My Difficult Day

[black_cat_1980]

Well, today has been a little icky. I'm wondering whether it's because I've been having several light nights lately and had a restless night on Sunday. The icky feeling started fine until I watched the Armistice Day at the Cenotaph on the television. I've not needed to cry for some time now but had to at this point. I was very emotional watching

Comments

[soph]

I noticed today that someone in IRC said you were "obviously" a female, and you responded with ":-|". I think they thought you were a MtF, but I wasn't quite sure what to say about it, otherwise I would have said something. Partially this is because I didn't want to be wrong about how you saw yourself - I know your situation is complex, and I didn't want to understate it.

I know there are trans females out there that would describe themselves the way I do down to a T but this is not consolidation for me at the moment.

I could tell that it wouldn't be, reading your post; right now you really don't want to hear about these strong similarities. I understand this.

If you'd like to talk, I'm here to listen. Right now I need to go to sleep, but if you want to talk in the morning, or at some other point tomorrow, we can do so. Let me know. I care.

[black_cat_1980]

I must admit I have a memory like a sieve. I don't remember someone saying that I was "obviously" female. Thanks for not saying anything because to be honest it wouldn't have helped. I have issues with people assuming what gender I am by the way I act or what I say sometimes. Do you know what I mean? On the other hand I realise people tend to need to gender people, and so I give state I'm genderqueer

[moondaughter20]

It's weird.
There's quite an age difference, a difference of worlds between us... and yet reading this I felt like I was reading something I wrote, or might have written if I was in your place. I mean... from stroking the cat and being gentle with her and the crying and the way you feel about your identification, the labels, your connection (and disconnection) from other transwomen... so much of what you think and feel... I know it's not really a consolation, and actually I'm not really offering it up as such... I just wanted to say this really struck a chord with me on a lot of levels and it makes me feel a bit less like an outsider.
I'm glad I was able to read it.
I hope you have a sunnier day tomorrow. :)

[black_cat_1980]

I've found in life that age and geography makes no difference in many cases. As for my cat I love her to bits. There is no real conditional love from an animal. All they require is caring, love and food. I think cats are the most emotionally soothing animals. They are intuitive, understand you and never judge you. Sometimes I want to escape the human world, such the example of the remembrance of war I wrote about.

I'm glad that after reading my post you felt less like an outsider. One thing I always believe is we are never alone. We may be physically alone at that time but there are always people that feel very similar to us. We just sometimes have to look for them. I just picture in my mind every time I feel sad, or angry or confused, somewhere out there, there is someone feeling the exact same thing as me.

[moonspark]

(hugs)

[black_cat_1980]

((hugs)) x a trillion!

[gwyd]

Keep writing. sometimes putting things into words helps clarify them in one's mind.