my importance of yesterday and today
whats on my mind:
- The 8 pages for American Experience. due tommorow. Elaberation: I've only done one so i'm flippin'
- last years battle with ibx. ELABERATION: in other news, last night was rough. one of my best friends here, L, who is a recoverer from "uppers", told me, " i understand u r only doing it this week b/c of midtrems but i can't be around you when you are on addy's." she said it in a very nicest of way's but ofcrouse i took it as she doesn't want to be friends. when she said this (it could of been the previouse allnighter that day) i saw the faces of two people, from last year, who i used to be best friends with and who are now, well to be perfectly honest, and to phrase it as a comic book analogy, i now consider them my greatist enemies.after i refused to talk to any body for the rest of the night. L realized i was upset tried to talk to me i told her (while holding back tears), "i don't want to talk." she left and i could hear little pieces of her in the hall talking while crying. so ofcourse i put on my headphones and continued to be emo until 1:00 today. i calmed my self down, even though the night befor i tried to convince my self to cut ALL ties with friends, and that i don't want anybody to be around me ever. but i gained a level head and nocked on her door today. i told her why i freaked and she explained to me that it is just somthing hard for her and that it had nothing to do with me. she also said, "i was so upset last night, i was like my best friend wont talk to me." and though me intent was not to make her upset it was cool that she called me her best friend (nat if ur reading this, no worries, she ment it more like bf at school)
AND
- me finnially not caring about who i am. ELABERATION: before i was... well u could say ashamed, but more worried about making others feel uncomfitible. plus to be fully honest i do care what people think and didn't want them thinking of me any less then they did befor. Now i am beginning to understand, with the help of other's, it doesn't matter and if it does.... well fuck u, i still have plenty of cool friends who don't care. (the reason i am not saying "it" in here, is just becuase allot of people don't know, and to announce and make aware on lj, would be toolish)