky pale torso to attract whores on the internet?"
"They tell me I got good cum gutters." Michael whispered. "Because I do."
"Who tells you that!"
"Alex."
"I do." Alex blushed. "He does."
"So you're fine with people oogling him on Grindr?"
"Dad, everyone's on grindr. You just crop your head out and meet fun new people."
"You too, Alex?"
"Mine's a picture of my butt in sexy undies." Alex said. "I pretend I'm a bottom."
"He was very convincin' last night." Michael winked. "Reminds me, I need more ham to recharge."
"You cut the ham already?"
"No, I just been pickin' at it. What did you do to poor Ethan? He told me you were worse than a Polish."
"Wow, right in the nuts."
"I thought it seemed a little severe."
"I have stuff to do. If Lady Gaga gets here, spray her with Lysol and don't let her sit on the good furniture."
"All the furniture is good."
"Exactly." Sam said as he patted Michael's back. "And stay away from my ham."
In the kitchen the ham was resting right where Sam had left it and it mostly appeared undisturbed, but Sam saw a few of the spiral cut pieces were missing in the middle. Michael was such a no good ginger troublemaker that Sam was worried a whole hunk might be missing, but it was fine and when he snuck a piece himself he was very happy with how well it had come out.
Everything else was pretty much done, Sam just quickly straightened up, washed a few stray dishes, and then grabbed the big platter of ham so he could set it on the dining room table with the rest of the food. He had freshly baked rolls for anyone who wanted a sandwich, Dean's favorite potato salad, lots of little snacky things, and an impressive display of sweets. When Sam set the ham down he noticed a tiny little hand blindly feeling around for something from underneath the table. When he squatted down he caught Milo red headed and handed, sitting under the table with a whole stack of cookies.
"Hey!"
"I don't know what happen, daddy."
"I think you took a bunch of cookies and you're under the table eating them."
"No."
"What do you mean no?" Sam asked as he scooped Milo up. "You have a whole handful of cookies."
"I don't see it."
"They're in your hands right now!"
"Daddy, you're so pretty, like a pretty prince!"
"Well." Sam grinned. "That is true, but..."
"So handsome and tall!"
"Did you lick these cookies?"
"Maybe daddy."
"You can't eat just cookies!"
Since Sam was 100% positive Milo has licked the cookies, he put them all on a separate plate which he then placed out of his reach. True to form Milo tried his best to throw a fit, but he calmed right the hell down when Sam threatened to let Mary sleep in the big bed. It was Christmas and he could eat all the cookies he wanted to, but not all at once and not before he had some actual food in his stomach. Since the party was already started Sam fixed him a little plate of real food and sat him down with Ollie who had way too much ham on his own plate.
It seemed like everything was in order for the party so Sam made one last scan of the dining room and then went into the kitchen to pull a few more things out of the refrigerator. Earlier he had put in a couple of beers for John and Dean since they always got drunk way too fast on champagne alone. Sam was grabbing them out the back of the refrigerator when he felt a very firm pinch right on his ass practically in his button.
"You can't keep your hands out of there." Sam said as he turned around. "You cock hungry fa...Justin!"
"You call him a faggot?" Justin asked as he took a beer. "You kinky little slut. Spit in my mouth."
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I came to punch you in the face."
"Why?"
"Because it's Christmas Eve and instead of being home in my pajamas waiting to get my dick sucked, I had to bust ass up here when Mikey called and told Charlie that Lady Gaga was coming to your gay ass homo party."
"Charlie doesn't strike me as the..."
"Oh, Jesus!" Craig said as he ran into the kitchen. "Is she here? Where is she!"
"This mother fucker sucks really good dick." Justin sighed. "But I'm here freezing my ass off."
"I'm pretty sure you'll still get your dick sucked." Sam said. "Craig, she's not here yet."
"Oh, my God."
"No homo, but I like getting my dick sucked."
"Will you shut up about your dick?" Craig asked. "Maybe your best friend Alex will do it for you."
"My dick is way too old for that pervert. He's jealous because I was more excited about seeing Alex than I was about some bitch I don't even know. Who cares about Lady Gaga?"
"You are the worst gay." Craig said as he shook his head. "I can't with you right now. Where's Ethan?"
When Sam pointed back out the door Craig tore out of there like his ass was on fire. It was so cute that he wanted to meet Lady Gaga, but Sam was going to side with Justin, not only did he love getting his dick sucked, but he honestly didn't care whether or not she was coming. He was excited for the kids, but that was about it.
"He's so jealous that I love Alex so much more than him."
