Always depressing...
It's always depressing when you realize how unattractive you really are...
I mean I never thought I was all the attractive to begin with...but it jus lowers everything when you realize even more that no one really wants u...I mean some ppl have raised my confidence...jus for others to rip it down again...it is seriously so sad...it kinda puts an urge in me to do whatever I can to change myself...but if I do that...I wont be me anymore...well I still would be...but not the me I have always been...and right now...I cant see a reason for me to stay the same...I mean...most of my friends are leaving me (in more ways than one) and I dont have a b/f I mean what am I going to do...obviously there must be something wrong with me...so maybe I should jus change my ways...I mean seriously...i'll be honest...most of the time I dont aim for jus one guy at a time which ends up screwin me over in the end and I end up with none of them...but right now...I can say that there is one guy that I could be serious about...I dun know if he could be serious about me...but I suppose it might be worth a try...idk anymore...if I were to go to bed right now...all I would be able to do is jus lay there and think about this...and think about the 2 italian boys that I jus met tonight that mean nothing to me what so ever...its jus they are imprinted in my thoughts...I feel like writtin something...like a story or a poem of some sorts...but then again I dont wanna fucking write things when I am felling the way I do...it blows so badly...I have impressions on my wrists from the keyboard tray that look like slit marks...and I have a bruise on my hand that I dont know where it came from...I have to end this cuz thoughts are shootin through my head that I dont want to write here... ...:...Shell...:...