anthology
anthology
→ jonghyun x kibum; pg-15; 6133 words.
warning: crude words, character death and rape.
i took about an entire week to write this, because i kept backspacing, deleting and i can say this is my best work so far yet. jongkey is like best buddies to me and there's kind of a ninja!onkey here and a pretty much obvious 2min here. i was daydreaming while studying and i really had to write this. long comments are shamelessly appreciated. and the title is really nonsense, so ignore that. i suck in titles.
anthology.
Kibum feels a sharp throb in his head, but it’s bearable. He props his elbow and tries sitting up. He looks around, white. A few more throbs in his head, what is this place. He hits his head a few times in vain, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable throbbing sensation in his head. He hears something creak open, it’s the door. He sees an unfamiliar face, who are you?
The unfamiliar face looks at him with a pitiful face, “You really don’t remember anything, huh?”
Kibum nods stupidly, what is this stranger talking about. He takes a seat beside the bed, “Do you remember your name?”. Kibum tries to not roll his eyes (but they rolled anyway), “Of course I do. Kim Kibum”. The man dressed in white nods and writes something down before asking another question, “Do you know where you are right now?”
Kibum looks around, white sheets, white bed, white ceiling and white floors.
“Hospital”
The doctor nods, “Do you know why you’re on this bed right now?”. Kibum thinks for a while, the throbbing in his head increases slightly, “Yes. I was in a car accident”. The little mist clouding Kibum’s mind clears up a little, the doctor jots down more notes. “Great, you’re in perfect condition. I’ll have you discharged in two days and we took the liberty to remove your personal belongings. They’re on that shelf” The doctor points at a white shelf.
Kibum moves his gaze to the white shelf. Jeremy Scott t-shirt, Louis Vuitton bag and an orange-covered Blackberry. “Wait” Kibum says, the doctor looks at him. “Those aren’t my things” Kibum says, confirming them with his eyes. The doctor frowns, “I’m pretty sure they’re your items. Your identity card is inside”
“I don’t own designer stuff. In fact, I hate them”
“Mr. Kim”. He turns his head. The man asks him, “What year are we in?”. Kibum scoffs loudly, his voice echoing throughout the room, “We’re in the year 2008 right?”.
There is a short silence, before the doctor speaks.
“We’re in the year 2010, Mr. Kim”
“I wake up to find myself in some hospital bed, that doctor telling me that i own some designer brand (i hate designer brands) and my brain tells me that I’m two years backdated. What are they going to tell me next, Heath Ledger died?” Kibum complains to his friend, Jinki (Kibum heaves a heavy sigh of relief when he finally recognizes someone). Jinki hesitates for a moment, “Er. Kibum”. Kibum snaps, “What?”.
“Heath Ledger did die. On January 2008”
Kibum stops for a moment, “Okay. I need you (because you’re the only one i recognize around here) to tell me what have I missed out? My brain skipped out on two whole years on me and yes, I am freaking out right now”. Jinki takes a deep breath, “You really want to know?”
“Well duh, if not I wouldn’t be asking you this favor that probably makes me look like a dumb puppet”
Jinki suddenly breaks out into a grin, “I really prefer you like this”
“What on earth are you saying, Jinki?” Kibum points at his head, “Two years loophole, explain please, with details. Thank you”
Jinki chuckles slightly, he thinks for a moment before saying, “What do you last remember?”. Kibum crosses his arms, the hospital bed creaking slightly. “I remember me going to college, meeting that cute boy called Taemin and we went to the cafe and met Taemin’s boyfriend, Minho and I almost fainted from shock to find out that Taemin was gay”
Jinki blinks for a fraction of a second, “That’s it?”
Kibum nods, “What, did I miss out something?”. Jinki runs through his hair with his hands, “Do you not remember Minho’s friend?”. The amnesia boy massages his temple, “Am I supposed to?”. Jinki shakes his head, “Never mind. It’s better that way”. Kibum suddenly says, “Okay, this is a weird question and it just popped into my head”. Jinki waves his hand, “Bombs away. I’m here to answer all your questions anyway”
“Where do I live?”
Two days passes faster than Kibum thinks that it would have, Jinki takes Kibum’s designer tee, only because Kibum thinks it’s ‘too disgusting to wear’. “So where do I live again?” Kibum asks, Jinki merely replies, “Just follow me and you’ll know”. Kibum massages his temples, “I really don’t remember myself moving into the same house as you”
“Taemin, Minho and I” Jinki corrects.
“Why are we living in the same house again?” Kibum asks. Jinki replies with a cool shrug, “Financial problems”. Kibum looks at the bag of designer items in Jinki’s hands, “Financial problems and did I really buy those?”. Jinki nods, “You loved designer items”. Kibum scrunches up his face, “No, I don’t”.
Jinki doesn’t say anything.
“I really don’t remember my room being this small” Kibum wrinkles his nose. Taemin chuckles, “We had a bet”. Kibum turns around to meet the chuckling youngster, “Bet?”. Taemin shrugs, “We had a bet on some soccer game and the loser would swap rooms”. Kibum doesn’t say anything, so that means I lost the bet. “I really don’t remember the bet” Kibum says, Taemin merely smiles sympathetically.
“What’s this?” Kibum takes a white book on the table but Taemin snatches it away from him before the book is an inch open. Taemin quickly covers up, “Sorry. That’s my diary”. Kibum doesn’t question any further, Taemin leaves the room to Kibum. He touches the walls and lets his fingers drag over the baby blue wallpaper, I really don’t remember being in here.
He unpacks his things, he notices that they’re all designer brands. Maybe he should just come to accept that he did somehow loved designer tees. He hears a little grumble roaring across the room, I’m hungry and he decides to ask Jinki if there is any food for him to munch on.
“Maybe we should just tell him” Kibum hears Minho’s voice saying.
“No, that’s a bad idea. I like Kibum the way he is now, we all do” Jinki’s voice says.
“I agree with Jinki-hyung on this. We shouldn’t tell him. It’s better for all of us” Taemin mutters softly.
“Tell me what?” Kibum says, Taemin jumps out of his seat, Jinki drops his cup and Minho only straightens up. “Hyung~ You could have told us that you were there. Jinki-hyung’s, he’ll have a heart attack” Taemin pouts. Kibum doesn’t change the topic, “Tell me what?”
“That Taemin is allergic to...” Minho trails off.
“Watermelons” Taemin says immediately.
“Oh. Why do you want to hide that from me? That’s kind of stupid” Kibum shrugs.
Jinki laughs airily, “Kibum, you love watermelons”. Kibum blinks once. Twice, thrice. “I do?”. The three boys sitting in the living room nods and Kibum really doesn’t remember anything. He really doesn’t. “Do you have something to eat?” Kibum asks, not forgetting that he’s hungry. “I can order some fried chicken if you want”
“Yes please”
“Okay, I thought you said that we’re eating fried chicken” Kibum crosses his arms at the bowl of instant noodles in front of him. Jinki gives him an apologetic look, “Erm. One, because you’re hungry. Two, because the fried chicken store is closed today. Three, because we have nothing in our refrigerator”. Taemin slurps on his instant noodles as if it was the best thing ever. Minho pats his back, “Hey, eat it slow or you’ll choke”.
“Taemin” Kibum says suddenly.
Taemin chokes at the sudden mention of his name, Minho pats him on the back, “Told you”.
“Sorry, but I have to say this or I’ll go insane” Kibum continues when Taemin doesn’t say anything, “I feel really awkward when I see you and Minho together”. Taemin blinks and chuckles awkwardly, “Because we’re dating?”. Kibum nods, Taemin waves a hand in front of his face, “Oh you’ll get used to it”. Kibum adds, “Just do me one favor”
Taemin looks at him, Minho stays quiet.
“Just uhm, don’t snog each other in front of me or I think I’ll puke my intestines out”
Taemin says, “But you also liked gu-” Minho clamps his mouth shut. Kibum raises an eyebrow, Jinki chuckles, “Don’t mind Taemin. He’s always like this”. Kibum only nods.