"Yeah, maybe stop joking about that?"
"Who's joking?" Justin asked. "Alex is my favorite boyfriend."
"Mmhmm."
"Anyway, I want to reiterate, no homo, but look at this."
When Justin reached into his jacket pocket Sam fully expected to see another video or at least a picture of Craig sucking himself off, which would have been awesome, but instead, he saw something quite a bit better. It was hard to believe such a thing existed, but apparently it did. Justin pulled out familiar looking little blue box, and flipped it open to reveal a perfectly plain and stunning platinum band. It was simple and understated and just perfect for a very special Christmas present.
"Is that what I think it is?"
"Well, it's too small for my wiener."
"I know you talked about asking him to marry you, but I honestly never thought that day would come."
"I finally figured out how to get rid of Michael."
"Justin."
"Fine, I'll ask Craig instead. Still, no homo."
"Of course not."
"Do you think he'll like it?"
"Of course he will." Sam smiled. "It's really nice. When are you asking?"
"Tomorrow. If I ask tonight then it'll be the night he met Lady Gaga, and "oh yeah some dude asked me to marry him too.""
"Warn Alex first?"
"Yeah, yeah." Justin said as he put the ring away. "I guess Craig's the one. I mean I drove all the way up here and I'm going to drive right back home."
"And?"
"And I...love him."
"What a homo!" Sam yelled. "Haha!"
"Shut up!"
Justin wasn't so great with expressing himself or with being a good gay in general, but he did love Craig, since he turned all kinds of red in the face and immediately challenged Sam to a wrestling match. The match lasted all of fifteen seconds before Sam had him bent over the kitchen counter just like his ballerina boyfriend did at home.
Dean wasn't quite sure what he was expecting with Lady Gaga, but it certainly wasn't what he got. All day he had been imagining some ridiculous entrance accompanied by a dress made out of old horse hooves shavings and some kind of busted ass looking weave glued to her head, but she was, perish the thought, a little boring looking. If she was wearing a wig, Dean couldn't clock it, her makeup was slightly dramatic, but not at all ridiculous or over the top, and she was dressed positively plainly in a simple gray dress. She was neutral, which to Dean was more shocking than a coat made out of old Kermit's.
Sam was understandably cautious, as he was around anyone who in anyway might be constructed as a threat to his overwhelming worldwide sphere of influence. Even with millions of incredibly loyal and downright rabid fans, Lady Gaga didn't come close to competing with Sam, but he still seemed almost territorial, which Dean got. Sam didn't really like any kind of competition when it came to business, and he really didn't have any either, but he especially didn't like it when it came to his family, and on Christmas Eve he had quite a bit.
Ethan was fawning to the point where Dean was worried he might hyperventilate and Evan wasn't too far behind. Since Sam had already declared Ethan a nemesis after the wardrobe debacle he wasn't too concerned about him, but he was visibly annoyed to see Evan paying attention to someone who wasn't him. It would have been adorable, but Sam sometimes had a little problem with sharing the spotlight and he had a big problem with not killing people who pissed him off.
"Hold Buster." Dean said as he handed him over. "Go by daddy."
"Look at her sitting on my sofa, bringing gifts for the kids. Who the hell does she think she is?"
"A considerate guest? Look at that thing she gave Mikey, it's like some weirdo instrument from India."
"We're Americans!"
"And she brought a hot straight boy for Michael to play with. Look how happy he is!"
"I want to play with a straight boy."
"Buster might be straight, play with him. Who's daddy's future breeder? Not you because daddy won't let you do that! That's right!"
Sam hugged Buster closer and kissed him on the top of the head while he continued to stare and seethe. For once in his life Dean didn't really care what Sam thought because he was just being silly. Just making time to come to the party was incredibly generous, but then to bring presents for all the kids was even better. Mikey and the twins were so into her and Mary sort of was as well, but Ollie and Milo didn't seem too impressed. That was probably a good thing because if Milo had gone all in Sam totally would have used devil powers to kill everyone.
"She does seem pretty normal."
"Sammy, what the hell were you expecting? She's a regular person, just like you..."
"Excuse me?" Sam asked. "What did you just call me?"
"I mean uh...aw, fuck."
"That's the cruelest thing anyone has ever said to anyone in the history of the world!"
Sam was not about to deal with being called regular, so he up and left and the worst part was that he took Buster with him. Dean had a few awkward sips of champagne while standing by himself before he went and sat down in the living room with everyone else. As soon as he sat down Mary came over and held her arms in the air so he'd pick her up and put her in his lap and then Ollie climbed onto the sofa and sat next to them while Lady Gaga, in all her utterly boring regularity held court for her adoring fans.
