Sunday Night Requests (first draft)

Oct 31, 2007 11:33

I gazed at you for an instant before
Gracefully feasting on your lips
And grieved the absence of daylight
against your dainty eyelids
and ragged cheeks

You looked so helpless in your corner of the bed
about to be ambushed with kisses
and caresses
of the exquisite kind
about to be robbed of momentary ecstasy

Then I kissed you
Without ( Read more... )

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Comments 16

fala7a October 31 2007, 20:30:04 UTC
pooo!!!!

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bitsofbeauty October 31 2007, 22:32:31 UTC
:-p

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fairbrtl November 4 2007, 23:27:43 UTC
that was adorable. i have a tear in my eye - not out of sadness mind you. just adorableness.

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grammarfight November 5 2007, 23:16:51 UTC
Hello. I found you through greatpoets. I am powerfully fond of your writing. May I add you?

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bitsofbeauty November 6 2007, 02:44:27 UTC
Of course you may.
I visited your journal, but your profile is not detailed. It's interesting that most of your entries are quotes of other people's work. Does each entry reflect what is going on in your life at the time that you posted it?

I would love to hear a little bit about who you are...

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grammarfight November 6 2007, 03:19:42 UTC
It's interesting that you ask about my profile. I was struck reading your profile today. It's very wistful and hopeful at once. I'm always so uncertain what to say about myself. I feel like I ought to emulate your approach, write a very lyrical accounting of my life and ideas, but I don't know what to say that would feel true. Or true enough. You've inspired me to write something better on the page, but I honestly don't know where I would start, or what I might say.

I'm always been a better interviewee than memoirist.

The entries comprised of others' work do represent the depth of my moment. I feel sad often that there isn't more of a balance of my own words, like I am misappropriating my betters for my own purposes, but sometimes I don't have the energy to say something that properly externalizes the internal.

That all sounds a bit moany; I'm a relatively happy person.

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bitsofbeauty November 6 2007, 03:58:17 UTC
It doesn't sound moany to me at all. It sounds like things I can relate to ( ... )

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runamucky November 26 2007, 04:00:33 UTC
HI
I just received a comment from you on greatpoets and when I came to look at you site I found this and it is just wonderful. I was teary-eyed myself. It gave me great longings. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know. Thanks

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hi runamucky December 1 2007, 01:29:43 UTC
thanks for replying to the greatpoets post. I agree it is a lovely poem. I also wanted to tell you my other feeling about this poem of yours. It isn't good or bad, right or wrong, I just felt it was about two men. That is what I was visualizing while reading it. It may be the lack of body parts named, I feel when someone writes about a woman things are named.

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Re: hi bitsofbeauty December 1 2007, 01:58:38 UTC
I find your comment really interesting, but I also find myself a little confused. You say 'I feel when someone writes about a woman things are named', but this poem was never meant to be written about a woman. It was written in the voice of a woman, about a man.
So you must have assumed the speaker to be male, and then found it hard to imagine a female subject?
If that is really the case, now I wonder what made you assume it was written in a man's voice.

Thanks for letting me know your thoughts; it excites me to find out what how people read what I write.

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Re: hi runamucky December 1 2007, 03:50:44 UTC
hello to you.

It was written about a man in the voice of a woman. the voice of a woman threw me off because of words like "dainty eyelids." It may be an accurate description, but not a common description for a man.
I don't explain myself well, but I usually find poems about women in bed telling great description of body parts, the lovely breasts, etc. Men are not described by their bodies when someone is speaking gently. Only when sex is the main focus are men laid out like a map. It is also interesting that this woman is so agressive with her sleeping lover. I don't know, it just sounded like a man to me. Thanks for straightening me out. (excuse the pun)

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