Kibum tugs on his puffy sweater, it’s snowing. He walks down the streets, where am I going? But he lets his legs take him to where they would like to go. He turns right, then left, walks down the street slightly further and then stops short. It’s a little forest, trees lined up perfectly in two rows and the pavement was pure white, snow. He walks down.
It feels nostalgic.
Kibum walks down the beautiful pavement, his eyes looking straight up at the starry sky that’s decorated with dots of twinkling stars. He hears a soft melody coming, it fills his ears melodiously. It’s beautiful. He walks further down the pavement and he finally stops as he sees the source of the little melody. The singing is beautiful, he is beautiful. The little melody ends and Kibum claps.
The man snaps his head at the sudden clapping and his eyes, Kibum swears, that they looked like they are about to bounce out of their sockets.
“Beautiful song” Kibum comments.
The man stays silent for a while but he says thank you. Kibum smiles, “That was a really, sad song but it was beautiful”. Why was he talking so much, Kibum doesn’t know? But the man in front of him, nostalgic. “Because the person singing feels sad as well” The man replies, his eyes still look like they’re about to pop out of his head.
“Why’s that?” Kim Kibum, why are you peering into someone else’s business? Kibum doesn’t know why either.
“Because I’m trying to mend things back to the way they were. I’ve done something wrong. Something that cannot be forgiven, something that cannot be forgotten, something that broke someone physically and mentally” The man says, his eyes finally softening up, Kibum is actually kind of concerned as to whether his eyeballs would pop out. He’s glad they didn’t.
“I hope everything goes well for you” Kibum says nothing, he’s never good in comforting people. A second goes by before his head starts throbbing slightly, he frowns. “Thank you” the stranger says, “I really hope so”. Kibum smiles slightly, but his eyebrows still furrowing at the throb in his head. “I’m sorry” There is a whisper, Kibum cannot hear it, “I beg your pardon?”
“It’s nothing” The stranger smiles.
“I think I’ll go back now, the weather’s getting cold” Kibum bows politely before turning his back.
“Goodbye” The stranger says.
“Goodbye, Jonghyun” Kibum says.
He walks down the pavement for a minute before stopping short, frozen in his place. How the hell did I know his name? Kibum turns on his heel and runs back to the place that the stranger (Kibum refuses to admit that Jonghyun is his name) was at. There was no sign of any living soul.
There was no sign of Jonghyun.
“Jinki, I have a question” Kibum finally decides to bring up about ‘Jonghyun’ after two days of debating with himself. Jinki replies back, “Hold on a minute. Let me finish this game” and he goes back to his white controller trying to smash Minho’s robot on the screen in pieces. Jinki’s clearly losing, Kibum scoffs at the sight of Jinki’s losing robot. “Yeah, what is it?” Jinki says as he finally gives the controller to Taemin.
“Was I gay?” Kibum asks.
Minho and Taemin snaps their head towards Kibum. Jinki blinks furiously, “Do you really want to know?”. Kibum smiles slightly, “I was, wasn’t I?”. Jinki nods, Taemin and Minho puts down their controllers. In the corner of Kibum’s eyes, he could see Minho slither his hand around Taemin’s waist and hooking onto it. “Do you remember everything?” Minho asks, a slight concern detectable in his voice.
“No, I don’t but I was walking down this pavement two days ago. I met this man, he never told me his name...” Kibum doesn’t finish his sentence, Jinki completes it for him.
“But you figured out his name”
Kibum nods. Taemin and Minho exchange glances.
“You’re probably psychic” Taemin convinces Kibum, Kibum doesn’t question any further.
Kibum returns home from the grocery, a few bags on his arms and two bags dangling from his wrist. “I’m home” Kibum says loudly and kicks off his shoes. Minho and Jinki hurries to help him with the bags, Kibum sees Taemin drinking a glass of some red liquid. “What are you drinking, Taemin?” Kibum asks in curiosity.
Taemin answers without hesitation, “Watermelon juice”
“Didn’t you say you were allergic to watermelon?”
And that was when everything broke down.
“Spill it. How many lies did you tell me? Spill or you guys are so fucked up” Kibum says with a dead-on tone. Taemin bites his lips in fear, Minho has an arm around him (Kibum feels like chopping that arm off) and Jinki looks everywhere but never at Kibum.
”Just fucking spill it. How many lies have you been telling me?” Kibum throws the remote control on the table with a loud bang, Taemin winces in shock. Jinki gives Taemin a reassuring squeeze on his lap and exchange glances with Minho. “STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND TELL ME EVERY FUCKING LIE YOU TOLD ME” Kibum snaps.
Jinki stops Kibum, “I-I’m sorry Kibum”
“Don’t you fucking tell me you’re sorry. Tell me, now”
“J-Just sit down. We-We’ll tell you. Everything, but that is only if you really want to know”
Kibum sits down and lets out a heavy breath of anger. Taemin takes out a book from a drawer and hands it to Kibum with shivering hands, “This isn’t my diary”. Kibum glares at Taemin. Kibum opens the book and reads every sentence written in the anthology with a handwriting that is far too familiar, it was his. It’s his diary. It’s his anthology.
(He promised to bring me out on a date today, but he left me at home alone. He called in to say that he was busy with work and I should have the salad that was in the fridge. But it’s alright, I heard his voice today)
(He hasn’t come home in three days, I’m worried)
(He came home today, it’s been seven days but I’m not mad. I saw him, he told me that he was out for a business trip and that he forgot to tell me. It’s alright because he smiled at me)
(He said he’ll be out late today. He’s really busy nowadays)
(He came home drunk and he smells like alcohol. A girl brought him home, she said she was his secretary)
(He was gone by the time I woke up but he came back in the afternoon. He bought lunch for me, I was happy. But he left shortly after we finished lunch)
(He came home around midnight, he brought his secretary home. He said it was for business purposes. I understand, I made them some coffee so they would feel sleepy. His secretary said I was really nice. Thank you)
(I went to talk with my friends today. It’s been a while. I came home, he was there on the couch. He looked really cross, I asked him what’s wrong. He slapped me and pulled my hair. It’s alright, he was only worried for me)
(He promised me a date today, but he never came home. He slept all day. I never mentioned it to him, because he looked really sleepy)
(He came home at three in the morning, he reeked of alcohol. I was really sca-
Kibum drops the book, the throbbing in his head amplifies into a sharp stabbing. He sees Jinki, Taemin and Minho crowding around him. I remember. He blacks out.
(two years ago)
“Let’s go out for a drink” Jinki suggests, Kibum agrees, Taemin nods enthusiastically. Taemin whips out his phone and announces, “I’ll ask Minho to go with us too!” Kibum chokes on his food, “But please...”. Taemin cuts Kibum off, “Don’t snog in public. Yes, Kibum-hyung. You’ve told me that a million times”
“He’s not used to it, that’s why” Jinki laughs.
Kibum rolls his eyes.
“I thought you said you ain’t gay” Taemin whispers into Kibum’s ear. Kibum snaps out of his daze, he hisses back, “I’m not gay. He’s just beautiful”. Taemin shrugs, “Same thing”. Kibum glares, “No it’s not”. Taemin smirks, “Should I tell you something?”. Kibum leans in closer, Taemin says into his ear, “When I first met Minho”
Kibum nods, Taemin continues, “I thought he was beautiful too”
“Jinki. Answer me truthfully” Kibum holds Jinki by the shoulders, Jinki almost chokes on his own saliva. “Am I gay?” Kibum asks immediately without waiting for Jinki’s consent. Jinki exhales a deep breath, he eyes Kibum from head to toe. Kibum was wearing a pair of black sneakers, pink skinny jeans (hot pink, to top it off with cherry) and a baby pink t-shirt.
Jinki blinks once, twice, thrice. “Yeah”
Kibum sends a flying punch across Jinki’s face. “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” Jinki exclaims, “And you wanted me to answer truthfully”. Kibum takes a step back, “Right. Sorry”. Jinki rubs his face in pain, “What’s with the sudden question anyway?”. Kibum groans, “I think I’m falling for someone”
“And it’s a guy”
A nod.
“And you think he’s beautiful”
It takes a moment, but another nod.
“And he is the guy that Minho introduced us too”
He blushes, he nods.
“And you want his number”
Kibum’s face turns blood red, he nods.