"Personally..." Ethan was saying. "Daddy is far too culturally significant for us to have our own reality show, but if we did, we'd call it "What's Happening With The Winchesters." and we'd be in music videos."
"What's happening with the Winchesters?" Dean asked. "That's the worst thing I've ever heard."
"Well, I suppose you have a better idea, daddy?"
"Yeah, like...uh..."Dean Meets World." or like..."iSammy""
For a second Dean was almost positive he heard crickets to accompany Ethan's over exaggerated embarrassed eye roll. The show titles had gone over like a fart in church and even Mary seemed slightly embarrassed. She reached up and gently slap patted Dean on his cheek before shrugging her shoulders and sighing. For the first time in his life Dean felt like he wasn't the coolest person in the room, which meant Sam, who was used to being the second coolest felt like the third.
"So." Ethan continued. "You got a video for us to star in or what? We could reinvigorate your career."
"Ethan!"
"What, daddy? I'm being helpful."
"I would love to have you guys in a video. I think that's a great idea."
"Are you just saying that because you're scared of daddy?"
"Why would anyone be scared of your daddy?"
When Dean looked across the room Michael was very quickly ushering Sam out of the room before he completely lost his mind. To Sam, there was no point in being adored if you weren't also feared. He was so about to go off, but luckily Michael had acted quickly. Dean was tempted to excuse himself, but he thought maybe Michael might be able to talk some sense into Sam or at least calm him down.
"Gaga, may I call you Gaga? Everyone is scared of him because he's so tall. Did you know he's a foot and a half taller than short daddy."
"Don't call me that!"
"Fine." Ethan sighed. "He's taller than Dean."
"Don't call me that either!"
"I promise that you two can be in my next video. How does that sound Evan?"
"Pretty good." Evan nodded. "I don't think we need a reality show though."
"Me neither."
"But if we had one, you'd watch it, right?" Ethan asked. "Live, not recorded."
"Absolutely. You could call it The Real Househusbands of Westport."
"Now that I like!" Dean clapped. "Alex, you can be the drunk one."
"They're all drunk, aren't they?"
"I don't...I don't watch television." Dean frowned. "Craig, are you going to come over and say something or just keep mumbling to yourself?"
"He's having a gaymergency." Justin said as he snapped his fingers at Craig. "She used her illuminati magic on him."
"Justin!"
"No, that's fair, I did that."
It was a shame Sam felt so threatened, because Lady Gaga was really nice and sort of funny. She was crazy if she didn't think Dean Meets World wasn't the best title for a reality show in the world, but Dean was going to let that slide. He couldn't focus on it too much because he had to worry about Sam and whether or not they'd need to seek medical attention for Craig, who after introductions had gone practically catatonic. While they kids all assisted in snapping him out of it and James talked about the industrial revolution with the straight guy, Dean returned to the kitchen to check on Sam with their special guest coming along for the ride.
"You two are so lucky, those kids are adorable."
"Most of the time. Forgive Justin, we know the illuminati isn't real."
"Are you sure?"
"Well yeah, Sam would be president if it were."
"Maybe I am." Sam said from across the kitchen. "You know Bey is my best friend."
"Bey, huh?" Dean asked. "You two that close?"
"We should all have dinner one night in the city."
"Isn't that a great idea, Sam?" Dean asked. "I can call my best friends the Jolie-Pitts."
"And I'll come and bring Alex." Michael said as he puffed out his chest. "Because..."
"You have to watch the kids."
"Come on, short daddy!"
"We have to talk about illuminati stuff. 100 mils only, no gingers."
"I'm going to discuss this with Milo." Michael said as he stormed out. "Telling me what to do when I'm a grown ass man."
"You give me a kiss before you walk out of here young man!"
Michael begrudgingly kissed Dean on the cheek and then in retaliation took Buster away from Sam before he left. Dean was going to challenge him to a street fight, but thought that might make a bad impression in front of their guest, which Sam already had under control. It was shame Sam was acting so childishly, because it wasn't like he didn't have anything in common with someone who got rich super quickly, had almost frighteningly devoted fans, and genuinely enjoyed fashion. Gaga just needed an "In" and because she was a smart woman, she knew exactly what to say.
"Fashion Week is so soon."
"I suppose it is." Sam said cautiously. "I was thinking about a...spray tan."
"You what?"
"A tan." Sam said as he looked over at Dean. "So I look toasty and delicious for the Armani show."
