sm_monthly January Theme 14: Forgiven by Within Temptation

[bjfactory]

If you have time, please let me know: Was this too melodramatic? Too angsty? Too different? Too out-of-character? (Why the hell did you pick those corny/awkward names?! - that type of thing) Thanks!

Khariton - Lord Jadeite
Beset - Lady Mars

the feel of her name

Couldn't save you from the start

Comments

[lovelylytton]

Lady Beryl smiled to herself as she gently cradled her new companion's heart to her breast.

Next time you two meet, child, I wonder what your screams would sound like then?

Such vivid descriptions. I really enjoy your writing, and there is nothing out-of-character about this, nothing at all.

[bjfactory]

Thanks! I'm really finding myself enjoying Beryl and how she turned out... :D

[sea_thoughts]

Urgh, this makes me feel really sick. The writing is so intense and unrelenting. Poor Mars, poor Jadeite. :(

[bjfactory]

Thanks so much! I hope I can continue to make this as intense for the rest of the chapters!

[bjfactory]

Well... uh... without the part that makes you feel really sick.

[sea_thoughts]

Oh, I just meant that because it was so intense, I felt sick at what happened to him, and her physical reaction.