“Yeah, you’re gay”
Kibum resists the urge to punch Jinki, twice.
“Uhm. Where’s Taemin?” Kibum asks, awkwardly. “He said he’s got a date with Minho” The man across him says. “That little ass” Kibum grunts. The man chuckles, “Don’t blame the poor kid, I asked him to set us up”. Kibum shrieks, “YOU WHAT?”. The man smiles, “Sorry if you don’t like being set up. I just thought you were beautiful”
“Oh god” Kibum mutters to himself. He chuckles, “I’m not joking”
“Let’s start with the usual. My name’s Jonghyun and no, I don’t need you to introduce yourself. I know you’re Kibum. You have the best ass out there on the streets”
Kibum lets his jaw hang. Jonghyun claps his hands, Kibum lets out a laugh. Their little laughs proceed to jokes and teases. Somehow, (Kibum doesn’t know how) they start dirty talking and (even though he doesn’t want to admit) Kibum likes it. They don’t exchange phone numbers, because Kibum is too proud to give his and Jonghyun’s too proud to ask for it.
They meet up in the cafe every Saturday, it is an unspoken date.
Jonghyun doesn’t turn up one day, Kibum ignores it. Maybe he’s busy.
Jonghyun doesn’t turn up the second time, Kibum ignores it. Maybe he just forgot.
Jonghyun doesn’t turn up the third time, Kibum doesn’t ignore. In fact, third time is the charm. (He finally admits) He yearns for Jonghyun.
“You stood me up” Kibum accuses. Jonghyun pins Kibum on the walls of an alley, “You missed me, didn’t you?” Jonghyun breathes into Kibum’s ear. Kibum shivers, “Don’t you fucking get conceited”. “Getting feisty now, aren’t we?” Jonghyun chuckles at Kibum’s neck.
“And who said to not snog in public” Kibum hears a voice, he pushes Jonghyun off him.
“TAEMIN?” Kibum shrieks, “What are you doing here?”
Taemin points at Minho, “You know hyung. If you want to snog, you can at least get a room. Anyone who walks by the alley would think that two men are getting it on”. Kibum rolls his eyes, “Like people don’t think both of you are men”. Taemin chuckles, “I am, for a fact, prettier than you, hyung”.
“Screw you”
“No thanks. I’d like Minho, instead” Taemin smiles, Minho tightens his hands around Taemin’s waist. “Babe, you know I like it when you dirty talk” Minho says deeply, Taemin giggles. Kibum resist the urge to take his shoe and throw it on Taemin’s face. The couple leave shortly after, Jonghyun nudges Kibum.
“What?” Kibum shoots.
“You missed me” Jonghyun accuses.
“Yeah”
“Don’t deny i-WHAT”
“I fucking missed you” Kibum grits his teeth, “Don’t make me say it again”
Jonghyun grins widely, like a little puppy. They share their first kiss.
“Jonghyun” Kibum says on one of their dates, “I think I’m infatuated with you”. Jonghyun smirks, “I’m flattered. I feel the same way”. Kibum rolls his eyes, “Not that stupid”. Jonghyun blinks in curiosity, Kibum continues (in embarrassment), “I think that if you asked me to jump of a cliff, I’d say yes. That’s how I am obsessed with you”
“Would you like to move in together with me?” Jonghyun takes the opportunity.
“Yes” is said without hesitation.
Kibum moves in with Jonghyun on the next week. Jonghyun smothers Kibum with rough kisses, Kibum doesn’t complain (though he does dislike that alcohol breath Jonghyun has when he comes home). They sleep in the same bed, Jonghyun insists they Kibum should sleep without his shirt on. Kibum gives in, he’s completely smitten in love. Jonghyun has toned arms, Kibum loves hugging them when he sleeps.
Jonghyun doesn’t complain (because he likes it too).
“You changed, a lot” Jinki comments, Kibum looks at him, “How?”. Taemin taps the table, “Minho, why don’t you tell him?”. Minho chuckles, “Well for one, you stopped using crude words”. Kibum acknowledges that. “Two, you’ve started loving designer tees”. Kibum defends, “Because Jonghyun loves them”. Taemin giggles like a little girl. Minho continues, “Three, you’ve become soft”
“WHAT?”
Jinki immediately says, “Don’t take it the wrong way. Usually if we ask you something, you’d retaliate. You’ve become a really, different person. It’s a good thing”
“Love does wonders to people” Taemin says.
Kibum grunts, “I admit that too”
Kibum looks at the clock, it’s almost lunch and Jonghyun isn’t home. He promised me a date, Kibum waits for Jonghyun to come home. He never did but a phone call comes, “Hello?” ”Kibum?” “Yeah” ”I’m busy today with work. I’m sorry, I have some salad left in the fridge. You can have that as lunch” “It’s alright” ”Sorry”. And Jonghyun hangs up. Kibum pulls out a book, let’s write down everything.
(He promised to bring me out on a date today, but he left me at home alone. He called in to say that he was busy with work and I should have the salad that was in the fridge. But it’s alright, I heard his voice today)
No, it’s not alright. Kibum is disappointed, but he keeps it to himself because it’s the first time.
Jonghyun doesn’t come home for three days, Kibum is worried. He writes it down.
(He hasn’t come home in three days, I’m worried)
He’s really worried.
(He came home today, it’s been seven days but I’m not mad. I saw him, he told me that he was out for a business trip and that he forgot to tell me. It’s alright because he smiled at me)
Jonghyun comes home finally, Kibum gives him a bear hug. Jonghyun returns it with a warm embrace. Kibum feels ashamed of himself, he’s becoming some lowly dirt. Jonghyun reassures him that it’s okay, because he’s in love.
A year flies by, really quickly, faster that Kibum would have thought. Jonghyun wakes up really early in the morning and leaves for work, Kibum understands because he needs to have enough finance for them both. He writes down in his book, it’s been a year since he wrote in it.
(He said he’ll be out late today. He’s really busy nowadays)
It is about midnight when Kibum hears the door opening.
(He came home drunk and he smells like alcohol. A girl brought him home, she said she was his secretary)
The secretary is pretty, Kibum thinks. He admits, he’s jealous but he’s definitely not writing it down because Jonghyun might see the book one day.
(He was gone by the time I woke up but he came back in the afternoon. He bought lunch for me, I was happy. But he left shortly after we finished lunch)
Jonghyun bought Kibum kimchi fried rice, his favorite. He was happy, until Jonghyun said he had to leave for work.
(He came home around midnight, he brought his secretary home. He said it was for business purposes. I understand, I made them some coffee so they would feel sleepy. His secretary said I was really nice. Thank you)
Business purposes, Kibum would like to deceive himself. Jonghyun told him to not to enter the room until he told him too, Kibum listens to Jonghyun because he’d do anything Jonghyun asks.
(My heart is breaking)
Kibum rubs the sentence off the book, he looks at the door.
His heart is really breaking, but Jonghyun doesn’t need to know.
“I think I need to talk to Jonghyun” Minho says. Taemin crosses his arms, “How could he bring a GIRL into the house?”. Jinki sighs and pats Kibum, ”Are you okay”. Kibum shakes his head, “I think I’m going to break soon, I really can’t stand it but I don’t want to leave the house”. Jinki doesn’t know how to comfort Kibum.
“And” Kibum swallows his saliva.
Taemin and Minho listens intently. Kibum says, “I think they were having sex”. Taemin shrieks, “WHAT?!”. Kibum buries his face into his knees, Minho asks, “How do you know? You shouldn’t jump to conclusions”. Kibum shakes his head again, “I really wish I was jumping into conclusions. I heard the bed creak a lot of times and I heard, Jonghyun’s voice”
“That bastard needs a football in his face” Minho cracks his knuckles.
Jinki frowns, “I think you should move out of the house”
Kibum refuses, “I really do need a break, Jinki. But I really cannot leave the house”
Taemin and Minho heaves out a worried sigh.
“That house is my life”
(I went to talk with my friends today. It’s been a while. I came home, he was there on the couch. He looked really cross, I asked him what’s wrong. He slapped me and pulled my hair. It’s alright, he was only worried for me)
Kibum touches his swollen cheek. Jonghyun had pulled his hair and slapped him, shouting that he should never leave the house without his permission. Kibum only nods to Jonghyun. His scalp hurts, but Jonghyun was just worried.