"Sammy, I don't know how I feel about that."
"And I heard a rumor you were judging Project Runway."
"One of the many rumors there might be so truth to. One of our friends made it to the finals. He's been designing his collection for the past few months in the city."
"That's exciting."
"I feel it's important to support new designers. I feel I have an obligation to the fashion industry, as a fashion icon."
"Did you really just call yourself that?" Dean asked. "Yesterday you wore sweatpants all day. Lewd ones, sexy ones."
"Dean, you know nothing about the fashion industry."
"You bought them at Target on sale."
Sam scoffed and threw his hand up in what Dean thought was an attempt to dismiss him. He wasn't going anywhere just yet, not until he wasn't absolutely sure that Sam wasn't going to unhinge his jaws and swallow that Gaga whole. When they both began to animatedly and passionately discuss couture, Dean knew things were going to be okay, but he stuck around anyway, just to make sure Sam didn't say anything too ridiculous.
"So you have a clause in your contract?"
"Yeah." Sam said. "Whenever I'm at an event I have to wear Armani."
"What happens when you run out of clothes?"
"Well, Dean's comfortable wearing the same thing more than once. I know, it's embarrassing!"
"Says you." Dean grumbled. "Suit makes me look fine as hell I owe it to the people to wear it more than once."
"If I need something I call the tailors who work in the city. They'll make me anything I want and deliver it in a day or so."
"Anything?"
"Like if I feel like wearing puce and I need a shirt, or a lined blazer, or if I have a nice tie, and I want to match a certain color they can make me a shirt. They'll make me a suit every...once in a while."
"Six suits." Dean said quickly. "He made them make him six suits last month all in slightly different shades of black. He wore one of them. They other five are still in the garment bags. He made me move half my clothes to the attic."
"I made him move his summer clothes. You need to calm down. Come see my closet. Oh, I can show you my crown I got for being king of the universe."
"That's not what that crown's for, Sammy!"
Sam dismissed Dean with a flick of his hand and then strolled out hand in hand with his new best friend. Just like any raving homosexual, Sam was unable to resist the allure of pop royalty, especially when the bitch liked clothes. Dean was bummed Sam had left him alone, but he was glad they were getting along, because powerful people needed powerful friends and Ethan and Evan really wanted to be in a music video. Dean wanted that to happen, and with Sam making nice it seemed very possible.
Back in the living room, Dean tried to get Buster away from Michael, but it wasn't happening. Michael was sitting on the sofa with Buster in his arms and one leg up over his knee. He was tapping his foot something severely and the glossy red sole of his boot looked like a siren going off. Dean didn't even have to glance over to see what Michael was staring at, because he knew he was pretty much glaring at Angie and Jason, who had confined themselves to the safety of the dining room away from new people.
"Michael."
"What?" Michael snapped as he looked over. "Alex is talking to the straight boy, probably falling in love with him. I'm going to seduce Justin with my beautiful red hair."
"Speaking of, new shoes?"
"I bought them for myself when we went shopping the day before Jason got here."
"1,400?"
"And some change."
"Make you feel better?"
"No, but they're pretty. I got three other pair."
"Alex let you buy four pair of shoes?"
"I make the rules, boy." Michael said. "I do what I want, I'm a grown ass man."
"You're very fond of saying that."
Like any young gay on the go Michael liked to look nice and Alex liked to treat him nice, but spending so much money on shoes was out of character for them both. Michael had his own money and his own credit card Sam blindly paid off every month, but Dean knew Alex and there was no doubt he had bought the shoes and probably a bunch of other stuff. Dean got where he was coming from, but expensive things weren't a magical Band-Aid that could fix any problem. If that was true Dean would have figured out a way to get rich a lot quicker than he had.
"Christmas is family time."
"Okay." Dean nodded. "I'll go tell her to leave."
"What?"
"I'll go tell your brothers pregnant girlfriend to leave and drive home on Christmas Eve."
"Okay, but make it sound like it was your idea."
"Nope, you're a grown ass man, I'll tell them both you don't want her here."
"No, he'll be mad at me!"
"Honestly I'd rather him be mad than upset because you've been avoiding him since they got here."
"He ain't upset. All he cares about is that girl. You don't understand."
"I don't?" Dean laughed. "I went three years without speaking to the only person I've ever loved. Is that what you want? Because while you may think he'll choose you over her, he's never going to choose anyone over that baby. Trust me."
