(no subject)
My best friend moved away on Sunday. =(
Makes me really sad, too. We've been best friends for almost nine years, and he's always only been 15 minutes away from me. Now he's up in Mt. Barker, and soon to be Nairne. Sure, it's not really all that far away. It's only an hour's drive away. But I can't just go see him randomly to say hi or whatever. Now I've gotta call up and reserve an entire day.
It sucks.
Today was um... interesting. It was meant to be this incredibly awesome fun day, but it ended up really melancholy. Went out with some friends to the beach, and then the aquatic center. Fun, right? Alas, it just... wasn't. We were all kinda down for some reason.
I got sunburned too. In a hilarious way, that I'm sure to laugh about tomorrow, but not right now. It's all blotchy and stuff, because I didn't apply it proplerly. At least now I know it works.
Oh. I lost my wallet too. After going through my car five times, going to a park reserve, backtracking all over the place, and calling around, I couldn't find it. =\ So. I cancel my bank card, stress over the fact that I'm now unable to do, well... anything, I accepted the loss, and begun planning what to do about it.
While I was on the phone listening to my mum talk to me about all sorts of things I didn't want to talk to about with her, and listening to her give me advice on something that I didn't actually bring up, I got a phone call from the police telling me that my wallet was handed into the Sturt Police station.
I guess there are still some nice people out there, though they seem few. I'm really glad I got it back. Made my otherwise failure of a day a bit brighter.
Still. Feeling really, really disconnected right now. From everything and everyone. Bah. This is the same damn place I was six months ago. I need to find someone I feel comfortable enough to talk about my thoughts and feelings with. Keeping it all in isn't really doing any good.
...yay for pointing out the obvious?
It's such a conflicting thing for me though. On the one hand, I want to push everyone away and deal with it on my own, and on the other hand, I want to draw people in and accept their help.
Take today for example. I was feeling really sad, upset, and dissapointed in myself for not being fun enough for everyone. Essentially, I felt like I'd failed. So what did I do? Bring it up with them and talk about it? No. I went around the corner to sit by myself, while giving Brodie and Sarah some lame excuse of "I'm just going to go check and see if the spa's free."
Bad, Brett.
Lucky for me, I went back to them just as they were coming to look for me.
So um. Why exactly do I try to pretend that everything's okay when it's not? I'm gonna stick it to Pride. I really need to stop doing it. It's not getting me anywhere fast. If anything, it's responsible for me being in the situation I'm in at the moment. What exactly does giving the illusion of "everything's okay" achieve?
Absolutely nothing.
Time to stop wearing the mask.