But he was really, not okay.
(He promised me a date today, but he never came home. He slept all day. I never mentioned it to him, because he looked really sleepy)
Kibum looks at the sleeping Jonghyun next to him, he never brought him out to dates anymore, he never smothered him with kisses anymore and he never asked him to sleep topless anymore. Jonghyun was so, distant.
Kibum looks at the clock again, it’s almost four in the morning. Jonghyun isn’t home yet. As if on cue, the door creaks open. “Jonghyun, are you drunk?” Kibum asks softly as the smell of alcohol fills the air. “No, I’m not. Hehehe” Jonghyun hiccups as he talks. Kibum rushes up to Jonghyun and helps him into the house.
Jonghyun suddenly pins Kibum down on the floor.
Jinki reaches home and takes out his keys from his pocket. He hums slightly, he’s in a good mood. The doors of the elevator opens and Jinki’s hums grow louder but he stops short. There is a man in front of his door, hugging his knees. His clothes are battered up, as if ripped and his hair is in a complete mess.
Jinki stops in his steps, “A stalker? No can’t be. I don’t have a stalker. If I was a stalker, I’d stalk Taemin”
He musters up the courage to walk up to the so-called stalker, “Excuse me uhm, Mister, you’re kind of at my doo-”
The ‘stalker’ looks up.
“KIBUM?!”
Jinki brings Kibum in without asking, he notices he’s shivering and trembling. “Hey, let’s get you washed up” Jinki pats him, he doesn’t question Kibum yet, not when he’s in this state, on the verge of breaking down. Kibum holds onto Jinki’s wrist, “No. Please, don’t go”. Jinki hushes the trembling Kibum, “Hey, it’s okay. I won’t go”.
Kibum’s trembling relaxes, just a little bit.
“I’ll help you wash up okay. You can borrow some of my clothes, if he doesn’t mind” Jinki purposely avoids Jonghyun’s name. Kibum nods, his grip on Jinki’s wrist still not loosening. Jinki pulls Kibum gently as they enter his bedroom and search for some clothes for Kibum.
“Is this okay? I don’t have any stylish clothes for you” Jinki asks Kibum as he pulls out a tee. Kibum nods before having to look at the tee. “Are you okay with washing yourself? Do you need my help?” Jinki asks the trembling man before him with the softest voice. Kibum shakes his head, “Just wait outside the bathroom, please”
Jinki doesn’t protest.
“Do you feel better?” Jinki asks as he dries Kibum’s hair carefully. Kibum nods under his fingers. “So what happened?” Jinki finally questions, he turns off the hair dryer, the room going silent suddenly. Kibum turns around, he takes a deep breath. “Please listen, and please don’t interrupt me because I think I’m going to break down if you cut me off”
Jinki nods.
“Jonghyun was out l-late today and so I stayed u-up for him. He came h-home and he was drunk” Kibum takes a deep breath before continuing, Jinki nods to show that he’s still listening. “I rushed over to help him because he was really drunk, he couldn’t walk straight a-and I was so worried he’d fall over”
He takes another breath before continuing, “I helped him into the house a-and then h-he suddenly p-pinned me to the f-floor”
Jinki’s eyes widens.
“H-He was so drunk. His breath was re-reeking of a-alcohol. I knew h-he was drunk but h-he started touching me a-all over” Tears are starting to well up in Kibum’s eyes, Jinki does nothing because he knows if he moves an inch, Kibum would break down. “Then I was sc-screaming for him t-to stop but he ju-just kept t-touching me all o-over”
Kibum’s trembling starts all over again, “He r-ripped my clothes and...”
Jinki speaks, “He raped you”. Kibum nods and the tears start to stream down his face, “I don’t know what to do. He was drunk, he won’t remember it tomorrow but I really can’t look at him in the face anymore. I don’t want to talk to him anymore, but I still want to”. Kibum falls into Jinki’s arms and Jinki hums the trembling boy to sleep.
The two of them slept on the couch with Kibum’s tears staining Jinki’s black shirt.
Jinki wakes up the next morning, Kibum’s no where to be seen. He searches frantically around the house, he sees nothing. His phone rings immediately, “Minho? I have got no time to talk. I’m looking for Kibum and this is really urgent. That boy is out there somewhere, he’s going to break down soon if I don’t find him”
“OH GOD DAMN IT JINKI HYUNG, SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME”
“Taemin? Oh my god. What happened, why do you sound so... scared?”
“I’m fucking scared alright. Kibum-hyung got into a car accident.”
Jinki drops his phone and runs out of the door.
“Oh gosh, Jinki. Thank god you’re here” Minho stands up immediately as Jinki approaches. Jinki starts panicking, “Oh my god. What the fuck happened? Why did Kibum get into a car accident? He was over my house yesterday and he was gone this morning and-” “Jinki” “And I fucking need to find that fucked up Jonghyun to kick his ass” “Jinki” “Wait, wait. How’s Kibum? Is he okay and everything?” “WOULD YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME?”
Jinki catches his breath, Minho frowns.
“Kibum is fine, hyung” Taemin appears behind him. His face looking sorrow. Jinki lets out a sigh of relief, “Explain to me everything that happened”. Taemin sits down with Minho, Jinki sits opposite of them. Taemin starts, “Kibum is fine. He’s got a little injury on his forehead, but it’ll heal. He scraped a few parts of his body, but he’s alright. No broken bones”
Jinki lets out another sigh of relief, “Thank god”
“You can thank the Gods later, we’ve got another problem” Taemin frowns as he massages his temple, Jinki has never seen Taemin so stressed before. “The problem is the person who drove the car” Minho says, slowly. Taemin lets out a muffled scream, Minho hugs him.
“Who is it?” Jinki frowns, he somehow already knew the answer.
“It’s Jonghyun” Minho says, Taemin starts crying in his arms. “What on earth..” Jinki doesn’t know what to say, “Where is he? I want to punch the fucking daylights out of him. He fucking raped Kibum, did you know? He RAPED him!”. Minho doesn’t show any sort of shock, he only says, “You can’t punch him if you want to”
“Don’t you fucking mess with me”
Minho lets out a huge sigh and hugs Taemin closer. He drops the bomb on Jinki.
“Kibum? Are you awake now?” Jinki’s concerned voice washes Kibum’s ears. He sits up and rubs his ears, “I remember everything now”. Taemin freezes in his position, Minho straightens up and Jinki’s eyes widens. “Where is he?” Kibum asks. The three of them keep quiet, “Please tell me. I want to tell him that I forgive him for what he did. Please”
Jinki pats Kibum’s shoulders, “Kibum ah..”
Kibum runs out of the house. That pavement, where they used to go for dates. Kibum runs, the cold air hitting his face harshly. He reaches the pavement and he shouts on the top of his lungs, “JONGHYUN! I KNOW YOU’RE THERE. JONGHYUN! PLEASE COME OUT. Please...” Kibum drops on his knees weakly.
“Kibum”
Kibum whips his head around, he sees Taemin, Minho and Jinki. “Where is he! I know you guys know where he is! Please tell me” He grabs Jinki’s shirt and begs. Jinki bends down on his knees and places his hand on Kibum’s cheeks. “Just please, calm down okay. I’ll tell you, just please calm down”
Kibum steadies his breathing. Jinki tries to say, but the words don’t come out of his mouth. “What is it?” Kibum’s voice is soft. Minho decides that he should just say it, he nudges Jinki by his feet. Jinki finally says it.
“He’s gone, Kibum. He’s gone, he’s dead. He’s not here anymore” Jinki says with a desperate tone.
Kibum’s eyes widens with tears brimming on the edge of his eyes, “Why? How? He was so healthy when I last saw him! HOW!?”. Taemin starts to cry along, “He was the driver who almost hit you, hyung. He was the driver who sent his car flying over because he wanted to avoid you. He saved you, hyung. He saved you at the cost of his own life”
Jonghyun is dead. Kim Jonghyun is dead. Kibum’s arms goes limp.
There’s no meaning in life, anymore.
