am i not being 'black' by relaxing my hair?

[hot_vanilla]

I kind of feel really stupid right now. This is probably going to sound idiotic since the people who get the most problems are the ones with natural hair. I've been reading a bunch of hair care articles and they basically make it seem like people who relax their hair are ashamed of themselves and are betraying their own heritage

Comments

[redikolous]

Hell no.

That's the short answer.

I think that sometimes people overcompensate for the natural hate by saying that everyone who relaxes hates themselves. It's pretty simplistic to be honest.

However, I do think that a lot of times, when I see people talking about relaxed hair, there are some internalized messages most of the time, and that people should be critical of. Like, that relaxed hair is easier to managed, or looks prettier, or is manageable, or decent looking. All of that can be true of natural hair.

There are things that aren't the healthiest thing to do to natural hair, and that's what some people want their hair to look like, and there are things that relaxed hair really can't do without jumping through a ton of hoops.

[mahasin]

Yep all of this.

[acidcookiegirl]

Took the words right out of my mouth :)

[ninasafiri]

Not at all!

I do think we internalize a lot of messages though about what is considered beautiful and attractive and that reflects in what we do with our hair, our skin, and our bodies. A lot of natural hate comes from these messages, like "it's ugly" or "it's unprofessional" or "I don't have that 'good' hair". What's in your head is 10000x more important than whatever you do to what's on it.

I also think that what you're thinking is part of the belief that going natural is making a social/political statement (and in some ways it is) instead of a fashion/health choice. The idea creates a dichotomy that by being natural or relaxed you subscribe to certain beliefs/ideals when that could definitely not be the case.

In any case, do as you like. People relax, or don't relax, their hair for a multitude of reasons and honestly, it's their hair and their business.

[youngcaesar]

I agree with the above comments.

We have the most versatile hair in the world, and we can do so many beautiful things with it, including wearing it natural or straight. I don't automatically assume that women with natural hair are ashamed of themselves.

However, I do remember that it is epidemic for black women to have self-loathing ideas about natural hair, and a lot of reasons that actually is why someone has straightened hair.

I mean, what if there was a different beauty standard? What if like 70% of white women, including virtually all famous and 'beautiful' white women, spent tons of time and money making sure they always had naps and kinks? What if they went from childhood to death not even knowing what their natural hair looked like? And everyone just saw it as another option?

The fact that so many black women HATE natural hair is something we have to acknowledge if we're gonna work on it, for example teaching future generations to love themselves. It should be an option, not the only thing you feel like you can do.

[dance]

i don't think having relaxed hair means anything. i don't understand why girls of any other race with curly/course hair don't get criticized for straightening it. most people who have relaxed hair didn't decide to relax it. they got it done at a young age. once you relax your hair you either have to keep relaxing it or cut it off to start over again.

[0bsessed]

I agree with this.. I know mine was done at a young age.. and I am about to do the big chop here soon..

[alicel]

absolutely not.
the bottom line is this: you do with your hair what you want to, and celebrate who you are however you see fit.