Movie Reviews

Jan 05, 2013 23:32

Okay, so I finally saw Les Miserables and The Hobbit.
Reviews follow:


Do you hear the people sing? Well...unfortunately, they didn't sing so hot this time around. First off, let's just put it out there...I LOVE Les Miserables. The musical. I enjoy the book as well...but I'm a FAN of the music. It's what led me to love musical theatre in the first place. I knew the music and songs from Les Mis before I ever even saw the show itself. And so...finding out that Tom Hooper was directing a movie musical verison of Les Mis, visions of Chicago and Mamma Mia popped into mind...but BETTER!

BEHOLD! Trailers and commercials emerged...and while it all looked GRITTY and REAL and DIRTY and REAL and REAL!!!!...as soon as any of the actors opened their mouths to SING...woah...shut the front door!

So, Tom Hooper's vision of Les Mis included NO sound editing...ie. no ADR. He released the actors onto the sets and told them to SING! As poorly as they wanted to apparently. Ugh. Okay, I get it Hooper. I get it. The clothes are gritty and dirty and shabby. The locations are dirty and shabby and gritty. There are a lot of shabby and dirty and gritty characters. WHY MUST THE SINGING BE THE SAME?

Here's my beef: if Tom Hooper had simply made a MOVIE version of Les Mis, it would've been brilliant. Albeit, there were some questionable camera angles and shots, but apart from that, the cinematography was pretty and the costumes were pretty while being dirty and the actors emoted VERY well (ANGST! SUFFERING! MISERY!!!!), and a very well done movie version of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables is tossed into the Oscars ring. Ahem. Mr. Tom Hooper, however, chose to make a movie MUSICAL version of Les Mis...a version of Boubil and Schoenberg's Les Mis. WHICH MEANS INCLUDING THEIR SONGS!

Okay, side bar - we all agree I'm sure, regardless of the fact that many of us, including myself, ADORE musicals, people in real life don't run around and spontaneously burst into song, and the people around them don't spontaneously harmonize and sing along. That being said -

1. If you're going to make a movie musical, WHY MAKE IT SO REAL? People DON'T RUN AROUND AND BURST INTO SONG...so making them burst into poorly sung song makes NO SENSE AT ALL! Even less than no sense! Musicals work on stage because there is a suspension of disbelief, which you expect going into the theatre. They also work because the songs are sung BEAUTIFULLY and PROPERLY and SUNG WELL! You go into the theatre and get a shitty sounding show, you'll have more audience members leaving during intermission than there are Justin Bieber fans.

2. THE SONGS MAKE THE MUSICAL. So, if you're going to make a movie version of the MUSICAL...do the songs justice! Les Mis is a sung-through musical...meaning EVERYTHING is sung. And why do people love the musical Les Mis? Dur...the songs! They're gorgeous and beautiful and expressive and THEY ARE THE MUSICAL. So, damn you Hooper, why do you NOT do justice to the music that makes the show? DISRESPECTFUL!!! ARGHHH!!!

3. EVEN if Tom Hooper decided to have the singers coached properly and do ADR and lip-sync, etc., WHY IS THE BLOODY FILM SO REAL?! REAL PEOPLE DON'T....you guessed it, they DON'T BURST OUT INTO SONG! The reason Chicago and Mamma Mia (blech) and Hairspray and all those other movie musicals worked, is because they have some sense of fantasy (no matter how minute) and SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF. Therefore, it's perfectly acceptable that the characters run around and let loose with the tra-la-la! Watching this very real and dirty and gritty movie...I was simply pulled OUT of the scene when someone started to sing (badly). Sigh.

4. Russell Crowe. I think he was singing in a completely different key than anyone else. I know that Mr. Crowe is in a band...rock band. And he's a passable rock singer. ROCK songs and MUSICAL songs are VERY DIFFERENT genres. Not many people can sing both. And you might be GREAT at singing one of 'em...but you might be total SHITE at the other. True story. I think Russell Crowe proves this point. Kudos to him for the challenge though I'm sure.

5. Amanda Seyfried. Oh golly. Every time she opened her mouth to attempt the songs in her shrill false soprano voice...I swear my ears started to bleed. I have never heard anything so...awful in a musical EVER. EVER!

6. Lastly, Hooper, if you're going to sing the songs...WHY DID YOU CUT OUT VERSES AND CHANGE LYRICS! I HATE YOU!!!!!!

Ahem. Obviously I did NOT like this movie. The End.


The Hobbit. Oh love. Oh Bilbo and Frodo and Gandalf. It's like 10 years ago, and first watching Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. MAGIC!!!! Thank the LORD for Peter Jackson!!! It was a squee-worthy screening (2D, thank you very much!) and as soon as the movie was done...I turned to Mike and said: "I need the next one NOW." True story.

And like any LotR fan...I got a little nitpicky, but only a little. And there are few peeves. Which I will list:

1. WHY DOESN'T Glamdring glow around orcs? PJ! Come on! You did it in LotR: FotR! What happened?! How could you forget?! RAWR!!!
2. W.T.F?! How could you have Bilbo SEE the Ring and pick it up? Not only is it contrary to what Tolkien wrote in the book, but also contrary to what YOU HAD Ian Holm's young Bilbo in LotR re-enact. You CLEARLY showed young Bilbo scrambling on the ground and finding the Ring by accident!!! ARGH!!! I HATE CONTINUITY ERRORS!!!
3. Okay, Goblin King...I get it. The Hobbit IS a children's story. A frickin' scary one, but still a children's story. So, I get why he's...so cartoony...but WHY is the Goblin King the ONLY orc that speaks perfectly fluent English? What's up with that?!
3.5. WHAT is up with the little secretary orc who has a PAD OF PAPER?!!?!? Sigh. Really? REALLY?!
4. HOWARD SHORE! I love you, and yet I despise you! How DARE you re-use the Ringwraiths music for Thorin's battle with Azog! RAWR!!!!

And that's it. That's my nitpicky nonsense. I'd like the next movie now. Please. Thanks.

PS. Just to be fair, things I LURVED:
1. Dwarves singing "The Misty Mountains"? LOVE!!!
2. Mountains making storm battles? LOVE!!!
3. Riddles in the Dark, and seeing Gollum...LOVE!!!
4. Radagast the Brown. Kinda dopey, kinda cartoony, but Rhosgobel Rabbits you guys! LOVE!!!
5. Oh hi FIGWIT! Welcome back! LOVE!!!
6. LEE PACE ON A MOOSE!!! LOVE!!!
7. Fitting the setting of The Hobbit into Lord Of The Rings...Brilliant! LOVE!!!
8. Martin Freeman. Bilbo 2.0. LOVE!!!

Non-movie related, my laptop died. I was GOING to take it to Geek Squad...and then BFE said he could fix it. And he did! But in the process...deleted all my files. Cry. But then he recovered all my files! Joy! And then he decided to back up my files. Nice. But it would take a day of dl'ing. Poop. And then he got impatient and broke my hard drive. Cry. And then he took it to a computer guy who said he could fix it! Joy! And guy fixed it! JOY! But then it didn't work. Cry. And so after all that...my laptop files EXIST. My laptop WORKS. But...the hard drive doesn't want to WORK. I just want to CRY. I just want my files. I don't care about the laptop. I can buy another. But, my WRITINGS!!! And my pictures!!! I was stupid to have NOT moved everything over to my external HD whenever I thought about it.

Sigh.

Also...moving to London, ON on Monday. Here we go.

les miserables, the hobbit, lotr, computer woes, movie reviews

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