→ jonghyun x kibum; pg-15; 6133 words.
warning: crude words, character death and rape.
i took about an entire week to write this, because i kept backspacing, deleting and i can say this is my best work so far yet. jongkey is like best buddies to me and there's kind of a ninja!onkey here and a pretty much obvious 2min here. i was daydreaming while studying and i really had to write this. long comments are shamelessly appreciated. and the title is really nonsense, so ignore that. i suck in titles.
anthology.
Kibum feels a sharp throb in his head, but it’s bearable. He props his elbow and tries sitting up. He looks around, white. A few more throbs in his head, what is this place. He hits his head a few times in vain, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable throbbing sensation in his head. He hears something creak open, it’s the door. He sees an unfamiliar face, who are you?
The unfamiliar face looks at him with a pitiful face, “You really don’t remember anything, huh?”
Kibum nods stupidly, what is this stranger talking about. He takes a seat beside the bed, “Do you remember your name?”. Kibum tries to not roll his eyes (but they rolled anyway), “Of course I do. Kim Kibum”. The man dressed in white nods and writes something down before asking another question, “Do you know where you are right now?”
Kibum looks around, white sheets, white bed, white ceiling and white floors.
“Hospital”
The doctor nods, “Do you know why you’re on this bed right now?”. Kibum thinks for a while, the throbbing in his head increases slightly, “Yes. I was in a car accident”. The little mist clouding Kibum’s mind clears up a little, the doctor jots down more notes. “Great, you’re in perfect condition. I’ll have you discharged in two days and we took the liberty to remove your personal belongings. They’re on that shelf” The doctor points at a white shelf.
Kibum moves his gaze to the white shelf. Jeremy Scott t-shirt, Louis Vuitton bag and an orange-covered Blackberry. “Wait” Kibum says, the doctor looks at him. “Those aren’t my things” Kibum says, confirming them with his eyes. The doctor frowns, “I’m pretty sure they’re your items. Your identity card is inside”
“I don’t own designer stuff. In fact, I hate them”
“Mr. Kim”. He turns his head. The man asks him, “What year are we in?”. Kibum scoffs loudly, his voice echoing throughout the room, “We’re in the year 2008 right?”.
There is a short silence, before the doctor speaks.
“We’re in the year 2010, Mr. Kim”
“I wake up to find myself in some hospital bed, that doctor telling me that i own some designer brand (i hate designer brands) and my brain tells me that I’m two years backdated. What are they going to tell me next, Heath Ledger died?” Kibum complains to his friend, Jinki (Kibum heaves a heavy sigh of relief when he finally recognizes someone). Jinki hesitates for a moment, “Er. Kibum”. Kibum snaps, “What?”.
“Heath Ledger did die. On January 2008”
Kibum stops for a moment, “Okay. I need you (because you’re the only one i recognize around here) to tell me what have I missed out? My brain skipped out on two whole years on me and yes, I am freaking out right now”. Jinki takes a deep breath, “You really want to know?”
“Well duh, if not I wouldn’t be asking you this favor that probably makes me look like a dumb puppet”
Jinki suddenly breaks out into a grin, “I really prefer you like this”
“What on earth are you saying, Jinki?” Kibum points at his head, “Two years loophole, explain please, with details. Thank you”
Jinki chuckles slightly, he thinks for a moment before saying, “What do you last remember?”. Kibum crosses his arms, the hospital bed creaking slightly. “I remember me going to college, meeting that cute boy called Taemin and we went to the cafe and met Taemin’s boyfriend, Minho and I almost fainted from shock to find out that Taemin was gay”
Jinki blinks for a fraction of a second, “That’s it?”
Kibum nods, “What, did I miss out something?”. Jinki runs through his hair with his hands, “Do you not remember Minho’s friend?”. The amnesia boy massages his temple, “Am I supposed to?”. Jinki shakes his head, “Never mind. It’s better that way”. Kibum suddenly says, “Okay, this is a weird question and it just popped into my head”. Jinki waves his hand, “Bombs away. I’m here to answer all your questions anyway”
“Where do I live?”
Two days passes faster than Kibum thinks that it would have, Jinki takes Kibum’s designer tee, only because Kibum thinks it’s ‘too disgusting to wear’. “So where do I live again?” Kibum asks, Jinki merely replies, “Just follow me and you’ll know”. Kibum massages his temples, “I really don’t remember myself moving into the same house as you”
“Taemin, Minho and I” Jinki corrects.
“Why are we living in the same house again?” Kibum asks. Jinki replies with a cool shrug, “Financial problems”. Kibum looks at the bag of designer items in Jinki’s hands, “Financial problems and did I really buy those?”. Jinki nods, “You loved designer items”. Kibum scrunches up his face, “No, I don’t”.
Jinki doesn’t say anything.
“I really don’t remember my room being this small” Kibum wrinkles his nose. Taemin chuckles, “We had a bet”. Kibum turns around to meet the chuckling youngster, “Bet?”. Taemin shrugs, “We had a bet on some soccer game and the loser would swap rooms”. Kibum doesn’t say anything, so that means I lost the bet. “I really don’t remember the bet” Kibum says, Taemin merely smiles sympathetically.
“What’s this?” Kibum takes a white book on the table but Taemin snatches it away from him before the book is an inch open. Taemin quickly covers up, “Sorry. That’s my diary”. Kibum doesn’t question any further, Taemin leaves the room to Kibum. He touches the walls and lets his fingers drag over the baby blue wallpaper, I really don’t remember being in here.
He unpacks his things, he notices that they’re all designer brands. Maybe he should just come to accept that he did somehow loved designer tees. He hears a little grumble roaring across the room, I’m hungry and he decides to ask Jinki if there is any food for him to munch on.
“Maybe we should just tell him” Kibum hears Minho’s voice saying.
“No, that’s a bad idea. I like Kibum the way he is now, we all do” Jinki’s voice says.
“I agree with Jinki-hyung on this. We shouldn’t tell him. It’s better for all of us” Taemin mutters softly.
“Tell me what?” Kibum says, Taemin jumps out of his seat, Jinki drops his cup and Minho only straightens up. “Hyung~ You could have told us that you were there. Jinki-hyung’s, he’ll have a heart attack” Taemin pouts. Kibum doesn’t change the topic, “Tell me what?”
“That Taemin is allergic to...” Minho trails off.
“Watermelons” Taemin says immediately.
“Oh. Why do you want to hide that from me? That’s kind of stupid” Kibum shrugs.
Jinki laughs airily, “Kibum, you love watermelons”. Kibum blinks once. Twice, thrice. “I do?”. The three boys sitting in the living room nods and Kibum really doesn’t remember anything. He really doesn’t. “Do you have something to eat?” Kibum asks, not forgetting that he’s hungry. “I can order some fried chicken if you want”
“Yes please”
“Okay, I thought you said that we’re eating fried chicken” Kibum crosses his arms at the bowl of instant noodles in front of him. Jinki gives him an apologetic look, “Erm. One, because you’re hungry. Two, because the fried chicken store is closed today. Three, because we have nothing in our refrigerator”. Taemin slurps on his instant noodles as if it was the best thing ever. Minho pats his back, “Hey, eat it slow or you’ll choke”.
“Taemin” Kibum says suddenly.
Taemin chokes at the sudden mention of his name, Minho pats him on the back, “Told you”.
“Sorry, but I have to say this or I’ll go insane” Kibum continues when Taemin doesn’t say anything, “I feel really awkward when I see you and Minho together”. Taemin blinks and chuckles awkwardly, “Because we’re dating?”. Kibum nods, Taemin waves a hand in front of his face, “Oh you’ll get used to it”. Kibum adds, “Just do me one favor”
Taemin looks at him, Minho stays quiet.
“Just uhm, don’t snog each other in front of me or I think I’ll puke my intestines out”
Taemin says, “But you also liked gu-” Minho clamps his mouth shut. Kibum raises an eyebrow, Jinki chuckles, “Don’t mind Taemin. He’s always like this”. Kibum only nods.
Kibum tugs on his puffy sweater, it’s snowing. He walks down the streets, where am I going? But he lets his legs take him to where they would like to go. He turns right, then left, walks down the street slightly further and then stops short. It’s a little forest, trees lined up perfectly in two rows and the pavement was pure white, snow. He walks down.