Jason might not have been acting upset, but that's not who he was. He'd never do anything to make Michael feel bad. When Dean looked over he was still sitting next to Angie and actually waved when he saw Michael staring at them. Dean waved back and so did Michael before he got up and handed Buster over. After a quick stop to pick up a few cookies Michael joined Jason and Angie and for the first time in a long time, looked like he was making an effort. Dean was very proud of him and he really hoped that two diet cokes Angie had went straight to her head and she'd become at least marginally interesting.
After so much hard partying, Buster was ready for bed. After giving him one last bottle and changing him into his extra warm Christmas fun time jammies, Dean wrapped him up tight, and put him to bed. For a few minutes he just kind of stared at Dean with a disapproving look in his eyes, but then he started to blink heavy and in no time he was softly cooing in his sleep. He was such a good boy and Dean couldn't wait for him to have his first Christmas in the morning.
After another hour the party began to lose some steam. Mary and Milo fell asleep on the sofa and the rest of the kids weren't far behind. When Charlie, Justin, and Craig left, Mikey called it a night and once the special guest was on her way Ethan and Evan clocked out and took Ollie with them. Once all the kids were sleeping, except for Michael of course, Dean rallied everyone to disperse through the house to collect the hundreds of hidden presents. That took a good half hour, but once it was done Sam was able to begin the tedious process of arranging them underneath the tree.
"I want to leave some room over here for Ethan and Evan's birthday presents and then over here we'll...what's with these envelopes?"
"Those are from me."
"Envelopes?" Sam asked as he picked them up. "What the hell inside of them?"
"That's none of your business." Dean said as he took the envelopes back. "They're surprises."
"I hope it's a gift card to Target." Michael said as he grabbed them. "Hey, Alex has one too!"
"I do? I might get that new blender I've had my eye on."
"They're not gift cards to Target!"
"All the kids, grandpa, grandma." Michael whispered. "What are you up to!"
Dean snatched the enveloped back and tucked them into his jacket because he couldn't trust anyone. He had gotten everyone the same thing for Christmas and he didn't wait anyone to ruin the surprise. Sam was the most suspicious because Dean didn't tell him anything, and envelopes on Christmas morning were completely forbidden. Sam thought copping out and giving a gift card was tacky, and Dean agreed, but he wasn't handing out cards, he had something much better.
"I have presents in the car."
Upon hearing Angie's voice Dean spun around on his heels convinced that some stranger had broken into the house. Even though she was standing less than ten feet away he totally didn't even realize she hadn't gone to bed. Since it was so cold out Jason went to get the presents and came back with a bunch of boxes for everyone. For some reason, which Dean couldn't even think of, it was surprising that she had purchased presents for everyone including the kids. It wasn't going to be anything extravagant, but she had thought about them and Dean loved that.
"Let Michael open your present!" Jason said before practically throwing the box at Michael. "Go on, open it!"
"Ow!"
"Go on!"
"You can open it if you want." Angie said softly. "It's just a little something I saw at the mall."
"I can wait until tomorrow, it's..."
It didn't really matter what Michael wanted or when he wanted to open the present because Jason looked absolutely psychotic. He already had his phone out and judging by the blinding light he was recording a video. Instead of arguing that the present could wait Michael sat down, and openly the plainly wrapped package before pulling out what looked like a totally ordinary blue sweatshirt, at least based on what Dean could see.
"You got this for me?"
"Yeah." Angie nodded. "I thought it was perfect."
"Turn it around!" Jason squealed. "Show it off!"
"It says "World's Greatest Uncle.""
For the record, Dean was the world's greatest uncle, just like he was the greatest dad, husband, son, brother, writer, model, and string cheese eater, but the sweatshirt was very cute for Michael and it obviously meant a great deal to him that Angie had purchased it all on her own. Jason still looked like he was going down a terrifying rollercoaster, but Michael true to form was on the verge of tears as he stood up and embraced Angie, who so clearly wasn't expecting it.
"I'm stealing that sweatshirt." Dean whispered. "That sweatshirt is a lie on anyone else but me."
"Be quiet." Sam whispered back. "You don't even know how to bake."
"Ain't gonna stop be from filling you up with batter."
"Ew!"
"Too much? Gonna put it in your butt oven. Eat it all up after a half hour."
"Dean!"
"Rawr!"
Dean grabbed Sam around the waist and kissed him all over. The party had been a success, Sam had somewhat reluctantly made a new friend, and Michael finally seemed to come to terms with Angie being in Jason's life. All in all it was shaping up to be a fantastic Christmas, maybe their best yet, and Dean couldn't wait to sit around the tree and open presents with the rest of the family, but first he was going to try his best to knock Sam up at least twice.