It feels nostalgic.
Kibum walks down the beautiful pavement, his eyes looking straight up at the starry sky that’s decorated with dots of twinkling stars. He hears a soft melody coming, it fills his ears melodiously. It’s beautiful. He walks further down the pavement and he finally stops as he sees the source of the little melody. The singing is beautiful, he is beautiful. The little melody ends and Kibum claps.
The man snaps his head at the sudden clapping and his eyes, Kibum swears, that they looked like they are about to bounce out of their sockets.
“Beautiful song” Kibum comments.
The man stays silent for a while but he says thank you. Kibum smiles, “That was a really, sad song but it was beautiful”. Why was he talking so much, Kibum doesn’t know? But the man in front of him, nostalgic. “Because the person singing feels sad as well” The man replies, his eyes still look like they’re about to pop out of his head.
“Why’s that?” Kim Kibum, why are you peering into someone else’s business? Kibum doesn’t know why either.
“Because I’m trying to mend things back to the way they were. I’ve done something wrong. Something that cannot be forgiven, something that cannot be forgotten, something that broke someone physically and mentally” The man says, his eyes finally softening up, Kibum is actually kind of concerned as to whether his eyeballs would pop out. He’s glad they didn’t.
“I hope everything goes well for you” Kibum says nothing, he’s never good in comforting people. A second goes by before his head starts throbbing slightly, he frowns. “Thank you” the stranger says, “I really hope so”. Kibum smiles slightly, but his eyebrows still furrowing at the throb in his head. “I’m sorry” There is a whisper, Kibum cannot hear it, “I beg your pardon?”
“It’s nothing” The stranger smiles.
“I think I’ll go back now, the weather’s getting cold” Kibum bows politely before turning his back.
“Goodbye” The stranger says.
“Goodbye, Jonghyun” Kibum says.
He walks down the pavement for a minute before stopping short, frozen in his place. How the hell did I know his name? Kibum turns on his heel and runs back to the place that the stranger (Kibum refuses to admit that Jonghyun is his name) was at. There was no sign of any living soul.
There was no sign of Jonghyun.
“Jinki, I have a question” Kibum finally decides to bring up about ‘Jonghyun’ after two days of debating with himself. Jinki replies back, “Hold on a minute. Let me finish this game” and he goes back to his white controller trying to smash Minho’s robot on the screen in pieces. Jinki’s clearly losing, Kibum scoffs at the sight of Jinki’s losing robot. “Yeah, what is it?” Jinki says as he finally gives the controller to Taemin.
“Was I gay?” Kibum asks.
Minho and Taemin snaps their head towards Kibum. Jinki blinks furiously, “Do you really want to know?”. Kibum smiles slightly, “I was, wasn’t I?”. Jinki nods, Taemin and Minho puts down their controllers. In the corner of Kibum’s eyes, he could see Minho slither his hand around Taemin’s waist and hooking onto it. “Do you remember everything?” Minho asks, a slight concern detectable in his voice.
“No, I don’t but I was walking down this pavement two days ago. I met this man, he never told me his name...” Kibum doesn’t finish his sentence, Jinki completes it for him.
“But you figured out his name”
Kibum nods. Taemin and Minho exchange glances.
“You’re probably psychic” Taemin convinces Kibum, Kibum doesn’t question any further.
Kibum returns home from the grocery, a few bags on his arms and two bags dangling from his wrist. “I’m home” Kibum says loudly and kicks off his shoes. Minho and Jinki hurries to help him with the bags, Kibum sees Taemin drinking a glass of some red liquid. “What are you drinking, Taemin?” Kibum asks in curiosity.
Taemin answers without hesitation, “Watermelon juice”
“Didn’t you say you were allergic to watermelon?”
And that was when everything broke down.
“Spill it. How many lies did you tell me? Spill or you guys are so fucked up” Kibum says with a dead-on tone. Taemin bites his lips in fear, Minho has an arm around him (Kibum feels like chopping that arm off) and Jinki looks everywhere but never at Kibum.
”Just fucking spill it. How many lies have you been telling me?” Kibum throws the remote control on the table with a loud bang, Taemin winces in shock. Jinki gives Taemin a reassuring squeeze on his lap and exchange glances with Minho. “STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND TELL ME EVERY FUCKING LIE YOU TOLD ME” Kibum snaps.
Jinki stops Kibum, “I-I’m sorry Kibum”
“Don’t you fucking tell me you’re sorry. Tell me, now”
“J-Just sit down. We-We’ll tell you. Everything, but that is only if you really want to know”
Kibum sits down and lets out a heavy breath of anger. Taemin takes out a book from a drawer and hands it to Kibum with shivering hands, “This isn’t my diary”. Kibum glares at Taemin. Kibum opens the book and reads every sentence written in the anthology with a handwriting that is far too familiar, it was his. It’s his diary. It’s his anthology.
(He promised to bring me out on a date today, but he left me at home alone. He called in to say that he was busy with work and I should have the salad that was in the fridge. But it’s alright, I heard his voice today)
(He hasn’t come home in three days, I’m worried)
(He came home today, it’s been seven days but I’m not mad. I saw him, he told me that he was out for a business trip and that he forgot to tell me. It’s alright because he smiled at me)
(He said he’ll be out late today. He’s really busy nowadays)
(He came home drunk and he smells like alcohol. A girl brought him home, she said she was his secretary)
(He was gone by the time I woke up but he came back in the afternoon. He bought lunch for me, I was happy. But he left shortly after we finished lunch)
(He came home around midnight, he brought his secretary home. He said it was for business purposes. I understand, I made them some coffee so they would feel sleepy. His secretary said I was really nice. Thank you)
(I went to talk with my friends today. It’s been a while. I came home, he was there on the couch. He looked really cross, I asked him what’s wrong. He slapped me and pulled my hair. It’s alright, he was only worried for me)
(He promised me a date today, but he never came home. He slept all day. I never mentioned it to him, because he looked really sleepy)
(He came home at three in the morning, he reeked of alcohol. I was really sca-
Kibum drops the book, the throbbing in his head amplifies into a sharp stabbing. He sees Jinki, Taemin and Minho crowding around him. I remember. He blacks out.
(two years ago)
“Let’s go out for a drink” Jinki suggests, Kibum agrees, Taemin nods enthusiastically. Taemin whips out his phone and announces, “I’ll ask Minho to go with us too!” Kibum chokes on his food, “But please...”. Taemin cuts Kibum off, “Don’t snog in public. Yes, Kibum-hyung. You’ve told me that a million times”
“He’s not used to it, that’s why” Jinki laughs.
Kibum rolls his eyes.
“I thought you said you ain’t gay” Taemin whispers into Kibum’s ear. Kibum snaps out of his daze, he hisses back, “I’m not gay. He’s just beautiful”. Taemin shrugs, “Same thing”. Kibum glares, “No it’s not”. Taemin smirks, “Should I tell you something?”. Kibum leans in closer, Taemin says into his ear, “When I first met Minho”
Kibum nods, Taemin continues, “I thought he was beautiful too”
“Jinki. Answer me truthfully” Kibum holds Jinki by the shoulders, Jinki almost chokes on his own saliva. “Am I gay?” Kibum asks immediately without waiting for Jinki’s consent. Jinki exhales a deep breath, he eyes Kibum from head to toe. Kibum was wearing a pair of black sneakers, pink skinny jeans (hot pink, to top it off with cherry) and a baby pink t-shirt.
Jinki blinks once, twice, thrice. “Yeah”
Kibum sends a flying punch across Jinki’s face. “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” Jinki exclaims, “And you wanted me to answer truthfully”. Kibum takes a step back, “Right. Sorry”. Jinki rubs his face in pain, “What’s with the sudden question anyway?”. Kibum groans, “I think I’m falling for someone”
“And it’s a guy”
A nod.
“And you think he’s beautiful”
It takes a moment, but another nod.
“And he is the guy that Minho introduced us too”
He blushes, he nods.
“And you want his number”
Kibum’s face turns blood red, he nods.
“Yeah, you’re gay”
Kibum resists the urge to punch Jinki, twice.
“Uhm. Where’s Taemin?” Kibum asks, awkwardly. “He said he’s got a date with Minho” The man across him says. “That little ass” Kibum grunts. The man chuckles, “Don’t blame the poor kid, I asked him to set us up”. Kibum shrieks, “YOU WHAT?”. The man smiles, “Sorry if you don’t like being set up. I just thought you were beautiful”
“Oh god” Kibum mutters to himself. He chuckles, “I’m not joking”
“Let’s start with the usual. My name’s Jonghyun and no, I don’t need you to introduce yourself. I know you’re Kibum. You have the best ass out there on the streets”
Kibum lets his jaw hang. Jonghyun claps his hands, Kibum lets out a laugh. Their little laughs proceed to jokes and teases. Somehow, (Kibum doesn’t know how) they start dirty talking and (even though he doesn’t want to admit) Kibum likes it. They don’t exchange phone numbers, because Kibum is too proud to give his and Jonghyun’s too proud to ask for it.
They meet up in the cafe every Saturday, it is an unspoken date.
Jonghyun doesn’t turn up one day, Kibum ignores it. Maybe he’s busy.
Jonghyun doesn’t turn up the second time, Kibum ignores it. Maybe he just forgot.
Jonghyun doesn’t turn up the third time, Kibum doesn’t ignore. In fact, third time is the charm. (He finally admits) He yearns for Jonghyun.
“You stood me up” Kibum accuses. Jonghyun pins Kibum on the walls of an alley, “You missed me, didn’t you?” Jonghyun breathes into Kibum’s ear. Kibum shivers, “Don’t you fucking get conceited”. “Getting feisty now, aren’t we?” Jonghyun chuckles at Kibum’s neck.
“And who said to not snog in public” Kibum hears a voice, he pushes Jonghyun off him.
“TAEMIN?” Kibum shrieks, “What are you doing here?”
Taemin points at Minho, “You know hyung. If you want to snog, you can at least get a room. Anyone who walks by the alley would think that two men are getting it on”. Kibum rolls his eyes, “Like people don’t think both of you are men”. Taemin chuckles, “I am, for a fact, prettier than you, hyung”.
“Screw you”
“No thanks. I’d like Minho, instead” Taemin smiles, Minho tightens his hands around Taemin’s waist. “Babe, you know I like it when you dirty talk” Minho says deeply, Taemin giggles. Kibum resist the urge to take his shoe and throw it on Taemin’s face. The couple leave shortly after, Jonghyun nudges Kibum.
“What?” Kibum shoots.
“You missed me” Jonghyun accuses.
“Yeah”
“Don’t deny i-WHAT”
“I fucking missed you” Kibum grits his teeth, “Don’t make me say it again”
Jonghyun grins widely, like a little puppy. They share their first kiss.
“Jonghyun” Kibum says on one of their dates, “I think I’m infatuated with you”. Jonghyun smirks, “I’m flattered. I feel the same way”. Kibum rolls his eyes, “Not that stupid”. Jonghyun blinks in curiosity, Kibum continues (in embarrassment), “I think that if you asked me to jump of a cliff, I’d say yes. That’s how I am obsessed with you”
“Would you like to move in together with me?” Jonghyun takes the opportunity.
“Yes” is said without hesitation.
Kibum moves in with Jonghyun on the next week. Jonghyun smothers Kibum with rough kisses, Kibum doesn’t complain (though he does dislike that alcohol breath Jonghyun has when he comes home). They sleep in the same bed, Jonghyun insists they Kibum should sleep without his shirt on. Kibum gives in, he’s completely smitten in love. Jonghyun has toned arms, Kibum loves hugging them when he sleeps.
Jonghyun doesn’t complain (because he likes it too).
“You changed, a lot” Jinki comments, Kibum looks at him, “How?”. Taemin taps the table, “Minho, why don’t you tell him?”. Minho chuckles, “Well for one, you stopped using crude words”. Kibum acknowledges that. “Two, you’ve started loving designer tees”. Kibum defends, “Because Jonghyun loves them”. Taemin giggles like a little girl. Minho continues, “Three, you’ve become soft”
“WHAT?”
Jinki immediately says, “Don’t take it the wrong way. Usually if we ask you something, you’d retaliate. You’ve become a really, different person. It’s a good thing”
“Love does wonders to people” Taemin says.
Kibum grunts, “I admit that too”
Kibum looks at the clock, it’s almost lunch and Jonghyun isn’t home. He promised me a date, Kibum waits for Jonghyun to come home. He never did but a phone call comes, “Hello?” ”Kibum?” “Yeah” ”I’m busy today with work. I’m sorry, I have some salad left in the fridge. You can have that as lunch” “It’s alright” ”Sorry”. And Jonghyun hangs up. Kibum pulls out a book, let’s write down everything.
(He promised to bring me out on a date today, but he left me at home alone. He called in to say that he was busy with work and I should have the salad that was in the fridge. But it’s alright, I heard his voice today)
No, it’s not alright. Kibum is disappointed, but he keeps it to himself because it’s the first time.
Jonghyun doesn’t come home for three days, Kibum is worried. He writes it down.
(He hasn’t come home in three days, I’m worried)
He’s really worried.
(He came home today, it’s been seven days but I’m not mad. I saw him, he told me that he was out for a business trip and that he forgot to tell me. It’s alright because he smiled at me)
Jonghyun comes home finally, Kibum gives him a bear hug. Jonghyun returns it with a warm embrace. Kibum feels ashamed of himself, he’s becoming some lowly dirt. Jonghyun reassures him that it’s okay, because he’s in love.
A year flies by, really quickly, faster that Kibum would have thought. Jonghyun wakes up really early in the morning and leaves for work, Kibum understands because he needs to have enough finance for them both. He writes down in his book, it’s been a year since he wrote in it.
(He said he’ll be out late today. He’s really busy nowadays)
It is about midnight when Kibum hears the door opening.
(He came home drunk and he smells like alcohol. A girl brought him home, she said she was his secretary)
The secretary is pretty, Kibum thinks. He admits, he’s jealous but he’s definitely not writing it down because Jonghyun might see the book one day.
(He was gone by the time I woke up but he came back in the afternoon. He bought lunch for me, I was happy. But he left shortly after we finished lunch)
Jonghyun bought Kibum kimchi fried rice, his favorite. He was happy, until Jonghyun said he had to leave for work.
(He came home around midnight, he brought his secretary home. He said it was for business purposes. I understand, I made them some coffee so they would feel sleepy. His secretary said I was really nice. Thank you)
Business purposes, Kibum would like to deceive himself. Jonghyun told him to not to enter the room until he told him too, Kibum listens to Jonghyun because he’d do anything Jonghyun asks.
(My heart is breaking)
Kibum rubs the sentence off the book, he looks at the door.
His heart is really breaking, but Jonghyun doesn’t need to know.
“I think I need to talk to Jonghyun” Minho says. Taemin crosses his arms, “How could he bring a GIRL into the house?”. Jinki sighs and pats Kibum, ”Are you okay”. Kibum shakes his head, “I think I’m going to break soon, I really can’t stand it but I don’t want to leave the house”. Jinki doesn’t know how to comfort Kibum.
“And” Kibum swallows his saliva.
Taemin and Minho listens intently. Kibum says, “I think they were having sex”. Taemin shrieks, “WHAT?!”. Kibum buries his face into his knees, Minho asks, “How do you know? You shouldn’t jump to conclusions”. Kibum shakes his head again, “I really wish I was jumping into conclusions. I heard the bed creak a lot of times and I heard, Jonghyun’s voice”
“That bastard needs a football in his face” Minho cracks his knuckles.
Jinki frowns, “I think you should move out of the house”
Kibum refuses, “I really do need a break, Jinki. But I really cannot leave the house”
Taemin and Minho heaves out a worried sigh.
“That house is my life”
(I went to talk with my friends today. It’s been a while. I came home, he was there on the couch. He looked really cross, I asked him what’s wrong. He slapped me and pulled my hair. It’s alright, he was only worried for me)
Kibum touches his swollen cheek. Jonghyun had pulled his hair and slapped him, shouting that he should never leave the house without his permission. Kibum only nods to Jonghyun. His scalp hurts, but Jonghyun was just worried.
But he was really, not okay.
(He promised me a date today, but he never came home. He slept all day. I never mentioned it to him, because he looked really sleepy)
Kibum looks at the sleeping Jonghyun next to him, he never brought him out to dates anymore, he never smothered him with kisses anymore and he never asked him to sleep topless anymore. Jonghyun was so, distant.
Kibum looks at the clock again, it’s almost four in the morning. Jonghyun isn’t home yet. As if on cue, the door creaks open. “Jonghyun, are you drunk?” Kibum asks softly as the smell of alcohol fills the air. “No, I’m not. Hehehe” Jonghyun hiccups as he talks. Kibum rushes up to Jonghyun and helps him into the house.
Jonghyun suddenly pins Kibum down on the floor.
Jinki reaches home and takes out his keys from his pocket. He hums slightly, he’s in a good mood. The doors of the elevator opens and Jinki’s hums grow louder but he stops short. There is a man in front of his door, hugging his knees. His clothes are battered up, as if ripped and his hair is in a complete mess.
Jinki stops in his steps, “A stalker? No can’t be. I don’t have a stalker. If I was a stalker, I’d stalk Taemin”
He musters up the courage to walk up to the so-called stalker, “Excuse me uhm, Mister, you’re kind of at my doo-”
The ‘stalker’ looks up.
“KIBUM?!”
Jinki brings Kibum in without asking, he notices he’s shivering and trembling. “Hey, let’s get you washed up” Jinki pats him, he doesn’t question Kibum yet, not when he’s in this state, on the verge of breaking down. Kibum holds onto Jinki’s wrist, “No. Please, don’t go”. Jinki hushes the trembling Kibum, “Hey, it’s okay. I won’t go”.
Kibum’s trembling relaxes, just a little bit.
“I’ll help you wash up okay. You can borrow some of my clothes, if he doesn’t mind” Jinki purposely avoids Jonghyun’s name. Kibum nods, his grip on Jinki’s wrist still not loosening. Jinki pulls Kibum gently as they enter his bedroom and search for some clothes for Kibum.
“Is this okay? I don’t have any stylish clothes for you” Jinki asks Kibum as he pulls out a tee. Kibum nods before having to look at the tee. “Are you okay with washing yourself? Do you need my help?” Jinki asks the trembling man before him with the softest voice. Kibum shakes his head, “Just wait outside the bathroom, please”
Jinki doesn’t protest.
“Do you feel better?” Jinki asks as he dries Kibum’s hair carefully. Kibum nods under his fingers. “So what happened?” Jinki finally questions, he turns off the hair dryer, the room going silent suddenly. Kibum turns around, he takes a deep breath. “Please listen, and please don’t interrupt me because I think I’m going to break down if you cut me off”
Jinki nods.
“Jonghyun was out l-late today and so I stayed u-up for him. He came h-home and he was drunk” Kibum takes a deep breath before continuing, Jinki nods to show that he’s still listening. “I rushed over to help him because he was really drunk, he couldn’t walk straight a-and I was so worried he’d fall over”
He takes another breath before continuing, “I helped him into the house a-and then h-he suddenly p-pinned me to the f-floor”
Jinki’s eyes widens.
“H-He was so drunk. His breath was re-reeking of a-alcohol. I knew h-he was drunk but h-he started touching me a-all over” Tears are starting to well up in Kibum’s eyes, Jinki does nothing because he knows if he moves an inch, Kibum would break down. “Then I was sc-screaming for him t-to stop but he ju-just kept t-touching me all o-over”
Kibum’s trembling starts all over again, “He r-ripped my clothes and...”
Jinki speaks, “He raped you”. Kibum nods and the tears start to stream down his face, “I don’t know what to do. He was drunk, he won’t remember it tomorrow but I really can’t look at him in the face anymore. I don’t want to talk to him anymore, but I still want to”. Kibum falls into Jinki’s arms and Jinki hums the trembling boy to sleep.
The two of them slept on the couch with Kibum’s tears staining Jinki’s black shirt.
Jinki wakes up the next morning, Kibum’s no where to be seen. He searches frantically around the house, he sees nothing. His phone rings immediately, “Minho? I have got no time to talk. I’m looking for Kibum and this is really urgent. That boy is out there somewhere, he’s going to break down soon if I don’t find him”
“OH GOD DAMN IT JINKI HYUNG, SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME”
“Taemin? Oh my god. What happened, why do you sound so... scared?”
“I’m fucking scared alright. Kibum-hyung got into a car accident.”
Jinki drops his phone and runs out of the door.
“Oh gosh, Jinki. Thank god you’re here” Minho stands up immediately as Jinki approaches. Jinki starts panicking, “Oh my god. What the fuck happened? Why did Kibum get into a car accident? He was over my house yesterday and he was gone this morning and-” “Jinki” “And I fucking need to find that fucked up Jonghyun to kick his ass” “Jinki” “Wait, wait. How’s Kibum? Is he okay and everything?” “WOULD YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME?”
Jinki catches his breath, Minho frowns.
“Kibum is fine, hyung” Taemin appears behind him. His face looking sorrow. Jinki lets out a sigh of relief, “Explain to me everything that happened”. Taemin sits down with Minho, Jinki sits opposite of them. Taemin starts, “Kibum is fine. He’s got a little injury on his forehead, but it’ll heal. He scraped a few parts of his body, but he’s alright. No broken bones”
Jinki lets out another sigh of relief, “Thank god”
“You can thank the Gods later, we’ve got another problem” Taemin frowns as he massages his temple, Jinki has never seen Taemin so stressed before. “The problem is the person who drove the car” Minho says, slowly. Taemin lets out a muffled scream, Minho hugs him.
“Who is it?” Jinki frowns, he somehow already knew the answer.
“It’s Jonghyun” Minho says, Taemin starts crying in his arms. “What on earth..” Jinki doesn’t know what to say, “Where is he? I want to punch the fucking daylights out of him. He fucking raped Kibum, did you know? He RAPED him!”. Minho doesn’t show any sort of shock, he only says, “You can’t punch him if you want to”
“Don’t you fucking mess with me”
Minho lets out a huge sigh and hugs Taemin closer. He drops the bomb on Jinki.
“Kibum? Are you awake now?” Jinki’s concerned voice washes Kibum’s ears. He sits up and rubs his ears, “I remember everything now”. Taemin freezes in his position, Minho straightens up and Jinki’s eyes widens. “Where is he?” Kibum asks. The three of them keep quiet, “Please tell me. I want to tell him that I forgive him for what he did. Please”
Jinki pats Kibum’s shoulders, “Kibum ah..”
Kibum runs out of the house. That pavement, where they used to go for dates. Kibum runs, the cold air hitting his face harshly. He reaches the pavement and he shouts on the top of his lungs, “JONGHYUN! I KNOW YOU’RE THERE. JONGHYUN! PLEASE COME OUT. Please...” Kibum drops on his knees weakly.
“Kibum”
Kibum whips his head around, he sees Taemin, Minho and Jinki. “Where is he! I know you guys know where he is! Please tell me” He grabs Jinki’s shirt and begs. Jinki bends down on his knees and places his hand on Kibum’s cheeks. “Just please, calm down okay. I’ll tell you, just please calm down”
Kibum steadies his breathing. Jinki tries to say, but the words don’t come out of his mouth. “What is it?” Kibum’s voice is soft. Minho decides that he should just say it, he nudges Jinki by his feet. Jinki finally says it.
“He’s gone, Kibum. He’s gone, he’s dead. He’s not here anymore” Jinki says with a desperate tone.
Kibum’s eyes widens with tears brimming on the edge of his eyes, “Why? How? He was so healthy when I last saw him! HOW!?”. Taemin starts to cry along, “He was the driver who almost hit you, hyung. He was the driver who sent his car flying over because he wanted to avoid you. He saved you, hyung. He saved you at the cost of his own life”
Jonghyun is dead. Kim Jonghyun is dead. Kibum’s arms goes limp.
There’s no meaning in life, anymore.